Nantsi into onokuyithetha xa umhlobo wakho engazukuphila kungekudala

Umxholo

• "Uziva ungcono" yingxelo enentsingiselo elungileyo. Kubantu abaninzi abangenayo i-Ehlers-Danlos syndrome okanye olunye ukhubazeko olungapheliyo, kunzima ukucinga ukuba andizukubangcono.
• Kodwa ukukhubazeka kwam kukuphila konke - {textend} akufani kwaphela nokuchacha kumkhuhlane okanye emlenzeni owaphukileyo. "Uziva ungcono," emva koko, ayisiyinyani.
• Lo myalezo wentlalo uqhelekile kangangokuba xa ndandisengumntwana, ndandikholelwa ngokwenyani ukuba xa ndakuba mdala ndiza kuba ngcono ngomlingo.
• Ukwamkela loo mida, nangona kunjalo, yinkqubo ebuhlungu kuninzi lwethu. Kodwa yeyona yenziwe lula xa sinabahlobo kunye nosapho oluxhasayo ecaleni kwethu.
• Baninzi kakhulu abantu abakholelwa kwelokuba eyona ndlela yokuxhasa 'kukusombulula' ingxaki, ngaphandle kokundibuza ukuba ndifuna ntoni kubo kwasekuqaleni.
• Ukuba uyazibuza ukuba uza kuthini xa umhlobo wakho engaziva engcono, qala ngokuthetha (hayi nabo)
• Lo mbuzo - {textend} "ufuna ntoni kum?" - {textend} yenye esinokuxhamla kuyo sonke ngokubuzana rhoqo.

Ngamanye amaxesha "uzive ungcono" ayithethi nyani.

Impilo nokuba sempilweni iyabuchaphazela ubomi bomntu wonke ngokwahlukileyo. Eli libali lomntu omnye.

Kwiinyanga ezimbalwa ezidlulileyo, xa umoya obandayo wabetha iBoston ekuqaleni kokuwa, ndaqala ukuziva iimpawu ezinzima zesifo sam sokuqina, i-Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (EDS).

Intlungu emzimbeni wam wonke, ngakumbi kumalungu am. Ukukhathala okwakuthi ngamanye amaxesha kukhawuleze kwaye koyike kangangokuba ndade ndalala nasemva kokufumana iiyure ezili-10 zomgangatho wokuphumla kubusuku obungaphambili. Iingxaki zokuqonda ezandishiya ndisokola ukukhumbula izinto ezisisiseko, ezinje ngemigaqo yendlela kunye nendlela yokuthumela i-imeyile.

Ndixelela umhlobo malunga nayo kwaye wathi, "Ndiyathemba ukuba uziva ungcono kamsinya!"

"Uziva ungcono" yingxelo enentsingiselo elungileyo. Kubantu abaninzi abangenayo i-Ehlers-Danlos syndrome okanye olunye ukhubazeko olungapheliyo, kunzima ukucinga ukuba andizukubangcono.

I-EDS ayichazwa njengemeko eqhubela phambili kwimeko yeklasikhi, njenge-multiple sclerosis kunye ne-arthritis rhoqo.

Kodwa yimeko yobomi bonke, kwaye abantu abaninzi bafumana iimpawu eziba mandundu ngokuguga njenge-collagen kunye nezicubu ezinxibelelanayo emzimbeni buthathaka.

Inyani yile yokuba andizukufumana ngcono. Ndingafumana unyango kunye neendlela zokuphila eziphucula umgangatho wobomi bam, kwaye ndiza kuba neentsuku ezilungileyo nezimbi.

Kodwa ukukhubazeka kwam kukuphila konke - {textend} akufani kwaphela nokuchacha kumkhuhlane okanye emlenzeni owaphukileyo. "Uziva ungcono," emva koko, ayisiyinyani.

Ndiyazi ukuba kunokuba ngumceli mngeni ukuhamba incoko nomntu osondeleyo kuwe okhubazekileyo okanye onesifo esinganyangekiyo. Ufuna ukubanqwenelela okuhle, kuba yile nto siyifundiswayo yinto entle ukuba siyithethe. Kwaye unethemba lokuba baya kuba "ngcono," kuba ubakhathalele.

Ukungathethi, iincwadi zeempendulo zentlalo zizaliswe ngokufumana imiyalezo efanelekileyo.

Kukho onke amacandelo amakhadi emibuliso okuthumela umntu umyalezo onethemba lokuba baya "kuziva bhetele" kungekudala.

Le miyalezo isebenza kakuhle kwiimeko ezinzima, xa umntu egula okwexeshana okanye enzakele kwaye elindele ukuba achache ngokupheleleyo kwiiveki, kwiinyanga, okanye nakwiminyaka.

Kodwa kuthi kuthi abo bangekhoyo kuloo meko, ukuva "ululame kwakamsinya" kunokwenza okubi kunokuba kulunge.

Lo myalezo wentlalo uqhelekile kangangokuba xa ndandisengumntwana, ndandikholelwa ngokwenyani ukuba xa ndakuba mdala ndiza kuba ngcono ngomlingo.

Bendisazi ukuba iziphene zam zezobomi bonke kodwa ndawufundisa lo mbhalo “ndiphila” nzulu kangangokuba ndicinga ukuba ndizokuvuka ngenye imini- {textend} nge-22 okanye i-26 okanye i-30- {textend} kwaye ndikwazi ukwenza konke Izinto abahlobo bam kunye noontanga bam abanokuzenza ngokulula.

Ndiza kusebenza iiyure ezingama-40 okanye nangaphezulu eofisini ngaphandle kokuthatha ikhefu elide okanye ndigule rhoqo. Ndandibaleka ndehla kwizinyuko ezixineneyo ukuze ndibambe umgaqo ongaphantsi ndingakhange ndibambe nezandla. Ndiza kukwazi ukutya nantoni na endiyifunayo ngaphandle kokukhathazeka malunga neempawu zokugula okungaginyisi mathe emva kweentsuku.

Xa ndiphume ekholejini, ndakhawuleza ndaqonda ukuba ayiyonyani le. Ndisasokola nokusebenza eofisini, kwaye kufuneka ndishiye umsebenzi wam wephupha eBoston ndiyokusebenzela ekhaya.

Ndisenako ukukhubazeka - {textend} kwaye ndiyazi ngoku ukuba ndiya kuhlala ndikhona.

Nje ukuba ndibone ukuba andizukuba bhetele, ndingade ndisebenzele ekwamkeleni loo nto - {textend} ndiphila obona bomi bam bumnandi ngaphakathi Imida yomzimba wam.

Ukwamkela loo mida, nangona kunjalo, yinkqubo ebuhlungu kuninzi lwethu. Kodwa yeyona yenziwe lula xa sinabahlobo kunye nosapho oluxhasayo ecaleni kwethu.

Ngamanye amaxesha kunokuba lula ukuphosa izinto ezintle kunye neminqweno emihle kwimeko. Ngokwenene uvelwano nomntu ohamba kwelona xesha linzima kakhulu - {textend} nokuba kukukhubazeka oko okanye kukuswelekelwa ngumntu omthandayo okanye ukusinda konzakele - {textend} kunzima ukuyenza.

Ukuba novelwano kufuna ukuba sihlale nomntu apho akhoyo, nokuba indawo akuyo imnyama kwaye iyoyikisa. Ngamanye amaxesha, oko kuthetha ukuhlala nokungonwabi kokwazi ukuba awukwazi "ukulungisa" izinto.

Kodwa ukuva umntu okwenyani kunokuba nenjongo kunokuba ucinga.

Xa umntu emamele uloyiko lwam - {textend} ngathi indlela endinexhala ngayo ngokukhubazeka kwam iya isiba mandundu kwaye zonke izinto endinokungakwazi ukuzenza kwakhona - {textend} ukungqinwa ngalo mzuzu sisikhumbuzo esinamandla sokuba ndiyabonwa kwaye uyathandwa.

Andifuni ukuba umntu azame ukufihla ubumdaka kunye nokuba sesichengeni kwemeko okanye iimvakalelo zam ngokundixelela ukuba izinto zizakulunga. Ndifuna ukuba bandixelele ukuba naxa izinto zingalunganga, basekhona kum.

Baninzi kakhulu abantu abakholelwa kwelokuba eyona ndlela yokuxhasa 'kukusombulula' ingxaki, ngaphandle kokundibuza ukuba ndifuna ntoni kubo kwasekuqaleni.

Ndifuna ntoni kanye kanye?

Ndifuna ukuba bandiyeke bachaze imiceli mngeni endiye ndafumana unyango ngaphandle kokundinika iingcebiso ezingafunekiyo.

Ukundinika ingcebiso xa ndingakhange ndiyicele kuvakala ngathi uthi, “Andifuni kuva ngentlungu yakho. Ndifuna wenze umsebenzi omninzi ukuze ubengcono ukuze singaphinde sithethe ngale nto. ”

Ndifuna ukuba bandixelele ukuba andingomthwalo ukuba iimpawu zam ziya zisiba mandundu kwaye kufuneka ndirhoxise izicwangciso, okanye ndisebenzise induku yam ngakumbi. Ndifuna ukuba bathi bazakundixhasa ngokuqinisekisa ukuba izicwangciso zethu ziyafikeleleka - {textend} ngokusoloko ubakhona kum nokuba andisakwazi kwenza kwa ezi zinto bendizenza.

Abantu abakhubazekileyo kunye nezigulo ezinganyangekiyo bahlala behlaziya iinkcazo zethu zempilo nokuba kuthetha ntoni ukuziva ungcono. Kuyanceda xa abantu abasingqongileyo bezimisele ukwenza kwa into enye.

Ukuba uyazibuza ukuba uza kuthini xa umhlobo wakho engaziva engcono, qala ngokuthetha (hayi nabo)

Misela ukubuza umbuzo: "Ndingakuxhasa njani ngoku?" Kwaye ujonge ukuba yeyiphi indlela evakalayo evakalayo kumzuzu othile.

“Ungathanda ukuba ndimamele nje? Ngaba ufuna ukuba ndivelane? Ufuna iingcebiso? Ngaba kunganceda ukuba nam bendinomsindo ngezi zinto uzenzayo? ”

Njengomzekelo, mna nabahlobo bam sizakuhlala senza ixesha elichongiweyo apho sonke singakhupha khona iimvakalelo zethu - {textend} akakho umntu oza kunika iingcebiso ngaphandle kokuba kuceliwe, kwaye sonke siya kuvelana endaweni yokunikela iingxoxo ezinje ngo "Nje qhubeka ujonge kwicala eliqaqambileyo! ”

Ukubekela bucala ixesha lokuthetha ngezona mvakalelo zethu zinzima kusinceda ukuba sihlale sidibanisiwe kwinqanaba elinzulu, kuba lisinika indawo ezinikeleyo yokunyaniseka kunye nokuluhlaza malunga neemvakalelo zethu ngaphandle kokukhathazeka ukuba siza kugxothwa.

Lo mbuzo - {textend} "ufuna ntoni kum?" - {textend} yenye esinokuxhamla kuyo sonke ngokubuzana rhoqo.

Kungenxa yoko le nto xa umntu endiza kutshata naye ebuya emsebenzini emva kosuku olunzima, umzekelo, ndiyaqiniseka ukuba ndimbuza kanye loo nto.

Ngamanye amaxesha simvulela isithuba sokuba aveze malunga nobunzima, kwaye ndimamele nje. Ngamanye amaxesha ndiza kuwubonisa umsindo wakhe okanye utyhafile, ndinike isiqinisekiso asifunayo.

Ngamanye amaxesha, silihoya ilizwe liphela, senza ingubo yokulala, kwaye sibukele "iDelpool."

Ukuba ndibuhlungu, nokuba kungenxa yokukhubazeka kwam okanye kungenxa nje yokuba ikati yam ingandihoyanga, kuko konke endikufunayo- {textend} kwaye wonke umntu ufuna, ngenene: Ukumanyelwa nokuxhaswa ngendlela ethi, “Ndiyabona Ndiyakuthanda, kwaye ndilapha ngenxa yakho. ”

UAlaina Leary ungumhleli, umphathi weendaba zosasazo kunye nombhali waseBoston, eMassachusetts. Okwangoku ungumncedisi womhleli we-Equally Wed Magazine kunye nomhleli weendaba zosasazo ezingenzi-nzuzo Sifuna iincwadi ezahlukeneyo.