Nazi iindlela ezi-3 zokuchongwa ngokwesondo kunye nokuphazamiseka kokutya

Umxholo

• 1. Imigangatho yobuhle inokukhokelela ekuthatheni umzimba
• 2. Izityholo zeSexual Harasser zinokubangela ukuba umntu azibeke esweni
• 3. Ubundlobongela obuphathelele kwezesondo bungakhokelela kukuphazamiseka kwindlela otya ngayo
• Ukuzimela kunye nemvume kubaluleke kakhulu

Ukusuka ekubophelelweni kwemigangatho yobuhle ukuya kwinto eqhelekileyo yobundlobongela obuphathelele kwezesondo, umngcipheko wokukhula kokuphazamiseka kwengqondo kukuyo yonke indawo.

Eli nqaku lisebenzisa ulwimi olomeleleyo kwaye lenze izingqinisiso kuhlaselo ngokwesondo.

Ndikhumbula ngokucacileyo ukuqala kwam ukubizwa.

Ndandineminyaka eli-11 ubudala ngosuku lwasentwasahlobo, ndilinde esitupini sendlu yethu ngelixa utata egqogqa ngaphakathi efuna iphetshana lomphefumlo.

Ndibe nenduku yeelekese, eseleyo kwaye igcinwe ngokugqibeleleyo ukusuka kwiKrisimesi, ijinga ngaphandle komlomo wam.

Kwaoko, kwadlula indoda. Kwaye egxalabeni lakhe, waphosa ngokungakhathali, "Akwaba ungandifunxa ngoluhlobo."

Kwi-naïveté yam ye-pubescent, andikuqondi ncam ukuba uthetha ukuthini, kodwa ndiye ndakuqonda ukucebisa kwayo nangona kunjalo. Ndandisazi ukuba ndithotywa isidima yindlela endandiziva ndingekalawuleki kwaye ndineentloni ngayo.

Into malunga wam indlela yokuziphatha, bendicinga ukuba ilivuselele olu luvo. Ngesiquphe, ndandingumntu ongazenzisiyo emzimbeni wam kwaye iimpendulo ezinokubangelwa ngabantu abadala. Kwaye ndandisoyika.

Ngaphezulu kweminyaka engama-20 kamva, ndisahlukunyezwa esitalatweni-ukusuka kwizicelo ezibonakala zingenabungozi zenombolo yam yomnxeba ukuya kumagqabantshintshi amabele am kunye neempundu. Ndinembali yokuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo nangokwesondo, ukuhlukunyezwa ngokwesondo, kunye nobundlobongela obusenyongweni kumaqabane, endishiye nobomi bexesha lokuziva ndiphathwe njenge into.

Ixesha elingaphezulu, la mava achaphazele ngokunzulu amandla am okuziva ndikhululekile emzimbeni wam. Ke inyani yokuba ekugqibeleni ndinengxaki yokutya isenokungothusi.

Makhe ndikucacisele.

Ukusuka ekubophelelweni kwemigangatho yobuhle ukuya kwinto eqhelekileyo yobundlobongela obuphathelele kwezesondo, umngcipheko wokukhula kokuphazamiseka kwengqondo kukuyo yonke indawo. Kwaye oku kungacaciswa yinto eyaziwa ngokuba yithiyori yenkcaso.

Esi sikhokelo sivavanya indlela ubufazi obujongwa ngayo kwimeko yentlalo ejolise kwezesondo. Ikwasinika umbono wokuba impilo yengqondo, kubandakanya nokuphazamiseka ekutyeni, inokuchaphazeleka ngokuhlala usabelana ngesondo rhoqo.

Apha ngezantsi uyakufumana iindlela ezintathu ezahlukeneyo zokuchasana nokwabelana ngesondo kunye nokuphazamiseka kokutya, kwaye enye yeyona nto ibalulekileyo yokuthatha.

1. Imigangatho yobuhle inokukhokelela ekuthatheni umzimba

Kutshanje, emva kokufunda into endiyenzayo ukuze ndiziphilise, indoda eyayindiqhuba kwinkonzo yokukhwela yandixelela ukuba ayikholelwa kwimilinganiselo yobuhle.

Umgangatho wobuhle eUnited States, kwaye ngokukhawuleza, umncinci kakhulu. Phakathi kwezinye izinto, abantu basetyhini kulindeleke ukuba babe babhityile, abamhlophe, abancinci, ngokwesiko njengabafazi, abakwaziyo, abakumgangatho ophakathi ukuya phezulu, kwaye bathi tye.

"Ngenxa yokuba andinomdla kuloo nto," watsho.

"Uhlobo lomzekelo."

Kodwa imigangatho yobuhle ayisiyiyo into umntu ngamnye, okanye namaqela, ayifumana enomtsalane ngokobuqu. Endaweni yoko, imigangatho imalunga noko sikuyo ifundisiwe ilungile - "uhlobo lwemodeli" - nokuba siyavumelana naloo mtsalane okanye hayi.

Umgangatho wobuhle eUnited States, kwaye ngokukhawuleza- ngenxa yeempembelelo zekoloniyali yokusasazeka kweendaba zaseNtshona- mxinwa kakhulu. Phakathi kwezinye izinto, abantu basetyhini kulindeleke ukuba babe babhityile, abamhlophe, abancinci, ngokwesiko njengabafazi, abakwaziyo, abakumgangatho ophakathi ukuya phezulu, kwaye bathi tye.

Imizimba yethu yiyo ke egwetywayo, yohlwaywa ngale migangatho ingqongqo.

Kwaye ukufakwa ngaphakathi kwale miyalezo - ukuba asintle kwaye ke asiyifanele imbeko- kungakhokelela kwihlazo lomzimba kwaye ke, ukutya iimpawu zengxaki.

Ngapha koko, olunye uphononongo ngo-2011 lwafumanisa ukuba ukubekwa kwelona xabiso lomntu kuchazwa ngumtsalane wakhe "kudlala indima ebalulekileyo kuphuhliso lwemiba yezempilo yengqondo kubafazi abancinci." Oku kubandakanya ukutya okungalunganga.

Njengoko kukhankanyiwe ngaphambilana kolu ngcelele, uqikelelo oluqhelekileyo lokuba ukuzingca ngobuhle besetyhini kunye nokuqhuba okuhambelana nokubhitya kubangela ukuphazamiseka kokutya nje akuyonyani. Endaweni yoko, inyani kukuba luxinzelelo lweemvakalelo ngeenxa zonke imigangatho yobuhle ebangela impilo enkenenkene yengqondo.

2. Izityholo zeSexual Harasser zinokubangela ukuba umntu azibeke esweni

Ukucinga ngendlela endandiziva ngayo xa ndandibizwa njengentombazana encinci: Ndaziva ndineentloni kwangoko, ngathi bendenze into yokukhuthaza izimvo.

Njengomphumo wokusoloko ndiziva ngale ndlela, ndaqala ukuzibandakanya ekuzihloleni, amava aqhelekileyo kubantu basetyhini.

Inkqubo yokucinga iyahamba: "Ukuba ndiyawulawula umzimba wam, mhlawumbi ngekhe ukwazi ukubeka izimvo kuwo."

Umxholo wokuzibek 'esweni kuxa umntu egxila kumzimba wakhe, uhlala ethintela into yangaphandle. Kungaba lula njengokujonga umhlaba xa uhamba ngamaqela amadoda, ukuze angazami ukufumana ingqalelo yakho, okanye angatyi iibhanana esidlangalaleni (ewe, yinto leyo).

Ingabonisa njengokutya okungahambelaniyo nokuzama ukukhusela ekuhlukumezweni.

Ukuziphatha kokutya njengokutya ukutya ukunciphisa umzimba "ukunyamalala" okanye ukuzinkcinkca ukuzuza ubunzima ukuze "ufihle" kuqhelekile. Ezi zihlala ziindlela zokuziphatha ezingafakwanga ngabasetyhini abanethemba lokubaleka inkcaso.

Inkqubo yokucinga iya: Ukuba ndiyakwazi ukulawula umzimba wam, mhlawumbi ngekhe ukwazi ukubeka izimvo kuwo.

Ngaphaya koko, ukungcungcuthekiswa ngokwesondo kwaye ngokwako kunokuxela kwangaphambili iingxaki zokutya.

Oku kuyinyaniso nakubantu abaselula.

Njengoko olunye uphando luye lwafumanisa, ukuxhatshazwa komzimba (okuchazwa njengezichasayo izimvo kumzimba wentombazana) kwaba nefuthe elibi kwiindlela zokutya zamantombazana aneminyaka eyi-12 ukuya kwe-14. Ngapha koko, inokuba negalelo kuphuhliso lokuphazamiseka kwindlela otya ngayo.

Ikhonkco? Ukuzibek 'esweni.

Amantombazana afumana ukukhathazwa ngokwesini kunokwenzeka ukuba azibandakanye nokujolisa, okukhokelela kwiindlela zokutya ezingalunganga.

3. Ubundlobongela obuphathelele kwezesondo bungakhokelela kukuphazamiseka kwindlela otya ngayo

Iinkcazo zokuhlaselwa ngokwesondo, ukudlwengulwa, kunye nokuphathwa gadalala ngamanye amaxesha zinoburharha ebantwini-kubandakanya amaxhoba ngokwawo.

Ngelixa ezi ngcaciso zahlukile ngokwasemthethweni zikarhulumente ukuya kwilizwe nakwilizwe, into yokuba zonke ezi zinto ziyafana kukuba zinokukhokelela ekutyeni okungalunganga kwindlela yokuziphatha, nokuba yindlela yokuqonda okanye yokuqonda.

Abasetyhini abaninzi abanengxaki yokutya banamava kubundlobongela obuphathelele kwezesondo kwixa elidlulileyo. Ngapha koko, amaxhoba odlwengulo asenokwenzeka ngakumbi kunabanye ukuba ahlangabezane neendlela zokuqonda ingxaki yokutya.

Olunye uphando lwangaphambili lwafumanisa ukuba ama-53 eepesenti amaxhoba odlwengulo afumana ukuphazamiseka kwindlela yokutya, xa kuthelekiswa neepesenti ezi-6 kuphela zabasetyhini abangenayo imbali yobundlobongela obuphathelele kwezesondo.

Ngaphaya koko, komnye umntu omdala, abasetyhini abanembali yokuxhatshazwa ngokwesondo ebuntwaneni "babenethuba elikhulu kakhulu" lokufezekisa iikhrayitheriya zokuphazamiseka kwindlela otya ngayo. Kwaye oku kuyinyani ngakumbi xa kudityaniswa nokufumana ubundlobongela obuphathelele kwezesondo xa umdala.

Nangona ukuhlaselwa ngokwesondo kuphela kungachaphazeli ukutya kwamabhinqa, ingxaki yoxinzelelo lwasemva koxinzelelo (i-PTSD) ethi amanye amava abe yinto yokulamla- okanye endaweni yoko kuzisa ingxaki yokutya malunga.

Ngamafutshane, isizathu sokuba ubundlobongela obuphathelele kwezesondo bungakhokelela kukuphazamiseka kwindlela otya ngayo kunokwenzeka ukuba kwehle umonzakalo obubangelayo.

Olunye uphando lwafumanisa ukuba “iimpawu zePTSD mlamli ngokupheleleyo Iziphumo zokuhlaselwa kwabantu abadala ngokwesondo kukutya okungalunganga ”

Oku akuthethi, nangona kunjalo, ukuba bonke abo basindileyo kubundlobongela obuphathelele kwezesondo baya kuphuhlisa iingxaki zokutya okanye ukuba bonke abantu abanengxaki yokutya banamava obundlobongela obuphathelele kwezesondo. Kodwa oko kuthetha ukuba abantu abanamava bobabini abekho bodwa.

Ukuzimela kunye nemvume kubaluleke kakhulu

Xa ndandiba nodliwanondlebe nabasetyhini ngophando lwam lwedisense malunga nokutya kunye nokuziphatha ngokwesini, baveza amava amaninzi ngokuchasana: "Kufana nokuba [isini] asikokwakho," omnye umfazi wandixelela.

"Ingathi bendizama ukukhangela indlela abanye abantu abayilahle ngayo kum."

Iyavakala into yokuba iingxaki zokutya zinokudityaniswa kubundlobongela obuphathelele kwezesondo. Zihlala ziqondwa njengokuphindaphinda okugqithisileyo kolawulo kumzimba womntu, ngakumbi njengendlela yokufumana imeko engonelanga yokujongana nengozi.

Iyavakala ke into yokuba isisombululo sokulungisa ubudlelwane ekuziphatheni ngokwesini kunye nokuphelisa ubundlobongela obuphathelele kwezesondo kuyafana: ukwakha imo yokuzimela kunye nokufuna ukuba imvume ihlonitshwe.

Emva kobomi bakho bonke ngokwesondo, kunokuba nzima ukubuyisa umzimba wakho njengowakho, ngakumbi ukuba ingxaki yokutya ibonakalisile ubudlelwane bakho nomzimba wakho. Kodwa ukuphinda uqhagamshele ingqondo nomzimba wakho, kunye nokufumana indawo yokuchaza iimfuno zakho (onokuzifumana apha, apha, kwaye apha) kunokuba namandla ekukuncedeni kwindlela yokuphilisa.

Ekugqibeleni, abathathi-nxaxheba bandicacisela ukuba into ebancedileyo ukuba babandakanyeke ngovuyo kwisini sabo - nditsho ngoxinzelelo olongezelelekileyo lokuphazamiseka kwabo kukutya - yayikukuthembela kubudlelwane nabantu abayihlonelayo imida yabo.

Ukuchukumisa kwaba lula xa benikwa indawo yokuchaza iimfuno zabo. Kwaye sonke kufuneka sibe neli thuba.

Kwaye oku kuzisa uthotho lokuphazamiseka kwindlela otya ngayo kunye nokwabelana ngesondo. Ndiyathemba ukuba ukuba uthatha nantoni na kwezi ngxoxo zintlanu zidlulileyo, uyakuqonda ukubaluleka koku:

• Ukukholelwa izinto abantu abakuxelela zona ngokwabo
• behlonipha inkululeko yabo yomzimba
• ukugcina izandla zakho kunye nezimvo-kuwe
• ukuhlala uthobekile ebusweni bolwazi ongenalo
• ukubuza umbono wakho "oqhelekileyo"
• ukudala indawo yokuba abantu baphonononge ubuni babo ngokukhuselekileyo, ngokwenyani nangokonwaba

UMelissa A. Fabello, PhD, ngutitshala olwela amalungelo oluntu omsebenzi wakhe ugxile kwezopolitiko zomzimba, kwinkcubeko yobuhle, nakwingxaki yokutya. Mlandele kwi-Twitter nakwi-Instagram.