Izakhono ezi-3 eziMangalisayo eziNceda ukuba ndiHambe uBuzali obuSebenzayo

Umxholo

• Ukufunda nokubhala
• Ukutshintsha phakathi kokuqonda ngemifanekiso emikhulu kunye nokugxila ngokunzulu
• Ukuzazi
• Abazali Emsebenzini: Abasebenzi bangaphambili

Ukuba ngumzali kwinkulungwane yama-21 kufuna uhlobo olutsha ngokupheleleyo xa kusiziwa kulwazi olugqithisileyo.

Siphila kwihlabathi elitsha. Njengabazali banamhlanje abakhulisa isizukulwana esilandelayo kwiminyaka yasemva kwedijithali, sijamelene nemiceli mngeni abazali ababengazange beyicinga ngaphambili.

Kwelinye icala, sinolwazi oluninzi kunye neengcebiso ngokulula. Nawuphi na umbuzo ovela kuhambo lwethu lokuba ngumzali unokuphandwa ngokulula. Sinokufikelela okungenamda kwiincwadi, amanqaku, iipodcast, izifundo, amagqabantshintshi eengcali, kunye neziphumo zikaGoogle. Siyakwazi ukunxibelelana nabazali kwihlabathi liphela abanokunika uluhlu lweenkxaso kunye nembono kuyo nayiphi na imeko.

Kwelinye icala, uninzi lwezibonelelo zihamba kunye nezigcayiseli ezitsha:

• Isantya sobomi bethu bemihla ngemihla sikhawuleza kakhulu.
• Soyisiwe lulwazi, olunokuthi luhlale lukhokelela kuhlalutyo ukukhubazeka okanye ukudideka.
• Ayizizo zonke iinkcukacha esizijongayo ezinokuthenjwa. Kunokuba nzima ukwahlula phakathi kwenyani kunye neentsomi.
• Nokuba ulwazi esilufumanayo luqinisekisiwe, kuhlala kukho isifundo esithembekileyo ngokulinganayo esinika isiphetho esiphikisanayo.
• Singqongwe "yingcebiso enkulu." Kuyalingwa ukuthenga kwiintsomi zokuba iingxaki zethu zinokulungiswa ngokulula ngobomi obukhawulezayo. Ngokwenyani, ihlala ifuna okungaphezulu.

Njengomzali omtsha osokolayo ukudibanisa uxanduva lwam emsebenzini, ekhaya, nakubomi ngokubanzi, ndilufumene lonke ulwazi endinalo lusathuthuzela kwinqanaba elinye. Ndacinga ukuba ndingakwazi "ukufundisa" indlela yam yokulinganisa umsebenzi wobomi. Ukuba omnye umthombo okanye umhlobo akazange abambe isitshixo sempumelelo, bendiya kuqhubeka nje kwisindululo esilandelayo.

Emva kweminyaka ndisilele ukwenza ubomi obusebenzela usapho lwam kunye nam, kuye kwathi qatha kum ukuba olu lwazi lungapheliyo lolwazi lusenza mandundu imeko; kukhokelele nje kukungazithembi ngaphakathingokwam.

Ayikuko ukuba ulwazi lwalungathembeki (ngamanye amaxesha lwalunjalo, kwaye ngamanye amaxesha lwalungekho). Umcimbi omkhulu kukuba bendingenacebo lokuvavanya lonke ulwazi kunye neengcebiso endidibene nazo. Oko kwakulawula amava am njengomama osebenzayo ngendlela engeyiyo. Nokuba elona cebiso lililo lalifutshane ngamanye amaxesha, kuba yayingasebenzi mna ngalo mzuzu othile wobomi bam.

Zintathu izakhono eziphambili ekuye kwanyanzeleka ukuba ndiziphucule ukuze ndisebenzise ubuncwane obuninzi bolwazi sonke esinokufikelela kulo. Ezi zakhono zintathu zindincedile ekukhetheni ulwazi oluya kuba luncedo kum kwaye ndilusebenzise kubomi bam bemihla ngemihla.

Ukufunda nokubhala

IZiko loLwazi lokuFunda nokuBhala lichaza ukufundwa kwemithombo yeendaba njengo: “Ukunceda [abantu] babe nobuchule, bagxeke kwaye bakwazi ukufunda nokubhala kuzo zonke iindlela zosasazo ukuze bakwazi ukulawula ukutolikwa kwento abayibonayo okanye abayivayo endaweni yokuvumela ukutolikwa kubulawule.”

Ilitheresi yemithombo yeendaba sisakhono esibalulekileyo kwizizathu ezininzi ezahlukeneyo. Ukukwazi ukwahlula inyani kwinto eyinyani yinxalenye esisiseko yokuthelekisa umbono wethu kwinyani yethu. Kodwa ukwazi indlela yokuhluza nokusebenzisa olo lwazi kubomi bethu kubalulekile nathi. Nantsi eminye yemibuzo ephambili endiyibuzayo nanini na ndijamelana nolwazi olutsha ebomini bam:

• Ngaba olu lwazi ethembekileyo?
• Ngaba olu lwazi efanelekileyo kum ngoku?
• Ngaba olu lwazi iluncedo kum ngoku?
• Ndinga phumeza olu lwazi ngoku?

Ukuba impendulo kuyo nayiphi na yale mibuzo ngu "hayi," ndiyazi ukuba ndingayihoya okwethutyana, ndisazi ukuba ndingasoloko ndibuyela kuyo kwixesha elizayo ukuba ndiyafuna. Oku kundinceda ndikhangele ulwazi olugqithisileyo, okanye iimvakalelo zokungaphumeleli xa iingcebiso ezidumileyo zibonakala zingandifanelanga.

Ukutshintsha phakathi kokuqonda ngemifanekiso emikhulu kunye nokugxila ngokunzulu

Njengomama osebenzayo, ndijamelene neemfuno ukusukela xa ndivuka ekuseni ndide ndilale ebusuku (kwaye rhoqo kunangoku, nakwiiyure eziphakathi-kobusuku nazo!). Ukuphuhlisa isakhono sokutshintsha ngaphandle komthungo phakathi kolwazi olubanzi ngobomi bam bebonke kunye nokugxila nzulu kweyona nto ibaluleke kakhulu kumzuzu ngamnye kuye kwabaluleka kulonwabo nakwimpilo-ntle yam.

Ndiye ndaqonda ukuba ngumzali osebenzayo njenge-web entsonkothileyo yamalungu ngamanye enza yonke enkulu. Umzekelo, ndine umtshato inxenye, a ukuba ngumzali inxenye, a umnini shishini inxenye, a ngengqondontle Icandelo, kunye a ulawulo lwezindlu inxalenye (phakathi kwabanye).

Utyekelo lwam kukuya kwilungu ngalinye kwisithuba, kodwa ngenene zonke ziyanxibelelana. Kuyanceda ukuqonda ukuba icandelo ngalinye lisebenza kanjani ngokuzimeleyo ebomini bam, kunye nendlela icandelo ngalinye elinefuthe ngayo elipheleleyo.

Obu buchule bokusondeza ngaphakathi nangaphandle buziva ngokungathi ngumlawuli wezithuthi zomoya olandelela iqela leenqwelo moya ezihamba zonke ngaxeshanye:

• Ezinye iinqwelomoya zingene emgceni zilinde ithuba lokuba zisuke. Ezi zizicwangciso endizenzayo ngaphambi kwexesha ezigcina ubomi bam buqhuba kakuhle. Oku kunokujongeka njengokucwangciswa kokutya okulungiselelwe iveki, ukumisela ixesha lokulala elonwabisayo labantwana bam, okanye ukucwangcisa umyalezo.
• Ezinye iinqwelomoya zihamba ngeteksi phantsi komgaqo wendlela, malunga nokuhamba. Ezi ziiprojekthi okanye uxanduva olufuna i-my kwangoko ingqalelo. Oku kunokubandakanya iprojekthi enkulu yomsebenzi endiza kuyingenisa, intlanganiso yomthengi endingena kuyo, okanye ukujonga impilo yam yengqondo.
• Ezinye iinqwelo-moya zisandul 'ukuhamba kwaye zibhabha ngaphandle koxanduva lwam. Ezi zizinto endizitshintsha ngokubonakalayo kwisitya sam, nokuba kungenxa yokuba zigqibelele, akusafuneki ndiyenze, okanye ndiyikhuphela komnye umntu. Kubomi bam bemihla ngemihla, oku kujongeka njengokulahla abantwana bam esikolweni ngemini, ukuhambisa inqaku eligqityiweyo kumhleli wam, okanye ukugqiba ukuzilolonga.
• Abanye babekwe emgceni emoyeni, balungele ukungena kwindawo yokuhlala. Ezi zezona ndawo zibalulekileyo ebomini bam ezifuna ukuhoywa. Ukuba andizifumani emhlabeni kungekudala, izinto ezimbi ziya kwenzeka. Oku kubandakanya ukuqinisekisa ukuba ndihlala ndiyikhathalela impilo yam, ndichitha ixesha elisemgangathweni nosapho lwam, okanye ndenza into ngenjongo yolonwabo lwayo.

Njengomama osebenzayo, kufuneka ndazi apho zikhona zonke “iinqwelomoya” zam ezikwizinga elibanzi. Kodwa kuya kufuneka ndibeke iliso kwi ongatshatanga inqwelo-moya ebetha indlela yokubaleka nangawuphi na umzuzu. Ukusebenza njengomzali kufuna inkqubo eqhubekayo yokusondeza ngaphandle ukuze ufumane ukukhawuleza ebomini bam bonke, kwaye uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde unikezele yonke ingqwalasela yam apho kufuneka khona.

Ukuzazi

Kukho uxinzelelo olukhulu kubazali ukuba benze izinto "ngendlela elungileyo" kuluntu lwanamhlanje. Sijongene nemizekelo yendlela wonke umntuenye into ngumzali, kwaye kunokuba lula ukuyiphosa into eyinyani thina.

Kangangexesha elide, bendicinga ukuba umsebenzi wam kukufumana “INCWADI” okanye “INGCALI” oneempendulo ezichanekileyo, emva koko ndimilisele izisombululo zazo ebomini bam. Ndifuna kakhulu incwadana yemiyalelo kumntu okhe wakhona, uyenzile loo nto.

Ingxaki kukuba akukho ncwadana yemiyalelo ekhoyo. Kukho okuninzi ulwazi phandle phaya, kodwa eyinyani ubulumko sifuna ivela ekuzaziseni kwethu. Akukho mntu ungaphandle uphila ubomi bam ngqo, ke zonke iimpendulo endizifumanayo "phaya ngaphandle" zilinganiselwe ngokwemvelo.

Ndifundile ukuba ukuqonda indlela endibonakala ngayo kuzo zonke iinkalo zobomi bam kundinika isikhokelo endisifunayo. Ndithatha ulwazi oluninzi (ndisebenzisa imibuzo endiyichazile ngaphambili). Kodwa xa isiza kuwo, ukuthembela kulwazi lwam lwangaphakathi ngowona mthombo wesikhokelo endisifumene. Ukuzazisa kuyeyona nto iphambili ekuvaleni ingxolo, ukuze ekugqibeleni ndenze izigqibo ezifanelekileyo mna kunye nosapho lwam.

Nantsi eminye imibuzo endiyifumeneyo iluncedo ekuthembekeni eyam indlela ebomini, naxa ndihlaselwa yimizekelo yendlela abanye abantu abazenza ngayo izinto ngokwahlukileyo:

• Ngaba lo msebenzi okanye umntu nika ndenze amandla, okanye ndiyenzile kugqityiwe amandla am?
• Yintoni esebenzayo kule ndawo yobomi bam?
• Yintoni i hayi usebenza kule ndawo yobomi bam?
• Yeyiphi into encinci okanye elawulekayo endinokuyenza ukwenza oku kube lula kum, okanye ukufumana iziphumo ezingcono?
• Ngaba ndiziva ngathi ndiphila ngokulungelelana neenqobo zam eziphambili kunye nezinto eziphambili? Ukuba akunjalo, yintoni engalinganiyo ngoku?
• Ngaba lo msebenzi, ubudlelwane okanye inkolelo isebenza ngenjongo esempilweni ebomini bam? Ukuba akunjalo, ndingalwenza njani uhlengahlengiso?
• Yintoni endisafuna ukuyifunda? Zithini izithuba ekuqondeni kwam?

Ulwazi esinalo kwi-post-digital age lunokuba luncedo kakhulu, ukuba Siyicoca ngamava ethu okwenyani njengabazali abasebenzayo. Ngokukhawuleza nje ukuba siphulukane nolo qhagamshelo kubomi bethu okanye kubomi bethu bebonke, olo lwazi lunokuba nzima kwaye lube nemveliso.

Abazali Emsebenzini: Abasebenzi bangaphambili

USarah Argenal, MA, CPC, ukwiphulo lokuphelisa ubhubhane wokudinwa ukuze abazali abasebenzayo ekugqibeleni bonwabe kule minyaka ixabisekileyo yobomi babo. Ungumsunguli we-Argenal Institute ese-Austin, TX, umphathi we-Working Parent Resource Podcast, kunye nomyili we-SELF Lifestyle yonke, enika indlela ezinzileyo kunye nexesha elide kuzalisekiso lomntu kubazali abasebenzayo. Tyelela iwebhusayithi yakhe apha www.argenalinstitute.com Ukufunda ngakumbi okanye ukubrawuza ilayibrari yakhe yezixhobo zoqeqesho.