Ukusondelana ngokuchasene nokuzahlula: Kutheni ubudlelwane buBaluleke kangaka

Umxholo

• Ithetha ukuthini
• Yintoni ekhokelela kulwalamano olusenyongweni okanye ukwahlulwa?
• Uhamba njani ukusuka kwedwa uye kufutshane?
• Kwenzeka ntoni ukuba awulawuli ngempumelelo eli nqanaba lophuhliso?
• Umgca wezantsi

U-Erik Erikson wayengugqirha wezengqondo wenkulungwane yama-20. Wahlalutya kwaye wahlula amava abantu ngokwamanqanaba asibhozo ophuhliso. Inqanaba ngalinye linongquzulwano olwahlukileyo kunye nesiphumo esahlukileyo.

Elinye lawona manqanaba-ukusondelelana ngokuchasene nokuzahlula-ichaza umzabalazo wabantu abadala abancinci njengoko bezama ukukhula nolwalamano olusenyongweni. Eli linqanaba lesithandathu lophuhliso, ngokukaErikson.

Njengoko abantu bedlula kula manqanaba, u-Erikson wayekholelwa ukuba bafumene izakhono ezinokubanceda baphumelele kumanqanaba ezayo. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba banengxaki yokufumana ezi zakhono, banokuba nzima.

Kwisigaba sokusondelelana nokuzahlula, ngokukaErikson, impumelelo ithetha ukuba nobudlelwane obusempilweni, obuzalisekisayo. Ukusilela kuthetha ukuba nesizungu okanye ukuba wedwa.

Ithetha ukuthini

Ngelixa igama ukusondelelana kunokuthi kuvuse iingcinga zobudlelwane bezesondo, ayisiyiyo indlela uErikson ayichaze ngayo.

Ngokutsho kwakhe, ubudlelwane obusondeleyo naluphi na uhlobo. Ifuna ukuba wabelane nabanye. Inokukunceda uphuhlise unxibelelwano lomntu.

Ewe, kwezinye iimeko, oku kunokuba kukuthandana. U-Erickson wayekholelwa ukuba eli nqanaba lophuhliso lwenzeka phakathi kweminyaka eyi-19 ukuya kwengama-40-ngokuchanekileyo kanye xa uninzi lwabantu lusenokukhangela iqabane elinothando.

Nangona kunjalo, akazange acinge ukuba ukuthandana kuphela kwento eyakha ulwalamano. Endaweni yoko, lixesha apho abantu banokuphuhlisa ubudlelwane obuzinzileyo, obuzalisekisayo nabantu abangengabo abosapho.

Abo babengabahlobo bakho abasenyongweni kwisikolo samabanga aphakamileyo banokuba ngabathandekayo kwisangqa osenyongweni kuwe. Banokuwa phantsi kwaye babe ngabantu abaziwayo. Eli lixesha apho loo mahluko usoloko usenziwa.

Ukuzahlula, kwelinye icala, lilinge lomntu lokuphepha ukusondelelana. Oku kunokuba ngenxa yokuba woyika ukuzibophelela okanye uthandabuza ukuzityhila ngendlela esondeleyo kuye nabani na.

Ukubekwa wedwa kunokukuthintela ekuhlakuleleni ubudlelwane obunempilo. Isenokuba sisiphumo sobudlelwane esiwile, kwaye inokuba ngumjikelo wokuzilimaza.

Ukuba wenzakele kubudlelwane obusondeleyo, unokoyika ukusondelelana kwixa elizayo. Oko kunokukhokelela ekubeni uphephe ukuzivula kwabanye. Ngenxa yoko, oko kunokubangela isizungu-kude kube bodwa ekuhlaleni kunye noxinzelelo.

Yintoni ekhokelela kulwalamano olusenyongweni okanye ukwahlulwa?

Ubusondeleyo lukhetho lokuzivulela kwabanye kwaye wabelane ukuba ungubani kunye namava akho ukuze ukwazi ukudala unxibelelwano oluhlala luhleli, olomeleleyo. Xa uzibeka phaya kwaye ubuyiselwe ukuthembana, uba nobuhlobo.

Ukuba loo migudu iyakhalinywa, okanye uyaliwa ngandlel ’ithile, unokurhoxa. Uloyiko lokugxothwa, ukukhatywa, okanye ukwenzakaliswa kunokukhokelela ekubeni wohlukane nabanye.

Ekugqibeleni, oku kungakhokelela kukuzithemba okuphantsi, okunokukwenza ukuba kungabikho amathuba okuba uphuhlise ubudlelwane okanye ubuhlobo obutsha.

Uhamba njani ukusuka kwedwa uye kufutshane?

U-Erikson wayekholelwa ukuba ukuze aqhubeke nokukhula njengomntu osempilweni, abantu kufuneka baligqibe ngempumelelo inqanaba ngalinye lophuhliso. Ngaphandle koko, ziya kubambeka kwaye zinokungakwazi ukugqiba amanqanaba exesha elizayo.

Kweli nqanaba lophuhliso, oko kuthetha ukuba kuya kufuneka ufunde ukuba ungaluhlakulela njani kwaye ulondoloze ubudlelwane obunempilo. Ngaphandle koko, izigaba ezibini eziseleyo zophuhliso zinokuba semngciphekweni.

Ukwenza ikheswa kuhlala kungumphumo wokoyika ukwaliwa okanye ukugxothwa. Ukuba woyika ukuba uyakuphoswa okanye utyhalelwe kude kumhlobo okanye iqabane onokuba nalo, unokuthintela ukuhlangana ngokupheleleyo.

Oku kunokukhokelela ekubeni uphephe yonke imizamo yexesha elizayo yokwenza ubudlelwane.

Ukuhamba usuka wedwa uye kufutshane kufuna ukuba uxhathise umkhwa wokuphepha abanye kwaye ubambe imibuzo enzima yobudlelwane. Ifuna wena ukuba uvule kwaye uthembeke kwisiqu sakho nakwabanye. Idla ngokuba nzima loo nto kubantu abathanda ukuzahlula.

Umgqirha unokunceda kweli nqanaba. Banokukunceda uqonde indlela yokuziphatha enokuthi ithintele ukusondelelana, kwaye ikuncede uphuhlise iindlela zokuhamba ushiye wedwa uye kubudlelwane obusondeleyo, obuzalisekisayo.

Kwenzeka ntoni ukuba awulawuli ngempumelelo eli nqanaba lophuhliso?

U-Erikson wayekholelwa ekubeni ukungazalisekisi naliphi na inqanaba lophuhliso kuya kuzisa iingxaki kwixesha elizayo. Ukuba awukwazanga ukuphuhlisa uluvo olomeleleyo lokuzazisa (inqanaba lesihlanu), usenokuba nobunzima ekuphuhliseni ubudlelwane obunempilo.

Ingxaki kweli nqanaba lophuhliso inokukuthintela ekukhuliseni abantu okanye iiprojekthi eziya "kushiya uphawu lwakho" kwizizukulwana ezizayo.

Ngaphezulu, ukuhlala wedwa ixesha elide kunokuba yingozi ngaphezu kwempilo yakho yengqondo. ibonisa ukuba isizungu kunye nokuzikhetha eluntwini kunokubangela isifo sentliziyo.

Abanye abantu banokukwazi ukuba nobudlelwane, ngaphandle kokungakha ubudlelwane obomeleleyo, obusondeleyo. Kodwa oko akunakuphumelela ekuhambeni kwexesha.

Omnye wafumanisa ukuba ababhinqileyo abangakwaziyo ukuphuhlisa izakhono zobuhlobo obusondeleyo kunokwenzeka ukuba baqhawule umtshato.

Umgca wezantsi

Impilo esempilweni, ubudlelwane obunempumelelo ziziphumo zezinto ezininzi zophuhliso-kubandakanya ukuba nemvo yesazisi.

Ukwakha olo lwalamano kuxhomekeke ekwazini indlela yokunxibelelana ngokukhululekileyo nangokunyaniseka. Nokuba unika ukukhula kwakho kwifilosofi kaErikson okanye hayi, ubudlelwane obunempilo buluncedo kwizizathu ezininzi.

Ukuba unengxaki yokwenza okanye ukugcina ubudlelwane, ugqirha unokukwazi ukukunceda.

Ingcali yezempilo yengqondo eqeqeshiweyo inokukunceda usebenze ngokuthanda ukuhlala wedwa. Banokukunceda ekukulungiseleleni ngezixhobo ezifanelekileyo zokwenza ulwalamano oluhle, oluhlala ixesha elide.