Ungabunonga njani uBomi bakho boSondo

Umxholo

• Ukuba uyakholelwa kumyeni wakho okanye umntu osebenza naye onencoko, kuya kufuneka uphucule ubomi bakho ngokwesondo.
• Nditshatile ndonwabile iminyaka eli-11 kwaye ndinabantwana abathathu, kodwa kwezi nyanga zintandathu zidlulileyo bendingenawo umdla kwezesondo. Ngaba ikhona into engalunganga ngam?
• Q. Umfana endithandana naye uhlala efuna ukuyenza kusasa, kodwa ndiyayikhetha ebusuku. Singabufumana njani ubomi bethu bokwabelana ngesondo ngokuvumelanisa?
• Q. Ukwabelana ngesondo kubuhlungu, ke ndiye ndayeka ukuba nayo. Kwenzekantoni? Kutheni ndinesifo esibuhlungu kangaka?
• Q. Khange ndilale ngesondo oko kwahlukana ubudlelwane kunyaka ophelileyo, kwaye andisaphoswa. Ingaba idrive yam ihambe kakuhle?
• Q. Ndirhalela indlela yokwabelana ngesondo ngaphezu komyeni wam. Ngaba i-libido yakhe ephantsi inokuthetha ukuba akasandithandi?
• Q. Ndisandula ukuya kwipilisi ukuze ndikwazi ukulala ngesondo ngaphandle kokukhathazeka ngokukhulelwa, kodwa ngoku andikaze ndikwimeko enjalo. Ngaba i-libido yam ephantsi inokuba yinxalenye yolawulo lokuzalwa kwam?
• Q. Abafana baneViagra. Ngaba ikhona into enokwandisa i-libido yabasetyhini?
• Umbuzo Ngoku ndikunye nendoda endiyithandayo kwaye ndifuna ukutshata, kodwa andifuni ukukrazula iimpahla zakhe. Ngaba olu lwalamano luphelile?
• Q. Andiziva ndivuliwe ndade ndabelana ngesondo. Yinto eqhelekileyo leyo?
• Thembele kwi Ubume Ngalo lonke ulwazi oludingayo ukuze ufunde indlela yokunonga ubomi bakho ngokwesondo kunye nokuba nolwalamano olwanelisayo.
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Ukuba uyakholelwa kumyeni wakho okanye umntu osebenza naye onencoko, kuya kufuneka uphucule ubomi bakho ngokwesondo.

Ngokwabo, awunasondo kangangoko kufuneka. Ukuvota oomama abambalwa ebaleni lokudlala, nangona kunjalo, kwaye baya kuba nokuthatha ngokwahlukileyo kwisifundo. Ngoko ngubani ochanekileyo kwaye ngubani ongalunganga? Kwaye ukuba i-drive yakho isanda kuthatha i-nosedive, ngaba kukho into ongayenza ngayo? Sibuze abafundi ukuba bangathanda ukwazi ntoni nge-libido, emva koko babuza imibuzo kwiphaneli yeengcali. Iimpendulo zabo ziya kukwenza uphinde ucinge ngentsingiselo "yesiqhelo" kwaye zikuncede ukonwabele ubomi besondo obuphilileyo nobushushu.

Nditshatile ndonwabile iminyaka eli-11 kwaye ndinabantwana abathathu, kodwa kwezi nyanga zintandathu zidlulileyo bendingenawo umdla kwezesondo. Ngaba ikhona into engalunganga ngam?

A. "Ngokuqinisekileyo akunjalo! Ukuba ngumzali ngumsebenzi osisigxina, ngoko ke ayimangalisi into yokuba isondo lithatha isihlalo sokubuyela umva kuxanduva lwakho, utshilo uPepper Schwartz, Ph.D., unjingalwazi kwezentlalo kwiYunivesithi yaseWashington. "Ngaphambi kokuba uyazi, iinyanga ezimbalwa zihambile."

Ukuba ufuna ukuphucula ubomi bakho ngokwesondo, nali inyathelo lokuqala lokuvuselela le libido ye-lackluster: Zenzele ixesha.

Bhukisha indawo yokuhlala emva kwemini ezimbalwa evekini okanye ubuze umyeni wakho okanye umhlobo osondeleyo ukuba angene kwaye abethe umthambo. Ukuzivocavoca umzimba akukuniki kuphela amandla, kunokunyusa imeko yakho kunye nokuzithemba.

Ngelixa ulapho, yenza izinto ezikwenza uzive unomtsalane ngakumbi. Chukumisa iingcambu zakho, fumana i-pedicure, okanye umane wenze i-spritz kwisiqholo sakho osithandayo (nokuba uthabatha nje abantwana kwibhola ekhatywayo). Emva kweeveki ezimbalwa, kuya kufuneka uphinde uzive unguye endaweni yokuba "umama ka-bani-njalo kwaye umdla wakho kwisini uya kubuya, utshilo uSchwartz. (Ukuba ayenzeki lonto, thetha nogqirha wakho okanye ugqirha wakho; umba omkhulu, njengokudakumba, inokuba ngunobangela.)

Omnye umsebenzi oza kusebenza kuluhlu oluxakekileyo: isondo. "Ngamanye amaxesha kufuneka uyithathele naxa ungekho kuyo," utshilo uTerry Real, ugqirha waseBoston. Endaweni yokulinda indudumo yomnqweno, phuzanani kwaye niphululane kwaye nivumele izinto ziqhubele phambili. Akukho nto inokuza koku kumaxesha ambalwa okuqala, okanye unokufuna ukuzityhala. Kodwa, njengokuzirhuqela kwindawo yokuzivocavoca xa ukhetha ukuhlala esofeni, uya konwaba ukuba uyenzile.

Ukuthintela ukuqhuba kwakho ukuba kuphele kwakhona, qhubeka nokukrola "mna" ixesha kwaye ucwangcise abantu abadala abambalwa kuphela ngeempelaveki nomyeni wakho (cela isizalwane ukuba angahlala ubusuku, ubalekele kwihotele yasekuhlaleni). Ukuba akunakwenzeka ukubaleka, bhukisha i-sitter kwaye uye kwisidlo sakusihlwa kunye ne-movie.

Q. Umfana endithandana naye uhlala efuna ukuyenza kusasa, kodwa ndiyayikhetha ebusuku. Singabufumana njani ubomi bethu bokwabelana ngesondo ngokuvumelanisa?

A. Ngaphambi kokuba ujongane nolungelelwaniso, kuya kufuneka ufumanise ukuba kutheni ixesha lakho livaliwe. Abafana badla ngokufuna ukwabelana ngesondo ngenxa yokuba bevuselelwe ngokwasemzimbeni (uguqulelo: bavuka bemile), ngelixa abafazi abaninzi kufuneka bazive bekhululekile ukuze bangene kwimo yento enokwenzeka ukuba yenzeke emva kobumnyama. Ukungakhuseleki komzimba kunye noxinzelelo kunokubeka iibhuleki kwii-romps zasekuseni. Kunzima ukuyiyeka ngokupheleleyo ukuba unexhala malunga nendlela i-abs yakho ejongeka ngayo ekukhanyeni kwemini okanye uqamba uluhlu lwezinto oza kuzenza entlokweni yakho.

"Thembeka nomfo wakho malunga nokuba kutheni ungangeni kwisondo sasekuseni kwaye umbuze ukuba unokutshintshisana ngokwenza iishedyuli zomnye nomnye," utshilo uReal. Gcina i-shades phantsi kunye namashiti phezulu ukuba ikwenza uzive ukhululeke ngakumbi, kodwa zama ukukhumbula ukuba isoka lakho liyakuthanda kwaye liyakufumana linomtsalane kwaye ukuba uluhlu lwakho lwenza ukuba ulinde kude kube semva kwesidlo sakusasa. Ukumkhwelisa ngeeseshoni zangokuhlwa, zama ukutya isidlo sangokuhlwa kwaye ucime iTV kwangoko ngobusuku obuthile ngeveki. Nika neMgqibelo okanye ngeCawa emva kwemini; banokuba ngumhlaba ophakathi ogqibeleleyo.

Q. Ukwabelana ngesondo kubuhlungu, ke ndiye ndayeka ukuba nayo. Kwenzekantoni? Kutheni ndinesifo esibuhlungu kangaka?

A. Izandla phantsi, eyona nto ixhaphakileyo yokulalana okubuhlungu kukoma kwelungu lobufazi. Kodwa - kwaye kulapho inokuthi idideke khona - oko kunokuba ngenxa yeemeko ezininzi.

"Okokuqala, ufuna ukuthintela ukosulelwa kwilungu lobufazi, izifo ezosulela ngokwabelana ngesondo, ukungahambi kakuhle kwendlala, iimeko ezifana ne-vulvodynia okanye i-endometriosis, kunye neengxaki zehomoni, ezinje nge-perimenopause," utshilo uMargaret Wierman, MD, unjingalwazi kwezamayeza, i-physiology, kunye ne-biophysics kwiYunivesithi. yaseColorado.

Yiza noluhlu lweempawu kwi-gynecologist yakho, kwaye ulindele ukuba enze uvavanyo lwe-pelvic kunye novavanyo lwegazi oluya kulinganisa amanqanaba akho ehomoni.

Sukuba nexhala: Uninzi lweemeko zangasese ziyanyangeka, kwaye ugqirha olungileyo uya kuba nakho ukucebisa ngeendlela zokwenza ukuba isondo likhululeke okwangoku.

Ukuba zonke iimvavanyo zivela zingalunganga, ngekhe uvuswe ngokupheleleyo kwaye ke awuvelisi ukuthambisa ngokwaneleyo. Oko kudala ukungqubana kunye neenyembezi ezincinci kwimigudu yelungu lobufazi, ekungamangalisiyo ukuba ibe yinto ephangaleleyo.

Ukulungisa ingxaki, sebenzisa into yokuthambisa esekwe emanzini, njengeKY Brand Jelly (thintela iimveliso zepetroleum, ezinokubangela ukucaphuka kwaye zonakalise iikhondom zelatex). Emva koko yithathe kancinci: Chitha ixesha elingakumbi kwi-foreplay neqabane lakho, nincamisana kwaye nibambene. Unokuba nengxaki yokuvuka ngenxa yokuba uxhalabile ngesondo kuya kuba buhlungu kwakhona, kodwa emva kwamava ambalwa amnandi, uxinzelelo kufuneka luphele.

Q. Khange ndilale ngesondo oko kwahlukana ubudlelwane kunyaka ophelileyo, kwaye andisaphoswa. Ingaba idrive yam ihambe kakuhle?

A. Okuvuyisayo kukuba, akunjalo. Uyazi ukuba umzimba wakho uba njani xa ungazilolanga? Ewe, kuye kwavela ukuba i-libido yakho ihamba kancinci emva kokwahlukana kobudlelwane kuba akukho mntu ujikeleze ukukuvusa.

Uphononongo lweDyunivesithi yaseVienna lufumanise ukuba amanqanaba ehomoni yokuziva ulungile i-oxytocin yonyuka kakhulu emva kokuba une-orgasm, ngoko ke unomnqweno onamandla wesondo xa usenza ngakumbi. Ukuba awukhumbuli umqulu wakho wokugqibela kwifula, ingqondo yakho inokuyeka ukuvuselela idrive. Kodwa sithembe: Xa udibana nomfo oshushu osanda kungena emnyango, uya kubuya. Ngokuqinisekileyo awufuni iqabane ukufumana ibhola, nangona kunjalo; i-self-lovin encinci 'iya kugcina isondo lakho liqinile nokuba awutshatanga. “Okukhona uvuselela inkanuko yesini, kokukhona kuya kuba lula ukuba ingqondo nomzimba wakho ulandele umxhelo ofanayo,” utsho njalo isazi nge-endocrinology uAndré T. Guay, M.D., umalathisi weZiko LemiSebenzi Yezesondo kwiKliniki yaseLahey ePeabody, eMassachusetts. Ukuba ufumanisa kunzima ukufikelela kuvuthondaba xa uzibamba, zama ukusebenzisa ivibrator, okanye ukhuphele intshontsho elinomtsalane, njenge Iimbono zabasetyhini.

Q. Ndirhalela indlela yokwabelana ngesondo ngaphezu komyeni wam. Ngaba i-libido yakhe ephantsi inokuthetha ukuba akasandithandi?

A. Siva rhoqo: Abafana baya kwehla bangcolise nanini na, naphi na. Ngelixa kuyinyani kuninzi, ngakumbi iseti encinci, ngokuqinisekileyo ayisiyonto iqhelekileyo. Amanye amadoda akakuthandisisi ukulala, kanye njengokuba amanye amabhinqa esenza. Kodwa ukuba umyeni wakho oqhuba ngesondo ngokuqhelekileyo usandula ukuya ezantsi, kunokwenzeka ukuba ubekho ngokwasemzimbeni nangokweemvakalelo.

Unokuba nexesha elinzima lokufumana ulwakhiwo, olunokuba lunxunguphalisa kakhulu, uyekile nje ukuzama ukulala ngesondo. Uxinzelelo lwegazi oluphezulu kunye neengxaki zeprostate zinokuchaphazela ukubanakho komntu ukufumana ulwakhiwo okanye i-ejaculate, utshilo uWierman. "Amayeza amaninzi aqhelekileyo anje ngecholesterol- kunye noxinzelelo lwegazi lokunciphisa iziyobisi, kunye nezinye izinto ezichasayo ezichaphazela ukusebenza kwe-erectile." Ukutyelela ugqirha kunye novavanyo olulula lwegazi kunokuchonga unobangela ophathekayo we-libido ephantsi.

Isizathu seemvakalelo sinzima ngakumbi ukukhomba (sithetha ngamadoda, emva kwayo yonke loo nto!). Ngaba ubonakala exinezelekile mva nje? Ukuxhalaba kunokubangela ukuveliswa kwe testosterone ephantsi, utshilo uGuay. Ukungathandi kwakhe kunokuvela kwingxaki kubudlelwane bakho. "Xa umfana engaziva esondele kuwe, mhlawumbi akayi kukuxelela," utsho uReal. "Uya kuba nomdla omncinci ekubeni sisondele."

Qalisa incoko ngalo mbandela xa ungekho ebhedini. Zama ukuxelela umyeni wakho ukuba ungathanda ukwabelana ngesondo rhoqo kwaye ubuze ukuba ikhona into onokuyenza ukumnceda ukuba onwabe ngayo. Ukuba nobabini aninakuyilungisa ingxaki nodwa, cela uncedo lonyango.

Q. Ndisandula ukuya kwipilisi ukuze ndikwazi ukulala ngesondo ngaphandle kokukhathazeka ngokukhulelwa, kodwa ngoku andikaze ndikwimeko enjalo. Ngaba i-libido yam ephantsi inokuba yinxalenye yolawulo lokuzalwa kwam?

A. Ngokuqinisekileyo kunokwenzeka. "Akukho zifundo zibonisa ukuba izinto zokucwangcisa ngomlomo zinciphisa ukuqhuba ngesondo, kodwa amanye ala mayeza ayehlisa amanqanaba okujikeleza kwe testosterone," utshilo uWierman. (Le hormone yonyusa ukuhamba kwegazi kwilungu lakho lobufazi, ukuphucula indlela ophendula ngayo kukhuthazo lwezesondo.) Kuba uninzi lwabasetyhini besiva ukuba ipilisi iyayiphelisa iminqweno yabo, kungenzeka ukuba unengxaki yokuthintela ulawulo lokuzalwa kufanelekile ukuba uyiqwalasele.

"Thetha nogqirha wakho malunga nokusetyenziswa kwezicwangcisi zomlomo kunye nokusebenzisa ikhondom okanye uvalo ngeenyanga ezimbalwa," ucebisa watsho uGuay. "Ukuba uqaphela uphuculo, ngokuqinisekileyo sele umfumene umoni." Ukutshintshela kolunye uhlobo lwepilisi nako kunokunceda? buza ugqirha wakho malunga neebrendi eziqulethe uhlobo lweprogestin olungenako ukuchaphazela amanqanaba akho e testosterone.

Yaye musa ukungayithathi lula indima yobudlelwane bakho kule nto: Ukuba benikunye kangangexesha elithile, nisenokuba nixakile. Hlanganisa izinto (zama ukuzifumana kwenye indawo ngaphandle kwegumbi lakho lokulala!) Kwaye ungaqala ukuziva ulala ngesondo kwakhona.

Q. Abafana baneViagra. Ngaba ikhona into enokwandisa i-libido yabasetyhini?

A. Hayi, kodwa ungabheja abaphandi basukela ngokushushu loo nkomo yemali. Amachiza afana neViagra anyusa ukuhamba kwegazi kwilungu lobudoda, nto leyo ebangela ukuma. Uphando lubonisa ukuba amanye amachiza anefuthe elifanayo kwilungu lobufazi, kodwa ngenxa yokuba sifuna ngaphezulu kokuvulwa, awanelanga ukwandisa i-libido yabasetyhini.

I-Testosterone nokuba yipilisi, isiziba, okanye ifom ye-topical ibonakala inika abanye abafazi i-libido lift. Kwisifundo esinye, isiqwengana sonyusa ukuqhuba ngokwesondo kwabasetyhini ababebekwe kugqityiwe (baye basuswa ii-ovari) malunga neepesenti ezingama-50. Kodwa akucaci ukuba ihomoni iyabanceda abanye abafazi kwaphela. Ngapha koko, uphononongo lwamva nje lufumanise ukuba zinokubakho iziphumo ebezingalindelekanga ezinokubakho kwabasetyhini abasebenzisa iimveliso ze testosterone, kubandakanya amabala kunye nokukhula kweenwele okungaqhelekanga.

"Asazi ukuba yeyiphi amanqanaba aqhelekileyo e-testosterone kwabasetyhini," utshilo uWierman. "Kwaye ngelixa i-testosterone esezantsi inokuthi iyinciphise idrive yakho, abukho ubungqina obuqinisekileyo obubonisa ukuba ukuphakamisa ihomoni emzimbeni kuyasebenza okanye kukhuselekile."

Umbuzo Ngoku ndikunye nendoda endiyithandayo kwaye ndifuna ukutshata, kodwa andifuni ukukrazula iimpahla zakhe. Ngaba olu lwalamano luphelile?

A. Kuphela ukuba uqhubeka uthelekisa isithandwa sakho nalawo malangatye amadala. Kuyinyani ebuhlungu, kodwa ukungafumaneki kunokubangela umlilo womnqweno. "Xa ibhinqa liziva lithandwa, linqatshelwe, lize liphinde lithandeke-ipateni eqhelekileyo kubudlelwane obungenampilo - isondo siya kuhlala sinomdla," kusho uSchwartz. "Yintoni ebangela ukungaqiniseki xa uza kuphinda ufumane loo ngqalelo."

Ekuhambeni kwexesha, utshilo uSchwartz, uyakonwaba kwaye waneliseke ngakumbi lulwalamano oluzibophelele kuko konke oko kuza nalo, njengokuthembana, ubuqabane, kunye nomsinga wothando nothando. Kwaye ukuba utsala omnye komnye kwaye unxibelelana ngokweemvakalelo, isini siya kuphucula ngokwenza. Zama ukuzama izikhundla ezitsha zesondo, iithoyi kunye neendawo. “Yenzani uthando elunxwemeni okanye nihlambe kunye,” utshilo. "Umbono kukudala uhlobo olutsha ngokupheleleyo lothando."

Q. Andiziva ndivuliwe ndade ndabelana ngesondo. Yinto eqhelekileyo leyo?

A. Ngokupheleleyo. Abanye abantu basetyhini bavuswa ngokucinga ngokukhangela phezulu, ngelixa abanye bedinga ukuvuselelwa kancinci ukuze baqalise. Nokuba uluhlobo luni lomfazi, yinto eqhelekileyo, utshilo uWierman. Amanqanaba akho e-testosterone asenokuba mncinci kwicala eliphantsi, akwenze wamkele isondo kodwa ungawunqweneli ngqo. Kwaye akukho nto inkulu. Umbuzo oyinyani ngulo, ngaba inyani yokuba idrive yakho ayithathi cala iyakukhathaza? Ukuba akunjalo kwaye uyakonwabela ukusondelelana nokuba ne-orgasm, i-libido yakho "iqhelekile" kuwe.

Thembele kwi Ubume Ngalo lonke ulwazi oludingayo ukuze ufunde indlela yokunonga ubomi bakho ngokwesondo kunye nokuba nolwalamano olwanelisayo.

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