Iimpawu ze-11 Uthandana neNarcissist- kunye nendlela yokuphuma

Umxholo

• Iikhrayitheriya ezisemthethweni ze-9 ze-NPD
  
• 1. Babenomtsalane kwi-AF… ekuqaleni
• 2. Bayifaka ingxoxo, bethetha ngobukhulu babo
• 3. Bondla ngokuncoma kwakho
• 4. Baswele uvelwano
• 5. Azinabo (okanye abaninzi) abahlobo bexesha elide
• Imibuzo onokuzibuza yona
  
• 6. Basoloko bekukhetha
• 7. Ziyakukhanyisa ngegesi
• 8. Bayadanisa bechaza ubudlelwane
• 9. Bacinga ukuba banyanisile ngayo yonke into… kwaye bangaze baxolise
• 10. Bayaphakuzela xa uzama ukwahlukana nabo
• 11.… kwaye xa ubabonisa ukuba ugqibile ngenene, bayangxama
• Kulungile, ke uthandana narcissist… ngoku kuza kwenzeka ntoni?
• Ungakulungiselela njani ukwahlukana narcissist
  

Ukuphazamiseka kubuntu bukaNarcissistic akufani nokuzithemba okanye ukuzingxala.

Xa umntu eposa iiselfies ezininzi okanye iifoto eziguqukayo kwiprofayili yabo yokuthandana okanye ethetha ngeziqu zabo rhoqo kumhla wokuqala, sinokuthi yi-narcissist.

Kodwa i-narcissist yokwenyani ngumntu one-narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Yimeko yempilo yengqondo ebonakaliswa ngu:

• umoya onomdla wokubaluleka
• isidingo esinzulu soqwalaselo olugqithisileyo kunye nokunconywa
• ukungabikho kovelwano kwabanye
• uhlala enobudlelwane obunengxaki

Into ebila kuyo, utsho ugqirha onelayisensi uRebecca Weiler, LMHC, kukuzingca (ngesiqhelo ngokugqithileyo) kwiindleko zabanye, kunye nokungakwazi ukuqaphela iimvakalelo zabanye konke konke.

I-NPD, njengoninzi lwempilo yengqondo okanye ukuphazamiseka kobuntu, ayingomnyama nomhlophe. Intsapho yaseBeverly Hills kunye nochwephesha kwezolwalamano noGqirha uFran Walfish, umbhali we "The Self-Aware Parent."

Ushicilelo lwamva nje lweDiagnostic kunye neNgcaciso yeNcwadi yeNgxaki yokuPhazamiseka kwengqondo idwelise iikhrayitheriya ezilithoba ze-NPD, kodwa icacisa ukuba umntu kufuneka ahlangane nesihlanu kuphela ukuze afaneleke ngokwezonyango njenge-narcissist.

Iikhrayitheriya ezisemthethweni ze-9 ze-NPD

• ukuqonda okukhulu kokubaluleka kwakho
• Ukuzixakekisa ngemibono yempumelelo engenamda, amandla, ubukrelekrele, ubuhle, okanye uthando olufanelekileyo
• inkolelo yokuba zizodwa kwaye zahlukile kwaye zinokuqondwa kuphela, okanye zinxulumana nabanye, abantu abakhethekileyo okanye abakwizinga eliphezulu okanye amaziko
• imfuno yokunconywa okugqithileyo
• imvo yelungelo
• Ukuziphatha okuxhaphazayo
• ukungabikho kovelwano
• Ukubamonela abanye okanye ukukholelwa ukuba abanye bayabamonela
• ukubonakaliswa kokuziphatha okukhukhumeleyo kunye nekratshi okanye izimo zengqondo

Oko kwathiwa, ukwazi indlela "yokugweba" esemthethweni ayenzi lula ukuba kubonakale i-narcissist, ngakumbi xa uthandana nomntu omnye. Ngokuqhelekileyo akunakwenzeka ukufumanisa ukuba umntu unayo i-NPD ngaphandle kokuxilongwa kwengcali efanelekileyo.

Kwaye xa umntu ezibuza ukuba bayathandana na narcissist, ngokubanzi abacingi, "Ngaba banayo i-NPD?" Bayazibuza ukuba ingaba baphathwa njani ngendlela esempilweni kwaye ezinzileyo ekuhambeni kwexesha. Nceda ugweme ukuxilonga iqabane lakho kwincoko. Endaweni yoko, funda ukuze ufumane ukuqonda malunga nobudlelwane bobuhlobo bakho.

Ulapha ngenxa yokuba ukhathazekile, kwaye loo nkxalabo iyasebenza ukuba impilo yakho isemngciphekweni. Ukuba ucinga ukuba le miqondiso ilungile, siya kukunika neengcebiso malunga nendlela yokujongana nale meko.

1. Babenomtsalane kwi-AF… ekuqaleni

Kwaqala njengentsomi. Mhlawumbi bakuthumela imiyalezo rhoqo, okanye bakuxelele ukuba bayakuthanda kwinyanga yokuqala-into ebizwa ziingcali njenge "uthando lokuqhushumisa."

Mhlawumbi bayakuxelela ukuba ulumke kangakanani okanye bagxininise indlela enifanelana ngayo, nokuba sele niqalile ukubonana.

U-Nedra Glover Tawwab, i-LCSW, umseki we-Kaleidoscope Counselling eCharlotte, eMantla Carolina, uthi:

Kodwa nje ukuba wenze into ebadanisayo, banokujikela kuwe.

Kwaye ngesiqhelo awuyi kuba noluvo lwento oyenzileyo, utsho uTawwab. "Indlela abakuphatha ngayo abantu bokonwaba, okanye xa bekujikela, ayinanto yakwenza nawe nayo yonke into enokwenza neenkolelo zabo."

Ingcebiso kaWeiler: Ukuba umntu weza ngamandla ekuqaleni, lumka. Ngokuqinisekileyo, sonke siyathanda ukuziva sinqwenela. Kodwa uthando lokwenene kufuneka lukhuliswe kwaye lukhule.

“Ukuba ucinga kusekuqaleni kakhulu ukuba bakuthande ngenene, kusenokwenzeka. Okanye ukuba uziva ngathi abazi ngokwaneleyo malunga nawe ukuba bakuthande, ngekhe bakuthande, utshilo uWeiler. Abantu abane-NPD baya kuzama ukwenza unxibelelwano oluphezulu kwangoko kubudlelwane.

2. Bayifaka ingxoxo, bethetha ngobukhulu babo

"AbakwaNarcissist bayathanda ukuthetha rhoqo ngezinto abazenzileyo kunye nempumelelo kunye ne-grandiose," utshilo ugqirha wezengqondo uJacklyn Krol, we-LCSW, we-Mind Rejuvenation Therapy. Benza oku kuba beziva bebhetele kwaye bekrelekrele kunaye wonke umntu, kananjalo kuba iyabanceda benze ukuba babonakale beqinisekile.

Ugqirha wezengqondo kwezonyango uGqirha Angela Grace, PhD, MEd, BFA, BEd, wongeza ukuba ii-narcissists zihlala zizibaxa izinto ezizenzileyo kwaye zibhombise iitalente zazo kula mabali ukuze zifumane ukuthandwa ngabantu.

Bazixakekise kakhulu ngokuthetha ngeziqu zabo ukuba bakumamele.Isilumkiso siyinxalenye emibini apha, utsho uGrace. Okokuqala, iqabane lakho aliyi kuyeka ukuthetha malunga neziqu zabo, kwaye okwesibini, iqabane lakho alizukubandakanya kwincoko malunga nawe.

Zibuze: Kwenzeka ntoni xa uthetha ngawe? Ngaba bayabuza imibuzo elandelayo kwaye babonise umdla wokufunda ngakumbi malunga nawe? Okanye ngaba bayazenza malunga nabo?

3. Bondla ngokuncoma kwakho

AbakwaNarcissists banako kubonakala ngathi bazithemba kakhulu. Kodwa ngokukaTawwab, uninzi lwabantu abane-NPD alunako ukuzithemba.

"Bafuna indumiso eninzi, kwaye ukuba awubaniki yona, baya kuyilobela," utshilo. Kungenxa yoko le nto behlala bekujongile ukubaxelela ukuba bangakanani na.

“AbakwaNarcissist basebenzisa abanye abantu - abantu abanovelwano kakhulu- ukubonelela ngesidima sabo, kwaye babenze bazive benamandla. Kodwa ngenxa yokuzithemba kwabo okuphantsi, ii-egos zabo zinokuthotywa lula, nto leyo inyusa isidingo sabo sokuncoma, ”yongeza uShirin Peykar, LMFT.

Ingcebiso yokufunda abantu: Folks abo ngokwenene ukuzithemba akuyi kuxhomekeka kuwe, okanye kuye nabani na ongomnye, ukuba uzive wonwabile.

Umahluko ophambili phakathi kwabantu abazithembileyo kunye nabo bane-NPD kukuba i-narcissists ifuna abanye ukuba ibaphakamise, kwaye baziphakamise kuphela ngokubeka abanye phantsi. Izinto ezimbini ezingenziwa ngabantu abanokuzithemba okuphezulu, ”utshilo uPeykar.

Njengokuchaza kukaWeiler, "I-Narcissists yohlwaya wonke umntu ojikeleze bona ngenxa yokungazithembi."

4. Baswele uvelwano

Ukungabikho kovelwano, okanye amandla okuziva ukuba omnye umntu uziva njani, yenye i Iimpawu ezibalaseleyo ze-narcissist, utshilo uWalfish.

"I-Narcissists ayinasakhono sokwenza ukuba uzive ubonwa, uqinisekisa, uqondwa, okanye wamkelwe kuba bengayiqondi ingcinga yeemvakalelo," utshilo.

Nguqulelo: abenzi njalo yenza imvakalelo eyeyabanye.

Ngaba iqabane lakho liyakukhathalela xa unemini embi emsebenzini, ulwa nomhlobo wakho osenyongweni, okanye uxabana nabazali bakho? Okanye bayakruquka xa uveza izinto ezikwenza uphatheke kabuhlungu?

UWalfish uthi ukungakwazi ukuba novelwano, okanye uvelwano, kuhlala kungunobangela wokuba uninzi, ukuba ayingabo bonke, ubudlelwane be-narcissists ekugqibeleni buwe, nokuba bayathandana okanye akunjalo.

5. Azinabo (okanye abaninzi) abahlobo bexesha elide

Uninzi lwee-narcissists alunakuba nalo ixesha elide, abahlobo bokwenyani. Bambe nzulu kunxibelelwano lwabo kwaye uya kuqaphela ukuba banabahlobo nje abaqhelekileyo, abahlobo babo abancokolayo-intetho, kunye nemeses.

Ngenxa yoko, banokungxola xa ufuna ukuxhoma kunye neyakho. Banokuthi ungachithi ixesha elaneleyo nabo, bakwenze uzive unetyala lokuchitha ixesha nabahlobo bakho, okanye bakugxeke ngenxa yeentlobo zabahlobo onabo.

Imibuzo onokuzibuza yona

• Umlingane wakho umphatha njani umntu abangafuni nto kuye?
• Ngaba iqabane lakho linabo abahlobo bexesha elide?
• Ngaba banayo okanye bayathetha ngokufuna imesis?

6. Basoloko bekukhetha

Mhlawumbi ekuqaleni beziva ngathi bahlekisa…. kodwa ke yaba nentsingiselo okanye yahlala ihleli.

Ngequbuliso, yonke into oyenzayo, ukusukela kwinto oyinxibayo noyityayo ukuya kumntu ohlala naye kunye noko ukubukela kumabonwakude, yingxaki kubo.

"Bayakukubeka phantsi, bakubize ngamagama, bakubethe nge-liners enye eyenzakalisayo, kwaye benze iziqhulo ezingathandekiyo," utshilo uPeykar. "Injongo yabo kukuthoba ukuzithemba kwabanye ukuze bakwazi ukwandisa eyabo, kuba ibenza bazive banamandla."

Ngaphezu koko, ukusabela koko bakuthethayo kuqinisa kuphela isimilo sabo. "U-narcissist uthanda impendulo," utshilo uPeykar. Kungenxa yokuba ibabonisa ukuba banamandla okuchaphazela imeko yeemvakalelo yomnye.

Uphawu lwesilumkiso: Ukuba bayakukhahlela ngezithuko xa usenza into efanelekileyo yokubhiyozela, baleka. "U-narcissist usenokuthi 'Ukwazile ukuyenza lonto kuba khange ndilale kakuhle' okanye ezinye izizathu zokukwenza kubonakale ngathi unethuba abangenalo, utshilo uTawwab.

Bafuna ukuba wazi ukuba awungcono kunabo. Kuba, kubo, akukho mntu unjalo.

7. Ziyakukhanyisa ngegesi

Ukukhanyisa igesi yindlela yokuxhaphaza kunye nokuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo, kwaye luphawu lwe-narcissism. I-Narcissists inokuthi ikhuphe ubuxoki obucacileyo, ityhola abanye ngobuxoki, ijikeleze inyani, kwaye ekugqibeleni ibugqwethe ubunyani bakho.

Iimpawu zokukhanyisa ngegesi zibandakanya oku kulandelayo:

• Awusaziva njengomntu obukade unguye.
• Uziva uxhalabile kwaye ungazithembi ngakumbi kunangaphambili.
• Uhlala uzibuza ukuba unovakalelo olukhulu na.
• Uziva ngathi yonke into oyenzayo ayilunganga.
• Uhlala ucinga ukuba yimpazamo yakho xa izinto zingahambi kakuhle.
• Ucela uxolo rhoqo.
• Unoluvo lokuba kukho into engalunganga, kodwa awunako ukuyichonga ukuba yintoni.
• Uhlala ubuza ukuba impendulo yakho kwiqabane lakho ilungile.
• Ubeka izizathu zokuziphatha kweqabane lakho.

Benza oku ukuze babangele ukuba abanye bazithandabuze njengendlela yokufumana ukongama. AmaNarcissist ayaphumelela ngokunqulwa, ngenxa yoko basebenzisa amaqhinga okwenza ukuba wenze kanye loo nto, ”utshilo uPeykar.

8. Bayadanisa bechaza ubudlelwane

Kukho amawaka ezizathu zokuba umntu angafuni ukulebhelisha ulwalamano lwakho. Mhlawumbi zi-polyamorous, nobabini nivumelene ngemeko yabahlobo-enezibonelelo, okanye niyigcina nje ngokungaqhelekanga.

Kodwa ukuba iqabane lakho libonisa ezinye zeempawu ezikolu luhlu kwaye alizukuzibophelela, kusenokwenzeka iflegi ebomvu.

Abanye abachazi be-narcissists baya kulindela ukuba ubaphathe ngokungathi bangamaqabane akho ukuze bavune izibonelelo ezisondeleyo, ezemvakalelo kunye nezokwabelana ngesondo ngelixa begcina iliso kubo bonke abo bababona bebakhulu.

Ngapha koko, ungaqaphela ukuba iqabane lakho lidlala ngothando okanye lijonga abanye phambi kwakho, usapho lwakho, okanye abahlobo bakho, utshilo umphathiswa u-April Kirkwood, uLPC, umbhali we "Working My Way Back to Me: A Frank Memoir of Self- Ukufunyanwa. ”

“Ukuba uyathetha kwaye uneemvakalelo zakho malunga nokungabi nantlonelo kwabo, bayakukubeka ityala ngokudala ingxwabangxwaba, bakubize ngokuba uyaphambana, kwaye basebenzise njengesizathu esingaphezulu sokungazibopheleli kuwe. Ukuba awuthethi igama, [oko kunika] umyalezo ongathethiyo ongakufanelekeli ukuhlonitshwa, utshilo.

Ukuba kuvakala ngathi yimeko yokulahleka, kungenxa yokuba kunjalo. Kodwa khumbula ukuba ufanelwe ngumntu ozinikele kuwe njengoko uzinikele kubo.

9. Bacinga ukuba banyanisile ngayo yonke into… kwaye bangaze baxolise

Ukulwa ne-narcissist uziva ungenakwenzeka.

UTawwab uthi: "Akukho ngxoxo-mpikiswano okanye ulungelelwaniso nomnxibelelanisi, kuba bahlala belungile," utshilo. “Abayi kubona ukungavisisani njengokungavumelani. Baza kubona nje xa bekufundisa inyaniso. "

NgokukaPeykar, usenokuba uthandana nomnxibelelanisi we-narcissist ukuba uziva njengeqabane lakho:

• akandiva
• ngekhe ndikuqonde
• ayithathi xanduva lwenxaxheba yabo kulo mbandela
• angaze azame ukulalanisa

Ngelixa kupheliswa ubudlelwane sesona sicwangciso somdlalo silungileyo kunye narcissist, uWeiler ucebisa ngokuphepha uthethathethwano kunye neengxoxo. “Iyakwenza uzive uphambene. Into eqhuba i-narcissist iphambane kukungabikho kolawulo kunye nokungabikho komlo. Okungaphantsi kokuzilwela kwakho, kokukhona amandla abo unokubanika ngaphezulu kwakho, kokukhona kuya kuba ngcono, utshilo.

Kwaye ngenxa yokuba bengaze bacinge ukuba bayaphazama, abaze bacele uxolo. Malunga nantoni na.

Ukungakwazi ukuxolisa kunokuzibonakalisa kwiimeko apho iqabane lakho licacile, njenge:

• Ukubonisa ukubhukisha isidlo sangokuhlwa emva kwexesha
• bangabizi xa besitsho
• ukurhoxisa izicwangciso ezibalulekileyo ngomzuzu wokugqibela, njengokuhlangana nabazali bakho okanye izihlobo

Amaqabane alungileyo ayakwazi ukubona xa enze into engalunganga kwaye axolise ngayo.

10. Bayaphakuzela xa uzama ukwahlukana nabo

Nje ukuba ubuye umva, i-narcissist izakuzama lonto kunzima kakhulu ukukugcina ebomini babo.

Ekuqaleni basenokukuthanda. Bazakuthetha zonke izinto ezizizo ezikwenza ucinge ukuba batshintshile, utshilo uPeykar.

Kodwa kungekudala, baya kukubonisa ukuba abaze batshintshe. Kwaye ngenxa yoku, uninzi lwee-narcissists zizifumana zikwimeko yokuphinda-phinda, ubudlelwane bokuthandana bade bafumane omnye umntu wokuthandana.

11.… kwaye xa ubabonisa ukuba ugqibile ngenene, bayangxama

Ukuba unyanzelisa ukuba ugqibile ngolwalamano, baya kuyenza injongo yabo ukukukhathaza ngokubashiya, utshilo uPeykar.

“I-ego yabo ityumke kakhulu kangangokuba ibangela ukuba bazive benomsindo nentiyo ngaye nabani na‘ obonile ’. Kungenxa yokuba yonke into yimpazamo yomnye umntu. Kuquka ukwahlukana, ”utshilo.

Isiphumo? Bangakuthetha kakubi ukuba ugcine ubuso. Okanye banokuqalisa kwangoko ukuthandana nomnye umntu ukuze ubenomona kwaye ubancede baphilise ukuzithemba kwabo. Okanye baya kuzama ukuba abahlobo bakho.

Isizathu, utsho uTawwab, kungenxa yokuba igama elihle lithetha yonke into kubo, kwaye abayi kuvumela mntu okanye nantoni na ukuba iphazamisane nayo.

Kulungile, ke uthandana narcissist… ngoku kuza kwenzeka ntoni?

Ukuba usebudlelwaneni nomntu one-NPD, kunokwenzeka ukuba sele ufumene amava.

Ukuba kubudlelwane nomntu ohleli egxeka, ethoba isidima, ekhanyisa igesi, kwaye engazibopheleli kuwe kuyadinisa ngokwasemphefumlweni. Kungenxa yoko, ngenxa yengqondo yakho, iingcali zincoma i-GTFO.

Ungakulungiselela njani ukwahlukana narcissist

• Qhubeka uzikhumbuze ukuba ufanelekile.
• Yomeleza ubudlelwane bakho nabahlobo bakho abanovelwano.
• Yakha inethiwekhi yokuxhasa kunye nabahlobo kunye nosapho abanokukunceda bakukhumbuze ukuba yintoni eyinyani.
• Khuthaza iqabane lakho ukuba liye kunyango.
• Fumana i-Therapist ngokwakho.

“Awunakumtshintsha umntu onesiphene sobuntu okanye ukubenza bonwabe ngokubathanda ngokwaneleyo okanye ngokuziguqula uhlangane neminqweno neminqweno yabo. Abasokuze bavumelane nawe, bangaze bawavelele amava akho, kwaye uyakuhlala uziva ungenanto emva konxibelelwano nabo, ”utsho uGrace.

"I-Narcissists ayinakuziva izalisekisiwe kubudlelwane, okanye nakweyiphi na indawo ebomini babo, kuba akukho nto ihlala ikhethekileyo ngokwaneleyo kubo," wongeza.

Ngokusisiseko, awusoze ubonele, kuba abanakuze bonele ngokwabo.

“Eyona nto unokuyenza kukusika amaqhina. Ungabaniki ngcaciso. Unganiki thuba lesibini. Yahlukane nabo kwaye ungabaniki thuba lesibini, lesithathu, okanye lesine, ”utshilo uGrace.

Ngenxa yokuba i-narcissist iya kwenza iinzame zokunxibelelana nawe kwaye ikukuhlukumeze ngeefowuni okanye ngeetekisi xa sele beqwalasele ngokupheleleyo ukwaliwa, uKrol ucebisa ngokubathintela ukuba bakuncede unamathele kwisigqibo sakho.

Khumbula: Eli nqaku alenzelwanga ukuxilonga iqabane lakho. Yenzelwe ukuba ichaze isimilo esingamkelekanga kunye nokusabela kwimeko yomanyano olunothando, olulinganayo. Akukho nanye kwezi mpawu yalatha kubudlelwane obusempilweni, i-NPD okanye hayi.

Kwaye ukuba nolunye okanye olwesithandathu lwale miqondiso alwenzi iqabane lakho libe li-narcissist. Endaweni yoko, sisizathu esihle sokuphonononga kwakhona ukuba uyaphumelela kulwalamano lwakho. Awunoxanduva lokuziphatha kwabo, kodwa unoxanduva lokuzikhathalela.

UGabrielle Kassel ngu ukudlala umbhoxo, ukudlala udaka, iprotein-smoothie-ukudibanisa, ukulungiselela ukutya, ukuCrossFitting, Umbhali wezempilo eNew York. Uye ube ngumntu wasekuseni, wazama umceli mngeni we-Whole30, watya, wanxila, waxukuxa, wahlikihlwa, wahlamba namalahle, konke egameni lobuntatheli Ngexesha lakhe lokuphumla, unokufunyanwa efunda iincwadi zokuzinceda, ukucofa ibhentshi, okanye ukuziqhelisa. Mlandele phambili I-Instagram.