Iziphumo ezihlala zihleli zokuNgxola kuBantwana baKho

Umxholo

• Ushwankathelo
• Kutheni abazali bekhwaza?
• Iziphumo zokukhwaza
• Ezinye iindlela zokunyusa ilizwi lakho
• 1. Zinike ixesha lokuphuma
• 2. Thetha ngeemvakalelo
• 3. Lungisa isimilo esibi ngokuzolileyo, kodwa ngokuqinileyo
• 4. Sebenzisa iziphumo, kodwa zishiye izoyikiso
• Igama elinezidingo ezisisiseko
• Kufuneka wenze ntoni xa ungxola?
• Ngaba umsindo wakho unzulu kakhulu?

Ushwankathelo

Ukuba ungumzali, uyazi ukuba ngamanye amaxesha iimvakalelo zikongamela. Ngandlel 'ithile abantwana banokuwatyhala ngokwenene la maqhosha ubungazi ukuba unayo. Kwaye ngaphambi kokuba wazi, ukhwaza ungaphezulu kwemiphunga yakho.

Awuwedwa ekwenzeni oko, kwaye iimvakalelo zakho zokudana komzali ziqhelekile. Iindaba ezimnandi zezokuba ungayitshintsha indlela othetha ngayo nabantwana bakho, utshintshe ukusuka kwilungu lokukhwaza uye kwingxoxo ehloniphekileyo.

Kutheni abazali bekhwaza?

Impendulo emfutshane kungenxa yokuba siziva sisoyikeka okanye sinomsindo, okusenza siphakamise amazwi ethu. Kodwa oko kunqabile ukusombulula imeko. Ingabathulisa abantwana kwaye ibenze bathobele okwethutyana, kodwa ayizukubenza balungise indlela abaziphethe ngayo okanye izimo zabo zengqondo.

Ngamafutshane, ibafundisa ukuba bakoyike kunokuba baqonde iziphumo zabo zezenzo zabo.

Abantwana baxhomekeke kubazali babo ekufundeni. Ukuba umsindo kunye nobundlongondlongo obunxulumene nokukhwaza yinxalenye yento umntwana ayibona “njengesiqhelo” kusapho lwabo, indlela abaziphethe ngayo iya kubonisa oko.

Umbhali kunye notitshala ongumzali uLaura Markham, Ph.D., unomyalezo othe ngqo: Umsebenzi wakho wokuqala njengomzali, emva kokuqinisekisa ukhuseleko lwabantwana bakho, kukulawula iimvakalelo zakho.

Iziphumo zokukhwaza

Ukuba ukhe wangxoliswa, uyazi ukuba ilizwi elikhulu aliwenzi umyalezo ucace. Nabantwana bakho abafani. Ukukhwaza kuya kubenza bavume kwaye uqeqesho luya kuba nzima, kuba ixesha ngalinye uphakamisa ilizwi lakho linciphisa ukwamkelwa kwabo.

Kutshanje kukhankanywa ukuba ukungxola kwenza abantwana babe ndlongondlongo ngakumbi, ngokwasemzimbeni nangamazwi. Ukukhwaza ngokubanzi, nokuba imeko ithini, kukubonisa umsindo.Loyikisa abantwana kwaye lubenza bazive bengakhuselekanga.

Ukuzola kwelinye icala kuyaqinisekisa, nto leyo eyenza ukuba abantwana bazive bethandwa kwaye besamkelwa nangona beziphethe kakubi.

Ukuba ukukhwaza abantwana ayisiyonto intle, ukukhwaza okuza nokuhliswa ngamazwi kunye nokuthukwa kunokufanelekile njengokuhlukumeza ngokweemvakalelo. Kubonakalisiwe ukuba neziphumo zexesha elide, ezinje ngexhala, ukuzithemba okuphantsi, kunye nokunyusa ubundlongondlongo.

Ikwenza ukuba abantwana babe semngciphekweni wokuxhatshazwa kuba ukuqonda kwabo imida esempilweni kunye nokuzihlonela kuyathandeka.

Ezinye iindlela zokunyusa ilizwi lakho

Abantwana abanolwalamano oluluqilima lweemvakalelo nabazali babo kulula ukubaqeqesha. Xa abantwana baziva bekhuselekile kwaye bethandwa ngokungathandabuzekiyo, baya kusamkela ngakumbi incoko kwaye bamamele ngaphambi kokuba ungquzulwano lonyukele kwisiqendu sokukhala esingomsindo.

Nantsi indlela onokwenza ngayo uqeqesho oluqinisekileyo olungabandakanyi ukukhwaza.

1. Zinike ixesha lokuphuma

Zibambe ngaphambi kokuba ube nomsindo kangangokuba ulahlekelwe ngumthetho kwaye uphakamise ilizwi lakho. Ngokushiya indawo yengxabano okwexeshana, uzinika ithuba lokuphinda ujonge kwaye uphefumle ngokunzulu, okuya kukunceda wehlise umoya.

Ikwafundisa abantwana bakho malunga nemida kunye nokulawula iimvakalelo ezinamandla ngendlela esempilweni.

2. Thetha ngeemvakalelo

Umsindo yimvakalelo eqhelekileyo umntu anokufunda kuyo ukuba ulawulwa ngokufanelekileyo. Ngokwamkela zonke iimvakalelo, ukusuka eluvuyweni nasekuvuseleleni usizi, umsindo, umona, kunye nokudana, ufundisa abantwana bakho ukuba bonke bayinxalenye yeretertoire yethu yabantu.

Thetha ngendlela oziva ngayo kwaye ubakhuthaze abantwana bakho ukuba benze okufanayo. Iya kubanceda bakhulise isimo sengqondo sokuhlonela isiqu sabo kunye nabanye kunye nokwenza ubudlelwane obuphilileyo ebomini.

3. Lungisa isimilo esibi ngokuzolileyo, kodwa ngokuqinileyo

Maxa wambi abantwana abaziphathi kakuhle. Leyo yinxalenye yokukhula. Thetha nabo ngendlela eqinileyo eshiya isidima sabo sisemgangathweni kodwa ikwenza kucace ukuba indlela yokuziphatha ethile ayinyamezelwa.

Yehla kwinqanaba lemehlo labo kunokuba uthethe nabo uphezulu okanye ukude. Kwangelo xesha, khumbula ukuvuma indlela yokuziphatha enentlonipho kunye nokusombulula ingxaki phakathi kwabo.

4. Sebenzisa iziphumo, kodwa zishiye izoyikiso

NgokukaBarbara Coloroso, umbhali we "Kids Are Worth It !," Esebenzisa izoyikiso kunye nezohlwayo kudala umsindo, inzondo kunye nengxabano. Ekuhambeni kwexesha, bathintela umntwana wakho ekukhuleni kuqeqesho lwangaphakathi.

Izisongelo nezohlwayo zihlazisa abantwana kwaye zibenze bazive bengakhuselekanga. Kwelinye icala, iziphumo ezijongana nokuziphatha okuthile kodwa ziza nesilumkiso esifanelekileyo (njengokuthatha into yokudlala emva kokuchaza ukuba iithoyi ziyadlala, ayizokubetha) zinceda abantwana benze ukhetho olungcono.

Igama elinezidingo ezisisiseko

Ukuhlangabezana neemfuno ezisisiseko, njengokulala nendlala, kugcina abantwana bonwabile kwaye kwenza isimilo esingcono ngokubanzi. Ukuseka iinkqubo kuya kubanceda bangabi naxhala kwaye banciphise umngcipheko wokubambela.

Kufuneka wenze ntoni xa ungxola?

Nokuba lilunge kangakanani na iqhinga lakho lokuthintela ukungxola, ngamanye amaxesha uya kuliphakamisa ilizwi lakho. Kulungile. Yeyakho kwaye uxolise, kwaye abantwana bakho baya kufunda isifundo esibalulekileyo: Sonke siyazenza iimpazamo kwaye kufuneka sixolise.

Ukuba abantwana bakho bayangxola, bakhumbuze ngemida kunye nendlela ukukhwaza akuyona indlela eyamkelekileyo yonxibelelwano. Bamele bazi ukuba ukulungele ukumamela okoko nje bebonisa imbeko.

Umzekelo ofanayo ngokuzinika ixesha lokupholisa iinjini zakho ngaphambi kokuba uthethe nabantwana bakho xa ukhathazekile okanye ukhathazekile.

Uya kubanceda benze imikhwa yobomi bonke eyenza ukuba kube lula ukulawula ungquzulwano. Oko kuyakufundisa abantwana bakho ukuba baziqonde iimpazamo, ezabo kunye nezabanye abantu, kwaye uxolelo sisixhobo esibalulekileyo sonxibelelwano olusempilweni kusapho.

Ukuba ukuza kuthi ga ngoku uthembele ngokungxolisa ekuqeqesheni abantwana bakho, usenokuba uyazibona iziphumo zayo:

• Abantwana bakho banokuxhomekeka ekungxoliseni ukuze bafumane imiyalezo yabo kwabanye.
• Bayathetha kwaye bade bakungxolise kunokuba bathethe nje ngentlonipho.
• Ulwalamano lwakho nabo aluzinzanga kwaye aluguquguquki kwinqanaba lokungakwazi ukunxibelelana ngendlela esempilweni.
• Banokuhamba bashiye kuwe kwaye baphenjelelwe ngoontanga babo kunawe.

Ungayitshintsha yonke loo nto. Qala ngokuthetha phandle nabantwana bakho malunga nokungalunganga kokungxola kwaye kutheni ukubonakalisa umsindo wakho ngaloo ndlela kungaphilanga.

Yenza ikhaya lakho libe yindawo ezolileyo apho abantu banxibelelana ngentlonipho kwaye bazisa iimvakalelo zomnye ngaphandle kokugxeka, ukuhlazisa, okanye ukugweba. Ukuzinikela ngokuphandle kugcina incoko ivulekile kwaye kugcina wonke umntu kusapho enoxanduva.

Ukuba wenza iimpazamo, musa ukunikezela. Ayisiyondlela ilula kodwa kufanelekile kuwo wonke umzamo.

Ngaba umsindo wakho unzulu kakhulu?

Ukuba umsindo wakho uhlala ugcwele kubantwana bakho kwaye unengxaki yokulawula umsindo wakho rhoqo, ukuqonda ukuba unengxaki linyathelo lokuqala lokufunda ukuwulawula.

Oku kuya kukunceda uzive ungcono ngesiqu sakho kwaye unxibelelane ngokuzolileyo nangothando nabantwana bakho.

Ngokwe-American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, ezinye zeempawu ezibonisa iingxaki zomsindo zibandakanya:

• ukuba nomsindo ngokungafanelekanga ngenxa yemicimbi ebonakala incinci
• ukufumana iimpawu ezinxulumene noxinzelelo njengoxinzelelo lwegazi oluphezulu, iintlungu zesisu, okanye unxunguphalo
• Ukuziva unetyala kwaye ulusizi emva kwesiqendu somsindo, ukanti ukubona ipateni kuphinda rhoqo
• ukubandakanyeka kungquzulwano nabanye abantu endaweni yokuba neengxoxo ezihloniphekileyo

Ingcali inokukunceda uhlakulele iindlela zokugcina uzolile kwaye uthintele ukugqabhuka kwaye akuncede ulungise iziphumo zomsindo kubudlelwane bakho nabantu obathandayo.