Iindlela ezi-6 zokuQala ukuthandana xa uneXhala

Umxholo

• Umjikelo woloyiko olungileyo odlala indima ekuthandaneni noxinzelelo
• 1. Jonga izinto ozicingayo
• Cela umngeni kwiingcinga ezimbi njengoko zivela.
• 2. Yikhuphe ekuhleni
• 3. Zinyanzele ukuba ube nethemba
• “Nciphisa isantya uze uqale ngezinto ezintle. Khangela ubungqina bokuba izinto zihamba kakuhle kwaye umhla wakho uyakuthanda. ”
• 4. Yiza uzilungiselele
• 5. Hlala ukhona
• Endaweni yoko, thepha kwiimpawu zakho zomzimba.
• 6. Cela ukuqinisekiswa, kodwa funa ulungelelwano
• Nguwe kuphela umntu onokulawula uxinzelelo lwakho, ke yakha ibhokisi yakho yezixhobo.

Masibe yinyani ngomzuzwana. Ababaninzi abantu njenge ukuthandana.

Ukuba sesichengeni kunzima. Rhoqo, umbono wokuzibeka phandle okokuqala unika uxinzelelo -ukuthetha nje okuncinci.

Kodwa kubantu abanengxaki yokuxhalaba, eyahlukileyo ekuphenduleni kwendalo komzimba ekubeni novalo nje, ukuthandana kunokuba nzima ngakumbi kwaye kube nzima - kangangokuba abantu abanexhala banokukhetha ukuphuma ngokupheleleyo.

Umjikelo woloyiko olungileyo odlala indima ekuthandaneni noxinzelelo

"Ubudlelwane obusondeleyo bukhulisa ubuntu bethu, ke ukuba sele ulwa nexhala, izakubonakala nangakumbi xa sele ukulungele ukusondela komnye umntu," utshilo uKaren McDowell, PhD, kunye nomphathi weklinikhi weeNkonzo ze-Psychological Services ze-AR.

NgokukaMcDowell, uxinzelelo lusekwe nzulu kwiindlela zethu zokucinga. Xa ingqondo yethu isenza izinto ngokwendlela yokoyika, siqala ngokuzenzekelayo sifuna izinto eziqinisekisa olu loyiko.

Uthi, "ke, ukuba woyika ukuba awuthandeki, ukuba umhla wakho awuzukuthanda, okanye uza kwenza okanye uthethe into engavakaliyo, ingqondo yakho izakuhamba izama ukuqinisekisa izikrokro zayo."

Ngethamsanqa, unokutshintsha ezo ndlela zokucinga.

Ukuba unexhala kwaye ufuna ukuqala ukuthandana, nazi iindlela ezimbalwa zokuqala ukucela umngeni kwimijikelo yokucinga engalunganga ebibambe kuwe ngaphambili.

1. Jonga izinto ozicingayo

Inyathelo lokuqala lokucela umngeni kulo naluphi na uhlobo lweengcinga ezingalunganga kukuzilungisa, ukuzichonga, nokutshintsha endaweni yazo.

"Kubantu abanoxinzelelo, iingcinga zabo ezizenzekelayo, okanye iingcinga ezingena ezingqondweni zabo njengoko becinga ngokuthandana, bathanda ukungabi nantweni kwaye bagxile ekungakulungeli ngokwaneleyo okanye abanye baya kubalahla bakube bebazi," utshilo. U-Lesia M. Ruglass, PhD, ugqirha wezengqondo.

Cela umngeni kwiingcinga ezimbi njengoko zivela.

Umzekelo, zibuze, "Ngaba ndiyazi ngokuqinisekileyo ukuba ndiya kulahlwa?" Okanye, "Nokuba umhla awusebenzi, ngaba oko kuthetha ukuba ndingumntu ombi?" Impendulo kubo bobabini akunjalo.

Enye yezona zinto zibalulekileyo ekufuneka uzenzile kukuzama ukuthulisa umgxeki wakho wangaphakathi ngelixa usemhla. Khumbula ukuba abantu bakhetha ukungafezeki. Ukuba wenze impazamo, inokunyusa nokuthanda kwakho.

2. Yikhuphe ekuhleni

Ingavakala iyinto encinci, kodwa unxibelelwano ngokwenene sisitshixo esivula uninzi lweengcango. Ukuthi iimvakalelo zakho yeyona ndlela ilungileyo yokususa amandla abo amabi.

Oko kwathethi, unxibelelwano malunga noxinzelelo kuhlala kunzima ukwenza, kodwa kufuneka ngakumbi. Xa uqala ukuthandana nomntu, kuya kufuneka uthathe isigqibo sokuba uza kuyityhila malini ixhala lakho.

Kuba abantu abaninzi banamava oxinzelelo, ukuxelela umhla wakho inokuba ngumzuzu wokubopha, ngokukaMcDowell.

Okanye unokuthatha isigqibo sokungabelani nomhla wakho, nawo olungile ngokupheleleyo. Kwimeko apho, "Kunokuba luncedo ukufaka umhlobo ukuba akuncede uthethe kwaye uqhubekeke noxinzelelo ukuze kungagungqi nje entlokweni yakho," ucebisa watsho uMcDowell.

3. Zinyanzele ukuba ube nethemba

Ngamanye amaxesha, kulula ukuziqinisekisa ukuba umhla uhamba kakubi kuba yile nto sifuna ukuyikholelwa.

Ibizwa ngokuba yingqikelelo, kwaye sisipili nje sento esiyicingayo ngathi, hayi ukuba abanye abantu bacinga ntoni ngathi.

"Xa uzibona ukhathazeka ngokuba izinto zihamba kakubi okanye ukuba umhla wakho awunamdla, yima ngokwakho," utshilo uKathy Nickerson, PhD, ugqirha wezengqondo ogxile ekucebiseni izibini.

“Nciphisa isantya uze uqale ngezinto ezintle. Khangela ubungqina bokuba izinto zihamba kakuhle kwaye umhla wakho uyakuthanda. ”

Umzekelo, jonga ukuba bayancuma na xa behleli etafileni, bebuza ngemovie oyithandayo, okanye babelana ngento yobuqu malunga nosapho lwabo.

Kunokuba luncedo ukufumana imantra ethetha nawe. Yitsho kuwe izihlandlo ezimbalwa xa ukuzithemba kuqala ukuqala ukungena.

4. Yiza uzilungiselele

Njengayo nayiphi na into esenza singonwabi, ulungiselelo oluncinci lunokuhamba indlela ende. Ukuthandana akufani.

Ukulungiselela ezinye zeendawo zokuthetha okanye imibuzo oza kuba nayo ekulungeleyo kunokukunceda uzive ungaphaya kolawulo kwimeko enokuthi yoyike.

Wonke umntu uyathanda ukuthetha ngaye, ke ukuba kukho ukuzola ngexesha lencoko, fikelela komnye wemibuzo oyifunayo. Ezinye ezinkulu zinokuba:

• Ukhe wabukela ntoni kwiNetflix mva nje?
• Zithini ii-albhamu zakho ezintlanu ekufuneka ubenazo?
• Ukuba unokupakisha ityesi kwaye uye naphina ngomso, ungaya phi?

5. Hlala ukhona

Ukuba unengxaki emzuzwini, zama ukukhumbula ukuzibuyisa kulo mzuzu. Ukuhlala entlokweni yakho kunokuthetha ukuba ulahlekile uninzi lomhla.

Endaweni yoko, thepha kwiimpawu zakho zomzimba.

Ubona ntoni? Yintoni onokuyiva? Kunuka? Ngcamlani? Ukugxila kwiinkcukacha ezikungqongileyo kuya kukubuyisela kumzuzu wangoku.

6. Cela ukuqinisekiswa, kodwa funa ulungelelwano

Ngaphezu kwako konke, khumbula ukuba isitshixo sokuzola lulungelelwano.

Abanye abantu abanoxinzelelo olukhulu babambe inkolelo yokuba luxanduva lomnye umntu ukulawula iimvakalelo zabo.

Xa baziva bexhalabile, benesithukuthezi, bexhalabile, okanye belahliwe, bacela ukuba iqabane labo libanike ukomelela rhoqo, okanye batshintshe indlela abaziphethe ngayo, ezinje ngeetekisi zokubuyisa ngokukhawuleza okanye bazibophelele ngokukhawuleza kubudlelwane obutsha.

"Ukucela ukuqinisekiswa sisixhobo esihle kakhulu, kodwa ukuba uhlala ulindele ukuba iqabane lakho elinomdla lijongane noxinzelelo lwakho, awuyi kuzifumana ulwalamano oluhle," utshilo uMcDowell.

Nguwe kuphela umntu onokulawula uxinzelelo lwakho, ke yakha ibhokisi yakho yezixhobo.

UMcDowell ucebisa ngeendlela ezinje ngokubekwa kwemida, ukuhlonipha umda, ulawulo lweemvakalelo, unxibelelwano, kunye nokuzithoba kunye nokuthetha ngokwakho.

Ukuba awuqinisekanga ukuba ungaqala phi, ugqirha unokukunceda ukuba uqale wenze isicwangciso.

Ukuxhalaba akufuneki kukuyekise ukungena kwindawo yokuthandana. Njengoko ucofa izixhobo ezahlukeneyo kunye neenkqubo zenkxaso, khumbula ukuba ukuthandana kuya kuba lula ngokuziqhelanisa.

UMeagan Drillinger ngumbhali wokuhamba kunye nokuba sempilweni. Ujoliso lwakhe kukwenza uninzi lokuhamba ngamava ngelixa ugcina indlela yokuphila esempilweni. Ukubhala kwakhe kuvele kwiThrillist, iMpilo yaMadoda, ukuhamba ngeVeki, kunye neTime Out New York, phakathi kwabanye. Ndwendwela ibhlog yakhe okanye i-Instagram.