I-Queer Imposter Syndrome: Ukulwa neBiphobia yangaphakathi njengeAfro-Latina

Umxholo

• Umama kunye nam khange sithethe ngesini sam kwenye iminyaka eyi-12.
• Uninzi lwe-biphobia lwangaphakathi luyabuza ngokwakho kuba abanye bangena entlokweni yakho.
• Ngaphandle kwemizekelo engapheliyo ebomini bam, okanye kwimithombo yeendaba endifumanayo, ndandingazi ukuba yintoni elungileyo.
• Kuthathe ixesha elide ukuza kwikota yesini

"Ke, ucinga ukuba ulala nabantu ababini?"

Ndineminyaka eli-12 ubudala, ndihleli kwigumbi lokuhlambela, ndibukele umama elungisa iinwele zakhe ngaphambi komsebenzi.

Kukanye, indlu izolile. Akukho dade mncinci ubaleka kwaye uphazamisa abamelwane abangaphantsi kwethu. Akukho tata wesibini emleqayo, emxelela ukuba athule. Yonke into imhlophe kwaye ibengezela. Siye sahlala kule flethi eJersey unyaka ngoku.

Umama utyibilikisa iipleyiti zentsimbi ezantsi kweenwele zakhe, iiringi ezisongekileyo ngoku zenziwe zalulama ukususela kwiminyaka yomonakalo wobushushu oqhubekayo. Emva koko, uthi ngokuzolileyo, "Ke, ucinga ukuba ulala nabantu ababini?"

Oku kuyandibamba. Mna, ndinxibe iimpahla ezingazokuhlengahlengisa kwisakhelo sam esiguqukayo, isikhwehlela, "Yintoni?"

“Tití UJessie ukuvile ukuba uthetha nomzala wakho. ” Oko kuthetha ukuba uthathe ifowuni yasendlini ukuyohlola incoko yethu. Kakhulu.

Umama ubeka i-straightener phantsi, ejika ekuboneni kwakhe ajonge kum. "Ufuna ukubeka umlomo wakho kwilungu lobufazi lenye intombazana?"

Ngokwendalo, kubakho uvalo olungakumbi. "Intoni? Hayi!"

Ujikela esipilini. "Kulungile ke. Yile nto bendiyicinga. ”

Yayiyiloo nto ke.

Umama kunye nam khange sithethe ngesini sam kwenye iminyaka eyi-12.

Kweso sithuba sexesha ndandindedwa, ndihlala ndizele kukuthandabuza. Ukucinga, ewe, mhlawumbi ulungile.

Ndizifundile zonke ezi iinoveli zothando malunga namadoda omeleleyo aphishekela amantombazana awomeleleyo awathamba kubo. Njengobumbano olude emva kwexesha, andinayo enye into ebalulekileyo ndade ndaneminyaka eyi-17. Mna kunye naye savavanya ukungena ebudaleni kunye ndade ndadlula kuye.

Ndaya kwikholeji eseMazantsi eNew Jersey, kwikhampasi encinci eyaziwa ngokuba ngumongikazi kunye neenkqubo zobulungisa. Ungaqikelela ukuba babenjani abantu endifunda nabo.

Ndandingumhambi, ngoko ke ndandihamba ndigqitha kwisiXeko iAtlantic - ubukhulu becala siMnyama, ndonganyelwe yintswela-ngqesho, ndibukele indawo zokungcakaza ezijinga esibhakabhakeni - nakumahlathi aselunxwemeni olunamahlathi.

Iiflegi ezi-Thin Blue Line zichaphazele ingca yamakhaya endiwapasileyo, isikhumbuzo esingaguqukiyo sokuba abantu abandingqongileyo babemi phi xa kufikwa kubuntu bam njengentombazana eMnyama.

Ke kuyacaca ukuba kwakungekho sithuba sikhulu sentombazana engathandekiyo, eyangenisiweyo eyayisaziwa kuphela yokwenza abahlobo ngokudibanisa nomntu osondeleyo.

Bendihleli ndingonwabanga kubumnyama bam, kwaye ndicinga ukuba abanye abantwana abaNtsundu kwikholeji yam bayayiqonda loo nto.

Ndafumana ke ikhaya elinabanye oonobumba boncwadi. Ndaye ndaqhela ukujolisa kubantu ababengenguye uhlobo lwam, ngelixa kwangaxeshanye ndingazange ndibe luhlobo lwabo baxhokonxa umdla wam. Oku kudala ubunzima obakhokelela kuthotho lweentlanganiso zesondo ezibonisa isidingo sam sokuqwalaselwa kunye nokuqinisekiswa.

Bendi "ntombazana yokuqala eMnyama" yamadoda amaninzi amhlophe cis. Ukuthula kwam kwandenza ndangeneka ngakumbi. Oku “kwamkeleka” ngakumbi

Abantu abaninzi bahlala bendixelela ukuba ndiyintoni okanye ndifuna ntoni. Ekuhlaleni kwiindawo eziqhelekileyo kunye nabahlobo bam, sasiqhula malunga nolwalamano lwethu.

Njengoko abahlobo bam babendijongile ndinyusa umzimba emva komzimba, bonke bengamadoda kunye nabesilisa, baqala ukwenza amahlaya ngokunyaniseka kwam.

Uninzi lwe-biphobia lwangaphakathi luyabuza ngokwakho kuba abanye bangena entlokweni yakho.

Abantu abathandana nabantu besini esinye benza ngaphezulu kancinci kweepesenti ezingama-50 zoluntu lwe-LGBTQIA, ukanti sihlala senziwa sizive ngathi asibonakali okanye asibobethu. Njengokuba sididekile, okanye asikayazi. Ndaqala ukuzithengela loo mbono.

Xa ekugqibeleni ndaye ndadibana ngesondo nomntu obhinqileyo, bekukho ngexesha lam lokuqala lamashumi amathathu. Ibiyi Okuninzi. Ndandinxilile kancinci kwaye ndibhidekile, andiqinisekanga ngendlela yokuhamba imizimba emibini ngaxeshanye, ukulinganisa ubudlelwane besi sibini kwaye ndigxile ekuhlawuleni imali elinganayo yokuqwalaselwa kwiqela ngalinye.

Ndishiye unxibelelwano ndibhidekile, ndifuna ukuxelela isithandwa sam malunga naso, kodwa andikwazi ngenxa yokuba ungabuzi-sukuxela uhlobo lobudlelwane bethu obuvulekileyo.

Ndiza kuqhubeka nokulala ngesondo nabasetyhini ngexesha lokudlala kweqela kwaye ndiqhubeke ndiziva "ndingakhawulezi ngokwaneleyo."

Unxibelelwano lokuqala, kwaye uninzi lwezi zinto zilandelayo, aluzange luzive ugqibelele. Yongeze kumzabalazo wam wangaphakathi.

Ngaba ngenene ndandingena kwamanye amabhinqa? Ngaba mna kuphela Ukutsala ngesondo kwabasetyhini? Khange ndizivumele ukuba ndiqonde ukuba isini esibuhlungu sinokungonelisi ngokunjalo.

Ndaye ndadibanisa amava amaninzi kunye namadoda, kodwa andizange ndikuthandabuze ukukhanga kwam kubo.

Ngaphandle kwemizekelo engapheliyo ebomini bam, okanye kwimithombo yeendaba endifumanayo, ndandingazi ukuba yintoni elungileyo.

Indawo endikuyo yabumba indlela endizibona ngayo. Xa ndibuyela ekhaya e-NYC, ndiye ndayiqonda indlela kakhulu yayifumaneka ngaphandle kwekhola eluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka, indawo ehlala i-conservative endikhulele kuyo.

Ndingaba polyamorous. Ndingaba nesondo kunye ne-kinky, kwaye ndinokuba ngu-f * ck. Nokuba ulwalamano nabantu.

Ndabona ukuba ndiqale nini ukuthandana umfazi, bendisoloko ndibilisa isini sam-kanye njengokuba umama wayeneminyaka eyadlulayo.

Kule ncoko yokuqala, akazange andibuze ukuba ndifuna ukubeka umlomo wam kwilungu lobufazi lenkwenkwe. Bendiya kuba nokusabela okufanayo! Ndandimncinci kakhulu ukuba ndingazi ngesondo xa lilonke, ndingasathethi ke ngamalungu omzimba abandakanyekayo.

Imvakalelo yam ngale ntombazana yayiyinyani kwaye inomdla kwaye imnandi. Ndaziva ndikhuselekile kunokuba ndandikhe ndathandana, ngaphandle nje kobudlelwane besini esifanayo.

Xa yachithwa ngaphambi kokuba iqale, ndandibuhlungu ngokulahlekelwa yinto endandinayo.

Kuthathe ixesha elide ukuza kwikota yesini

Kum, yathetha umtsalane kwi-50-50 kwisini ngasinye. Ndibuze ukuba ingaba ibandakanya ezinye izazisi zesini, nazo-ke ndikhethe i-pansexual okanye i-queer ekuqaleni.

Nangona ndisasebenzisa la magama ukuzichonga, ndiye ndakhululeka ngokwamkela eli gama liqhelekileyo, ukuqonda ingcaciso yalo kuhlala kuguquka.

Ukwabelana ngesondo kum akukaze kube malunga i-WHO Nditsaliwe. Ingakumbi malunga nokuba ndivulele bani.

Kwaye ngokunyanisekileyo, yiyo yonke into. Andisaziva isidingo sokungqina ubungqina bam nakubani na-nditsho nakum.

UGabrielle Smith yimbongi esembindini eseBrooklyn kunye nombhali. Ubhala ngothando / ngesondo, ukugula ngengqondo, kunye nokuhlangana. Unako ukuqhubeka kunye naye Twitter kwaye I-Instagram.