Yintoni umahluko phakathi kokuva nokumamela?

Umxholo

• Ukuchaza ukuva vs.
• Kuthetha ntoni ukuba ngumphulaphuli okhutheleyo okanye ongenzi nto?
• Indlela yokuba ngumphulaphuli osebenzayo
• 1. Yiba nomdla
• 2. Buza imibuzo efanelekileyo
• 3. Musa ukutsiba kwincoko ngokukhawuleza
• 4. Zimisele ngokwakho kwisifundo kwaye ungaphazamiseki
• 5. Yeka ukwenza amabali
• 6. Musa ukwenza into enkulu ngokungalunganga
• Ungumameli onjani?
• Ukuthatha

Ushwankathelo

Wakhe weva umntu esithi: "Usenokuba uyandiva, kodwa awundimameli"?

Ukuba uqhelene nelo binzana, kukho ithuba elihle lokuba uyazi into okanye ezimbini ngomahluko phakathi kokuphulaphula nokumamela.

Ngelixa ukuva nokumamela kunokubonakala ngathi zisebenza ngenjongo enye, umahluko phakathi kwezi zibini ubalulekile. Siza kudlulela kwezinye zeeyantlukwano eziphambili, kwaye siza kwabelana ngeengcebiso malunga nendlela yokuphucula izakhono zakho zokuphulaphula.

Ukuchaza ukuva vs.

Inkcazo yokuva inento yokwenza nesenzo somzimba sokuva izandi kunokuba kunjalo ngokwenza ingqiqo nokunxibelelana nomntu othetha nawe.

UMerriam-Webster uchaza ukuva “njengenkqubo, umsebenzi, okanye amandla okuqonda isandi; ngokukhethekileyo: indlela ekhethekileyo yokufumana ingxolo kunye neethoni njengezinto ezikhuthazayo. ”

Ukumamela kwelinye icala kuthetha “ukuhoya isandi; ukuva into ngononophelo; nokunikela ingqalelo. ”

Ugqirha wengqondo wezonyango uKevin Gilliland, PsyD, uthi umahluko phakathi kwezi zibini ubusuku nemini.

"Ukuva kufana nokuqokelela idatha," uyachaza.

Isenzo sokumamela silula kwaye sisisiseko. Ukumamela, kwelinye icala, kunamacala amathathu. "Abantu abagqwesileyo emsebenzini, okanye emtshatweni okanye kubuhlobo, ngabo bakhulise amandla abo okuphulaphula," utsho uGilliland.

Kuthetha ntoni ukuba ngumphulaphuli okhutheleyo okanye ongenzi nto?

Xa kuziwa kwinkcazo yokumamela, sinokuyaphula inyathelo elinye ukuya phambili. Kwilizwe lonxibelelwano, mabini amagama ahlala esebenziswa ziingcali: ukumamela ngokukuko kunye nokuphulaphula.

Ukumamela ngokukuko kunokushwankathelwa ngegama elinye: ukwazi. IZiko Loxolo laseUnited States lithi ukuphulaphula “njengokumamela nokuphendula komnye umntu okuphucula ukuqondana.”

Ngamanye amagama, le yindlela ofuna ukumamela ngayo ukuba ufuna ukuqonda omnye umntu okanye ufuna isisombululo.

Kwicala elingaphaya kwibala lokumamela kukumamela nje.

Umphulaphuli ongenzi nto, ngokwe-Gilliland, ngumphulaphuli ongazamiyo ukufaka isandla kwingxoxo-ngakumbi emsebenzini okanye esikolweni. Ayisiyondlela intle yokunxibelelana nabantu. Yiyo loo nto uGilliland esithi ungayisebenzisi neqabane lakho okanye abantwana kuba baya kuyibona ngokukhawuleza.

Indlela yokuba ngumphulaphuli osebenzayo

Ngoku ukuba uyazi umahluko phakathi kokuphulaphula nokumamela, unokuba nomdla ekufundeni indlela yokuphucula izakhono zakho zokumamela.

I-Gilliland yabelana ngeengcebiso ezithandathu onokuzisebenzisa ukuphucula izakhono zakho zokuphulaphula.

1. Yiba nomdla

Umphulaphuli okhutheleyo unomdla wokwenene kwaye unomdla wokuqonda oko kuthethwayo. Xa uziqhelanisa nokumamela, unomdla wokumamela oko kuthethwa ngomnye umntu, endaweni yokwenza impendulo yakho.

2. Buza imibuzo efanelekileyo

Le inokuba yingcebiso ekhohlisayo, ngakumbi ukuba awazi ukuba yintoni inkcazo yombuzo olungileyo. Ngeenjongo zokumamela ngokukuko, ufuna ukunqanda ukubuza imibuzo yohlobo ewe / hayi, evaliweyo.

Endaweni yoko, gxila kwimibuzo emema abantu ukuba bacacise. Cela ulwazi oluthe kratya kunye nengcaciso. "Xa simamele, iimvakalelo ziyabandakanyeka, kwaye sifuna ulwazi oluninzi kangangoko ukuba sifuna ukuqhubela phambili izinto" ucacisa uGilliland.

3. Musa ukutsiba kwincoko ngokukhawuleza

Unxibelelwano akufuneki lube kwisantya sokurekhoda. Xa uthetha nomntu, cinga ukunciphisa incoko. UGilliland uthi: "Sidla ngokugcina impikiswano xa sizama ukungxama, kwaye akukho kungxama xa kufuneka simamele."

4. Zimisele ngokwakho kwisifundo kwaye ungaphazamiseki

"Xa uzama ukuba nohlobo lwencoko apho ukumamela kubalulekile, sukuhamba kwiindlela zemivundla," utshilo uGilliland. Ngamanye amagama, kuphephe ukulahla izihloko ezingahambelaniyo okanye izithuko ukuphazamisa umxholo okhoyo, ngakumbi ukuba kunzima.

Ukuthintela ukwenza oku, uGilliland ucebisa ukuba ungayihoyi ingxolo kwaye uzimilisele kwisizathu sokuba uqale incoko ide iphele.

5. Yeka ukwenza amabali

Wakhe wakwincoko nomnye umntu apho uziva ukuba ulwazi oluninzi lungekho?

Ngelishwa, xa singenalo lonke ulwazi, uGilliland uthi, sihlala sizalisa iindawo ezingenanto. Kwaye xa sisenza loo nto, sihlala siyenza ngendlela egwenxa. Kungenxa yoko le nto esithi yeka ukuyenza kwaye ubuyele ekubuzeni imibuzo elungileyo.

6. Musa ukwenza into enkulu ngokungalunganga

Ukuba ulungile ekuvumeni isiphoso, oku kufanele ukuba kube yinto elula kuwe. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba ukuxelela umntu ukuba uphosakele yindawo osokola nayo, ukumamela ngokukuko kunokuba nzima kuwe.

Endaweni yokuba utyalwe kangaka ekubeni ulungile, zama ukuvuma xa ungalunganga. UGilliland uthi kulula njengokuthi "Okubi kwam, bendingalunganga ngaloo nto. Ndiyaxolisa."

Ungumameli onjani?

Abahlobo bakho abasondeleyo kunye nosapho bazi ngcono. Ke, ukuba unomdla malunga nohlobo lwomphulaphuli, buza umntu osondeleyo kuwe. UGilliland ucebisa ukuba ubabuze ukuba zeziphi iintlobo zeempazamo ozenzayo xa uzimamele.

Ukwathi ubabuze imibuzo malunga neendawo onokufumana ngcono kuzo. Ukuba ngulo mntu uchitha ixesha elininzi kunye naye, ungambuza ukuba ngaba kukho izifundo ezithile okanye izihloko ekubonakala ngathi usokola kakhulu kuzo.

Ngamanye amagama, babuze ukuba kukho iincoko ezithile okanye izihloko apho usilela khona ukuziqhelanisa nezakhono zakho zokuphulaphula.

Ukuthatha

Ukumamela ngokukuko sisakhono sobomi esiya kukunceda kakuhle kubudlelwane bakho nabahlobo, usapho kunye nabantu osebenza nabo. Konke oku kufuna umzamo omncinci, uninzi lomonde, kunye nokuzimisela ukubakhona nomnye umntu, kwaye unomdla wokwenene kwinto abayithethayo.