Iindlela ezili-12 zokuyeka umona

Umxholo

• Yibuyisele kumthombo wayo
• Veza izinto ezikuxhalabisayo
• Ingcebiso yepro
• Thetha nomhlobo omthembileyo
• Beka ujikelezo olwahlukileyo kumona
• Cinga ngomfanekiso opheleleyo
• Ziqhelise ukubulela ngento onayo
• Ziqhelanise neendlela zomzuzu zokulwa
• Thatha ikhefu
• Jonga imiba esisiseko
• Khumbula ixabiso lakho
• Ziqhelise ukukhumbula
• Nika ixesha
• Thetha nonyango

Sibandakanya iimveliso esicinga ukuba ziluncedo kubafundi bethu. Ukuba uthenga amakhonkco kweli phepha, sinokufumana ikhomishini encinci.Nantsi inkqubo yethu.

Umona unegama elibi. Akuqhelekanga ukuva abantu abaneenjongo ezintle bethetha izinto ezinjengokuthi, "Musa ukuba nomona" okanye "Umona uchitha ubudlelwane." Kodwa yintoni eyenza le mvakalelo imbi kangaka?

Ngelixa kuhlala kunxulunyaniswa nobudlelwane bezothando, umona unokuvela nanini na xa ukhathazekile malunga nokulahlekelwa yiyo nantoni na okanye nabani na obalulekileyo kuwe. Oku kwahlukile kumona, okubandakanya ukufuna into yomnye umntu.

Umona ungakhokelela kwiimvakalelo zomsindo, inzondo, okanye usizi. Kodwa inokukuxelela into okanye ezimbini malunga nawe kunye neemfuno zakho.

Nazi ezinye iindlela zokujongana nomona kwaye ujonge ukuba yintoni ingcambu yeemvakalelo zakho.

Yibuyisele kumthombo wayo

USara Swenson, LMHC uthi: "Ukuba ufumana la mona ububukhwele, zibuze ukuba yintoni eyona nto iphambili kuwo. Emva koko thabatha amanyathelo okutshintsha into ongayithandiyo ukuze ufumane le nto uyifunayo. ”

Ukuvavanya iimvakalelo zakho ezinomona kunokukunika ukuqonda ukuba zivela phi:

• Ulwalamano olutsha lodade wakho lubangela umona kuba khange ube nethamsanqa lokuthandana kunye nexhala awusoze ufumane umntu olungileyo.
• Ukunyuswa komntu osebenza naye kukwenza uzive unomona kuba ukholelwa ukuba awulunganga ngokwaneleyo emsebenzini wakho ukuze uzinyuse.
• Xa iqabane lakho liqala ukuchitha ixesha elininzi nomhlobo omtsha, uziva unomona kuba yayiluphawu lokuqala olo ulibonileyo xa iqabane lakho langaphambili lalikhohlisile.

Nokuba umona wakho ubangelwa kukungazithembi, uloyiko, okanye iipateni zobudlelwane obudlulileyo, ukwazi ngakumbi ngezizathu kunokukunceda ufumane indlela yokujongana nayo.

Mhlawumbi unencoko evulekileyo nomphathi wakho malunga nokufumana umkhondo wonyuselo, sombulula ukuzama indlela eyahlukileyo yokuthandana, okanye uthethe neqabane lakho malunga neemvakalelo zakho.

Veza izinto ezikuxhalabisayo

Ukuba izenzo zeqabane lakho (okanye izenzo zomnye umntu kwiqabane lakho) zibangela iimvakalelo zomona, yeza oku neqabane lakho ngokukhawuleza.

Ingcebiso yepro

Qhekeza isihloko somona xa nobabini ninokuchitha ixesha elithile kwingxoxo enemveliso. Nanini na xa kunokwenzeka, zama ukunqanda ukungena kwisihloko esinzulu ngaphambi kokulala okanye xa sele uza kuphuma ngomnyango.

Iqabane lakho lisenokungayiboni indlela oziphethe ngayo, okanye basenokungayiqondi indlela oziva ngayo ngayo. Sebenzisa eli thuba ukuthetha ngayo nayiphi na imida yolwalamano onokuthi ufune ukuphinda uyijonge, okanye uxoxe ngeendlela zokugcina ulwalamano lwenu lomelele.

Ukuba uyalithemba iqabane lakho kodwa unamathandabuzo ngenxa yamava obudlelwane obudlulileyo, zama ukufumana iindlela ezimbalwa eninokunceda ngazo nobabini ukuphucula imeko.

Ukuba uziva usoyika ukukhankanya iimvakalelo zomona, zama ukukhumbula ukuba ziqhelekile. Umlingane wakho usenokuba nemvakalelo yakhe yomona ngelinye ixesha.

Thetha nomhlobo omthembileyo

Umona ngamanye amaxesha unokukunika umbono ojijekileyo wobunyani. Unokuzibuza ukuba oko kudlala ngothando ungafungi ukuba kwenzeke ngenene.

Ngamanye amaxesha, ukuvakalisa ezi zinto zixhalabisayo kumntu wesithathu kunokwenza imeko ingoyiki kakhulu kwaye kukuncede ufumane umbono othile.

Beka ujikelezo olwahlukileyo kumona

Umona unokuba yimvakalelo entsonkothileyo, eyomeleleyo, kwaye usenokungaziva mnandi xa ujongene nayo. Kodwa endaweni yokuyicinga njengento engalunganga, zama ukuyijonga njengomthombo wolwazi oluncedo.

Umona, ngokweSwenson, uyakuxelela ukuba kukho umahluko phakathi kwento onayo nento oyifunayo.

Wongeza ukuba umona ongakhange ulawulwe unokujika ube kukuzibekek 'ityala kwaye wenze umjikelo okugcina uzive uhluthwe. Kodwa unokukwazi ukuyilawula ngokuyichonga njengolwazi oluluncedo onokulisebenzisa ukudala iimeko apho iimfuno zakho zifezekisiwe.

Cinga ngomfanekiso opheleleyo

Umona ngamanye amaxesha ukhula ngokuphendula umfanekiso okhethekileyo. Ngamanye amagama, unokuba uthelekisa wena kunye nempumelelo yakho kunye neempawu zakho kwimbono egqibeleleyo okanye engaphelelanga yomnye umntu.

Ngokwesiqhelo abantu babonisa okona kulungileyo kwihlabathi, ke akusoloko kulula ukuxelela ukuba kwenzeka ntoni kanye kubomi bomnye umntu okanye kubudlelwane. Emva koko kukho yonke imiba yeendaba zoluntu, eziphakamisa le ngcamango.

Kodwa awusoze wazi ngokwenyani ukuba kwenzeka ntoni komnye umntu, ngakumbi xa ujonga nje kwimithombo yeendaba.

Umhlobo wakho wasekholejini oneefoto zikaFacebook zakhe nomyeni wakhe baphume edlelweni, bejongeka bengakhathali kwaye bonwabile? Kuyo yonke into oyaziyo, baphikisana ngayo yonke indlela phaya kwaye bayabila iimbumbulu phantsi kwayo yonke loo nto ithelekiswayo.

Ziqhelise ukubulela ngento onayo

Umbulelo omncinci ungahamba indlela ende. Ayikwazi ukunciphisa kuphela iimvakalelo zekhwele, kodwa ikwanciphise uxinzelelo.

Usenokungabi nayo yonke into oyifunayo. Uninzi lwethu alunjalo. Kodwa ubunokungenani ubuncinci ezinye wento oyifunayo. Mhlawumbi unezinto ezintle ebomini bakho obungazilindelanga.

Oku kunokunceda ukuba ujonge ibhayisekile entsha yomhlobo wakho okanye unqwenela ukuba iqabane lakho lingachithi ixesha elininzi nabahlobo bakho. Zikhumbuze ngebhayisekile yakho eyomeleleyo, ethembekileyo ekusa apho ufuna ukuya khona. Cinga ngezibonelelo zokuba neqabane eliqondayo ixabiso lobuhlobo.

Nokuba ukuxabisa izinto ezintle ebomini bakho ezingahambelani nomona kunokukunceda uqonde ukuba, ngelixa ubomi bakho bungenakuba bungagqibekanga (kodwa bubomi bukabani?), Usenezinto ezintle ezikwenzayo.

Ziqhelanise neendlela zomzuzu zokulwa

Ukujamelana nomona njengoko kuza akunakukunceda usebenze ngezizathu ezingunobangela. Kodwa kunokukunceda ukugcina uxinzelelo kude kube yilapho unokukwazi ukujongana neengxaki.

Ukuguqula ingqalelo yakho kumona kunokukunceda ugcine ekusebenzeni ngeemvakalelo zakho (kwaye wenze into enokonakalisa ubudlelwane okanye ubuhlobo).

Thatha ikhefu

Zama ezi ndlela zokuziphazamisa kwiingcinga ezinomona ngaphambi kokuba zibe nzima:

• Bhala phantsi indlela oziva ngayo.
• Thatha uhambo.
• Zinike indawo ngokushiya imeko.
• Thatha imizuzu eli-10 ukwenza into ezolisayo.

Jonga imiba esisiseko

Umona oqhubekekayo kwaye ubangele uxinzelelo ngamanye amaxesha unokunxibelelana nemiba yoxinzelelo okanye yokuzithemba, ucacisa uVicki Botnick, LMFT. Ukufunda indlela yokujongana nayo nayiphi na ingxaki kunokunceda ukuthomalalisa umona. ”

Enye indlela yokufikelela kukuzithemba okuphantsi kubandakanya ukubona izinto ezixabisekileyo, ezinje ngovelwano, unxibelelwano, okanye ukuthembeka. Oku kuyanceda, ngokukaBotnick, kuba ikuvumela ukuba ujonge ukuba ingaba ubambelele kwezi zithethe kubomi bakho bemihla ngemihla.

Ikunika ithuba lokuba uqaphele iimpawu zakho ezintle kwaye uphonononge okubalulekileyo kuwe. Oku kunokunyusa ukuzithemba kwakho kwaye kunokunceda ukunciphisa iimvakalelo ezixhalabisayo zokujongela phantsi okanye ukhuphiswano.

Ixhala linokuba noluhlu lweempawu ezinokuba nzima ngakumbi ukuzilungisa ngokwakho. Iindlela zokujamelana nazo zinokunceda (fumana iingcebiso apha), kodwa unyango lunokuba yinto elungileyo.

UBotnick ukwacebisa ngokuzama incwadi yokusebenzela enexhala njenge-Mindful Way Workbook.

Isebenzisa imigaqo yonyango olusekwe engqondweni ukukunceda ukuba:

• yandisa ukwamkelwa malunga neemvakalelo ezixhalabisayo ukuze zingakoyisi
• qaphela iingcinga ezingafunekiyo okanye ezibandezelayo ukuze ukwazi ukucela umngeni kwaye ubeke endaweni yazo

Khumbula ixabiso lakho

Xa umona ukukhuthaza ukuba uzithelekise nabanye, ukuzixabisa kwakho kungagqibela ngokuthatha ukubetha. Ubomi bakho bunokuba nomona komnye umntu, ngapha koko. Kodwa umona ungakwenza uzive ngathi akukho nto unayo inokwanela.

Uphando oluhlola unxibelelwano olunokwenzeka phakathi komona nokuzithemba ufumene ubungqina bokucebisa ukuba umona unokukhula xa ujongene nesoyikiso kukuzithemba kwakho.

Ukulwa nokuzithemba okuphantsi:

• Zikhumbuze ngezinto ozenza kakuhle.
• Ziqhelise ukuzenzela imfesane (ngamanye amagama, ziphathe ngendlela onokuba ngumhlobo osenyongweni ngayo).
• Ziqhelanise neziqinisekiso zemihla ngemihla okanye uzitshintshise neqabane lakho.
• Zikhumbuze ngezinto ozixabisileyo kwiqabane lakho nakubudlelwane.
• Yenza ixesha lokwenza izinto ozithandayo.

Ziqhelise ukukhumbula

Ubuchule bengqondo bukunceda unake iingcinga kunye neemvakalelo zakho njengoko zisiza ngaphandle kokuzigweba okanye ukuzigxeka. Ukwandisa ulwazi lwakho malunga nomona kunokukunceda uqaphele nayiphi na iipateni elandelayo, kubandakanya izinto ezenzeka ngaphambi kokuba ube nomona.

Ingqondo inokukunceda uzive ukhululekile ngomona. Umzekelo, inokukunceda uqaphele kwaye wamkele iimvakalelo zakho zomona ngale nto ziyinxalenye yamava akho emvakalelo- kwaye uqhubeke.

Awugwebi umona, okanye ngokwakho ukuziva, unokukunceda ukuba ungakuchaphazeli kakubi.

Nika ixesha

Ukuba ufumene umona ngaphambili, mhlawumbi sele uyazi ukuba umona uyaphela ngokuhamba kwexesha. Isenokuziva ingenamandla kangako emva kokuba ujongane neemvakalelo zakho, ewe, kodwa inokucutha kanye ukuba nantoni na oziva unekhwele ngayo iphelile.

Ngokwophando olujonge amava omona, abantu ngokubanzi kunokwenzeka ukuba bazive benekhwele ngaphambili into eyenzekayo, kunokuba emva.

Njengokuba ixesha lihamba, nawo amathuba okuba ungaziva unesidingo sokuzithelekisa okanye iimeko zakho komnye umntu. Kodwa iimvakalelo ezintle onazo zihlala.

Ke, ngelixa ungaziva unekhwele njengoko umhla womtshato womhlobo wakho osenyongweni usondela, kusuku olusemva komtshato ungaziva ungonelanga kwaye wonwabe ngakumbi kumhlobo wakho.

Thetha nonyango

Ukuba unengxaki yokujamelana neengcinga ezinomona wedwa, ukuthetha nonyango kunokunceda.

Akusoloko kulula ukuthetha ngomona. Unokuziva ungakhululekanga nangakumbi ukwabelana ngezi ngcinga nomntu ongamaziyo. Kodwa ugqirha olungileyo uya kudibana nawe enobubele nemfesane.

Kwaye bayazi ngcono kunaye nabani na ukuba umona yimvakalelo eqhelekileyo evakalelwa ngumntu wonke ngexesha elithile.

Ukwabelana noBotnick ngemiqondiso embalwa ebonisa ukuba ukuthetha nonyango kunokuba luncedo:

• Umona ukhokelela kwiingcinga ezingaphaya okanye ezilungisiweyo.
• Uyakuqaphela ukuziphatha okunyanzelekileyo.
• Iingcinga ezinomona ziye zingalawuleki okanye zingenelele.
• Uneengcinga ezinobundlobongela okanye unxusa.
• Iimvakalelo ezinomona zibangela isimilo esiyingxaki, njengokulandela iqabane lakho okanye ukuzijonga rhoqo.
• Umona uchaphazela ubomi bakho bemihla ngemihla, ukuthintela ekwenzeni izinto ofuna ukuzenza, okanye obangela olunye uxinzelelo.

"Ukuba uhlala ufuna ukukhangela ukutya kwakho kwimidiya yoluntu, ifowuni yeqabane lakho, okanye abantu abanxibe umgca weStarbucks, emva koko awungekhe ubekhona ebomini bakho, kwaye yingxaki leyo," utshilo uBotnick.

Umona unokukunceda ujolise kubani (kwaye yintoni) onomdla kuyo. Akunyanzelekanga ukuba ibangele iingxaki kuwe okanye kubudlelwane bakho. Inokunceda nokuba ubudlelwane bomelele kwezinye iimeko. Konke kuza kwindlela oyisebenzisa ngayo.