Nantsi into eyiyo ubudlelwane bePolyamorous ngokwenyani-kwaye ayiyiyo

Umxholo

• Ithini inkcazo ye-polyamorous?
• Ubudlelwane obunobunkunkqele relationship ubudlelwane obuvulekileyo
• Olunye ulwalamano lwe-poly "lunolwakhiwo" ngelixa abanye bengenalo
• Abantu baso nasiphi na isini, isini, kunye nemeko yobudlelwane ingaba yipoly
• Hayi, ukuba poly ayisiyiyo "indlela entsha"
• Ukuthandana kwezinto ezininzi akukhona nje ngokubeka
• Kodwa, ewe, isondo sinokuba yinxalenye yayo
• Ubudlelwane obunobumba obukhulu * abukho * bokuzibophelela
• Ukuba ufuna ukuzama ukuthandana okunamandla, kufuneka wenze uphando lwakho
• Uphengululo lwe

UBethany Meyers, uNico Tortorella, uJada Pinkett Smith, kunye noJessamyn Stanley bonke bazizitayile zeAF, oosomashishini abakhohlakeleyo abenza amaza kwiifidi zakho zentlalo. Kodwa banenye into abafana ngayo: Bonke bachonga njenge polyamorous.

Okwangoku usenokuba uvile nge "polyamory" kunye "nobudlelwane obuphindaphindeneyo." Kodwa ngaba uyazi ukuba athetha ukuthini? Ngaphandle kokuba nawe u-poly, u-Stanely uthi mhlawumbi awuyi. Kwimbali yakutshanje ye-Instagram, uthe, "I-Polyamory iyabhideka ngokufuna ukulala ngesondo okanye ukufuna ukulala nabantu abaninzi abohlukeneyo, ayisiyiyo le nto imalunga nayo." (Eyeleleneyo: Unokuba nobudlelwane obuphilileyo bePolyamorous)

Ngoko yintoni ubudlelwane be-polyamorousngokwenene malunga? Ukufumana oku, siye sathethana nabafundisi ngezesondo abaziingcali ngeenqobo ezisesikweni zokungabi namfazi omnye. Apha, bachaza i-dynamics ye-polyamory kwaye bachithe ezinye zeengcamango eziphosakeleyo eziqhelekileyo ezijikelezayo.

Ithini inkcazo ye-polyamorous?

Umhlobo wethu uMerriam Webster uthi igama elithi "polyamory" libhekisa kubantu ababandakanyeka kubudlelwane bothando obungaphezulu kwesinye ngexesha. Ngelixa isiqalo esilungileyo, abafundisi bezesondo kunye ne-polyamory bathi le nkcazo ilahlekile enyevv Icandelo elibalulekileyo: imvume.

"I-Polyamory sisimo sobudlelwano esinyanisekileyo, esinyanisekileyo, nesivumayo esivumela ukuba sizibandakanye kubudlelwane obuninzi (obuninzi), obunothando (obunothando), utshilo utitshala wezesondo oxhasa ulonwabo kunye nommeli we-sex-positivity, uLateef Taylor. Icandelo lemvume apha libalulekile. Ke ngelixa kunokubakho ubudlelwane obusondeleyo kunye / okanye ubudlelwane bezesondo obenzeka ngaxeshanye, wonke umntu (!!) obandakanyekayo uyazi ukuba obu buhlobo bume obukhoyo.

Qaphela: Ukuba ukhe wakwenza ubudlelwane bokuthandana nomntu ongatshatanga naye kwaye waqhathwa okanye waqhathwa, yazi ukuba kunjalohayi i-polyamory. "Ukukopela kukuziphatha okunokwenzeka nakuluphi na uhlobo lobudlelwane kuba yiyo nayiphi na ingxoxo kwizivumelwano okanye kwimida yobudlelwane," ucacisa atitshala wezesondo kunye nesayikholojisti enelayisensi uLiz Powell, Psy.D, umbhali weUkwakha uBudlelwane obuVulekileyo: Isikhokelo sakho sokuJingiza, iPolyamory, & Beyond.THANDEKA: Ukuzibiza "nge-poly" ayisiyokupasa simahla kuwe okanye kwiqabane lakho ukuze ninxibelelane nabani na omfunayo.

Ubudlelwane obunobunkunkqele relationship ubudlelwane obuvulekileyo

Amanqanaba amaninzi obudlelwane obungatshatanga nomntu ahlala ebambene kwaye edidekile. Ukwabelana ngesondo kunye nobudlelwane notitshala uSarah Sloane, obefundisa iiklasi zokudlala ngesondo kwiiGood Vibrations kunye nePleasure Chest ukusukela ngo-2001, uyacacisakonke kwezi.

Mhlawumbi ulivile igama elithi "queer" lichazwa njengegama lesambrela? Ewe, uSloane uthi "imvumelwano engekho-monogamy ngokufanayo isebenza njengegama leambrela, nayo." Ngaphantsi kwaso isambrela ezinye iintlobo zobudlelwane obungathandani bodwa, kubandakanya ubudlelwane be-polyamorous, kunye nokujinga, ubudlelwane obuvulekileyo, i-throuples, kunye nokunye.

Yima, ke yintoni umahluko phakathi kwe-polyamorous kunye nobudlelwane obuvulekileyo? "La magama obuhlobo anokuthetha izinto ezohlukileyo kubantu abahlukeneyo," ucacisa uSloane. Ngokuqhelekileyo, nangona kunjalo, "xa umntu esebenzisa ibinzana elithi 'polyamorous,' bayisebenzisa ukucacisa ubudlelwane obusondeleyo kunye neemvakalelo zothando, ngokuchasene nesondo nje," utsho. Ulwalamano oluvulekileyo, ngakolunye uhlangothi, ludla ngokubandakanya ukuba neqabane lakho eliyintloko yakho / into yakho ye-boo / iqabane lakho / ubusi bakho, kunye namanye amaqabane angama ~ ~ kuphela ngokwesondo ~. Ngamafutshane, ngelixa ubudlelwane obuvulekileyo kunye nobudlelwane be-polyamorous zombini zizenzo zokuziphatha okungengomfazi omnye, ubudlelwane be-polyamorous ngokuqhelekileyo bunegumbi eliguquguqukayo loqhagamshelwano lweemvakalelo ezingaphezu kwesinye. (Eyeleleneyo: Izinto ezi-6 zabantu abaMnogamous abanokufunda kuBudlelwane obuVulekileyo)

Khumbula nje: "Ukufumanisa ukuba umntu uthetha ntoni xa esithi bakubudlelwane be-polyamorous, babuze, kubayenza zithetha izinto ezahlukeneyo kubantu abohlukeneyo, "utsho uSloane.

Olunye ulwalamano lwe-poly "lunolwakhiwo" ngelixa abanye bengenalo

Kanye njengokuba kungekho budlelwane babini bomfazi omnye bubukeka bufana, okanye ubudlelwane obubini bepolyamorous. "Zininzi iindlela ezahlukeneyo zokuba nobudlelwane obusondeleyo nabantu abaninzi, ke zininzi iindlela ubudlelwane obunokuthi bubonakalise kwaye budlale," utshilo u-Amy Boyajian, i-CEO kunye nomseki we-Wild Flower, i-intanethi entsha yokuphila ngokwesondo kunye nomntu omdala. ivenkile.

U-Sloane uchaza ukuba abanye abantu balandela i-hierarchy yobudlelwane apho amaqabane athathwa njenge "primary," "isekondari," "ephakamileyo," njalo njalo, ngokusekelwe kwinqanaba lokuzibophezela okubandakanyekayo. Abanye ngekhe basebenzise iilebheli ezisemthethweni, kodwa baya kulungiselela 'ukubaluleka' kobudlelwane babo phakathi kwabo bahlala nabo, banabantwana nabo, njl., Utshilo. Kwelinye icala, abanye abantu bayakuphepha "ukubeka" abantu abathandayo kwaye bathandwe ngabantu, wongeza uSloane.

Ukufumanisa ubume bobudlelwane (okanye ukunqongophala kwayo) okukusebenzela kakhulu kufuna ukuziqonda wena kunye nento oyifunayo kubudlelwane bakho, utshilo uBoyajian. "Kufuneka ucinge nzulu ngezinto oziva ukhululekile kuzo, zeziphi iimfuno zakho, kwaye emva koko ube nakho ukunxibelelana nezo zinto kumaqabane akho nakumaqabane anokubakho."

Abantu baso nasiphi na isini, isini, kunye nemeko yobudlelwane ingaba yipoly

"Nabani na okholelwayo kwaye ozimiseleyo ukuba nobudlelwane obungenabudlelwane bomntu omnye banokuphonononga olu hlobo lothando," utshilo uTaylor.

BTW, unakho nokuba ungatshatanga kwaye uchonge njengepoly. Ungade ulale okanye uthandana nomntu omnye kwayenangoku chonga njengepoly. "Ukuchonga njenge poly akuthethi wenarhoqo ukuba namaqabane amaninzi ngaxeshanye, utshilo uBoyajian, "Kufana nokuba nesini. Use-pansexual nokuba awuthandani okwangoku okanye awulali namntu!" (Eyeleleneyo: Oko kuthetha ukuthini ukuba nguMbane ngokwesini okanye uchonga njengengeyo-Bhinary)

Hayi, ukuba poly ayisiyiyo "indlela entsha"

I-Polyamory inokubonakala ngathi iyinto ~ bonke abantwana abapholileyo bayayenza ~ kodwa inembali etyebileyo. "Abantu bomthonyama kunye nabantu abancinci bebeyenza iminyaka emininzi," utshilo uPowell. "Kwaye xa siyibiza ngokuba 'ngumkhwa', sicima imbali yeentlobo ezahlukeneyo zabantu abaye baziqhelanisa ne-ethics non-monogamy kwimbali yonke, ngaphambi kokuba iNtshona emhlophe iqalise ukuyenza."

Ngoko kutheni kubonakala ngathi yinto eyenziwa ngumntu wonke ngokukhawuleza? Okokuqala, phumla. Hayiwonke umntu uyayenza. Ngelixa olunye uphononongo lufumanise ukuba malunga neepesenti ezingama-21 zabantu baseMelika baye bazama ukungatshati nomntu ongatshatanga naye ngaxa lithile ebomini babo, omnye umthombo uthi yiipesenti ezintlanu kuphela zabantungoku kubudlelwane obungenamfazi omnye. Nangona kunjalo, idatha yamva nje ineminyaka emibini ubudala, ngoko ke iingcali zithi ipesentiUCanzibe ube phezulu kancinci.

USloane ukwabonisa eyakhe i-hypothesis: "Njengoluntu, sinokuba kwindawo apho sincokola ngakumbi malunga noluthando kunye nobudlelwane," utshilo. "Kwaye iingxoxo ezininzi esinazo malunga nepolyamory, abantu abaninzi bayakwazi ukuziqwalasela ngokwabo." (Idibeneyo: Isizathu esimangalisayo sokuba abasetyhini bafuna uqhawulo mtshato kunamadoda)

Ukuthandana kwezinto ezininzi akukhona nje ngokubeka

Kukho umbono ongaqondakaliyo wokuba i-polyamory imalunga nesidingo okanye umnqweno wokuba neentlobano zesini nabantu abaninzi, uStanley usandula ukwabelana nge-Instagram. Kodwa "yinyani nje kukunyaniseka okukhulu," wabhala.Njengoko uPowell echazayo: "I-Polyamory ayibhekiseli kwisini, imalunga nomnqweno (okanye ukuziqhelanisa) wokufuna ukuba nobudlelwane obunothando obuninzi."

Ngapha koko, ngamanye amaxesha isondo alikho etafileni. Umzekelo, abantu abachonga njenge-asexual (okuthetha ukuba abafumani mnqweno wokulala ngesondo) banokuba kubudlelwane be-polyamorous, naye utshilo utitshala wesondo uDedeker Winston, umbhaliIsikhokelo seNtombazana eyi-Smart kwiPolyamory. "Kubantu abangenalo i-asexual, i-polyamorous ivumela ukuba bahlakulele ubudlelwane malunga nokuzibophelela, ukusondelelana, imilinganiselo ekwabelwana ngayo, kunye namava abelana ngawo kunye neqabane okanye amaqabane, ngelixa bevumela ukuba iqabane libe nesondo."

Kodwa, ewe, isondo sinokuba yinxalenye yayo

"IPolyamory imalunga nokuyila isimbo esithandana ngobuhlobo esikusebenzelayo, ke isondo sinokuba ngumqhubi ophambili okanye into nje, utshilo utitshala wezesondo kunye nomphengululi wezesini uRen Grabert, M.Ed. (BTW: Ukuba ucinga i-poly = ii-orgies ngalo lonke ixesha, thelekisa kwakhona. Ngokuqinisekileyo, iqela lesini ngamanye amaxesha linokuba yinxalenye yalo.

Kwaye xa ngesondongu Inxalenye yayo, uBoyajian uthi unxibelelwano malunga neendlela ezikhuselekileyo zesini kunye nenqanaba le-STI ngumba ophambili. "Ngaba usebenzisa ukhuseleko kunye nawo onke amaqabane akho? Ngaba iqela lenu lixhomekeke omnye komnye kwaye ngoko ke anisebenzisi izithintelo? Ngaba nisebenzisa ukhuseleko kunye nawo onke amaqabane kodwa omnye, lowo ubophelelwe ngamanzi?" Ezi nkcukacha kufuneka kuvunyelwane ngazo ngaphambi kokuba ukwenzeka ngokwesondo kwenzeke kwaye kufanele ukuba kube yingxoxo eqhubekayo. (Nantsi indlela yokubuza iqabane lakho ukuba baye bavavanya i-STD.)

Ubudlelwane obunobumba obukhulu * abukho * bokuzibophelela

Kukho ukungaqondi kakuhle ukuba i-polyamorous ifana "nobubi ekuzinikeleni." Yihogwash leyo. Enyanisweni, uTaylor uthi i-poly ifuna iitoni yokuzibophelela — kuwe nakubantu obabonayo. Cinga ngale nto: Ukuba kubudlelwane nabantu abaninzi kufuna ukuba uzibophelele kubantu othandana nabo okanye ubabone kwaye ubahloniphe kunye nemida yobudlelwane bakho.

Ngapha koko, ukuba uqala ukuthandana ngokukodwangokuba uyoyika ukuzibophelela, ubudlelwane bakho buya kusilela, utshilo uPowell. "Into edla ukwenzeka kukuba abantu baphetha ngokuzisa ukuzibophelela kwabo-kunye nemiba eza nayo-kubudlelwane obuninzi, endaweni nje enye." Uboya.

Ukuba ufuna ukuzama ukuthandana okunamandla, kufuneka wenze uphando lwakho

Mhlawumbi uhlala ufuna ukuphonononga i-polyamory. Mhlawumbi isithuba sothando sika-Stanely kumaqabane akhe emva kwengozi yebhayisekile ("Ndiziva ndinombulelo kakhulu kumaqabane am kunye nendlela abandibambe ngayo kunye nomnye phantsi phezolo / ngale ntsasa") ivuse umdla wakho. Okanye mhlawumbi unomdla kwireferensi yexesha elizayo. Nokuba siyintoni na isizathu, ukuba wena-okanye wena neqabane-nifuna ukwenza uvavanyo lwe-polyamory, kuya kufuneka nenze uphando.

Kudos, eli nqaku libala. Kodwa ukuba unjalongokwenene ukujonga ukuza kuthi ga ngoku polyamorously, akwanelanga. "Ukwenza uphando ngobudlelwane obuphindaphindeneyo, imida ngaphakathi kolo lwalamano, kwaye into oyikhangelayo ekuthandaneni nezinto ezininzi kubalulekile," utshilo uGrabert.

Ngenxa yoko, iingcali ekwenziwe udliwano-ndlebe nazo zinala macebiso alandelayo:

• Multiamory Podcast
• Xa Umntu Omthandayo Esinesipolam Ngu-Elisabeth Sheff, Ph.D.
• Ukwakha ubudlelwane obuVulekileyo: Isikhokelo sakho seZandla kwi-Swing, Polyamory, & BeyondNguLiz Powell, Psy.D.
• I-Ethical Slut: Isikhokelo esiSebenzayo kwiPolyamory, uBudlelwane obuVulekileyo, kunye nezinye iiNkululeko NguJanet W. Hardy kunye noDossie Easton
• Ngaphezulu kwesibini: Isikhokelo sokuziphatha ngokutshata nomntu omnye nguFranklin Veaux kunye noEve Ricket
• Ibhlog yePoly.Mhlaba
• Ibhlog yeSoloPoly

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