Ndichithe Ukukhulelwa Kwam Ndikhathazekile Bendingazokumthanda Umntwana Wam

Umxholo

• What if bendingamthandi umntanam?
• Kutheni ubuzama xa ungaqinisekanga ukuba ufuna umntwana?
• Ndingumntu omnye, kwaye andinguye

Iminyaka engamashumi amabini ngaphambi kokuba kuvavanyo lwam lokukhulelwa lubuye lukhona, bendijonga xa umntwana ebendikhwaza ebendigcina umntwana ndimlahla ngezitepusi, kwaye bendizibuza ukuba kutheni umntu onengqondo elungileyo efuna ukuba nabantwana.

Abazali bentombazana encinci babendiqinisekisile ukuba, nangona wayenokucaphuka xa bemka, wayeza kuzola kanye ngokunikezela ngepelethi yedill epheleleyo ethe ngqo engqayini.

Emva kokusilela okucacileyo kwesi sicwangciso, ndichithe iiyure ndizama ukumphazamisa ngoopopayi, ukujikajika komthi emva kwendlu, kunye nemidlalo eyahlukeneyo, kungancedi nto. Walila engayeki ekugqibeleni walala phantsi phantsi kwebhedi. Khange ndibuyele umva.

What if bendingamthandi umntanam?

Le ntombazana incinci, kunye nabanye abantwana abaninzi endisilele ukuthandeka kubo ngeentsuku zam zokubeleka, yayisengqondweni yam okokuqala ugqirha wam endimema ngokuqaqambileyo ukuba ndibuze imibuzo malunga nokukhulelwa kwam. Khange ndikwazi ukuvakalisa ezona nkxalabo zindigqibileyo: Bekuya kuthini ukuba andimthandi umntwana wam? Kuthekani ukuba bendingathandi ukuba ngumama?

Isazisi endikhe ndasihlakulela kule minyaka ingamashumi amabini idlulileyo sigxile kwimpumelelo esikolweni nakwikhondo lomsebenzi wam. Abantwana bebekude mhlawumbi, begcinelwe ixesha elizayo elinobunkunkqele. Ingxaki yokuba nabantwana kukuba ndandikuthanda ukulala. Ndifuna ixesha lokufunda, ukuya kwiiklasi zeyoga, okanye ukutya isidlo esinoxolo kwivenkile yokutyela engaphazanyiswa lusana olulilayo, umntwana osakhasayo, okhalayo phakathi. Xa ndandikunye nabantwana babahlobo bam, loo mntwana ugcina umntwana engenalwazi wavela kwakhona - ithuku lemfihlakalo lokumama alaziwa ndawo.

Wonke umntu undixelele. "Kwahlukile kubantwana bakho."

Ndazibuza iminyaka ukuba ngaba oko kuyinyani. Ndikumonele ukuqiniseka kwabantu abathi hayi-okanye ewe-ukuba nabantwana kwaye abaze bahexe. Andenzanga nto ngaphandle kokuxengaxenga. Engqondweni yam, umfazi akadingi bantwana ukuba abe ngumntu opheleleyo, kwaye andikaze ndizive ngathi ndilahlekile kakhulu.

Kwaye u.

Ekude kude mhlawumbi ukuba nabantwana baqala ukuziva ngathi ngoku okanye ngekhe njengoko iwotshi yam yebhayiloji ingakhathali. Xa mna nomyeni wam sasidlula iminyaka esixhenxe sitshatile, njengokuba ndandisondela kwiminyaka eyayibizwa ngokuba “kukukhulelwa okunesidima” - ndineminyaka engama-35 ubudala - ndathandabuza ndenyuka ucingo.

Ngaphezulu kweziselo kunye nekhandlela elinciphileyo kwindawo emnyama ye-cocktail kufutshane nendawo esihlala kuyo, mna nomyeni wam sithethe ngokutshintshisa ulawulo lokuzalwa kwiivithamini zokubeleka. Saye safudukela kwisixeko esitsha, kufutshane nosapho, kwaye kwabonakala ngathi lixesha elifanelekileyo. "Andiqondi ukuba ndiyakuze ndizive ndikulungele ngokupheleleyo," ndimxelele, kodwa ndizimisele ukuthatha umtsi.

Kwiinyanga ezine kamva, ndandikhulelwe.

Kutheni ubuzama xa ungaqinisekanga ukuba ufuna umntwana?

Emva kokubonisa umyeni wam umqondiso omncinci opinki kunye, ndayeka uvavanyo lokukhulelwa ngqo kudoti. Ndacinga ngeetshomi zam ebezama umntwana iminyaka emibini kunye nemijikelezo engenakubalwa yonyango lokuchuma, malunga nabantu abanokuyibona loo nto kunye nomqondiso wovuyo okanye isiqabu okanye umbulelo.

Ndizamile, ndasilela, ukucinga ukuba nditshintsha amanabukeni kunye nokuncancisa. Ndichithe iminyaka engama-20 ndimkhanyela loo mntu. Ndandinguye "mama"

Sizamile ukuba nosana, kwaye besinomntwana: Ngokusengqiqweni, ndacinga ukuba ndingavuya. Abahlobo bethu kunye nosapho bonke bakhala ngokumangaliswa kunye novuyo xa sabachazela iindaba. Umamazala wam walila iinyembezi zovuyo endingakhange ndikwazi ukuzihlanganisa, umhlobo wam osenyongweni wagxuma malunga nendlela awayenomdla ngayo kum.

Yonke into "evuyisanayo" nganye ibiziva ngathi lelinye ityala lokungabikho kothando kwinyanda yesibeleko sam. Inzondelelo yabo, ejolise ekwamkeleni nasekuxhaseni, yandityhalela kude.

Ndingalindela ukuba ndingumama onjani ukuba andimthandi ngomsindo umntwana wam ongekazalwa? Ngaba ndimfanele lo mntwana konke konke? Mhlawumbi yinto ozibuza yona ngoku. Mhlawumbi unyana wam bekufanele ukuba ubekelwe umntu owaziyo ngaphandle kokusebeza kokungaqiniseki ukuba bayamfuna, bamthanda ukusukela mhla bafunda ukuba ukhona. Ndacinga ngayo yonke imihla. Kodwa nangona ndandingaziva nto ngaye, hayi ekuqaleni, hayi ixesha elide, wayengowam.

Ndazigcina izinto ezininzi ezixhalabisayo ngasese. Besele ndiziphoxile ngeemvakalelo ebezingavisisani nembono yelizwe ngokufuthi yokukhulelwa nokuba ngumama. "Abantwana bayintsikelelo," sithi - isipho. Bendisazi ukuba andizokwazi ukumelana nokugxekwa okuvela ekubukeni uncumo lukagqirha wam luphela okanye ndibone inkxalabo emehlweni eetshomi zam. Kwaye ke kukho umbuzo ochaziweyo: Kutheni uzama ukuba ungaqinisekanga ukuba ufuna umntwana?

Uninzi lwam lokuphambana lubangelwe kukothuka. Ukuthatha isigqibo sokuzama usana kwakungu surreal, iseyinxalenye yekamva lam elinobunkunkqele, amagama nje atshintshana ngaphezulu kwekhandlela eliqaqambileyo. Ukufumanisa ukuba sasinaloo mntwana yayiyidosi eyomeleleyo yokwenyani efuna ixesha lokuyenza. Andizange ndibenayo eminye iminyaka engama-20 yokucinga kwakhona ngobuni bam, kodwa ndandinombulelo ngokuba neenyanga ezisithoba zokuziqhelanisa nombono wobomi obutsha. Ayisiyiyo kuphela usana oluzayo emhlabeni, kodwa etshintsha isimo sobomi bam ukuba simfanele.

Ndingumntu omnye, kwaye andinguye

Unyana wam uphantse abe nonyaka ngoku, "ubhontshisi omncinci" obandakanyekayo, njengoko simbiza njalo, olitshintshe ngokuqinisekileyo ilizwe lam. Ndikhathazekile ngokuphulukana nobomi bam bangaphambili ngelixa bendiziqhelanisa nokubhiyozela le intsha.

Ndifumanisa ukuba ngoku ndihlala ndikwindawo ezimbini ngaxeshanye. Kukho icala "lomama" lam, inkalo entsha yesazisi sam evele nesakhono sothando lomama andizange ndikholelwe ukuba kunokwenzeka. Eli candelo lam linombulelo nge-6 am ixesha lokuvuka (endaweni ye-4: 30 am), unokuchitha iiyure ecula "Umqolo, umqolo, ukujikeleza isikhephe sakho" ukubona nje uncumo olunye kwaye uve ukuhlekisa ngakumbi, kwaye ufuna yeka ixesha lokugcina unyana wam emncinci ngonaphakade.

Emva koko kukho icala lam endihlala ndilazi. Lowo ukhumbula ngamehlo ngeentsuku zokulala kade ngeempelaveki kwaye ajonge abafazi abangenabantwana esitalatweni ngomona, esazi ukuba akukho mfuneko yokupakisha iipawundi ezili-100 zeentsana kwaye alwe nesitroli ngaphambi kokuphuma ngomnyango. Lowo ulangazelela incoko yabantu abadala kwaye akanakulinda ixesha apho unyana wam emdala kwaye ezimele ngakumbi.

Ndiyabamkela bobabini. Ndiyayithanda into yokuba ndizifumene njengo "mama" kwaye ndiyaqonda ukuba kuya kuhlala kukho okungakumbi kunam kunokuba ngumama. Ndingumntu omnye, kwaye andinguye.

Inye into eqinisekileyo: Nokuba unyana wam eqala ukuphosa amakhiwane, ndiza kuhlala ndibuyela kuye.

Phakathi komsebenzi wakhe wokuthengisa ngokusisigxina, ukubhala ngokuzimeleyo ecaleni, kunye nokufunda ukusebenza njengomama, u-Erin Olson usasokola ukufumana lo msebenzi ulingeneyo wobomi. Uyaqhubeka nokukhangela ekhayeni lakhe eChicago, exhaswa ngumyeni wakhe, ikati kunye nonyana.