Ukukhula ngokweemvakalelo: Kubonakala Kanjani

Umxholo

• Yintoni kanye kanye?
• Zeziphi iimpawu eziphambili?
• Ukuthatha uxanduva
• Ukubonisa uvelwano
• Ukuba neempazamo
• Ukungoyiki ukuba sesichengeni
• Ukuqonda nokwamkela iimfuno
• Ukubeka imida esempilweni
• Ngaba ubudala bunento yokwenza nayo?
• Ngaba ikhona indlela yokuvavanya ukukhula kwakho ngokweemvakalelo?
• Uphendule njani kwimeko yoxinzelelo lwakutsha nje?
• Uhlangabezane njani notshintsho olungalindelekanga?
• Ngaba uhlala ukhatshwa ngumntu wonke kunye nayo yonke into?
• Xa izinto zingahambi kakuhle, ngaba uhlala ubeka ityala kuwe okanye kwabanye?
• Ndingasebenza njani ekukhuleni kwam ngokweemvakalelo?
• Funda ukubona iimvakalelo zakho
• Liyeke ihlazo
• Misela imida esempilweni
• Thatha ubunini benyani yakho
• Jonga abanye benomdla
• Landela ukhokelo lomnye umntu
• Umgca wezantsi

Yintoni kanye kanye?

Xa sicinga ngomntu okhulileyo ngokweemvakalelo, sifana nomntu oziqonda kakuhle ukuba ungobani.

Nokuba abanazo zonke iimpendulo, umntu okhulileyo ngokweemvakalelo ukhupha imvakalelo "yokuzola phakathi kwesiphango." Ngabo sijonga kubo xa sidlula kwixesha elinzima kuba benza kakuhle phantsi koxinzelelo.

Ngamanye amagama, ukukhula ngokweemvakalelo kuxa umntu ekwazi ukulawula iimvakalelo zabo nokuba zithini iimeko zabo.

Bayayazi indlela yokuphendula kwiimeko ezinzima kwaye bahlala bepholile. Siseti sobuchule abanokusebenza ngokuqhubekayo ngokuhamba kwexesha.

Nanku ukujonga kwiimpawu eziphambili kunye nezinto esinokuzenza ukukhulisa ukukhula ngokweemvakalelo.

Zeziphi iimpawu eziphambili?

Ukuthatha uxanduva

Abantu abanokukhula ngokweemvakalelo bayalazi ilungelo labo emhlabeni kwaye baya kuzama ukuthatha amanyathelo okutshintsha indlela abaziphethe ngayo.

Oku kuthetha ukuba awubeki tyala kwabanye (okanye ngokwakho) xa kukho into engahambi kakuhle.

Unomoya wentobeko-endaweni yokukhalaza malunga neemeko zakho, uye ujonge ekwenzeni. Ungabuza, "Ndingenza ntoni ukuphucula le meko?"

Ukubonisa uvelwano

Abantu abaqolileyo ngokweemvakalelo bajonga ubomi ngokwenza okuhle kangangoko banako kunye nokuxhasa abo babangqongileyo.

Uyayazi indlela yokuzibeka ezicathulweni zomnye umntu. Intsingiselo, uhlala uziva unomdla ngakumbi kwabanye kwaye uzama ukufumana iindlela zoncedo.

Ukuba neempazamo

Uyayazi indlela yokucela uxolo xa wenze into embi. Akukho sizathu. Uya kuzivuma iimpazamo zakho kwaye uzame iindlela zokulungisa le meko.

Kananjalo awunawo umnqweno wokuba ulungile ngalo lonke ixesha. Endaweni yoko, uya kuvuma ukuba awunazo "zonke iimpendulo."

Ukungoyiki ukuba sesichengeni

Uhlala uzimisele ukuvula kwaye wabelane ngemizabalazo yakho ukuze abanye bazive bodwa.

Awunamdla wokubonwa "ugqibelele" ngalo lonke ixesha.

Ukukhula ngokweemvakalelo kuthetha ukunyaniseka malunga neemvakalelo zakho kunye nokwakha ukuthembela kwabo bakungqongileyo ngenxa yokuba ungenayo i-ajenda.

Ukuqonda nokwamkela iimfuno

Abo banokukhula ngokweemvakalelo banokuvuma xa bedinga uncedo okanye xa betyhafile. Umzekelo, uya kuvuma xa ufuna ikhefu kwaye wazi ukuba ubuza nini kumphathi wakho ngekhefu.

Uyakwazi ukunxibelelana ngokucacileyo neqabane lakho ukuze ufumane uncedo ngakumbi ekhaya.

Ukubeka imida esempilweni

Ukubeka imida esempilweni luhlobo lokuzithanda kunye nentlonipho. Uyazi ukuba uchaze nini kwaye nini kwaye awuyi kuvumela abanye ukuba bawele.

Ukuba umntu osebenza naye uyakuthoba okanye uyakudelela, ngekhe uyimele kwaye uyakuvumela ilizwi lakho livakale.

Ngaba ubudala bunento yokwenza nayo?

Ngamafutshane: ewe nohayi. Zininzi izinto ezinokuchaphazela inqanaba lomntu lokuvuthwa. Ukuvezwa kuluhlu olubanzi lwamava usemncinci ngumzekelo omnye.

Omnye wafumanisa ukuba ukutshaya icuba nokusela utywala nako kunokudlala indima ebalulekileyo kwingqondo yolutsha ekhulayo, ekugqibeleni kuchaphazela indlela abakhula ngayo.

Iindawo ezibucayi zobuchopho njengecortex yangaphambili - enceda ukuthintela isimilo sokuthatha umngcipheko- musa ukukhula ngokupheleleyo kude kube malunga neminyaka engama-25.Oku kunokubangela ukuba kutheni uninzi lweemvakalelo zolutsha zihlala zibonakala zingenakulindeleka.

Okwangoku, inqanaba lomntu lokuvuthwa linento yokwenza nobukrelekrele babo beemvakalelo- okanye indlela abakhetha ukuphendula ngayo kwimeko enzima - kunokuba babe badala.

Nabantu abadala abakhule ngokuzeleyo banokuba kwinqanaba eliphantsi lokukhula. Yiyo loo nto ungadibana nomntu omncinci kakhulu obonakala elumkile kuneminyaka yabo.

Ngaba ikhona indlela yokuvavanya ukukhula kwakho ngokweemvakalelo?

Kukho iitoni zovavanyo olukwi-Intanethi kunye nemibuzo ukukunceda umisele inqanaba lokukhula kwakho. Uninzi lwezi zinto zilungiselelwe ukuzonwabisa kwaye aluthembekanga ngokwezonyango okanye alusebenzi.

Unokuqala kwakhona ngokuzibuza imibuzo esisiseko ukuze ufumane ukuqonda ukuba uphi.

Uphendule njani kwimeko yoxinzelelo lwakutsha nje?

Xa uphantsi komhla obekiweyo emsebenzini, ubonakalise njani ukuba ufuna ikhefu? Ngaba ukhe wabamba umntu osebenza naye okanye wavuthela umphunga kwindawo yokuzivocavoca kamva ngokuhlwa?

Ukucaphuka kwabanye nokusilela ukwamkela ezethu iimfuno luphawu lokuba kungafuneka ukuba ukhule ukukhula kwakho.

Uhlangabezane njani notshintsho olungalindelekanga?

Xa i-BFF yakho inika ingxelo yokunyuswa okutsha okanye ukuba bayabandakanyeka, usabele njani?

Ngaba ubenqwenelela okuhle kwaye ubuze ukuba ungabanceda njani babhiyozele, okanye urhoxile kwaye ubacaphukise ngokwabelana ngeenkcukacha?

Abantu abanokukhula ngokweemvakalelo bayakwazi ukubonakalisa uvuyo lwabo kwabanye nokuba kukho utshintsho olukhawulezileyo.

Ngaba uhlala ukhatshwa ngumntu wonke kunye nayo yonke into?

Xa ungakhuli ngokwaneleyo, umhlaba uzele kukucaphuka okuncinci, kwaye awazi amalungelo akho. Cinga ngokuhlala ukhalaza malunga nabanye okanye iimeko ezahlukeneyo ngemini.

Ngaba ubonakalisa umbulelo okanye uhlala ubambekile ekuvuseleleni yonke into engahambanga kakuhle? Ngaba uyayibona indlela abanye abanokuba nayo ngakumbi?

Xa izinto zingahambi kakuhle, ngaba uhlala ubeka ityala kuwe okanye kwabanye?

Ngelixa kungaphezulu kwesiqhelo ukuba ube nosuku lukakrebe ngoku, ukuba ubanjwe kukuzibek 'ityala okanye ufumana isiphoso kubo bonke abantu abakungqongileyo, luphawu onokuma ngalo ukuze usebenze ekukhuleni kwakho.

Ukufunda ukubona imeko ngokuzenzela imfesane kunye ne-nuance-apho kungekho nto imnyama okanye imhlophe- kunokukunceda ukuba uphephe ukuwela kumdlalo wokusola.

Ndingasebenza njani ekukhuleni kwam ngokweemvakalelo?

Funda ukubona iimvakalelo zakho

Ukuqonda indlela oziva ngayo-nokuba ulusizi, umsindo, okanye iintloni- kunokukunceda uqonde ukuba kutheni usabela ngale ndlela uyiyo.

Njengomthambo, zama ukubhala phantsi inani lamaxesha oye wakhathazwa ngabanye kwijenali kangangeveki. Emva koko zama ukuchaza iimvakalelo zakho.

Oku kukunika ukuqonda ngakumbi ngendlela onokuthi uphendule ngayo kwimeko kunye neemfuno zakho.

Liyeke ihlazo

Ukuqaphela xa siziva kakubi ngathi kunokusinika iarhente ukuba yenze utshintsho.

Ngokuyeka iintloni, ukhululekile ukuthatha ubomi bakho kwaye uphile ngokwemigaqo yakho kunokulindelwa ngabanye abantu.

Misela imida esempilweni

Ukukhula ngokweemvakalelo kuthetha ukungavumeli mntu awele imida yakho.

Ukuba uhlala ujinga nomntu ofuna ixesha lakho, umzekelo, ukuseta umda kukubonisa ukuba ngekhe uyeke ukuzithemba kwakho.

Andiqinisekanga ukuba ungayenza njani loo nto? Jonga isikhokelo sethu ekukhuseleni indawo yakho yeemvakalelo.

Thatha ubunini benyani yakho

Jonga ubomi bakho kwaye uthathe uxanduva olupheleleyo lokulungileyo nokubi. Ukusebenzisa olu hlobo lobunini kunokukunceda ulawule ukhetho lwakho.

Ukufunda ukuqaphela xa wenze impazamo kukunika ukuqonda ekuthinteleni ukuba ingaphinde yenzeke kwakhona, kunye nokwenza ezinye izigqibo ezimbi ukuya phambili.

Jonga abanye benomdla

Endaweni yokuphendula xa umntu esiba mandundu, zama ukubonisa umonde kunye nokuqonda apho bavela khona.

Yiba nomdla kwindlela oqhubana ngayo nabanye kwaye uphephe ukugweba indlela abaziphethe ngayo. Endaweni yokuba ukhawuleze uphawule intetho ehlaselayo yomntu, unokumisela ukuba lixesha lokuba uqhubeke nobudlelwane obungenampilo.

Landela ukhokelo lomnye umntu

Ukufumana umzekelo onokuthenjwa kunokuhamba indlela ende ekusincedeni ukuba sikhule kwinqanaba eliphezulu lokukhula ngokweemvakalelo.

Xa sibona umntu esimncomayo ephethe umqobo ngaphandle kweziphazamiso, kunokwenzeka ukuba sibonakalise isimilo sabo.

Basivumela ukuba sibone ukuba kukho indlela engcono yokulawula iimvakalelo zethu kunye nendlela esinokuphendula ngayo kwiziganeko ezixhalabisayo.

Umgca wezantsi

Ukuzazi ngokuxabiseka kwethu kunye nokuxabiseka kwabanye yeyona nto isincedayo ukuba siphile ubomi obonwabisayo nobonelisayo.

Ukuxolisa kwabo basingqongileyo, ukuvuma xa sifuna uncedo, kunye nokufuna inkxaso ziindlela zonke zokuphuhlisa ukukhula kwethu.

Okukhona sikulungele ukuthatha uxanduva ngokuziphatha kwethu, kokukhona sifumana uqhagamshelo kwaye siyinyani.

Ngamafutshane, ukukhula kukukhetha esinokukwenza kancinci kancinci, imihla ngemihla.

USindi Lamothe yintatheli ezizimeleyo eseGuatemala. Ubhala rhoqo malunga nongenelelo phakathi kwempilo, impilo, kunye nesayensi yokuziphatha komntu. Ubhalelwe iAtlantic, iNew York Magazine, iTeen Vogue, iQuartz, iWashington Post, nezinye ezininzi. Mfumene kwi-cindylamothe.com.