Indlela endiye ndafikelela ngayo kwimigaqo "yokuphulukana" nodadewethu kwiqabane lakhe lomphefumlo

Umxholo

• Udade wethu ... kunye noDave
• Ukufumana ukwamkeleka
• Ngoku, ubudlelwane bethu obutsha (s)
• Uphengululo lwe

Kwakuyiminyaka esixhenxe eyadlulayo, kodwa ndisayikhumbula ngokungathi yayiyizolo: ndandicaphuke kakhulu ndiziva ndisoyika njengoko ndandihamba phezu komqolo ongezantsi komlambo ndilindele ukuhlangulwa. Kwimizuzu embalwa ngaphambilana, i-kayak yethu yabantu ababini yayiye yabhukuqa kuMlambo iDart ngaphandle nje kweQueenstown, eNew Zealand, kunye nodadewethu, uMaria, bayandikhwaza beselunxwemeni. Xa isikhokelo sethu sokukhonkotha intambo sisilela, utata okhaliphileyo waseJapan, onwabela ukhenketho olufanayo lwe-kayaking kunye nenkosikazi yakhe kunye namantombazana amabini amancinci, eme esinqeni emanzini kwaye andolulela kum njengoko ndihamba ngenqanawa. Uye wandibamba ibhatyi yam yaza yandikhathaza yandibeka kunxweme lolwandle. Ndibhidekile kwaye ndingumkhenkce ukuya ethanjeni, andaphola de kwafika uMaria ebaleka ukuza kundigona.

"Kulungile, dade wethu," usebezela ngokuthoba kanobom. "Kulungile. Ndiyakuthanda, ndiyakuthanda." Nangona emdala kum ngeenyanga ezili-17 kuphela, ungusisi wam omkhulu, inkqubo yam yenkxaso, kunye nalo lonke usapho endinalo kolu hambo lweeveki ezimbini kumgama ojikeleza umhlaba ukusuka kwikhaya lethu laseNYC. Ukongeza kwimfuno yam kukuba siphuma nje iintsuku ezimbini kwiKrisimesi yethu yokuqala kude nabazali bethu. Ixesha leholide alifanelekanga, kodwa xa ndafumana isabelo sokuhamba eNew Zealand ngoDisemba, ndatsibela kuyo ndaza ndahlula iindleko zikadadewethu ukuze andijoyine. (Idibeneyo: Kutheni ufanele ukongeza uhambo lweNtombi kaMama kuLuhlu lwakho lweBhakethi lohambo)

Ukuwola kwakhe ngokufudumeleyo kundibuyisela kwinyani, kuyeke umzimba wam ungcangcazele, kwaye kudambise iingcinga zam zokubaleka. Okona kulungileyo, kundenza ndizive ndisondele kuye kunokuba bendinjalo kwiinyanga.

Udade wethu ... kunye noDave

Sukundenza impazamo, mna noMaria sisondele kakhulu, ngokoqobo. Ndahambisa imigangatho emibini ngentla kwakhe kwisakhiwo sethu seBrooklyn phantse kwiminyaka emibini eyadlulayo, emva kohambo lwethu lokuqala ngqa lokuya eArgentina. Iiveki zethu ezimbini sidibene eMzantsi Melika zisinyanzele ukuba sibekele bucala ubomi bethu obuxakekileyo, obukhathalela ikhondo lomsebenzi kwaye senze ixesha elingama-24/7 omnye nomnye, oko kusincedile saphinda sanxibelelana ngendlela ebesingazange sibe nayo ukusukela oko saphuma kwikhaya labazali bethu. emva kwekholeji, phantse ishumi leminyaka ngaphambili. Impumelelo yolo hambo isikhokelele ekubeni sibe nokuzonwabisa okungakumbi kunye, kubandakanya ne-jaunt eHawaii kwaye, kanye ne-New Zealand.Ukuba nengqalelo yakhe engagungqiyo kunye nothando olungagungqiyo elunxwemeni lomlambo olubandayo ngaloo mvakwemini yeyona nto kanye bendiyifuna kolu hambo, ngakumbi kuba ndiye ndaziva ngathi ndisandula ukuwisa inqaku kuluhlu oluphambili lukaMaria. (Eyeleleneyo: Omnye umfazi wabelana ngendlela uSuku loMama olumtshintshe ngayo ukusukela oko waphulukana noMama wakhe)

Bendisoloko ndisazi ukuba ukwabelana nomntu endimthandayo kwesi sijikelezi-langa-kwaye ekuphela kwamntakwethu endinaye-kunye neqabane lakhe kuya kuba nzima. Eyona nto yayenza mandundu imeko kukuba umfana awayethandana naye, uDave, wayethandana ngokupheleleyo ukusukela ngosuku lokuqala, engafuni nto ngaphandle kokundamkela njengodade, naye. Mkhulu. Ububele bakhe kunye nokundamkela ngokupheleleyo kunye neendlela zam ezinyanzelisayo ("Ngaba ndingafumana ixesha elingudade ndedwa ngaphandle wena? U-Aka, Shiya. ") Wenze ukuba kube nzima ukungamthandi. Ayikuko ukuba ndiyafuna. Kubalulekile ukonwaba ngodadewethu, othe ekugqibeleni wamfumana" indoda yakhe, "njengoko esitsho, kodwa nangoku, andizange ndicinge ukuba ukufumana kwakhe "oyena" kuya kuthetha ukuba andisayi kuba nguye inombolo Nye. (Idibeneyo: Eyona nto iXanduva lwakho lolonwabo)

Ndiyazi ukuba kuvakala ngathi ndinomona, kwaye oko kuyinyaniso ekubeni ndingekabinayo eyam lobster. Kodwa eyona nto indothusayo kukuba ndiziva ndinomfazi wam uMaria, kunanini na ngaphambili. Okwahlukileyo ngoku kukuba sikhulile kwaye sixhomekeke komnye nomnye kakhulu, ngakumbi njengoko abazali bethu besaluphala kwaye ekugqibeleni baya kufuna ngaphezulu komzamo wethu wokusebenzisana ukubanyamekela. Ngaphaya koko, uMaria nguloo hug ehlala ikhona ekhupha iintlungu zam ngenxa yokutshintsha umsebenzi, ukwahlukana, ukulwa nabahlobo, nokunye. Rhoqo xa ndibanga abanye, kubandakanywa nabantu endingabaziyo (ndingamkeleka kakhulu, nam!), akukho nto iva ngathi ikhusela, inothando, ukwamkela, kwaye ilungile njengoko ebambe.

Kwaye ngoku ubambe uDave. Njengalo lonke ixesha.

Ukufumana ukwamkeleka

Kwaye akukho siphelo sisondeleyo emehlweni, kodwa endaweni yokuqinisekisa ukuba uDave akayi ndawo, etshintsha yonke into phakathi koodade. Ngequbuliso, uDave uya kuthi-kwaye ukusukela oko badibana nolo Suku loMsebenzi luba yeyona nto iphambili kuye. (Eyeleleneyo: Inzululwazi ithi ubuhlobo ngundoqo kwimpilo ehlala ihleli kunye nolonwabo)

"Le yingxaki eyonwabisayo, kodwa lutshintsho olunzima ekungekho mntu uthethayo ngalo," ucebisa umzala wam osisilumko, uRichard, owehlelwa yinto efanayo nomkhuluwa wakhe, uMichael. Ukubukela uMichael etshata, ukuya kwikhaya eNew Jersey kwaye unabantwana abathathu abahle kwakungumceli mngeni ngokulinganayo kuRichard, hayi kuba engatshatanga njengam. “Yayiyinguqulelo,” njengoko eyibiza njalo, yokuphulukana nelungu losapho lwakho (kunye nomhlobo osenyongweni) kusapho lwabo olutsha olusondeleyo. Iqabane lithatha indima yomntakwenu ngeendlela ezininzi, ukuba ngumgcini-mfihlo, ibhodi enesandi, i-joker yangaphakathi, umcebisi wefashoni kunye nezemali, owahlula-hlula i-cookie, owa-hugger, nokunye okuninzi. Kwaye ngaphezulu koko, iqabane libonelela ngezinto umntakwenu ngokungenako. Ke akukho khuphiswano. Hayi ukuba ndithi lukhuphiswano (kodwa kunjalo ngokupheleleyo).

Ngaba ndiyazingca? Ingayiyo. Kodwa bubunewunewu endinokukufumana njengomfazi ongatshatanga ongenalo uxanduva kuye nabani na ngaphandle kwe-moi. Ukufunda ukwabelana naye kuya kuthatha ixesha, kwaye andikho okwangoku. Ndisondele ekuyekeni, kodwa ndinoloyiko lokuba ngekhe ndiqhelane nokuba lilungu losapho elingasondelanga, nokuba sendinalo iqabane lam nabantwana bam. Into endimele ndizikhumbuze yona kukuba isibophelelo sethu somntakwethu sisinzulu kwaye sinaphakade, akukho mfuneko yokuba ndiyibuze okanye ndizive ngathi nditshintshwa. Kwaye ngenxa yokuba sobabini sikwi-30's yethu kwaye akukho namnye kuthi oye wabethwa "bancinci," kuyaphikiswa ukuba sinexesha elingakumbi kunoninzi lokuqinisa unxibelelwano lwethu kunye nokwakha iinkumbulo.

Ngoku, ubudlelwane bethu obutsha (s)

Udadewethu noDave batshata iminyaka emithathu emva kohambo lodade wethu waseNew Zealand kwaye ekugqibeleni bafudukela eWashington, D.C., apho uMaria eqhuba inkampani yeqonga. Uphumelele kakhulu kwaye uzakhele ubomi obulungileyo apho. Ngelixa i-COVID-19 imise okwethutyana uhambo lwethu, uMaria ebesiza kwi-NYC ukuza kubona imiboniso yokusebenza kunye nokuhlala nam kwigumbi lam eBrooklyn inyanga nenyanga. Sibe nekofu, sibize abazali bethu, sihambehamba, sibukele iTV ... yayintle. Ndimkhumbula kakhulu (ngamanye amaxesha, kubuhlungu), kodwa ngoku ndizama ukugxila kwezona zinto zibalulekileyo kum, kubandakanya nokuya eCalifornia wam iqabane xa sele sikwelinye icala lolu bhubhane.

Njengoko ndandilungiselela le ntshukumo yokunqumla ilizwe, umhlobo wam osenyongweni, uTatiana, wandikhumbuza ngesidlo sangokuhlwa ngenye imini ngale mvakalelo inzulu endayiva kwiminyaka eyadlulayo noMaria. Undixelela ukuba uyavuya ukuba ndidibene nale ndoda intle kwaye ndiyayixhasa le adventure intsha, kodwa ikwanomona kwaye ibuhlungu.

"Unomona?" Ndiyabuza, ndothuswa kukhetho lwakhe lwamagama njengoko sele etshatile iminyaka eli-14. “Kufana nosizi,” ugxininisa ngokuzazi okumangalisayo, eqonda ukuba izinto eziza kuqala kum zitshintshile, kwaye kunzima. "Ndonwabile kakhulu ngenxa yakho. Yile nto ubuyifuna ixesha elide. Kodwa, kwangaxeshanye, ndiziva ngathi ndilahlekile. Izinto azisayi kuphinda zifane."

Ewe, iya kwahluka kwaye ilungile, kodwa ayisoze yafana ncam. Ndiphefumlela phezulu kwaye ndinqwala njengoko ndabelana ngesicatshulwa kunye naye endisandula ukufunda kwincwadi ethengwa kakhulu kaLori Gottlieb, Mhlawumbi kuya kufuneka uthethe nomnye umntu: "Ngalo naluphi na utshintsho-nokuba luhle, utshintsho oluhle-luza ilahleko." Ndiyakwazi ukubalisa, dade.

Uphengululo lwe