Indlela Yokuzixolela

Umxholo

• 1. Gxila kwiimvakalelo zakho
• 2. Yivume ngokuvakalayo impazamo
• 3. Cinga ngempazamo nganye njengamava okufunda
• 4. Zinike imvume yokuba ulinde le nkqubo
• 5. Yiba nencoko nomgxeki wakho wangaphakathi
• 6. Qaphela xa uzigxeka
• 7.Thula imiyalezo emibi yomgxeki wakho wangaphakathi
• 8. Cacisa malunga nento oyifunayo
• 9. Thatha iingcebiso zakho
• 10. Yeka ukudlala iiteyiphu
• 11. Yiba nobubele nemfesane
• 12. Funa uncedo lweengcali
• Ukuthatha

Ukwenza uxolo kunye nokuqhubela phambili kuhlala kulula ukuthetha kunokwenza. Ukwazi ukuzixolela kufuna uvelwano, imfesane, ububele kunye nokuqonda. Ikwafuna ukuba wamkele ukuba uxolelo lukhetho.

Nokuba uzama ukusebenza ngempazamo encinci okanye echaphazela zonke iinkalo zobomi bakho, amanyathelo ekufuneka uwathathile ukuze uzixolele uya kujongeka kwaye uzive ngokufanayo.

Sonke siyazenza iimpazamo ngamanye amaxesha. Njengabantu, asifezekanga. Iqhinga, utshilo u-Arlene B. Englander, LCSW, MBA, PA kukuba bafunde kwaye baqhubeke kwiimpazamo zethu. Nangona kubuhlungu kwaye kungonwabisi njengoko kunokuvakala, kukho izinto ebomini ekufanele ukuba uzinyamezele iintlungu ukuze uqhubele phambili, kwaye ukuzixolela kwakho yenye yazo.

Nazi iingcebiso ezili-12 onokuzama ngazo kwixesha elizayo xa ufuna ukuzixolela.

1. Gxila kwiimvakalelo zakho

Elinye lamanyathelo okuqala okufunda indlela yokuzixolela kukujonga kwiimvakalelo zakho. Ngaphambi kokuba uye phambili, kufuneka. Zinike imvume yokuqonda nokwamkela iimvakalelo ezibangelwe nguwe kwaye uzamkele.

2. Yivume ngokuvakalayo impazamo

Ukuba wenza impazamo kwaye uqhubeka nokusokola ukuyishiya, yamkela ngokuvakalayo into oyifundileyo kwimpazamo, utshilo uJordani Pickell, MCP, RCC.

Xa unika ilizwi kwiingcinga ezisentloko yakho kunye neemvakalelo ezisentliziyweni yakho, unokuzikhulula kweminye yemithwalo leyo. Uyakubhala engqondweni yakho oko ukufundileyo kwizenzo zakho nakwiziphumo.

3. Cinga ngempazamo nganye njengamava okufunda

INgilane ithi ukucinga “ngempazamo” nganye ngamava okufunda abambe isitshixo sokuqhubela phambili ngokukhawuleza nangokungaguquguqukiyo kwixesha elizayo.

Ukuzikhumbuza ukuba senze konke okusemandleni ethu ngezixhobo kunye nolwazi ebesinalo ngelo xesha, kuya kusinceda sizixolele kwaye siqhubele phambili.

4. Zinike imvume yokuba ulinde le nkqubo

Ukuba wenza impazamo kodwa kunzima ukuyikhupha engqondweni yakho, uPickell uthi uzibonise iingcinga zakho kunye neemvakalelo zakho malunga nempazamo eya kwisitya, njengejagi lomthi okanye ibhokisi.

Emva koko, zixelele ukuba ubeka le ecaleni okwangoku kwaye uza kubuyela kuyo ukuba iya kukunceda nini kwaye nini.

5. Yiba nencoko nomgxeki wakho wangaphakathi

Ukushicilela kunokukunceda uqonde umgxeki wakho wangaphakathi kwaye uhlakulele imfesane. UPickell uthi inye into onokuyenza kukubhala "incoko" phakathi kwakho kunye nomgxeki wakho wangaphakathi. Oku kunokukunceda uchonge iipateni zokucinga ezonakalisa amandla akho okuzixolela.

Unokusebenzisa ixesha lokushicilela ukwenza uluhlu lweempawu ozithandayo ngawe, kubandakanya amandla akho kunye nezakhono. Oku kunokunceda ukukhulisa ukuzithemba kwakho xa uziva uphantsi ngempazamo oyenzileyo.

6. Qaphela xa uzigxeka

Singabagxeki bethu, akunjalo? Kungenxa yoko le nto uPickell esithi inqaku elinye lesenzo elibalulekileyo kukuqaphela xa elo lizwi lingqwabalala lingena emva koko ulibhale phantsi. Unokumangaliswa yinto ethethwa ngumgxeki wakho wangaphakathi kuwe.

7.Thula imiyalezo emibi yomgxeki wakho wangaphakathi

Ngamanye amaxesha kunokuba nzima ukuqonda iingcinga ezifumana indlela yoxolelo. Ukuba unengxaki yokulungisa umgxeki wakho wangaphakathi, uPickell ucebisa lo msebenzi:

• Kwelinye icala lephepha, bhala phantsi into ethethwa ngumgxeki wakho wangaphakathi (othanda ukugxeka nokungabinangqondo).
• Kwelinye icala lephepha, bhala impendulo yokuzenzela imfesane kunye nengqiqo ngento nganye oyibhalileyo kwelinye icala lephepha.

8. Cacisa malunga nento oyifunayo

Ukuba impazamo oyenzile yenzakalise omnye umntu, kuya kufuneka uthathe inyathelo elifanelekileyo. Uyafuna ukuthetha nalomntu ucele uxolo? Ngaba kubalulekile ukuxolelanisa nabo kwaye ulungise?

Ukuba ubiyele malunga nento omawuyenze, ungafuna ukuqaphela ukulungisa izinto. Oku kudlulela ngaphaya kokuxolisa kumntu omonzakalisileyo. Endaweni yoko, zama ukulungisa impazamo oyenzileyo. Olunye uphononongo lufumanise ukuba ukuzixolela ngokwenzakalisa omnye umntu kulula xa kuqala silungisa.

9. Thatha iingcebiso zakho

Amaxesha amaninzi, kulula ukuxelela omnye umntu into amakayenze ngaphandle kokuthatha iingcebiso zethu. Umtshato onelayisensi kunye nonyango losapho, uHeidi McBain, LMFT, LPT, RPT uthi zibuze ukuba ungathini kumhlobo wakho osenyongweni ukuba babelana ngale mpazamo bayenzayo nawe, emva koko uthathe iingcebiso zakho.

Ukuba unexesha elinzima lokusebenza ngale nto entlokweni yakho, kunokukunceda ukudlala indima kunye nomhlobo wakho. Bacele ukuba bathathe impazamo yakho. Baza kukuxelela okwenzekileyo kunye nokuba bazabalazela njani ukuzixolela.

Uba ngumniki-ngcebiso kwaye uqhelisele ukuxelela umhlobo wakho ukuba angaqhubeka njani.

10. Yeka ukudlala iiteyiphu

Uhlobo lomntu ukuchitha ixesha kunye namandla ukuphindaphinda iimpazamo zethu. Ngelixa ukuqhubekeka kokunye kubalulekile, ukuya ngaphaya kwento eyenzekileyo kaninzi akuyi kukuvumela ukuba uthathe amanyathelo afanelekileyo wokuzixolela.

Xa uzibhaqa udlala iteyiphu "Ndingumntu owoyikekayo", yeka kwaye ujonge inyathelo elinye elifanelekileyo. Umzekelo, endaweni yokuphinda udlale iteyiphu, thatha imiphefumlo emithathu enzulu okanye uhambe uhambo.

Ukuphazamisa indlela yokucinga kunokukunceda uhambe kude namava amabi kwaye

11. Yiba nobubele nemfesane

Ukuba impendulo yakho yokuqala kwimeko embi kukuzigxeka, lixesha lokuba uzibonakalise ububele kunye nemfesane. Ekuphela kwendlela yokuqalisa uhambo oluxolelayo kukuba ube nobubele nemfesane nesiqu sakho.

Oku kuthatha ixesha, umonde, kunye nokuzikhumbuza ukuba uyakufanelekela ukuxolelwa.

12. Funa uncedo lweengcali

Ukuba unengxaki yokuzixolela, unokufumana inzuzo ngokuthetha nengcali. UMcBain ucebisa ukuba uthethe nomcebisi onokukunceda ufunde indlela yokwaphula ezi patheni zingalunganga ebomini bakho kwaye ufunde iindlela ezintsha nezisempilweni zokumelana neempazamo.

Ukuthatha

Ukuxolela kubalulekile kwinkqubo yokuphilisa kuba ikuvumela ukuba uyeke umsindo, ityala, iintloni, usizi, okanye nayiphi na enye imeko onokuba uhlangabezana nayo, kwaye uqhubeke.

Nje ukuba uchonge indlela oziva ngayo, yinike ilizwi kwaye wamkele ukuba iimpazamo azinakuphepheka. Uza kuqala ukubona indlela ukukhulula uxolelo ngayo.