Ngaba ukuLwa ngamatye kuchaphazela ulwalamano lwakho?

Umxholo

• Ingaba ijongeka kanjani?
• Ngaba ngokwenene yinto nje 'yomfana'?
• Ngaba ngokwenene kubi kangako?
• Yenza imvakalelo yokuzahlula
• Inokuphelisa ubudlelwane
• Inokuchaphazela impilo yakho
• Ngaba luhlobo lokuxhatshazwa?
• Ngaba ikhona indlela yokuyisebenzisa?
• Gwema ukukhupha
• Thatha ixesha lokuphumla
• Funa uncedo kumgqirha ofanelekileyo
• Umgca wezantsi

Yithi niyatya ngokuhlwa kunye neqabane lakho, kwaye nobabini niqala ukuxoxa ngento enye esoloko inifumana nobabini-hayi ngohlobo olushushu nolunzima. Mhlawumbi yimali okanye ukwahlulwa kwemisebenzi yasekhaya.

Uqala ukuveza icala lakho lezinto ukuze ziyeke nje ukuthetha ngokupheleleyo, zikushiye ujonge ukutya kwakho unomsindo, uwedwa kwaye unomsindo.

Kuyavela ukuba kukho igama kolu hlobo lokuziphatha luphazamisayo: ilitye. Yindlela yokujonga ngokweemvakalelo.

Sonke sinetyala koku ngamanye amaxesha, nokuba kungokuqhwatywa ngexesha lomlo okanye ukwala ukudibana namehlo xa siphambene.

Nanku ukujonga kwezinye zeempawu zakudala ezinokubonakalisa ubudlelwane kunye namanyathelo onokuwathatha ukuba uyaziqonda ngokwakho.

Ingaba ijongeka kanjani?

I-Stonewalling yenzeka xa uzama ukunqanda umsindo ngokungakhathaleli ungquzulwano. Umntu obuyayo uqhele ukoyiswa kwaye aqala ukuvala njengendlela yokuzihlaziya nokuzola.

Ngelixa kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukuba ngamanye amaxesha usebenzise unyango oluthulileyo njengesixhobo sokulwa, yiflegi ebomvu xa indlela yokuziphatha ijika inganyangeki.

Umntu onamatye ngamatye angangabinakho ukubonisa indlela abavakalelwa ngayo kwaye akubone kulula ukungazihlanganisi. Oku kunokujongeka njengoku:

• Ukuvala amehlo abo ngexesha lengxabano
• Ukujika
• Ukujonga iifowuni zabo zingayeki phakathi kwengxoxo eshushu

Banokutshintsha umxholo okanye basebenzise iimpendulo zegama elinye ukunqanda ukuthetha. Kwaye xa yenza bathi into, baya kusebenzisa la mabinzana aqhelekileyo:

• Yenza nantoni na oyifunayo. ”
• "Ndigqibile."
• Ndishiye ndedwa. ”
• "Kufuneka ndiphume apha."
• "Andinakuyithatha kwakhona."

Ngaba ngokwenene yinto nje 'yomfana'?

Abantu abaninzi bacinga ukuba amatye aqheleke ngakumbi emadodeni. Ngelixa uphando oludala lubonisa ukuba amadoda asengozini yokurhoxa ngokweemvakalelo kwiingxoxo ezinzima xa kuthelekiswa nabasetyhini, yintsomi ukuba "yinto yomntu" kuphela.

Nabani na onokunika igxalaba elibandayo. Ngokuqhelekileyo yindlela yokuzikhusela efundwe ebuntwaneni.

Ngaba ngokwenene kubi kangako?

Ingangabonakali iyinto enkulu, kodwa ukwala ukuthetha kunokuba ngumcimbi obalulekileyo ngeendlela ezininzi.

Yenza imvakalelo yokuzahlula

I-Stonewalling iyanikhetha nobabini endaweni yokunizisa kunye kwisisombululo.

Inokuphelisa ubudlelwane

Nokuba kudala imvakalelo yokukhululeka ngalo mzuzu, "ukujonga" rhoqo ngumkhwa owonakalisayo othi ekugqibeleni uhlahle ubudlelwane bakho. Ngokutsho kwabaphandi eGottman Institute, xa abantu ababhinqileyo besebenzisa amatye, bahlala bexela uqhawulo mtshato.

Inokuchaphazela impilo yakho

Ukuba uyi-stonewaller, unokufumana ukushukuma komzimba, njengokuphakama kwentliziyo kunye nokuphefumla ngokukhawuleza.

Omnye wafumanisa ukuba ukuvalwa ngokweemvakalelo ngexesha lengxabano kwakudibene nomqolo okanye izihlunu eziqinileyo.

Ngaba luhlobo lokuxhatshazwa?

Xa uzama ukufumanisa ukuba ngaba indlela yokuziphatha iguqukile, kubalulekile ukuba ujonge injongo.

Umntu onamatye amatye uhlala eziva engakwazi ukuveza iimvakalelo zakhe kwaye "uya kukukhenkcezisa" njengendlela yokuzikhusela.

Kwelinye icala, i-stonewalling inokusetyenziselwa ukwenza ukungalingani kwamandla ngokuvumela omnye umntu ukuba athathe isigqibo sokuba uza kunxibelelana nini kwaye njani.

Gcina ujonge ukuba ingaba indlela abaziphethe ngayo sele iyindlela yokunyanzela ethintela ukuzithemba kwakho okanye ikwenze woyike kwaye ungabi nathemba.

Ukuba impatho yabo ethe cwaka iba ngabom ngenjongo yokukulimaza, yiflegi ebomvu ecacileyo abazama ukulawula ubudlelwane.

Ngaba ikhona indlela yokuyisebenzisa?

I-Stonewalling ayithethi kuthi kuphela ubudlelwane, kodwa ukuziva ukhuselekile xa unxibelelana kubalulekile. Nazi ezinye zeendlela zokubuyisela unxibelelwano.

Gwema ukukhupha

Kubalulekile ukuba ungabi nobutshaba okanye unyanzele omnye umntu ukuba avule, ngakumbi ukuba sele beziva ukuba boyisiwe.

Endaweni yoko, ngokuzolileyo mabazise ukuba ukulungele ukuva ukuba bathini. Ukuthatha ixesha lokumamela ngenene kunokunceda ukunyusa incoko enzima.

Thatha ixesha lokuphumla

Xa kuvela amatye, kulungile ukunika omnye imvume yokuthatha ikhefu. Oku kunokukunceda ukuba uzive uqinisekisiwe kwaye ukhathalelwe.

Nokuba ungumntu othanda ukubuyela umva okanye liqabane lakho, ukuvumela indawo yokuphuma kwexesha kunokukunceda nobabini ukuba ningaphephi ngexesha lokungqubana.

Funa uncedo kumgqirha ofanelekileyo

Ukufikelela kwisibini esitshatileyo kwangoko kunokuba yindlela yokwenza nzulu unxibelelwano lwakho kunye nokukhuthaza iindlela ezisempilweni zonxibelelwano.

Unyango unokukunceda nobabini ukuba nivavanye izizathu zokunyanga ngaphakathi kweqabane. Banokusebenzela ukubanceda babonakalise ngcono iimvakalelo zabo kwaye bajongane nengxabano.

Gcina ukhumbula ukuba ubudlelwane buyindlela-mbini kwaye kufuna ukuvuleleka kuncedo lwangaphandle kubo bobabini abalingani.

Umgca wezantsi

Sonke siyalifuna ikhefu kumaxesha ngamaxesha, ngakumbi xa kufikwa kumba wokujongana neengxoxo ezinzima. Kodwa ukwala ukubandakanyeka kwiincoko ezinemveliso, nokuba zezona zinzima ngokwenene, ngekhe kwenze nabani na.

Kukho iindlela zokusebenza ngokujikeleza amatye. Kodwa ukuba kubonakala ngathi yinxalenye yendlela enkulu yokukhohlisa, inokuba lixesha lokucingisisa ngokutsha izinto.

USindi Lamothe yintatheli ezizimeleyo eseGuatemala. Ubhala rhoqo malunga nongenelelo phakathi kwempilo, impilo, kunye nesayensi yokuziphatha komntu. Ubhalelwe iAtlantic, iNew York Magazine, iTeen Vogue, iQuartz, iWashington Post, nezinye ezininzi. Mfumane apha bakaocinday.com.