Indlela yokuchonga nokujongana nengqondo yexhoba

Umxholo

• Ingaba ijongeka kanjani?
• Ukuphepha uxanduva
• Andifuni zisombululo zinokwenzeka
• Imvakalelo yokungabi namandla
• Ukuthetha okungalunganga kunye nokuzenzakalisa
• Ukungazithembi
• Unxunguphalo, umsindo nengqumbo
• Ivela phi?
• Uxinzelelo lwangaphambili
• Ukungcatsha
• Ukuxhomekeka
• Ulawulo
• Ndimele ndiphendule ndithini?
• Kulumkele ukubhala iilebheli
• Beka imida
• Nika uncedo ekufumaneni izisombululo
• Nika inkuthazo kunye nokuqinisekiswa
• Cinga apho bavela khona
• What if ndim lo une mentality yexhoba?
• Umgca wezantsi

Sibandakanya iimveliso esicinga ukuba ziluncedo kubafundi bethu. Ukuba uthenga amakhonkco kweli phepha, sinokufumana ikhomishini encinci. Nantsi inkqubo yethu.

Ngaba ukhona umntu omaziyo obonakala ngathi ulixhoba phantse kuzo zonke iimeko? Kungenzeka ukuba babe nengqondo yexhoba, ngamanye amaxesha ebizwa ngokuba sisifo sexhoba okanye imeko yexhoba.

Ingqondo yexhoba ixhomekeke kwiinkolelo ezintathu eziphambili:

• Izinto ezimbi ziyenzeka kwaye ziya kuhlala zisenzeka.
• Abanye abantu babekek 'ityala.
• Naziphi na iinzame zokwenza utshintsho ziya kusilela, ke akukho sizathu sokuzama.

Uluvo lwengqondo yexhoba luphoswa kakhulu kwinkcubeko ye-pop kunye nakwincoko engaqhelekanga ukubhekisa kubantu ababonakala ngathi bazibandakanya kukungakhathali kwaye banyanzela abanye.

Ayilogama lonyango lisemthethweni. Ngapha koko, uninzi lweengcali zempilo ziyayiphepha ngenxa yehlazo eliyingqongileyo.

Abantu abaziva bevaleleke kwimeko yokuxhatshazwa rhoqo yenza bonisa ukunganaki okuninzi, kodwa kubalulekile ukuba uqaphele iintlungu kunye noxinzelelo olubalulekileyo zihlala zibhebhetha le ngqondo.

Ingaba ijongeka kanjani?

UVicki Botnick, umntu onelayisensi yokutshata kunye nosapho (LMFT) eTarzana, California, ucacisa ukuba abantu bayayichaza indima yexhoba xa "bekholelwa ekubeni wonke umntu ubangele usizi lwabo kwaye akukho nto bayenzayo eya kwenza umahluko."

Oku kubashiya beziva bengakhuselekanga, nto leyo enokubangela iimvakalelo ezinzima kunye nokuziphatha. Nazi ezinye zezo.

Ukuphepha uxanduva

Olunye uphawu oluphambili, uBotnick ucebisa, kukusilela koxanduva lokuphendula.

Oku kunokubandakanya:

• ukubeka ityala kwenye indawo
• ukwenza izizathu
• ukungathathi xanduva
• ukuphendula uninzi lweengxaki zobomi ngokuthi "Ayilotyala lam"

Izinto ezimbi ziyenzeka nyani, zihlala zisenzeka ebantwini abangenzanga nto ibafaneleyo. Kuyaqondakala ukuba abantu abajamelana nobunzima emva komnye banokuqala ukukholelwa ukuba umhlaba uphume ukubazuza.

Kodwa iimeko ezininzi yenza kubandakanya ukwahluka koxanduva lomntu.

Cinga ngokuphulukana nomsebenzi, umzekelo. Kuyinyani abanye abantu baphulukana nemisebenzi yabo ngaphandle kwesizathu esivakalayo. Kukwanjalo kwimeko yokuba izinto ezithile ezisisiseko zidlala indima.

Umntu osilelayo ukuqaphela ezo zizathu usenokungafundi okanye angakhuli kumava kwaye angaphela ejongene nemeko efanayo kwakhona.

Andifuni zisombululo zinokwenzeka

Ayizizo zonke iimeko ezimbi ezingalawulekiyo kwaphela, nokuba zibonakala zinjalo ekuqaleni. Rhoqo, kukho isenzo esithile esincinci esinokukhokelela kuphuculo.

Abantu abavela kwindawo yokuxhatshazwa banokubonisa umdla omncinci ekuzameni ukwenza utshintsho. Banokungavumi ukubonelelwa ngoncedo, kwaye kunokubonakala ngathi banomdla wokuziva bazisizele.

Ukuchitha ixesha elincinci uziqengqelekela kwinkxwaleko akuyomfuneko ukuba ube sempilweni. Oku kunokunceda ekwamkeleni nasekuqhubeni iimvakalelo ezibuhlungu.

Kodwa eli xesha kufuneka libe nendawo yokugqibela. Emva koko, kuluncedo ngakumbi ukuqala ukusebenzela ukuphilisa kunye notshintsho.

Imvakalelo yokungabi namandla

Uninzi lwabantu oluziva luxhatshazwa lukholelwa ekubeni abanamandla okutshintsha imeko yabo. Abakonwabeli ukuziva bephantsi kwaye bangathanda ukuba izinto zihambe kakuhle.

Kodwa ubomi buyaqhubeka nokuphosa iimeko kubo, ngokokubona kwabo, abanakwenza nto ukuphumelela okanye ukubaleka.

"Kubalulekile ukuba uqaphele umahluko phakathi 'kokungathandi' kunye 'nokungakwazi,' utshilo uBotnick. Ucacisa ukuba abanye abantu abaziva ngathi ngamaxhoba benza ukhetho olusebenzayo lokutshintsha ityala kwaye bacaphuke.

Kodwa ekusebenzeni kwakhe, uhlala esebenza nabantu abafumana iintlungu ezinzulu zengqondo ezenza ukuba utshintsho lubonakale ngathi alunakwenzeka.

Ukuthetha okungalunganga kunye nokuzenzakalisa

Abantu abaphila nengqondo yexhoba banokuyifaka ngaphakathi imiyalezo emibi ephakanyiswe yimiceli mngeni abajongana nayo.

Ukuziva uxhatshazwa kunokuba negalelo kwiinkolelo ezinje:

• Yonke into embi iyenzeka kum.
• "Akukho nto ndinokuyenza ngayo, kutheni ke ulinga?"
• "Ndifanelwe zizinto ezimbi ezindehleleyo."
• Akukho mntu undikhathaleleyo. ”

Ubunzima obutsha nganye bunokuqinisa ezi zimvo zingancediyo de zendele ngokuqinileyo ngaphakathi. Ixesha elingaphezulu, ukuthetha gwenxa kungonakalisa ukomelela, kwenze kube nzima ukubuyela umva kwimiceli mngeni kunye nokuphilisa.

Ukuthetha gwenxa rhoqo kuhlala kuhambelana nokuzenzakalisa. Abantu abakholelwa ukuba ukuthetha kwabo ngokufuthi banexesha elilula lokuphila ngaphandle. Ukuba loo nto-yokuthetha ilungile, banokubakho ngokungazenzisiyo kuyo nayiphi na imizamo abanokuthi bayenze ukutshintsha.

Ukungazithembi

Abantu abazibona njengamaxhoba banokulwa nokuzithemba nokuzithemba. Oku kunokwenza iimvakalelo zokuxhatshazwa zibe mandundu.

Banokucinga izinto ezinje, "Andikho krelekrele ngokwaneleyo ukuba ndingafumana umsebenzi ongcono" okanye "Andina talente ngokwaneleyo yokuphumelela." Olu luvo lunokubenza bangazami ukuphuhlisa izakhono zabo okanye babone amandla amatsha kunye nezakhono ezinokubanceda bafezekise iinjongo zabo.

Abo bazama ukusebenzela into abayifunayo kunye nokusilela banokuzibona njengexhoba leemeko kwakhona. Iilensi ezingalunganga abazijonga ngazo zinokwenza kube nzima ukubona nayiphi na enye into enokwenzeka.

Unxunguphalo, umsindo nengqumbo

Ingqondo yexhoba inokuthatha uxinzelelo kwimpilo-ntle.

Abantu abanolu hlobo lokucinga banokuziva:

• Ndikhathazekile kwaye ndinomsindo kwihlabathi elibonakala lichasene nabo
• Akukho themba lokuba iimeko zabo azitshintshi
• buhlungu xa bekholelwa ukuba abathandekayo babo abakhathali
• ukucaphuka kwabantu ababonakala bonwabile kwaye bephumelele

Ezi mvakalelo zinokuba nomthwalo onzima kubantu abakholelwa ukuba bayakuhlala bengamaxhoba, besakha kwaye behluma xa bengaqwalaselwanga. Ixesha elingaphezulu, ezi mvakalelo zinokuba negalelo koku:

• ukudubuleka ngumsindo
• ukudakumba
• ukubekwa wedwa
• ubulolo

Ivela phi?

Bambalwa kakhulu - ukuba bakhona - abantu bamkela imeko yexhoba kuba benako. Ihlala imile kwizinto ezimbalwa.

Uxinzelelo lwangaphambili

Kumntu wangaphandle, umntu onesimo sengqondo sexhoba kunokubonakala ngathi mkhulu kakhulu. Kodwa le ngqondo ihlala ikhula ngokuphendula kwixhoba lokwenyani.

Inokuvela njengendlela yokujongana nokuphathwa gadalala okanye ukwenzakala. Ukujongana neemeko ezimbi emva kwelinye kunokubangela ukuba esi siphumo sibekho.

Ayinguye wonke umntu ohlangabezana neemeko ezibuhlungu oqhubeka nokukhulisa imeko yexhoba, kodwa abantu basabela kubunzima ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo. Intlungu engokweemvakalelo inokuphazamisa indlela umntu aziphethe ngayo, enegalelo kwiimvakalelo zokungancedi de bazive bevalelekile kwaye benikezele.

Ukungcatsha

Ukungcatshwa kokuthenjwa, ngakumbi ukungcatshwa okuphindaphindiweyo, kunokubenza abantu bazive bengamaxhoba kwaye kubenze nzima ukuba bathembele nakubani na.

Ukuba umnonopheli wakho oyintloko, umzekelo, kunqabile ukuba kulandelwe ukuzibophelela kuwe njengomntwana, kunokuba nzima ukubathemba abanye abaphantsi komgca.

Ukuxhomekeka

Le ndlela yokucinga inokukhula kunye nokuxhomekeka kwikhowudi. Umntu oxhomekekileyo unokuncama iinjongo zabo ukuxhasa iqabane lakhe.

Ngenxa yoko, banokuziva bekhathazekile kwaye benenzondo yokungaze bafumane into abayifunayo, ngaphandle kokuvuma eyabo indima kwimeko.

Ulawulo

Abanye abantu abathatha inxaxheba yexhoba banokubonakala ngathi bayakonwabela ukugxeka abanye ngeengxaki abazibangelayo, ukukhawulezisa nokwenza abanye bazive benetyala, okanye ukukhohlisa abanye ngovelwano nengqwalaselo.

Kodwa, uBotnick ucebisa ukuba, isimilo esinetyhefu ngolu hlobo sinokuhlala sinxulunyaniswa nokuphazamiseka kubuntu.

Ndimele ndiphendule ndithini?

Kungangumceli mngeni ukusebenzisana nomntu osoloko ezijonga njengexhoba. Banokwala ukuthatha uxanduva ngeempazamo zabo kwaye bagxeke wonke umntu xa izinto zingahambi kakuhle. Basenokuhlala bebonakala ngathi bathembekile.

Kodwa khumbula ukuba abantu abaninzi abaphila nale mindset bajongene neemeko ezinzima okanye ezibuhlungu zobomi.

Oku akuthethi ukuba kufuneka uthathe uxanduva kubo okanye wamkele izityholo kunye nokusola. Kodwa zama ukuvumela uvelwano lukhokele impendulo yakho.

Kulumkele ukubhala iilebheli

Iileyibhile ngokubanzi aziloncedo. "Ixhoba" yileyibhile ehlawuliswe ngokukodwa. Kungcono ukunqande ukubhekisa emntwini njengexhoba okanye uthi wenza njengexhoba.

Endaweni yoko, zama (ngovelwano) uveze isimilo esithile okanye iimvakalelo oziqapheleyo, ezinje:

• ukhalaza
• ukutshintsha ityala
• ukungamkeli uxanduva
• ndiziva ndibanjisiwe okanye ndingenamandla
• Ukuziva ngathi akukho nto kwenza umahluko

Kungenzeka ukuba ukuqala incoko kunokubanika ithuba lokuvakalisa iimvakalelo zabo ngendlela enemveliso.

Beka imida

Olunye ibala elijikeleze imeko yexhoba lihambelana nendlela abantu ngamanye amaxesha abasola ngayo abanye kwiingxaki okanye ukuziva benetyala-babakhubekise ngezinto ezingakhange zisebenze.

"Unokuziva uhlala utyholwa, ngokungathi uhamba phezu kwamaqokobhe amaqanda, okanye kufuneka uxolise kwiimeko apho uziva unoxanduva nobabini," utshilo uBotnick.

Ihlala ilukhuni ukunceda okanye ukuxhasa umntu imbono yakhe ibonakala yahluke kakhulu kwinyani.

Ukuba babonakala begweba okanye betyhola wena nabanye, ukuzoba imida kunganceda, uBotnick ucebisa ngelithi: “Fumanani kangangoko ninako kukungakhathali kwabo, nize nibe noxanduva kubo.”

Usenokuba nemfesane kunye nokhathalela umntu nangona kufuneka uthathe indawo kubo ngamanye amaxesha.

Nika uncedo ekufumaneni izisombululo

Unokufuna ukukhusela umntu omthandayo kwiimeko apho banokuziva bexhoba ngakumbi. Kodwa oku kunokuphelisa izixhobo zakho zeemvakalelo kwaye kunokwenza imeko ibe mandundu.

Olona khetho lubhetele kukubonelela ngoncedo (ngaphandle kokulungisa nantoni na kubo). Unokwenza oku ngamanyathelo amathathu:

1. Yamkela inkolelo yabo yokuba abanakwenza nto ngale meko.
2. Buza ukuba bathini Ngaba benze ukuba babenamandla okwenza into.
3. Bancede bacinge ngeendlela ezinokwenzeka zokufezekisa loo njongo.

Umzekelo: “Ndiyazi ukuba akukho mntu ufuna ukukuqesha. Oko kuyakhathaza. Ubonakala njani umsebenzi wakho ofanelekileyo? ”

Kuxhomekeka kwimpendulo yabo, ungabakhuthaza ukuba bandise okanye banciphise ukukhangela, jonga iinkampani ezahlukeneyo, okanye uzame ezinye iindawo.

Endaweni yokunika iingcebiso ngokuthe ngqo, ukwenza iingcebiso ezithile, okanye ukusombulula ingxaki kubo, ubanceda baqonde ukuba banokuba nazo izixhobo zokuzisombulula ngokwabo.

Nika inkuthazo kunye nokuqinisekiswa

Uvelwano lwakho kunye nenkuthazo ayinakho ukukhokelela kutshintsho kwangoko, kodwa banokwenza umahluko.

Zama:

• ukwalatha izinto abalunge ngazo
• ukuqaqambisa impumelelo yabo
• ukubakhumbuza ngothando lwakho
• ukuqinisekisa iimvakalelo zabo

Abantu abangenazo iinethiwekhi zenkxaso eyomeleleyo kunye nezixhobo zokubanceda bajongane nengxaki banokuba nexesha elinzima lokoyisa iimvakalelo zokuxhatshazwa, ngoko ke ukukhuthaza umntu omthandayo ukuba athethe nonyango kunganceda.

Cinga apho bavela khona

Abantu abanengqondo yexhoba banoku:

• ndiziva ndingenathemba
• bakholelwa ukuba abanankxaso
• bazibek 'ityala
• ukungazithembi
• ungazithembi
• umzabalazo woxinzelelo kunye ne-PTSD

Ezi mvakalelo zinzima kunye namava anokunyusa uxinzelelo lweemvakalelo, enze ukuba imeko yexhoba libe nzima ngakumbi ukoyisa.

Ukuba nengqondo yexhoba akuthetheleli isimilo esibi. Kubalulekile ukuba uzibekele imida. Kodwa uqonde ukuba kunokubakho okuninzi okuqhubekayo kunabo bafuna nje ingqalelo.

What if ndim lo une mentality yexhoba?

"Ukuziva ukonzakala kwaye senzakala amaxesha ngamaxesha luphawu olusempilweni lokuzixabisa kwethu," utshilo uBotnick.

Kodwa ukuba uyakholelwa ukuba uhlala ulixhoba leemeko, ilizwe likuphathe ngokungalunganga, okanye akukho nto ihamba gwenxa sisiphoso sakho, ukuthetha nonyango kunokukunceda uvume ezinye izinto ezinokwenzeka.

Ngumbono olungileyo ukuthetha nengcali eqeqeshiweyo ukuba ukhe wajongana nokuphathwa gadalala okanye olunye umothuko. Ngelixa ukwenzakala okunganyangekiyo kunokuba negalelo kwiimvakalelo eziqhubekayo zokuxhatshazwa, kunokuba negalelo koku:

• ukudakumba
• imiba yobudlelwane
• uluhlu lweempawu zomzimba kunye neemvakalelo

Ingcali inokukunceda:

• Ukuphonononga oonobangela abaziingcinga zexhoba
• sebenza kwiimfesane zakho
• zichonge iimfuno kunye neenjongo zakho
• yenza isicwangciso sokuphumeza iinjongo
• jonga izizathu zokuziva unamandla

Iincwadi zokuzinceda nazo zinokunika isikhokelo, ngokukaBotnick, ocebisa "Ukutsala eyakho imitya."

Umgca wezantsi

Ingqondo yexhoba inokubangela uxinzelelo kwaye idale imiceli mngeni, kokubini kwabo bahlala nayo kunye nabantu ebomini babo. Kodwa ingoyiswa ngoncedo lonyango, kunye nemfesane enkulu kunye nokuzenzela ububele.

UCrystal Raypole wayekhe wasebenza njengombhali kunye nomhleli weGoodTherapy. Amacandelo akhe anomdla abandakanya iilwimi zaseAsia kunye noncwadi, uguqulelo lwaseJapan, ukupheka, isayensi yendalo, ubungqingili besini, kunye nempilo yengqondo. Ngokukodwa, uzibophelele ekuncedeni ukunciphisa ukubekwa amabala malunga nemicimbi yezempilo yengqondo.