Ndibuhlungu ngoBomi bam obudala emva kokuFunyaniswa kokugula okungapheliyo

Umxholo

• Amanqanaba angenasiphelo osizi kumzimba wam osoloko utshintsha
• Ukutshintsha izithende ngeembadada zebhabhathane kunye nenduku ebengezelayo

Sibandakanya iimveliso esicinga ukuba ziluncedo kubafundi bethu. Ukuba uthenga amakhonkco kweli phepha, sinokufumana ikhomishini encinci. Nantsi inkqubo yethu.

Elinye icala lentlungu luthotho malunga namandla atshintsha ubomi alahleko. La mabali abantu abanamandla baphonononga izizathu ezininzi kunye neendlela esizifumana ngayo usizi kwaye sihamba ngendlela entsha.

Ndihleli phantsi kwigumbi lam lokulala phambi kwekhabethe, imilenze ithe nkxu phantsi kwam nengxowa enkulu yenkunkuma ecaleni kwam. Ndibambe iipompo zesikhumba esimnyama ezilula, izithende ezigugileyo ekusebenziseni. Ndijonge ibhegi, sele ndibambe izihlangu ezininzi zezithende, emva koko ndabuyela kwezi zihlangu zisesandleni sam, ndaqala ukukhala.

Ezo zithende zazineenkumbulo ezininzi kum: bendimile ndizithembile kwaye ndide njengoko bendifungiswa njengegosa lezoluleko kwinkundla yamatyala eAlaska, ndilenga esandleni sam njengoko ndandihamba ngezitrato zaseSeattle ndinganxibanga zihlangu emva kobusuku kunye nabahlobo, bendincedisa ukuhamba kwinqanaba lonke ngexesha lomdaniso.

Kodwa ngalo mhla, endaweni yokuba ndibatyibilikise iinyawo zam ukuze ndibone umdlalo wam olandelayo, ndandiziphosa engxoweni eyayijoliswe kuMoya oMnandi.

Kwiintsuku nje ezidlulileyo, ndandifumene ukuxilongwa okubini: i-fibromyalgia kunye nesifo sokudinwa okungapheliyo. Abo badityaniswa kuluhlu ebelikhula kangangeenyanga ezininzi.

Ukuba naloo mazwi ephepheni evela kwingcali yezonyango kuyenze imeko yenzeka ngokwenene. Bendingasenakuphika ukuba ikhona into enzima eyenzekayo emzimbeni wam. Khange ndikwazi ukutyibilika kwizithende zam kwaye ndiziqinisekise ukuba mhlawumbi ngeli xesha andizukukhubazeka ngenxa yeentlungu kwisithuba esingaphantsi kweyure.

Ngoku yayiyinyani into yokuba bendijamelana nesifo esinganyangekiyo kwaye bendiza kuyenza ubomi bam bonke. Andizukunxiba izithende kwakhona.

Ezo zihlangu bezizibalulekile kwimisebenzi endiyithandayo ukuyenza nomzimba wam osempilweni. Ukuba libhinqa kwenza ilitye lembombo lesazisi sam. Kwakungathi ndilahla izicwangciso zam kunye namaphupha am.

Ndandikhathazekile xa ndicatshukiswa yinto ebonakala incinci njengezicathulo. Uninzi lwazo zonke, ndandinomsindo emzimbeni wam ngokundibeka kule ndawo, kwaye-njengoko ndayibona ngalo mzuzu-ngokusilela kwam.

Eli yayingeloxesha lokuqala ndonganyelwa ziimvakalelo. Kwaye, njengoko ndifundile ukusukela ngalaa mzuzu ndihleli kumgangatho wam kwiminyaka emine edlulileyo, ngokuqinisekileyo ngekhe ibe ngowam wokugqibela.

Kwiminyaka ukususela ekuguleni nasekukhubazekeni, ndiye ndafunda ukuba uluhlu lweemvakalelo luyinxalenye yesigulo sam njengeempawu zam zomzimba - iintlungu zemithambo-luvo, amathambo aqinayo, amalungu adakumbayo, kunye nentloko ebuhlungu. Ezi mvakalelo zihamba notshintsho olungenakuphepheka kwaye lujikeleze mna ngelixa ndihlala kulo mzimba unesifo esinganyangekiyo.

Xa unesifo esinganyangekiyo, akukho kuphucula okanye ukunyanga. Kukho inxalenye yobuntu bakho obudala, umzimba wakho omdala, olahlekileyo.

Ndizifumene ndisiya kwinkqubo yokulila nokwamkeleka, usizi lulandelwa kukuxhotyiswa. Bendingazukubangcono.

Kwakudingeka ukuba buhlungu ngenxa yobomi bam obudala, umzimba wam osempilweni, amaphupha am adlulileyo awayengasafanelanga ubunyani bam.

Kukulila kuphela apho ndiza kuthi ndiphinde ndifunde kwakhona umzimba wam, mna, nobomi bam. Ndiza kuba lusizi, ndamkele, emva koko ndiye phambili.

Amanqanaba angenasiphelo osizi kumzimba wam osoloko utshintsha

Xa sicinga ngamanqanaba amahlanu osizi-ukukhanyela, umsindo, ukuxoxisana, ukudakumba, ukwamkeleka-uninzi lwethu lucinga ngenkqubo esihamba kuyo xa kusweleke umntu esimthandayo.

Kodwa xa uGqirha Elisabeth Kubler-Ross ekuqaleni wabhala ngamanqanaba osizi kwincwadi yakhe yonyaka we-1969 ethi “On Death and Dying,” yayisekwe kwimisebenzi yakhe nezigulana ezigulela ukufa, nabantu abanemizimba nobomi njengoko babebazi babenobuzaza itshintshiwe.

UGqr. Kubler-Ross wathi ayisibaguli abagulela ukufa kuphela abaya kwezi zigaba - nabani na ojamelene nesigulo esibuhlungu okanye esiguqula ubomi sinakho. Iyavakala ke into yokuba abo kuthi bajongene nesifo esinganyangekiyo nabo bayaba lusizi.

Intlungu, njengoko uKubler-Ross nabanye abaninzi bebonisile, yinkqubo engahambelaniyo nomgaqo. Endaweni yoko, ndicinga ngayo njengokuqhubeka komoya.

Ngalo naliphi na inqanaba elinomzimba wam andazi ukuba ndikweliphi inqanaba lokukhathazeka, kukuba ndilapho, ndisilwa neemvakalelo eziza nalo mzimba uguqukayo.

Amava am kwizigulo ezinganyangekiyo kukuba iimpawu ezintsha ziyavela okanye iimpawu ezikhoyo ziya zisiba mbi rhoqo. Kwaye ngalo lonke ixesha kusenzeka oku, ndiyaphinda ndiqhubeke nenkqubo yokulila.

Emva kokuba neentsuku ezintle kunzima kakhulu xa ndibuyele emva kwiintsuku ezimbi. Ndidla ngokuzibona ndithe cwaka ndilila ebhedini, ndikhathazwa kukungazithembi kunye neemvakalelo zokungabi nto yanto, okanye ukuthumela i-imeyile abantu ukuba bacime izibophelelo, ngaphakathi ndikhwaza iimvakalelo ezinomsindo emzimbeni wam ngokungayenzi le nto ndiyifunayo.

Ndiyazi ngoku ukuba kuqhubeka ntoni xa kusenzeka oku, kodwa ekuqaleni kokugula kwam khange ndiqonde ukuba ndikhathazekile.

Xa abantwana bam bendicela ukuba ndihambehamba umzimba kwaye umzimba wam ungashukumi nokusuka esofeni, bendizicaphukisa ngokumangalisayo, ndibuze into endiyenzileyo ukuze ndiqinisekise ukuba le miba imbi.

Xa ndandigoqiwe phantsi ngentsimbi yesi-2 kusasa ndineentlungu zokudubula umqolo wam, ndandiye ndithethathethane nomzimba wam: Ndizakuzama ezo zisongezo zicetyiswe ngumhlobo wam, ndiza kuyiphelisa i-gluten ekudleni kwam, ndiza kuzama i-yoga kwakhona… nceda nje, yenza ukuba iintlungu ziyeke.

Xa kuye kwafuneka ndiyeke ukuthanda izinto ezinje ngemidlalo yokudanisa, ndithathe ikhefu kwisikolo segrad, ndishiya umsebenzi, ndabuza into engalunganga ngam ukuba andisakwazi ukuqhubeka nesiqingatha sento endandiqhele ukuyenza.

Ndandikhanyela ixesha elithile. Nje ukuba ndamkele ukuba amandla omzimba wam ayatshintsha, imibuzo yaqala ukunyuka ngaphezulu: Olu tshintsho emzimbeni wam lwaluthetha ntoni ebomini bam? Ngomsebenzi wam? Ngaba ubudlelwane bam kunye nokukwazi kwam ukuba ngumhlobo, umthandi, umama? Ukutshintsha kwam okutsha kuyitshintshe njani indlela endizibona ngayo, ubuqu bam? Ngaba ndandisengumfazi ngaphandle kwezithende zam? Ngaba bendisengutitshala ukuba andisenagumbi lokufundela, okanye umdanisi ukuba andisakwazi ukuhamba njengakuqala?

Uninzi lwezinto endicinga ukuba zingamatye esazisi-umsebenzi wam, izinto endizithandayo, ubudlelwane bam-buguqulwe buguquka, bangela ukuba ndibuze ukuba ndingubani kanye kanye.

Kwakungenxa yomsebenzi omninzi wobuqu, ndincediswa ngabacebisi, abaqeqeshi bobomi, abahlobo, usapho, kunye nejenali endayithembayo, apho ndabona khona ukuba ndandibuhlungu. Ukuqonda oko kwandivumela ukuba ndihambe kancinci ngomsindo kunye nosizi kunye nokwamkelwa.

Ukutshintsha izithende ngeembadada zebhabhathane kunye nenduku ebengezelayo

Ukwamkelwa akuthethi ukuba andinamava ezinye iimvakalelo, okanye ukuba inkqubo ilula. Kodwa oko kuthetha ukuyeka izinto endicinga ukuba umzimba wam kufuneka ube okanye uzenze kwaye uzamnkele endaweni yoko ikuko ngoku, ukophuka kunye nako konke.

Kuthetha ukwazi ukuba olu hlobo lomzimba wam lulungile njengalo naluphi na uhlobo lwangaphambili, olomelele ngakumbi.

Ukwamkelwa kuthetha ukwenza izinto ekufuneka ndizenzile ukukhathalela lo mzimba mtsha kunye neendlela ezintsha ezihamba kwihlabathi. Kuthetha ukubekela bucala ihlazo kunye nokwenza ngaphakathi ngaphakathi kwaye ndizithengele umhlanga omfusa ukuze ndiphinde ndihambe nomntwana wam kwakhona.

Ukwamkelwa kuthetha ukuba ndilahle zonke izithende egumbini lam kwaye endaweni yoko ndizithengele iiflethi ezintle.

Ukuqala kwam ukugula, ndandisoyika ukuba ndiza kulahleka ukuba ndingubani. Kodwa ngokuba buhlungu nokwamkelwa, ndifundile ukuba ezi nguqu kwimizimba yethu azitshintshi ukuba singobani. Abatshintshi ubuwena.

Endaweni yoko, zisinika ithuba lokufunda iindlela ezintsha zokuba namava kwaye sivakalise ezo ndawo zethu.

Ndisengutitshala. Igumbi lam lokufundela elikwi-intanethi ligcwalisa abanye abantu abagulayo nabakhubazekileyo njengam ukuba babhale ngemizimba yethu.

Ndisengumdanisi. Ukuhamba kwam kwaye sihamba ngobabalo kuwo onke amanqanaba.

Ndisengumama. Umthandi. Umhlobo.

Kwaye ikhabethe lam? Igcwele izihlangu: iibhutsi zemaroon zevelvet, iislippers ezimnyama, kunye neembadada zebhabhathane, zonke zilinde ukhenketho lwethu olulandelayo.

Ngaba ufuna ukufunda ngakumbi amabali kubantu abahamba ngendlela entsha njengoko behlangabezana nokungalindelekanga, ukutshintsha ubomi, kwaye ngamanye amaxesha amaxesha osizi? Jonga uthotho olupheleleyo Apha.

U-Angie Ebba ngumculi okhubazekileyo okhulayo ofundisa iindibano zocweyo kwaye wenza kwilizwe lonke. UAngie ukholelwa kumandla obugcisa, ukubhala, kunye nokusebenza ukusinceda ukuba sizazi ngcono ngokwethu, sakhe uluntu, kwaye senze utshintsho. Unokufumana u-Angie kuye iwebhusayithi, yena blog, okanye Facebook.