Ungaphumelela njani ukuBambisana noMzali

Umxholo

• Yintoni u-co-parenting?
• Ungaba kanjani ngumzali
• 1. Yeka ukuhamba kwexesha elidlulileyo
• 2. Nikela ingqalelo emntwaneni wakho
• 3. Nxibelelana
• 4. Phulaphula ngenyameko
• 5. Xhasanani
• 6. Cwangcisa iiholide neeholide
• 7. Ukuyekelela
• Izinto ezi-6 zokuphepha
• Uyenza njani isicwangciso sokuba ngumzali
• Ukusebenza nonyango
• Ukuzikhathalela
• Ukuthatha

Yintoni u-co-parenting?

Ukubambisana njengomzali ngumzali okwabelwana ngabantwana ngabazali babo okanye ngamanani abazali abangatshatanga okanye abahlala ngokwahlukileyo.

Oo-co-abazali banokuqhawula umtshato okanye ngekhe batshate. Abanayo nayiphi na inxaxheba yothando omnye komnye. Ukubambisana njengomzali kukwabizwa ngokuba ngumzali odibeneyo.

Ababambisene nabo babelana kungekuphela kukhathalelo oluqhelekileyo lwabantwana babo, kodwa banikezela ngezigqibo ezinkulu malunga nokukhuliswa, kubandakanya:

• imfundo
• unyango
• imfundo yenkolo
• eminye imiba ebalulekileyo

Ukubambisana kwabazali kuqhelekile. Uqikelelo lwama-60 eepesenti yabantwana eUnited States bahlala nabazali babo abatshatileyo. Ezinye iipesenti ezingama-40 zihlala kwiimeko ezahlukeneyo, uninzi lwazo lubandakanya ukukhulisa abantwana.

Funda ukuze ufunde ngakumbi malunga nokuba ngumzali ngokubambisana, kubandakanya neengcebiso, izinto onokuthi uziphephe, kunye nokunye.

Ungaba kanjani ngumzali

Ukuba ngumzali ophumeleleyo ngokubambisana kubazuzisa abantwana ngeendlela ezininzi.

Uphando olupapashwe kwiJenali yoLuntu oluSebenzisiweyo lweNzululwazi yoSapho lufumanise ukuba abantwana abakhuliswa ngabazali ababambisanayo baneengxaki zokuziphatha ezimbalwa. Basondele kooyise kunakubantwana abakhuliswa ngoogxa babo abangabazali okanye ngumzali omnye.

Nantsi indlela yokunyusa amathuba akho empumelelo yokuba ngumzali:

1. Yeka ukuhamba kwexesha elidlulileyo

Awuyi kuba nakho ukusebenzisana ngempumelelo nomzali ukuba awunanto ngaphandle kokudelela umntu wakho wangaphambili. Usenokukhupha ukukhathazeka kwakho nabahlobo, usapho, okanye ugqirha, kodwa ungaze uthethe ngomnye umzali ebantwaneni bakho.

2. Nikela ingqalelo emntwaneni wakho

Nokuba kwenzeka ntoni kubudlelwane bakho kwixa elidlulileyo, khumbula, yinto eyadlulayo. Ujoliso lwakho lwangoku kufuneka lube kokona kulungele umntwana wakho okanye abantwana.

3. Nxibelelana

Ukukhulisa abantwana ngendlela eyiyo kuxhomekeke kunxibelelwano oluhle. Nazi izikhokelo:

• Cacisa, ufutshane, kwaye uhloniphe. Musa ukugxeka, ukubeka ityala, ukutyhola, okanye ukugrogrisa. Unxibelelwano lwakho kufuneka lube loshishino.
• Yiba nentsebenziswano. Ngaphambi kokuba unxibelelane, cinga ngendlela eza kuvela ngayo iingcinga zakho. Ngaba uza kuvakala ungenangqiqo okanye ufana nomntu ohluphayo?
• Gcina imiyalezo emfutshane. Ukuba ubhalela okanye uthumela i-imeyile ngonxibelelwano lwakho, gcina ngokufutshane, uchubekile, kwaye ukuya kwinqanaba. Misela imida kunye nomzali wakho osebenza naye malunga nokuba zingaphi ii-imeyile okanye izicatshulwa ezifanelekileyo ngosuku.
• Nxibelelana ngqo. Xa uhamba nomlamli njengomzali wesibini, utatomkhulu, okanye enye into ebalulekileyo, ubeka umngcipheko wezinto zokunxibelelana kakubi. Unokwenza ukuba umzali wakho osebenza naye azive ngathi ubekelwe bucala.

4. Phulaphula ngenyameko

Elinye icandelo lonxibelelwano liphulaphule. Ukunceda umzali wakho osebenza naye azive eqondwa kwaye eve, qaphela oku kulandelayo:

• Nikanani ithuba lokuthetha.
• Musa ukuphazamisa.
• Phambi kokuba uthathe ithuba lakho lokuphinda uthethe, phinda ngawakho amazwi oko kuthethwe ngumzali wakho, kwaye ubuze ukuba ubukuqonda ngokuchanekileyo. Ukuba akunjalo, cela umzali osebenza naye ukuba ayiphinde.

5. Xhasanani

Yazi ukuba abona bazali babalaseleyo ngabo basebenza kunye. Xa ubona omnye umzali esenza into oyithandayo, mncome. Ukuqiniswa okuqinisekileyo sisixhobo esiphambili kubuzali obuhle kubazali.

Kwangokunjalo, landela imigaqo ekuvunyelwene ngayo. Ukuba uvumile ngexesha elimiselweyo, ixesha lokulala, okanye umda wexesha lescreen umntwana wakho ekufuneka eyilandele nokuba ungubani na nomzali, bambelela kuloo mithetho xa umntwana wakho ekunye nawe.

6. Cwangcisa iiholide neeholide

Iiholide kunye neeholide inokuba lixesha elikhohlisayo kubazali abasebenza kunye, kodwa unxibelelwano kunye nokucwangcisa kungenza la maxesha abelula. Nazi ezinye iingcebiso:

• Nika isaziso kwangaphambili kangangoko.
• Nika umzali wakho kunye nolwazi lokunxibelelana nalapho uya kuba khona.
• Gcina abantwana kwiindlela zabo eziqhelekileyo zeeholide. Ukuba ngaphambi kokuba wahlukane uhlala uchitha umbulelo ngecala lakho losapho kunye neKrisimesi kunye ne-ex yakho, gcina indlela efanayo. Kwakhona, ukungqinelana kulungile kubantwana.
• Xa ungakwazi ukwabelana ngeeholide, zama ukuzitshintsha.
• Zama ukuba ungacwangcisi iholide malunga nexesha apho umzali osebenza naye unakekela abantwana.

7. Ukuyekelela

Akukho mzali ubona iliso ngeliso, nokuba bakunye okanye bahlukene. Xa ungavumelani ngombandela, zama ukufumana isisombululo onokuhlala naso.

Umzekelo, ukuba ucinga ukuba kubaluleke kakhulu ukuba umntwana wakho aye kwiinkonzo zecawe xa ekunye nomzali ongakholwayo, jonga ukuba ingaba umzali wakho uya kuba nakho na ukushiya umntwana kwinkonzo kwaye emva koko abathathe emva koko. Okanye unokuvuma ukuba umzali-nye uya kumenza umntwana ukuba amenzele iinkonzo ngalo lonke ixesha.

Izinto ezi-6 zokuphepha

Ukuze ube ngumzali kunye, gcina ezi zikhokelo zintathu engqondweni:

1. Musa ukuthetha kakubi ngomzali wakho osebenza naye kubantwana bakho.
2. Musa ukucela umntwana wakho ukuba athathe icala.
3. Musa ukugcina umntwana wakho kubazali babo bobabini ngaphandle komsindo okanye ulunya. Esona sizathu sisemthethweni sokubamba umntwana kukhuseleko lwabo.
4. Musa njengomntwana wakho ukuba "uhlole" kumzali osebenza naye.
5. Musa ukungahambelani nesicwangciso esivunyelwene ngokuvumelana ngokuba ngumzali.
6. Sukuvumela izithembiso ziwe.

Uyenza njani isicwangciso sokuba ngumzali

Ukubeka imithetho kunye nokucacisa malunga nokulindelweyo kuya kunceda ukuqinisekisa amava okuba ngumzali olungeleleneyo.

Ukuba isicwangciso osiphuhlisayo ekuqaleni asisebenzi kakuhle, musa ukoyika ukusebenzisana nomzali wakho ukuze ulungelelanise njengoko kufuneka. Kwaye khumbula ukuba isicwangciso esisebenza kakuhle xa umntwana wakho esemncinci sinokufuna ukulungiswa xa umntwana wakho ekhula.

Nazi ezinye zeengongoma ekufuneka ziqwalaselwe xa usenza isicwangciso:

• Yazi ukuba umntwana wakho okanye abantwana bakho bazakutshintshela nini emakhaya, bayokulanda nini kwaye nini, kwaye loluphi uhlobo lokuziphatha olulindelweyo kwikhaya ngalinye.
• Lungiselela nomzali wakho osebenza naye ukuba abantwana bakho baya kukubiza okanye bakuthumele imiyalezo xa bekunye nomzali. Ukuba baya kuthanda, misela ixesha elithile.
• Qinisekisa ukuba wonke umntu ucacile malunga neendima zabo zokukhathalela abantwana. Umzekelo, unokufuna ukwamkela lonke uxanduva xa umntwana wakho ekunye nawe. Okanye, wena nomzali ongumlingane wakho ninqwenela ukwahlulahlula okanye nigqithisele abanye uxanduva lwemihla ngemihla, njengokuthatha abantwana uye nabo esikolweni, ukubenza benze izinto zangaphandle, njl.
• Landela iindlela ezifanayo kwikhaya ngalinye. Umzekelo, umsebenzi wasekhaya ngentsimbi yesi-5. kunye nexesha lokulala ngentsimbi yesi-8, okanye akukho mabonakude ngobusuku besikolo. Abantwana basebenza ngcono ngokuhambelana.
• Vumelanani ngento kwaye niya kuqeqesha njani. Misela imithetho ekhaya, efana nokubekelwa ixesha lokubuya kunye nemisebenzi ekufuneka yenziwe. Bonisa umphambili odibeneyo xa ubanyanzelisa.

Zilungiselele ukutshintsha kwaye uhlengahlengise isicwangciso sakho sobuzali njengoko abantwana bakho ubudala kunye neemeko ziguquka.

Ukusebenza nonyango

Funa uncedo lobuchwephesha xa ubona iimpawu zoxinzelelo emntwaneni wakho. Le miqondiso inokuvela njenge:

• iingxaki zokulala okanye ukutya
• iimvakalelo zokudakumba okanye ukudakumba
• yehla kumabanga
• ukonwaba
• uloyiko lokuba kude nomzali
• isimilo esisinyanzelo

Fumana uncedo ukuba ungquzulwano nomzali wakho okanye uzifumanisa:

• Ndiziva ndidandathekile okanye ndinexhala
• ukwenza abantwana bakho babe ngumthunywa wakho kunye nomzali wakho
• ukuthembela kubantwana bakho ngenkxaso yeemvakalelo
• Ukuphinda uthethe kakubi ngomzali wakho

Loluphi uhlobo lonyango olukhethileyo oluya kuxhomekeka ekubeni mdala kangakanani umntwana wakho, kutheni ufuna uncedo lobungcali, kunye nolwalamano lwakho nomzali wakho.

Emva kothethathethwano lokuqala nengcali, kuya kufuneka ukwazi ukunciphisa ukhetho lwakho. Unokucela abahlobo bakho, ugqirha wakho, ugqirha wabantwana womntwana wakho, okanye inkqubo yakho yokuncedisa umqeshwa kwiingcebiso zonyango.

Ukuzikhathalela

Ukuphulukana nobudlelwane kunye nokuhamba komzali ophumeleleyo kunokubangela uxinzelelo olukhulu. Zincede ujongane nezi ngcebiso:

• Yenza buhlungu ubudlelwane ngokuthetha ngayo nabahlobo abaxhasayo, usapho, okanye ugqirha-hayi abantwana bakho. Kunokukunceda ukuzibhala phantsi iimvakalelo zakho.
• Musa ukwenza ubuqu okanye ukuzigxeka ngokwahlukana.
• Misela inkqubo. Kuya kukunceda uzive ukhululekile ukulawula.
• Ziphathe ngokwakho kwinto entle xa uxinzelelo luba nzima. Isenokuba sisipha seentyatyambo, i-massage, okanye nantoni na oyithandayo ebonakala ikhethekileyo.
• Yiba nobubele kuwe. Yamkela ukuba unokwenza iimpazamo, kwaye kulungile. Bathabathe njengethuba lokufunda kwaye uqhubeke.

Ukuthatha

Ukubambisana njengomzali kunokuba ngumceli mngeni, kodwa ngezixhobo ezifanelekileyo unokubambisana nomzali ngempumelelo. Izitshixo zokuba ngumzali osebenzayo ngokubambisana kukunxibelelana kakuhle ne-ex yakho kunye nesicwangciso esicacileyo, esicwangcisiweyo sokuba ngumzali.

Njengabo bonke ubuzali, nokuba yenziwa njengeyunithi okanye akunjalo, kugxilwe kuhlala kufanelekile ukuba kube kokona kulungele abantwana bakho.