Kutheni iGym ingeyoyabantu abalusu kuphela

Umxholo

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Sihlala sicinga ukuba umthambo osemgangathweni kuluntu lwethu lwenzeka kwindawo yokuzivocavoca, kodwa kum, oku bekusoloko kungamava othusayo. Uvuyo olungathethekiyo. Ngalo lonke ixesha ndisiya ejimini ebomini bam (bekukho amanqaku xa bendikhona yonke imihla), ibiyindlela yokohlwaya: indawo ebendifuna ukuya kuyo ngenxa yokuba okwangoku yayingalunganga ngokwaneleyo, kwaye Ndidinga ukubaleka kuloo treadmill NDide ndilunge, DAMMIT! Indawo yokuzivocavoca yaba ligumbi lokuhlushwa, nokuba ndizamile kweliphi na (elininzi), ke umthambo onxulumene nokuzivocavoca awunakuba uyonwabisa kum.

Kodwa ngenye imini ndagqitha ubudlelwane bam obubi/obubi/obunomsindo/obohlwaya ngokuzilolonga; yayilusuku, kwiminyaka embalwa eyadlulayo, apho ndaye ndaphelelwa ngamandla. I-legit, sobbing, ayikwazi-ukuqonda ngokupheleleyo-yintoni-eyayiqhubeka, uhlobo lomzimba oluxakekileyo. . . kwaye kwakugcwele iklasi yomdaniso. (Jonga ezi ngcebiso kwi-Banish Gym-timidation.)

Umhlobo wam undimemele kudidi lomdaniso lwaseAfrika lukaJade Beall, ndavuma ukuhamba naye; akukho ngxaki! Kodwa kwiyure engaphambili, inkqubo yam ngequbuliso yaqonda ukuba ndandisandula ukubhalisela iklasi entsha yokuziqhelanisa nabantu, kwaye ndothuka kakhulu. Guys, ndiye ndamothuka. Ndaziva ngathi ndinekhefu lomzuzwana ndayeka ukulawula; kwakungalindelekanga, kwaye okwangoku andinakukuxelela ukuba kutheni. Ndothuke ndayoyika yonke ibhokisi yomyalezo ka-Facebook yomhlobo wam, kwaye imiyalezo yethu yabuya yabuya yaya ngoluhlobo:

Mna, ndichwetheza, ekhaya ndilila:

Hayi. andiyi.

Isidodo sika-Goddamnit, ndiyamoyika kakhulu.

Le nto yomzimba iNZIMA kakhulu.

Nskjdgfsbhkassdfjwsbvgfudjsc.

Kwaye ndiziva ndinetyala ngokupheleleyo.

Ndingoyena mntu utyebileyo.

Ndiyahlaselwa. Njengokukhala kunye nekaka.

ZONKE IZIBHEDLELE.

Umhlobo:

Kulungile, ke kuqhubeka ntoni apha? Unengxaki enjani?

Mna:

Izinto ezininzi.

Khange ndibekho kwiklasi yokudanisa ukusukela ekholejini kwaye ndiqinisekile ukuba kuya kuba nzima kunoko kwaye sele ndingumntu osilelayo ngokwasemzimbeni

kwaye ndiqinisekile ukuba ndizohluleka kule class kwaye andiwuthandi umzimba wam namhlanje

kwaye ndiziva ngathi kufanele ukuba ndihambe kwaye ingqondo yam ihlala indixelela ukuba kufuneka ndenze okanye kungenjalo ndingoyena utyebileyo kakhulu.

kwaye xa ndikubona ndivele ndizisole ngokungahambi

kwaye ke kuya kufuneka ndihlale kwi-esile yam etyebileyo ubusuku bonke ndisazi ukuba andizange ndiyenze

xa kufuneka ndibenayo kodwa andikwazi.

Andikwazi nje.

Umhlobo:

Nantsi into.

Awuyi kuba yedwa. Ukugqibelana kwam ndilapho, abantu babengafani. Kwakukho abantwana kunye nendoda endala engakwaziyo ukuhamba ngokukhawuleza njengaye wonke umntu.

Kwakunzima kumntu wonke.

Awuyi kuba wedwa ngokupheleleyo.

Yaye kwakulucelomngeni nakum! Ngexesha elithile kuye kwafuneka ndithathe isigqibo sokuba ndiza kunamathela kuyo okanye ndikhuphe i-fuck. Kodwa ndaye ndagqiba kwelokuba ndihlale kwaye kwakumangalisa kwaye emva kokuba ndigqibile ndaziva ngathi ndine-orgasms ezilishumi elinambini.

Mna:

Ndikuthiyile ukutyeba.

Ndiyithiya yonke into ngayo.

Ndiyayithiya indlela ebenza nzima ngayo ubomi bemihla ngemihla

Kwaye zingaphi izithintelo zengqondo ekufuneka ndilwe nazo ukuze ndenze oko kwenziwa ngabanye.

Kwaye ndiyakucaphukela ukuzithethelela ngayo yonke into kum kuba ndiziva ngathi ndinetyala lehlabathi ukunciphisa umzimba okanye ubuncinci ukuzama ukunciphisa umzimba

okanye utye ngokwahlukileyo kwaye unciphise umzimba. . . okanye into.

Kunzima kakhulu kwaye kuvakala ngathi kuyaphambana kodwa kuqhelekile kum.

YIZO ZONKE EZOBUNZIMA.

Umhlobo:

Ndiyayifumana.

Ndiyifumana ngokupheleleyo.

Imiba yomzimba yiyo yonke into kwaye ikwizinto zonke ezinzima.

Kodwa ngaba uzenzela inceba, kulungile? Musa ukwenza oko ngenxa yokunciphisa umzimba. Mane uye kwi-orgasms.

Ke, "yee-orgasms" ndiye. Ubusuku baba ngamava okomoya, awatshintshe umbono wam. UJade uyamangalisa ngobuqu. Amandla akhe osulelo andikhumbuza ukuba kubalulekile ukuthanda abanye, yaye okubaluleke ngakumbi, ukuzithanda. Kwaye kufuneka umbone eshukumisa elo xhoba limangalisayo kumgangatho wokudanisa. UThixo. Demethi. Kwaye ndiya kuqikelela ukuba ndiyiphindaphinde irekhodi lomhlobo wam wee-orgasms ezilishumi elinambini ngobusuku. Ibiyi. Iyamangalisa. (PS Apho ngu ikhonkco phakathi kolonwabo kunye nokuncipha kobunzima.)

Kwafuneka ndizinyanzele ukuba ndinxibe ibhlukhwe yam yomdaniso ngelixa ndithetha nomhlobo wam ukuze ndingabuyeli emva kumzuzwana wokugqibela. Ndaye ndayicima ingqondo yam ndagxila kuphela kwisithembiso sam sokubonisa nje ukufudumala, kodwa ngokuqinisekileyo ndahlala kuyo yonke into. Ndazivumela ukuba ndenze iimpazamo, abahlobo kunye nesidenge. Bendingenaxhala lamanyathelo, ubukhulu becala, kuba ndoyisile kokungakhuseleki kwam okukhulu ngokuba lapho.

Ngoku, namhlanje, ndicinga emva kuloo miyalezo kaFacebook ngaphandle komkhondo wolo mvakalelo. Kunzima kum ukuqonda ukuba into elula njengokuya kwiklasi yentshukumo inokuligungqisa njani ilizwe lam kangangokuba ndiza kuphulukana namandla am okusebenza. Kodwa yenzekile. Kwaye yayiyinyani. Kwaye olo hlobo lokuziqhelanisa luqhelekile.

Rhoqo, thina manenekazi atyebileyo siziva ngathi uxinzelelo lwasentlalweni lokuba "siziphucule" ngokuncipha, kodwa emva koko siziva sikhutshiwe kwindawo yokuzilolonga. Siziva sinyanzelekile ukujoyina iFigital Body Factory (kulungile, mhlawumbi uyibiza ngokuba yindawo yokuzivocavoca), kodwa xa silapho, siziva singekho ndawo kwaye sityhalele ukhuphiswano esiphumelele kulo ngaphambi kokubeka unyawo ngaphakathi. Ingqondo, kwaye yoyikisa uninzi lwethu ngaphandle kweentloni. Isenzo sokudibanisa umzimba onamafutha kunye nokuzivocavoca kunokuvusa ubomi behlazo. Enye yezona ntlobo zinamandla zehlazo emhlabeni. (Fumanisa ukuba Ukuhlazeka ngamafutha kungawonakalisa njani umzimba wakho.)

Ndandiqinisekile ukuba ndiza kusilela ngobo busuku. Ngendibheje ngayo yonke into endinayo kwiakhawunti yam yebhanki kuyo. Kodwa ANDIFANELEKANGA! Ndiyigqibile iklasi yonke kwaye ndiyithanda yonke imizuzu yayo. Kuye kwashukuma ingalo enye eyayibhida ikaka kum kangangokuba ndandingakwazi ukuhla, kodwa oko kwakungengenxa yobunzima bam. Kwakungenxa yokuba ingqondo yam yayingathi, "WHATTHEFUCK, KUBALA KWI-OFF-BEATS KUNZIMA." Ukubila bekungaze kunomvuzo, kwaye bendinayo eninzi. Ewe, sonke senzile. Ndinethamsanqa lokuba ndikwazi ukubona iimvakalelo zam "zangaphambili" kunye "nasemva" kwaye ndiqonde ukuba akukho nanye kwezi malunga nokuzibophelela, ukwehla kobunzima, okanye iiseti zezakhono.

Imalunga nokuziva ulungile.

Kwaye ukuziva ulungile hayi ngokukodwa. I-Endorphins ayisiyiyo kuphela abo banemizimba enethoni egqibeleleyo. Ndivumelekile ukuba ndishukumise umzimba wam nangayiphi na indlela endiyithandayo kwaye ndingaxolisi ngendlela okhangeleka ngayo xa ndisenza njalo. Akufuneki ndigqibelele, kwaye akufuneki ndiye ngenjongo yokutshintsha umzimba wam. Ndingaya kuba ndifuna. Kuba ndithanda ukusebenza kumatshini endihlala kuwo. Kuba ndifuna ukuziva ndimangalisayo. Kuba ndifanele ukuziva ndimangalisa.

Ingcebiso yam kuwo onke amabhinqa afuna ukuthatha inxaxheba kwibhayisikile, kwi-aerobics, kwiyoga, kwiJazzercise, kwiiPilates, ukuqubha, ukudanisa, okanye iklasi yeZumba kodwa woyika ukuzama?

Musa ukuya ukunciphisa umzimba. Yiya kwi-orgasms.

Icatshulwe kwi Izinto ekungekho mntu uya kuzixelela amantombazana atyebileyo: Incwadana ye-Unapologetic Living NguJes Baker. Ipapashwe ngabakwaSeal Press, amalungu eQela leeNcwadi zePerseus. Ilungelo lokushicilela © 2015.

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