Nceda ungandiqondi ngokungekuko kuba ndinengxaki yokuLungisa iMida

Umxholo

• Ukuqala kwam ukufumanisa ukuba ndinomda wobuntu obungenamda (BPD), ndatyhafisa imeko ndisiya eAmazon ukubona ukuba andinakufunda ngayo. Intliziyo yam yatshona xa enye yezona ziphumo ziphezulu yayincwadi yokuzinceda "ekubuyiseni ubomi bakho" kumntu ofana nam.
• Inokubangela uxinzelelo olukhulu
• Inokuba buhlungu
• Inokukuhlukumeza kakhulu
• Akuthetheleli isimilo

Ukuqala kwam ukufumanisa ukuba ndinomda wobuntu obungenamda (BPD), ndatyhafisa imeko ndisiya eAmazon ukubona ukuba andinakufunda ngayo. Intliziyo yam yatshona xa enye yezona ziphumo ziphezulu yayincwadi yokuzinceda "ekubuyiseni ubomi bakho" kumntu ofana nam.

Isihloko esipheleleyo sale ncwadi, "Yeka Ukuhamba Ngamaqanda Amaqanda: Ukuthatha Ubomi Bakho Kubuyise Xa Umntu Omkhathaleleyo Enengxaki Yomda Womda" nguPaul Mason noRandi Kreger, isabetha. Ibuza abafundi ukuba baziva "beqhathwe, belawulwa, okanye bexokisiwe" ngumntu oneBPD. Kwenye indawo, ndibone abantu bebiza bonke abantu abane-BPD ngokuhlukumeza. Xa sele uziva ngathi ungumthwalo-uninzi lwabantu abane-BPD olwenzayo-ulwimi olunje luyabulala.

Ndiyabona ukuba kutheni abantu abangenayo i-BPD bakuthola kunzima ukuyiqonda. I-BPD ibonakaliswa kukutshintsha kwemoods ngokukhawuleza, imeko engazinzanga yesiqu sakho, ukungxamiseka, kunye noloyiko oluninzi. Oko kunokukwenza ukuba wenze ngokungalunganga. Umzuzu omnye unokuziva ngathi uthanda umntu kakhulu kangangokuba ufuna ukuchitha ubomi bakho kunye naye. Umzuzu olandelayo ubatyhalela kude kuba uqinisekile ukuba bazakuhamba.

Ndiyazi ukuba iyabhidisa, kwaye ndiyazi ukuba ukukhathalela umntu one-BPD kunokuba nzima. Kodwa ndiyakholelwa ukuba ngokuyiqonda ngcono imeko kunye neziphumo zayo kumntu olawulayo, kunokuba lula. Ndihlala neBPD yonke imihla. Le yinto endinqwenela ukuba wonke umntu ayazi ngayo.

Inokubangela uxinzelelo olukhulu

Ukuphazamiseka kubuntu kuchazwa yi "Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5 Edition”ngokunxulumene nendlela yeendlela zomntu zexesha elide zokucinga, ukuziva, kunye nokuziphatha kubangela ubunzima kubomi babo bemihla ngemihla. Njengoko unokuqonda, ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo okunzulu kunokuba noxinzelelo olukhulu. Abantu abane-BPD bahlala bexhalabile, ngakumbi malunga nendlela esibonwa ngayo, nokuba siyathandwa, kwaye silindele ukushiywa. Ukusibiza "ngokuhlukumeza" ngaphezulu koku kunceda ukwandisa ibala kwaye kusenze sizive kakubi ngathi.

Oku kungakhokelela kukuziphatha okungathandabuzekiyo ukunqanda oku kulindelwa kulindelweyo. Ukutyhala abantu obathandayo kude noqhankqalazo lokukhetha kunokubonakala njengeyona ndlela yokuphepha ukwenzakala. Kuqhelekile ukuba abo bane-BPD bathembele ebantwini, nokuba ungakanani umgangatho wolwalamano. Kwangelo xesha, kuqhelekile ukuba umntu one-BPD abe siswele, uhlala efuna ingqalelo kunye nokuqinisekiswa ukuthomalalisa ukungazithembi. Ukuziphatha okunje kulo naluphi na ulwalamano kunokuba buhlungu kwaye kwahlukanise, kodwa kwenziwa oko ngenxa yokoyika kunye nokuphelelwa lithemba, hayi ububi.

Inokuba buhlungu

Unobangela woloyiko luhlala luxhelekile. Kukho iingcamango ezahlukeneyo malunga nokukhula kwengxaki yobuntu: Isenokuba yimfuza, okusingqongileyo, inxulumene nekhemesti yobuchopho, okanye umxube wezinye okanye zonke. Ndiyazi ukuba imeko yam ineengcambu zayo ekuxhatshazweni ngokweemvakalelo nakukuhlukumezeka ngokwesini. Uloyiko lwam lokushiywa luqale ebuntwaneni kwaye luye lwaya lusiba mandundu ebomini bam. Kwaye ndivelise uthotho lweendlela zokuziphatha ezingafunekiyo ngenxa yoko.

Oko kuthetha ukuba ndikufumanisa kunzima kakhulu ukuthemba. Oko kuthetha ukuba ndiyangxama xa ndicinga ukuba umntu uyangcatsha okanye uyandishiya. Oko kuthetha ukuba ndisebenzisa isimilo esingxamisekileyo ukuzama ukugcwalisa ukungabinanto ndiziva-nokuba kukuchitha imali, ngeebhokhwe zotywala, okanye ngokuzenzakalisa. Ndifuna ukuqinisekiswa kwabanye abantu ukuba ndizive ngathi andoyiki kwaye ndingenaxabiso njengoko ndicinga ukuba ndinjalo, nangona ndingenasiphelo ngokweemvakalelo kwaye ndingenako ukubambelela koku kungqinisisa xa ndiyifumana.

Inokukuhlukumeza kakhulu

Konke oku kuthetha ukuba ukusondela kum kunokuba nzima kakhulu. Ndikhuphe amaqabane athandanayo kuba bendifuna ukubonwa okungapheliyo kokuqinisekiswa. Ndizityeshele iimfuno zabanye abantu kuba ndicinge ukuba ukuba bafuna isithuba, okanye amava otshintsho kwiimvakalelo, ingam. Ndakhe udonga xa bendicinga ukuba ndiza kwenzakala. Xa izinto zingahambi kakuhle, nokuba zincinci kangakanani na, ndihlala ndicinga ukuba ukuzibulala kuphela kwendlela. Ndiyile ntombazana izama ukuzibulala emva kokuqhekeka.

Ndiyaqonda ukuba kwabanye abantu oku kunokujongeka njengokukhohlisa. Kubonakala ngathi ndithi ukuba awuhlali nam, ukuba awundiniki lonke ingqalelo endilifunayo, ndiya kuzenzakalisa. Ngaphezulu koko, abantu abane-BPD bayaziwa ukuba bakufumanise kunzima ukufunda ngokuchanekileyo iimvakalelo zabantu kuthi. Impendulo yomntu ongathathi hlangothi inokubonwa njengomsindo, ukondla kwiingcamango esele sinazo ngathi zibi kwaye zingenaxabiso. Oko kukhangeleka ngathi ndithe ukuba ndenza into engalunganga, awungekhe undiqumbele okanye ndiza kukhala. Ndiyayazi yonke le nto, kwaye ndiyayiqonda indlela ebukeka ngayo.

Akuthetheleli isimilo

Into kukuba, ndingazenza zonke ezo zinto. Ndingazonzakalisa ngoba ndive ukuba uyacaphuka ukuba andenzanga vasa. Ndingakhala kuba nibe ngabahlobo nentombazana entle kuFacebook. I-BPD i-hyperemotional, eguqukayo, kwaye engenangqondo. Kunzima njengokuba ndiyazi ukuba kunokuba nomntu ebomini bakho, ngamaxesha alishumi kunzima ukuba nawo. Ukuhlala uxhalabile, ukoyika kwaye ukrokrela kuyadinisa. Ukunikwa uninzi lwethu luyaphilisa kwintlungu ngexesha elifanayo kwenza ukuba kube nzima nangakumbi.

Kodwa oko akuyithetheleli le ndlela yokuziphatha kuba ibangela iintlungu kwabanye. Anditsho ukuba abantu abane-BPD abahlali bexhaphaza, besebenzisa ubuqhetseba, okanye bengalunganga- nabani na inokuba zizinto ezo. I-BPD ayimiseli kwangaphambili ezo mpawu kuthi. Isenza ukuba sibuthathaka kwaye soyike.

Siyayazi loo nto, nathi. Kuninzi lwethu, okusincedayo ukuba siqhubeke nethemba lokuba izinto ziya kuba ngcono kuthi. Ukunikezelwa kokufikelela kuyo, unyango olusuka kumayeza ukuya kunyango oluthethayo lunokuba nesibonelelo sokwenyani. Ukususa ibala elijikeleze uxilongo kunokunceda. Konke kuqala ngokuqonda okuthile. Kwaye ndiyathemba ukuba niyakwazi ukuqonda.

UTilly Grove yintatheli ezizimeleyo eLondon, eNgilane. Uhlala ebhala malunga nezopolitiko, ezobulungisa kwezentlalo, kunye ne-BPD yakhe, kwaye unokuyifumana i-tweeting ngokufanayo @femmenistfatale. Iwebhsayithi yakhe yi-tillygrove.wordpress.com.