Uyintoni umzali wehelikopta?

Umxholo

• Yintoni umzali wehelikopta?
• Ubonakala njani umzali wehelikopta?
• Umntwana omncinci
• Isikolo sezinto
• Iminyaka yeshumi elivisayo nangaphezulu
• Zithini izizathu zoba ngumzali wehelikopta?
• Uloyiko ngekamva labo
• Ixhala
• Ukukhangela ukuqonda kwenjongo
• Ukuhlawulwa ngokugqithisileyo
• Ifuthe labangani
• Zithini izibonelelo zokuba ngumzali ngehelikopta?
• Zithini iziphumo zokuba ngumzali kwihelikopta?
• Ungakuphepha njani ukuba ngumzali ngehelikopta
• Yise kude

Yeyiphi indlela ebalaseleyo yokukhulisa umntwana?

Impendulo yalo mbuzo mdala ixoxwa kakhulu-kwaye kusenokwenzeka ukuba uyazi umntu ocinga ukuba eyona ndlela yakhe yeyona ilungileyo.

Kodwa xa uzisa ekhaya umntwana omncinci omncinci ngokuqinisekileyo unokuziva ngathi eyona njongo yakho kukubakhusela kuyo nayiphi na ingozi-yokwenyani okanye eqondwayo- enokuthi ize ngendlela yabo.

Esi sidingo sokugcina umntwana wakho ekhuselekile kwaye onwabile inokuba yinxalenye yesizathu sokuba isitayile somzali esihlala sihlekwa sihlala sixhaphakile eUnited States: ukuba ngumzali ngehelikopta.

Ngelixa ngezinye iindlela iimpawu zolu hlobo zinokubonakala njengenye yeendlela ezilungileyo zokukhulisa abantwana abonwabileyo, abaphumeleleyo, ukuba ngumzali wehelikopta ngamanye amaxesha unokubuyela umva kwaye wenze okubi ngakumbi kunokulungileyo.

Yintoni umzali wehelikopta?

Wonke umzali ufuna abantwana bakhe bonwabe kwaye bazenzele kakuhle.Ke xa unikwe ithuba, ngubani ongayi kutsiba kwithuba lokwenza ubomi bomntwana wabo bube lula?

Oku kukuziphatha okuqhelekileyo, kodwa abanye abazali bathatha "ukuxhasa" kwelinye nqanaba kwaye bahambe ngaphezulu kwabantwana babo njengehelikopta - yiyo loo nto ukuzalwa kwekota.

Eyona ndlela yokuchaza ukuba ngumzali ngehelikopta (ekwabizwa ngokuba yi-cosseting) "kukuzibandakanya kakhulu kubomi bomntwana."

Kukuchasana nokuba ngumzali wasimahla apho inkululeko nokuzicingela kukhuthazwa, kodwa inxulumene ngokusondeleyo nomzali onika ingca apho umzali "athobayo" -ukuthetha-nayiphi na ingxaki umntwana anokujamelana nayo ukuze bangaziva buhlungu, zintlungu, okanye ukuphoxeka.

Ngelixa ukuba ngumzali ngehelikopta kuye kwaxoxwa ngokubanzi kule minyaka idlulileyo, ayilogama elitsha. Isikweko saye saqala ukusetyenziswa kwincwadi ka 1969 eyayinesihloko esithi “Between Parent and Teenager” ebhalwe nguGqirha Haim Ginott.

Ubonakala njani umzali wehelikopta?

Nokuba ime phezu kwamagxa omntwana ofikisayo njengoko besenza umsebenzi wabo wasekhaya, okanye besitha umntwana omncinci ngalo lonke ixesha behamba ngebhayisekile, ukuba ngumzali ngehelikopta kuza ngeendlela ezininzi.

Abanye abantu bacinga ukuba ichaphazela kuphela ulutsha kunye nabafundi beekholeji, kodwa ingaqala kwiminyaka yobudala kwaye iqhubeke ibe ngabantu abadala. Nanku ukukhangela ukuba ubuzali behelikopta bunjani kwizigaba ezahlukeneyo zobomi.

Umntwana omncinci

• ukuzama ukunqanda ukuwa okuncinci okanye ukunqanda umngcipheko ofanelekileyo ngokobudala
• ungaze uvumele umntwana ukuba adlale yedwa
• uhlala ebuza utitshala ofunda kwisikolo sabantwana iingxelo zenkqubela phambili
• ayikhuthazi inkululeko ezimeleyo

Isikolo sezinto

• Ukuthetha nabaphathi besikolo ukuqinisekisa ukuba umntwana unotitshala othile kuba babonwa njengabona bagqwesileyo
• ukhetha izihlobo zomntwana kubo
• ukubabhalisa kwimisebenzi ngaphandle kwegalelo labo
• ukugqiba umsebenzi wakho wesikolo kunye neeprojekthi zesikolo zomntwana wakho
• ukwala ukuvumela umntwana asombulule iingxaki eyedwa

Iminyaka yeshumi elivisayo nangaphezulu

• ukungavumeli umntwana wakho ukuba akhethe iminyaka efanelekileyo
• bathathe inxaxheba kakhulu kwimisebenzi yabo yokufunda nakwimisebenzi yasemva kweeyure zokuzikhusela ekusileleni okanye ekuphoxekeni
• Ukunxibelelana nonjingalwazi wabo wasekholejini malunga namabanga amabi
• ukungenelela kwiyantlukwano nabahlobo babo, abasebenza nabo, okanye umqeshi

Zithini izizathu zoba ngumzali wehelikopta?

Ukuba ngumzali wehelikopta kunezizathu ezahlukeneyo, kwaye ngamanye amaxesha, kukho imiba ehleli nzulu kwingcambu yale ndlela. Ukwazi oku kunokukunceda uqonde ukuba kutheni umntu (okanye ngokwakho) enomdla onamandla wokuzibandakanya kakhulu kubomi bomntwana wakhe. Izizathu ezinokubakho zibandakanya:

Uloyiko ngekamva labo

Abanye abazali bakholelwa ngamandla ukuba into eyenziwa ngumntwana wabo namhlanje inefuthe elikhulu kwikamva labo, kwaye ihelikopta ibonwa njengendlela yokuthintela imizabalazo kamva ebomini babo.

Umntwana ofumana inqanaba elisezantsi, ukusikwa kwiqela lezemidlalo, okanye ukungangeni kwikholeji ayithandayo kunokubangela uloyiko lokungaqiniseki ngekamva labo.

Ixhala

Abanye abazali baba nexhala kwaye bahlukane ngokwasemphefumlweni xa bebona umntwana wabo ebuhlungu okanye edanile, ke baya kwenza konke okusemandleni abo ukuthintela oku kungenzeki.

Kodwa into abangayiqondiyo kukuba ukwenzakala kunye nokudana yinxalenye yobomi kwaye kunceda umntwana akhule kwaye omelele ngakumbi. (Khawucinge nje ngokuhlala kwethu, njengabantu abadala, sisazi ukuba imeko enzima isenze somelela.)

Ukukhangela ukuqonda kwenjongo

Ukuba ngumzali ngehelikopta kunokuvela xa isazisi somzali sisongelwa kukufezekiswa ngumntwana wakhe. Impumelelo yomntwana wabo ibenza bazive ngathi bangumzali ongcono.

Ukuhlawulwa ngokugqithisileyo

Mhlawumbi umzali wehelikopta akazange azive ethandwa okanye ekhuselwe ngumzali wabo kwaye wafunga ukuba abantwana babo abanakuze bazive ngale ndlela. Le yimvakalelo eqhelekileyo kwaye incomekayo. Kodwa ngelixa oku kunokuphelisa umjikelo wokungahoywa, abanye abazali baya ngaphezulu kwaye banike umntwana wabo ingqalelo engaphaya kwesiqhelo.

Ifuthe labangani

Ingcinezelo yoontanga ayisiyongxaki yobuntwana kuphela - ikwachaphazela nabantu abadala. Ke abazali abazijikeleze ngehelikopta abazali banokuziva bexinekile ukuba balingise olu hlobo lokuba ngumzali, ngenxa yokoyika ukuba abanye bangacinga ukuba abalunganga njengomzali ukuba abenzi njalo.

Zithini izibonelelo zokuba ngumzali ngehelikopta?

Umbuzo wesigidi seedola: Ngaba ukuba ngumzali ngehelikopta kuyanceda?

Kwinqanaba elithile, kunokuba kunjalo, ubuncinci kumzali.

Yindlela ekunokuphikiswana ngayo yokuba ngumzali kule mihla, kodwa eneneni kukho uphando olucebisa ukuba abazali ababandakanyeka kakhulu kubomi babantwana babo bonwabele ukonwaba okukhulu kunye nenjongo ebomini babo.

Nangona kunjalo, izibonelelo zokuba ngumzali ngehelikopta zisenokungafikeleli nakubantwana.

Ngelixa abanye abazali bethe xhaxhe ukunika umntwana wabo ithuba, olunye uphando lubonisa ukuba ukuzibandakanya rhoqo kunokubangela ukuba abanye abantwana babe nexesha elinzima esikolweni nangaphaya.

Zithini iziphumo zokuba ngumzali kwihelikopta?

Nangona abanye abazali bebona ukuba ngumzali njengehelikopta njengento elungileyo, inokubuyisa umva kwaye ibangele umntwana ukuba akhule ukuzithemba okanye ukuzithemba okuphantsi.

Kungenxa yokuba njengokuba umntwana esiba mdala basenokungabuthandabuzi ubuchule babo kuba khange kufuneke bafumane nantoni na bebodwa. Banokuziva ngathi abazali babo ababathembi ukuba bazenzele izigqibo, kwaye bade baqale ukubuza nokuba baxhotyisiwe kusini na ukulawula ubomi babo.

Iimvakalelo zokuzithemba okuphantsi kunye nokuzithemba okuphantsi kunokuba kubi kangangokuba zikhokelele kwezinye iingxaki, ezinje ngoxinzelelo kunye noxinzelelo. Kwaye ezi mvakalelo azipheli nje kuba umntwana esiba mdala.

Kunzima ukuqhuba uphando kuba ibinzana elithi "ukuba ngumzali wehelikopta" ayiloxesha elisemthethweni kwezonyango okanye kwezengqondo - kwaye lisetyenziswa ngendlela ethoba isidima.

Nangona kunjalo, olunye uphononongo luka-2014 kuvavanywa ifuthe lale ndlela kubafundi beekholeji bafumanisa ukuba abafundi abakhuliswe ngabazali ekuthiwa ngabakhweli beehelikopta kunokwenzeka ukuba babe kumayeza oxinzelelo kunye noxinzelelo. Isifundo besilinganiselwe, nangona kunjalo, njengoko ibijongene nenani elincinci labemi baseTurkey ababengabantu ababhinqileyo.

Kukho umngcipheko wokuba umntwana aphuhlise imiba yelungelo apho bakholelwa ukuba bafanelwe amalungelo athile, ngesiqhelo njengesiphumo sokuhlala befumana oko bakufunayo. Bayakhula bekholelwa ukuba umhlaba uya kuguqa ubabuyisele umva, nto leyo enokubangela ukuvuka okukhohlakeleyo kamva.

Abanye abantwana bayazenza okanye babe nobutshaba xa besiva ukuba abazali babo bazama ukulawula ubomi babo kakhulu. Abanye bakhula benobuchule bokumelana neengxaki. Kuba bengakhange bafunde indlela yokujongana nokungaphumeleli okanye ukuphoxeka ngexesha lokuqala, kwisikolo esiphakamileyo, okanye kwikholeji, banokungabinazakhono zokusombulula ungquzulwano ngokunjalo.

Ungakuphepha njani ukuba ngumzali ngehelikopta

Ukukhulula izintambo kunokuba nzima, kodwa oku akukwenzi ube ngaphantsi komzali onothando, ochaphazelekayo. Ungambonisa umntwana wakho ukuba uhlala ulapho ngaphandle kokusombulula zonke iingxaki zakhe kuye.

Nantsi indlela yokukhululeka kwaye ukhuthaze ukuzimela ngaphandle komntwana wakho:

• Endaweni yokujonga okwangoku, cinga malunga nexesha elinokubakho lokuba ngumzali kwihelikopta. Zibuze, ngaba ndifuna ukuba umntwana wam asoloko exhomekeke kum ukuba alungise izinto, okanye ndifuna ukuba aphuhlise izakhono zobomi?

• Ukuba abantwana bakho badala ngokwaneleyo ukuba bangazenzela into, mabavumele ukuba balwe nomnqweno wokungenelela. Oku kunokubandakanya izinto ezincinci njengokuzibopha izihlangu, ukucoca igumbi labo, okanye ukukhetha iimpahla zabo.

• Vumela abantwana bazenzele izigqibo ezihambelana nobudala babo. Vumela umntwana wamabanga aphantsi ukuba akhethe umsebenzi abawuthandayo wasekhaya okanye izinto abazonwabisa ngazo, kwaye vumela abantwana abadala ukuba bakhethe ukuba zeziphi na iiklasi abazakuzithatha.

• Emva kokuba umntwana wakho engavumelani nomhlobo, osebenza naye, okanye umphathi, ungangeni embindini okanye uzame ukukulungisa. Bafundise izakhono zokusombulula ingxabano bebodwa.

• Vumela umntwana wakho ukuba asilele. Siyazi ukuba kunzima le. Kodwa ukwenza iqela okanye ukungena kwiikholeji abazikhetheleyo kuyabafundisa indlela yokujamelana nokudana.

• Bafundise izakhono zobomi ezinjengokupheka, ukucoca, ukuhlamba iimpahla, ukujongana ubuso ngobuso, kunye nendlela yokuthetha nootitshala babo.

Yise kude

Ngalo naluphi na uhlobo lobuzali, kubalulekile ukuba uqwalasele indlela eya kumchaphazela ngayo umntwana wakho ngoku nakwixesha elizayo.

Ewe kunjalo, wonke umzali ngaxa lithile wenze into encinci eyongezelelweyo ukwenza ubomi bomntwana wakhe bube lula. Ingxaki kuxa umzali wehelikopta esiba yinto eqhelekileyo kwaye ethintela ukukhula okunempilo.

Ukuba "ungumzali wehelikopta," usenokungazi, kwaye akuthandabuzeki ukuba ufuna okona kulungileyo emntwaneni wakho. Ke cinga ngomntu okanye umntu omkhulu ofuna ukuba abekhona, kwaye emva koko ubeke isimbo sakho sobuzali malunga nesi siphumo. Ungafumanisa ukuba ukubuyela umva kuwenza lula umthwalo - emagxeni akho, nakwabo.