Ukuba ngumama kundinyanzele ukuba ndijongane nexhala lam-kwaye ndifune uncedo

Umxholo

• Ukufumana unyango
• Ukuyihlawula phambili
• Iingcebiso zoomama abanengxaki yokuxhalaba
• Yazi ukuba luxinzelelo lwakho, hayi olomntwana wakho
• Musa ukucela abantu obathandayo ukuba benze izinto ezikoyikisayo
• Yamkela ukuba uya kuziva uxhalabile
• Fumana uncedo lweengcali
• Yenza ixesha lokuzinyamekela
• Ukufumana unyango

Impilo kunye nokuphila kakuhle kuchaphazela ngamnye wethu ngokwahlukileyo. Eli libali lomntu omnye.

Umama uKim Walters * wazifumana ngenye imini esokola neentlungu ezibuhlungu, eziqaqambayo ezingayi kuhamba. Uye wakwazi ukunxiba abantwana ababini abancinci abathandabuzayo ukungena emotweni ukuze akwazi ukuya kugqirha.

Njengomama ohlala ekhaya owayesebenza ixesha elithile kude, ukujijikisa abantwana kwakuyinto yakhe yesiqhelo - kodwa olu suku lwamthabathela ingqalelo.

“Intliziyo yam ibibetha ngaphandle kwesifuba, ndizive ndingena moya, kwaye umlomo wam ubungathi ngumqhaphu. Ngelixa bendisazi ukuba ezi ziimpawu zoxinzelelo ebendilwile-kwaye ndizifihlile- kubomi bam bonke, kwenzeka kum ukuba ndiza 'kufunyanwa' ukuba andinakukuhlanganisa ngexesha lokufika kwe-ofisi kagqirha kwaye bathathe amandla am, ”uKim wabelana.

Ukongeza kwinkxalabo yakhe yayikukuba yena nomyeni wakhe babebhabha ngosuku olulandelayo bevela eChicago kuhambo olungahambisi mntwana kwilizwe laseCalifornia.

"Into kukuba, ukuba ukhathazeka ngexhala elizayo, liza kuza. Kwaye yenzeka, utshilo uKim. "Ndandiqala ukuba novalo kuloo ofisi kagqirha ngo-Okthobha ka-2011. Bendingaboni, bekufuneka ndihanjisiwe ndisiya esikalini, kwaye uxinzelelo lwam lwegazi beluphezu kophahla."

Ngelixa uKim esiya kuhambo oluya eNapa Valley kunye nomyeni wakhe, uthi yayilixesha lokutshintsha impilo yakhe yengqondo.

“Ukubuyela kwam ekhaya, ndandisazi ukuba ixhala lam lifikelele encotsheni kwaye alisehli. Bendingenawo umdla wokutya kwaye bendingakwazi ukulala ebusuku, ngamanye amaxesha ndivuka ndisoyika. Bendingafuni nokufundela abantwana bam (eyonanto bendiyithanda ukuyenza), kwaye loo nto ibikukukhubazeka, "uyakhumbula.

"Ndandisoyika ukuya naphi na apho bendiye khona kwaye ndiziva ndinxunguphele, kuba ndisoyika ukuba ndingothuka."

Ixhala lakhe labetha phantse naphina apho aya khona - ivenkile, ithala leencwadi, imyuziyam yabantwana, ipaki, nangaphaya. Nangona kunjalo, wayesazi ukuba ukuhlala ngaphakathi nabantwana ababini abancinci kwakungeyona mpendulo.

“Ke, bendiqhubeka nokuhamba nokuba bendilele kangakanani phezolo okanye ukuba bendinexhala kangakanani ngaloo mini. Andizange ndiyeke. Yonke imihla yayindidinisa kwaye ndisoyika, ”ukhumbula uKim.

Kude kwade kwagqitywa kwelokuba afumane uncedo.

Ukufumana unyango

UKim wayefuna ukufumanisa ukuba ingaba ixhala lakhe lalixubene nezizathu zomzimba kunye nezengqondo. Waqala ngokubona ugqirha wokhathalelo oluphambili owafumanisa ukuba idlala lengqula alisebenzi kakuhle kwaye wamisela amayeza afanelekileyo.

Uye watyelela i-naturopath kunye ne-dietitian, ozame ukuvavanya ukuba ukutya okuthile kubangele unxunguphalo.

"Ndaziva ngathi ndileqa into kuba oku akuncedi," utsho uKim.

Ngexesha elifanayo, ugqirha ohlanganisayo wamisela uXanax ukuba athathwe njengoko kufuneka xa uKim esiva uhlaselo loloyiko lusiza.

“Ayizukusebenzela lonto kum. Ndandihlala ndixhalabile, kwaye ndiyazi ukuba la mayeza ayelikhoboka kwaye hayi isisombululo sexesha elide, ”ucacisa uKim.

Ekugqibeleni, ukufumana unyango olufanelekileyo kungqineke kuluncedo.

“Ngelixa ixhala lalisoloko likho ebomini bam, ndaligqiba iminyaka engama-32 ndingakhange ndibone nyangi. Ukufumana enye kuye kwabanzima, kwaye ndaye ndadlula kwezine ngaphambi kokuba ndihlale kule ibindisebenzela, ”utshilo uKim.

Emva kokumfumanisa enexhala ngokubanzi, ugqirha wakhe wasebenzisa indlela yokuziphatha yokuziphatha kwengqondo (CBT), ekufundisa ukuba uphinde wenze iingcinga ezingancediyo.

UKim uthi: "Umzekelo," andinakuze ndiphinde ndixhalabe 'ndiye ndaba' nokuphila okutsha, kodwa ndingaphila noxinzelelo. '

I-Therapist nayo isetyenzisile, ethi ikubonise uloyiko lwakho kwaye ikugcine ekuyiphepheni.

“Oku kuye kwaba luncedo kakhulu. Uluvo emva konyango lokuvezwa kukuziveza kwizinto ozoyikayo, eziphindaphindayo, ngesantya esithe chu, utshilo. "Ukuchazwa okuphindaphindiweyo kwisikhuthazo esoyikwayo kusivumela ukuba 'sihlale' kuxinzelelo kwaye sifunde ukuba ixhala ngokwalo aloyiki."

Umgqirha wakhe wamnika umsebenzi wasekhaya. Umzekelo, ukusukela ukuba uxinzelelo lwegazi lithathiwe kwabangela uxinzelelo, uKim waxelelwa ukuba abukele iividiyo zoxinzelelo lwegazi kwiYouTube, athathe uxinzelelo lwegazi kwivenkile yokutya, kwaye abuyele kwagqirha apho aqala khona ukuhlaselwa kukothuka kwaye wahlala Indlu yokulinda.

"Ngelixa ndingena eJewel ndiyokuthatha uxinzelelo lwegazi kwabonakala ngathi asiyonyani ekuqaleni, ndiye ndabona ukuba bendisenza njalo, bendisiya ndisoyika ukoyika," utsho uKim.

“Njengokuba bendijongene noloyiko lwam, endaweni yokubaphepha, ezinye iimeko ezinje ngokuthatha abantwana ziye kumyuziyam okanye kwithala leencwadi nazo ziye zaba lula. Emva konyaka ndisoyika njalo, ndandibona ukukhanya. ”

UKim watyelela ugqirha wakhe amatyeli ambalwa ngenyanga iminyaka emithathu emva kohlaselo lokuqala loloyiko. Ngayo yonke inkqubela ayenzileyo, waziva enomdla wokunceda abanye abanamaxhala ukuba benze okufanayo.

Ukuyihlawula phambili

Ngo-2016, uKim wabuyela esikolweni ukuze afumane i-master degree kwizentlalo. Uthi yayingesosigqibo silula, kodwa ekugqibeleni sesona sihle awakha wasenza.

“Ndandineminyaka engama-38 ndinabantwana ababini kwaye ndikhathazekile ngemali nexesha. Kwaye ndandisoyika. Ukuba nditshonile? Ngeli xesha, nangona kunjalo, ndandisele ndisazi ukuba mandithini xa kukho into endoyikisayo - ndijongane nayo, ”utsho uKim.

Ngenkxaso yomyeni wakhe, usapho kunye nabahlobo, uKim uphumelele isidanga ngo-2018, kwaye ngoku usebenza njengonyango kunyango lwangaphandle kwisibhedlele sempilo e-Illinois apho asebenzisa khona unyango lokubhenca ukunceda abantu abadala abanengxaki yokunyanzelwa bubuntu (OCPD) ), Emva koxinzelelo lwasemva koxinzelelo (PTSD), kunye noxinzelelo.

“Ngelixa bendinemvelaphi engaphezulu kunangaphambili, ixhala lam lisathanda ukuza phambili ngamanye amaxesha. Njengokuba ndiye ndafunda ukuyenza xa ibindikhathaza kakhulu, ndiqhubeka nje nangona kunjalo, ”ucacisa watsho uKim.

“Ukubukela abantu abasokolayo kakhulu kunakuqala okhe bajongane noloyiko lwabo olubi yonke imihla kuyakhuthaza ukuba ndihlale ndihlala nexhala lam. Ndiyathanda ukucinga ukuba ndiphume kwimeko yam ndilawulwa luloyiko nexhala- ngokujongana nabo. ”

Iingcebiso zoomama abanengxaki yokuxhalaba

U Patricia Thornton, PhD, ugqirha wengqondo onelayisensi kwisiXeko saseNew York, uthi ixhala kunye nokuphazamiseka okungafunekiyo (OCD) kuthanda ukuvela malunga ne-10 kunye ne-11 leminyaka ubudala kwaye kwakhona kubudala obudala.

"Kwakhona, kukho amaxesha ebomini bomntu ukuba unayo i-OCD okanye uxhalaba oluya kuzisa ukuqala kweempawu," u-Thornton utshela i-Healthline. "Ngamanye amaxesha abantu baye bakwazi ukumelana ne-OCD okanye uxinzelelo kwaye bayilawule kakuhle, kodwa xa iimfuno ezithile ziye zigqithise kulapho i-OCD kunye noxinzelelo lunokunyuka kwaye lubangelwe."

NjengakuKim, ukuba ngumama lelinye lala maxesha, wongeza uThornton.

Ukukunceda ukulawula uxinzelelo ngexesha lokuba ngumama, ucebisa oku kulandelayo:

Yazi ukuba luxinzelelo lwakho, hayi olomntwana wakho

Xa uphantsi koxinzelelo, u-Thornton uthi zama ukungadlulisi uxinzelelo lwakho kubantwana bakho.

Ukuxhalaba kuyosulela- hayi njengentsholongwane- kodwa ngengqondo yokuba ukuba umzali ukhathazekile, umntwana wakhe uza kuluthatha olo xinzelelo, utshilo. “Kubalulekile ukuba ufuna ukuba nomntwana owomeleleyo ukuze ungadlulisi ixhala lakho kwaye uqonde ukuba kunjalo eyakho ixhala. ”

Oomama abanoxinzelelo olubangelwa luloyiko kukhuseleko lwabantwana babo, uthi, "Kuya kufuneka uncede ukunciphisa uxinzelelo lwakho ukuze ukwazi ukukhathalela abantwana bakho. Ukuba ngumzali ongcono kuvumela abantwana bakho ukuba benze izinto ezoyikisayo, nokuba yinkqubo yokufunda ukuhamba okanye ukukhangela amabala okudlala okanye ukufumana iphepha-mvume lokuqhuba. ”

Musa ukucela abantu obathandayo ukuba benze izinto ezikoyikisayo

Ukuba ukuthatha abantwana bakho epakini kubangela uloyiko, kuyindalo ukucela omnye umntu ukuba abathathe. Nangona kunjalo, uT Thornton uthi ukwenza njalo kuqhubela phambili uxinzelelo.

Amaxesha amaninzi, amalungu osapho aya kuthi azibandakanye ekwenzeni unyanzeliso lomguli. Ke, ukuba umama uthi, 'andinakuyitshintsha ilweyile lomntwana,' kwaye utata uyenza ngalo lonke ixesha endaweni yoko, oko kuyamnceda umama ukuba aziphephe, "ucacisa uT Thornton.

Ngelixa abantu abaninzi befuna ukunceda ngokungenelela ngaphakathi kunye nokunciphisa uxinzelelo lwakho, uthi eyona nto ilungileyo kukuba ujongane nayo ngokwakho.

“Kuyinkohliso ukuhamba ngoba ukuthanda abantu bafuna ukunceda, kungoko ndibathandile besiya kwiiseshoni [zonyango] nezigulana zam. Ngale ndlela ndinokuchaza ukuba yintoni eluncedo kumguli kwaye yintoni engekhoyo. "

Umzekelo, usenokucebisa ukuba umntu amthandayo athi kumama oxhalabile: “Ukuba awukwazi ukuphuma endlwini, ndingakuthathela abantwana, kodwa esi sisisombululo sethutyana. Kuya kufuneka ufumane indlela oza kukwenza ngayo ngokwakho. ”

Yamkela ukuba uya kuziva uxhalabile

UThntnton ucacisa ukuba uxinzelelo luyindalo kwinqanaba elithile, ngenxa yokuba inkqubo yethu yemfesane yovelwano isixelela ukuba silwe okanye sibaleke xa sibona ingozi.

Nangona kunjalo, xa ingozi ebonakalayo ibangelwa ziingcinga eziziswe kukuphazamiseka koxinzelelo, uthi ukulwa ngayo yeyona mpendulo ilungileyo.

“Ufuna ukuqhubeka uvume ukuba ukhathazekile. Umzekelo, ukuba ivenkile okanye ipaki iyingozi ngenxa yokuba ubukhe wanento ethile oyenzayo xa ubulapho ikucaphukisile kwaye ikwenze ukuba ube novelwano, kufuneka uqaphele ukuba] akukho bungozi bokwenene okanye kufuneka ubaleke ," uthi.

Endaweni yokuphepha ivenkile okanye ipaki, uT Thornton uthi ulindele ukuba uzive uxhalabile kwezo ndawo kwaye uhlale nayo.

“Yazi ukuba ixhala alizukukubulala. Uba ngcono ngokuthi 'Kulungile, ndiye ndanexhala, kwaye ndiyaphila.' ”

Fumana uncedo lweengcali

UTornton uyaqonda ukuba zonke iingcebiso zakhe ayingomsebenzi olula, kwaye amaxesha ngamaxesha zifuna uncedo lobuchwephesha.

Uthi uphando lubonisa ukuba i-CBT kunye ne-ERP zisebenza kakhulu kunyango lweengxaki zokuxhalaba, kwaye ucebisa ngokufumana ugqirha owenza zozibini.

"Ukuchazwa kweengcinga kunye neemvakalelo [ezibangela ukuxhalaba] kunye nokukhusela ukuphendula, oku kuthetha ukuba ungenzi nto malunga nayo, yindlela efanelekileyo yokunyanga iingxaki zokuxhalabisa," kusho uThornton.

Ukuxhalaba akuhlali kwinqanaba elinye. Ukuba uyiyekile nje, izakuzihlalela yodwa. Kodwa [kwabo banengxaki yokuxhalaba okanye i-OCD], iingcinga kunye neemvakalelo zihlala ziphazamisa kangangokuba umntu acinge ukuba kufuneka enze into. ”

Yenza ixesha lokuzinyamekela

Ukongeza ekufumaneni ixesha kude nabantwana bakho kunye nexesha lokunxibelelana, u-Thornton uthi ukuzilolonga kunokuba nefuthe elihle kwabo banexhala noxinzelelo.

Iimpawu zokuxhalaba njengentliziyo yakho ibaleka, ukubila, kunye nokukhanya okukhanyayo zonke zinokuba ziziphumo zomthambo omkhulu. Ngokuzilolonga, ubamba ingqondo kwakhona ukuze uqaphele ukuba ukuba intliziyo yakho ibaleka, akufuneki inxulunyaniswe nobungozi, kodwa inokubangelwa kukusebenza nawe, utshilo.

Ukwabonisa ukuba umthambo we-cardio unokunyusa imood.

"Ndixelela abaguli bam ukuba benze i-cardio kathathu okanye kane ngeveki," utshilo.

Ukufumana unyango

Ukuba unomdla wokuthetha nomntu, uMbutho wokuXhalaba kunye noXinezeleko waseMelika unendlela yokukhangela ukufumana ugqirha wendawo.

*Igama litshintshelwe kwimfihlo

UCathy Cassata ngumbhali ozimeleyo ojolise kumabali ajikeleze impilo, impilo yengqondo kunye nokuziphatha komntu. Unobuchule bokubhala ngeemvakalelo kunye nokunxibelelana nabafundi ngendlela enengqiqo nenomdla. Funda ngakumbi ngomsebenzi wakheApha.