Into evakalelwa kukuba unomdla wokuzivocavoca iBulimia

Umxholo

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Xa usebenzisa i-bulimia, yonke into oyityayo iyajika ibe lilinganiso. Ufuna i-cappuccino kunye nebhanana kwisidlo sakusasa? Oko kuya kuba yi-150 calories kwi-cappuccino, kunye ne-100 yebhanana, kwiikhalori ezingama-250 zizonke. Kwaye ukuyitshisa, iyakuba malunga nemizuzu engama-25 kwitreadmill. Ukuba umntu uzisa iikeyiki eofisini, uyakurhoxisa naziphi na izicwangciso onazo emva komsebenzi uthandela ijim 'ukusebenza kuyakhubaza. (Yiyo leyo inxalenye yebulimia; ukuzilolonga, hayi ukugabha, yinto esulwayo.)

Xa ndandisebunzimeni bengxaki yam yokutya (eyayichazwa ngokobuchwephesha njengeSifo sokuTyila esingachazwanga ngenye indlela, okanye i-EDNOS), ndandichitha iiyure ngeeyure ndicinga ngokutya-ngakumbi, indlela yokukuphepha okanye ukutshisa. icimile. Injongo yayikukutya iikhalori ezingama-500 ngosuku, zihlala zohlulwa phakathi kweebarola ezimbalwa zegranola, iyogathi kunye nebhanana. Ukuba bendifuna into engaphezulu-okanye ukuba "ndimoshile," njengoko bendiyibiza njalo-bendingadinga ukwenza i-cardio de ndibethe umnatha wam we-500 calories. (Omnye umfazi uyavuma, "Ndandingazi ukuba ndineSifo sokuTya.")

Rhoqo, bendiye "ndirhoxise" yonke into endiyityileyo, ndicofe i-elliptical yekholeji yam yasekolishi de ndikhuze ngenxa yokungena emva kweeyure zomsebenzi. Ndothukile ndifumana isicatshulwa kumhlobo wam esithi, "Ukutya kwaseMexico ngokuhlwanje?!" Ndiye ndasondela ekuzijuleni egumbini lokutshixa emva kokujima nje kancinci. Ndakhe ndachitha iiyure ezine ndicinga malunga nokuba ndifanele nditye i-croissant okanye ndingayityi. (Ngaba bendinalo ixesha lokuyicoca kamva? What if bendiyityile icroissant, ndiziva ndilambile kwaye kufuneka nditye into enye into emveni koko?Masikhe sihlale kuloo mzuzwana: fwethu iiyure. Ezo ziiyure ezine endinokuzichitha ndibeka izimvo ezingcono kuqeqesho lwam lomsebenzi. Iiyure ezine bendinokuzichitha ndijonga kwizikolo zemigangatho. Iiyure ezine bendinokuchitha ngazo nantoni na eyenye. Nantoni na, nantoni na eyenye.

Nangelo xesha, ndandiyazi ukuba imosheke kangakanani loo nto. Njengomntu olwela amalungelo amabhinqa, ndandisazi ukuba ukuzama ukuqingqa umzimba wenkwenkwe ekwishumi elivisayo kwakuyingxaki enkulu. Kwaye njengomhleli wezempilo onqwenelayo, bendisazi ukuba ndiyinto ephikisanayo. Into endandingayazi ngelo xesha, nangona kunjalo, yayincinci kangakanani ingxaki yam yokutya enxulumene nokutya okanye nomzimba wam. Ndandizazi ukuba andityekanga. Andizange ndikhangele esipilini ndaza ndabona into eyahlukileyo kumfazi oneminyaka eyi-19 ehlala ebhityile. (Ndiye ndagcina ubunzima obuzinzileyo ebomini bam bonke.)

Ngoko kutheni uyenzile Ndizilolonge kakhulu kwaye ndizilambise? Andizange ndikuxelele oku ngelo xesha, kodwa ngoku ndiyazi ukuba ingxaki yam yokutya yayiyiipesenti ezili-100 malunga enye Uxinzelelo ebomini bam. Ndandihlutshwa kukuphumelela ikholeji ngaphandle komsebenzi wobuntatheli, ndizibuza ukuba ndinga (a) ndingene njani kushishino olukhuphisana ngendlela emangalisayo kwaye (b) ndikwazi ukwenza iintlawulo zemali-mboleko yabafundi ngaphezulu kwerenti yesiXeko saseNew York. (Njengabantu abaninzi abanengxaki yokutya, ndingangumntu "wohlobo A", kwaye olo hlobo lokungaqiniseki lwaluninzi kakhulu ukuba ndingaluphatha. Ngaphezulu, abazali bam babeqhawula umtshato, kwaye isiphithiphithi on-kwakhona-off-kwakhona ubudlelwane kunye nomfana wam wasekholejini. Yayisisombululo sam esilula kuyo nantoni na nayo yonke into eyayiziva ingalawuleki. Ngaba Unayo i-Eating Disorder?

Ukungena kwiikhalori kunendlela yokwenza yonke ingxaki-kunye nesisombululo-isinye ngokupheleleyo. Ngekhe ndikwazi ukubuyisa abazali bam kunye, ndigcine ubudlelwane bam obuBandaid, okanye ndiqikelele ikamva lam lomsebenzi wasekholejini, kodwa ndinganciphisa iikhalori ezinje ngeshishini lomntu. Ngokuqinisekileyo, bendinazo ezinye iingxaki, kodwa ukuba bendingafuni nokutya-icandelo elisisiseko lokusinda-ngokuqinisekileyo andidingi mali luzinzileyo, uthando, okanye ubomi bosapho. Ndomelele. Ndandizimele. Ndandingakwazi ukuphila ngelize. Okanye ke ingcinga yam effed-up yahamba.

Ewe, sisicwangciso esoyikekayo, esoyikekayo. Kodwa ukuqonda ukuba ndiyachaphazeleka kolu hlobo lokuphendula koxinzelelo kubaluleke kakhulu ekundigcineni kude naloo ndawo ngokulungileyo. Ndinqwenela ukuba ndingatsho ukuba ndinesicwangciso esimangalisayo sokubuyisela ukuphazamiseka kokutya, kodwa inyani yile, xa ezo zixinzelelo zemifanekiso emikhulu ziqale ukuncipha-kanye ndibethelele umsebenzi wam wokuqala wokupapasha, ndaqonda ukuba iintlawulo zam zemali-mboleko yomfundi zilawuleka ngendlela emangalisayo ukuba ndilandele. uhlahlo-lwabiwo mali olungqongqo (hee, ndikulungele ukubala izinto), ndaye ndaqala-ke ukuba noxinzelelo malunga nokuzilolonga kunye nokutya okuncinci, kunye nokuncinci, kunye nokuncipha- de ukusebenza kunye nokutya ekugqibeleni kwaqala ukuba, kulungile, kumnandi kwakhona.

Ngoku, ndivavanya ukusebenza okutsha komsebenzi wam amatyeli aliqela ngeveki. Ndibaleka iimarathoni. Ndifundela isatifikethi sam somqeqeshi wobuqu. Hayi, ndisenokuzilolonga kanye njengoko ndandiqhele ukwenza. (Ukuba ukuba ngumhleli we-bulimic-turned-fitness editor kubonakala kukuphazamisa ingqondo, kuqhelekile ukuba abantu abanengxaki yokutya bangene kwimveliso yokutya okanye yezempilo. Ndidibene nabapheki ababekade be-anorexic. Umdla ekutyeni nasekuzilolongeni awupheli.) Kodwa umthambo uziva ngokwahlukileyo ngoku. Yinto endiyenzayo kuba mna funa ukuya, hayi kuba mna isidingo ukuya. Khange ndikhathalele kangako ukuba zingaphi iikhalori endizitshisileyo. (Kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuba ndizazi kakhulu izinto ezinokuthi zibangele: Andilogi imithambo yam nakweyiphi na i-apps. Andizibandakanyi nebhodi yabaphambili ekhuphisanayo kwiiklasi zebhayisikile zangaphakathi. Ndiyala ukuxinzelela ngamaxesha am okubaleka.) Ukuba ndiyala. Ndidinga ibheyile ekusebenzeni kuba ngumhla wokuzalwa komhlobo, okanye ngenxa yokuba idolo lam libuhlungu, okanye kuba nokuba yintoni endingayivayo, ndiye nda bail. Kwaye andiziva kuva nelinye ityala.

Into yile, nangona imeko yam inokuba ibigqithile, ukuba nolwazi olunjalo lomba kukwathetha ukuba ndiwuqaphela ngeendlela ezincinci ngalo lonke ixesha. Ndiyathetha, kukangaphi ucinga ukuba "ndiyifumene le khekhe!" Okanye, "Ungakhathazeki, ndiza kuyitshisa kamva!" Ewe kunjalo, ukusika / ukutshisa iikhalori kubalulekile ekufezekiseni ezona njongo zisempilweni zokulahleka kobunzima. Kodwa kuthekani ukuba siyeke ukubona ukutya njengento ekufuneka siyisebenzele, saze saqala ukuyibona njengento emnandi imizimba yethu efuna ukuba iphile kwaye iphumelele? Kwaye kuya kuthini xa siqala ukubona umthambo hayi njengefom isohlwayo, kodwa njengento emnandi eyenza sizive sinamandla kwaye siphila? Ngokucacileyo, ndinemibono ethile ngesihloko, kodwa ndingathanda ukuba uziphe umfanekiso ngokwakho. Ndiyathembisa ukuba iziphumo zifanele ukusebenzela.

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