Ndijongane njani noMama onesifo esiyiBipolar esala unyango kangangeminyaka engama-40

Umxholo

• Uninzi lwexesha, awukwazi ukuxelela. Ngamaxesha amaninzi, uyancuma ngononophelo kwaye uhamba emini ngestoicism.
• Ukufumana ingcaciso
• Ukufumana uxolo
• Ukujonga phambili, kunye

Uninzi lwexesha, awukwazi ukuxelela. Ngamaxesha amaninzi, uyancuma ngononophelo kwaye uhamba emini ngestoicism.

Liliso kuphela, eliqeqeshwe kwiminyaka yamatheko omhla wokuzalwa, indawo yokuthenga eccentric, kunye namashishini amatsha anokuyibona, ilungele ukuvela ngaphandle kwesilumkiso.

Ngamanye amaxesha kuyavela xa ndilibale ukuhlala ndizolile kwaye ndiqonda. Ukudakumba okuphendulayo kongeza umda obukhali kwilizwi lam. Ubuso bakhe buyatshintsha. Umlomo wakhe, ofana nowam, ojika ngokwendalo ezantsi ezimbombeni, ubonakala ngathi ujonge phambili nangakumbi. Amashiya akhe amnyama, athambile ukusukela kwiminyaka yokuxhwilwa ngaphezulu, aphakame enze imigca emide ebhityileyo ebunzi. Iinyembezi ziqala ukwehla njengoko edwelisa zonke izizathu zokungaphumeleli kwakhe njengomama.

"Ungonwaba ngakumbi ukuba bendingekho apha," uyakhwaza ngelixa eqokelela izinto ekubonakala ukuba ziyimfuneko ekuphumeni: incwadi yengoma yepiyano, ingqokelela yamatyala kunye neerisithi, i-lip balm.

Ingqondo yam eneminyaka eli-7 ubudala yamkela umbono wobomi ngaphandle kukaMama. Ungathini ukuba angavele ahambe kwaye akazange abuye ekhaya, Ndiyacinga. Nditsho ndibucinge ubomi ukuba angasweleka. Kodwa emva koko imvakalelo eqhelekileyo ingena ngaphakathi kwi-subconscious yam njengenkungu ebandayo, emanzi: ityala.

Ndiyakhala, nangona ndingenakuxela ukuba yinyani na ngoba iinyembezi zobuqhetseba zisebenze amatyeli amaninzi ukuqonda umohluko. "Ungumama olungileyo," ndatsho buthule. "Ndiyakuthandana." Akakholelwa kum. Usapakisha: iglass eqokelelweyo eqokelelweyo, iperi emdaka yeebhulukhwe ezimfutshane ezisikwe ngesandla ezigcinelwe igadi. Kuya kufuneka ndizame ngakumbi.

Le meko iphelisa enye yeendlela ezimbini: utata ushiya umsebenzi "wokujongana nemeko," okanye umtsalane wam usebenza ngokwaneleyo ukumthoba umsindo. Ngeli xesha, utata wam usindisiwe kwincoko engathandekiyo nomphathi wakhe. Emva kwemizuzu engamashumi amathathu, sihleli esofeni. Ndijonge ngaphandle kokuchaza njengoko echaza ngokungathandabuzekiyo izizathu ezifanelekileyo zokuba usike umhlobo osenyongweni weveki ephelileyo ebomini bakhe.

"Ungonwaba ngakumbi ukuba bendingekho apha," utsho. Amagama ajikeleza entlokweni yam, kodwa ndiyancuma, ndanqwala, kwaye ndijonga ukudibana kwamehlo.

Ukufumana ingcaciso

Umama akazange afunyaniswe ukuba une-bipolar disorder. Waya kwizonyango ezininzi, kodwa azizange zihlale ixesha elide. Abanye abantu ngokungachanekanga babiza abantu abane-bipolar disorder ngokuthi "baphambene," kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo umama akayena loo nto. Abantu abanesifo sokuphazamiseka kwengqondo bipolar bafuna iziyobisi, kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo akazidingi ezo zinto, utsho. Uxinzelelo nje, usebenza kakhulu, kwaye uyasokola ukugcina ubudlelwane kunye neeprojekthi ezintsha ziphila. Ngeentsuku aphuma ebhedini phambi kwentsimbi yesibini, uMama ngokudinwa ucacisa ukuba ukuba uTata ebesekhaya ngakumbi, ukuba ebenomsebenzi omtsha, ukuba ukulungiswa kwekhaya kungaze kwenziwe, ebengayi kuba njalo. Ndiphantse ndamkholelwa.

Kwakungasoloko kulusizi kunye neenyembezi. Senze iinkumbulo ezininzi ezimangalisayo. Ngelo xesha, ndandingaqondi ukuba amaxesha akhe okuzenzekelayo, ukuvelisa, kunye nokuhleka kwe-gut-busting kwakuyinxalenye yokugula, naye. Khange ndiqonde ukuba ukugcwalisa inqwelo yokuthenga iimpahla ezintsha kunye neelekese "kuba" yayiyiflegi ebomvu. Kwinwele yasendle, sakha sachitha usuku lwesikolo sidiliza udonga lwegumbi lokutyela kuba indlu ifuna ukukhanya kwendalo okungaphezulu. Into endiyikhumbulayo njengelona xesha lilungileyo yayisisizathu sokukhathazeka njengamaxesha angaphenduliyo. Ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo okuneempawu ezininzi ezingwevu.

UMelvin McInnis, MD, umphandi oyintloko kunye nomphathi wezenzululwazi weHeinz C. Prechter Bipolar Research Fund, uthi yiyo loo nto uchithe iminyaka engama-25 edlulileyo efunda ngesi sifo.

"Ububanzi kunye nobunzulu beemvakalelo zomntu ezibonakaliswe kwesi sigulo bunzulu," utshilo.

Phambi kokufika kwiDyunivesithi yaseMichigan ngo-2004, uMcInnis wachitha iminyaka ezama ukufumanisa uhlobo lokufumana uxanduva. Oko kusilela kwamkhokelela ekubeni asungule isifundo ekuhambeni kwexesha kwisifo se-bipolar sokuphuhlisa umfanekiso ocacileyo nesibanzi sesi sifo.

Kusapho lwam, akuzange kubekho mfanekiso ucacileyo. Imeko kamama kamama khange ibonakale ngathi yindoda ngokwaneleyo ukugunyazisa utyelelo olungxamisekileyo kugqirha wengqondo. Amaxesha akhe oxinzelelo, awayehlala ewabonisa kuxinzelelo lobomi obuqhelekileyo, awazange abonakale ephantsi ngokwaneleyo.

Nantso into ene-bipolar disorder: Inzima ngakumbi kunoluhlu lokutshekisha lweempawu onokuzifumana kwi-intanethi kuvavanyo oluchanekileyo lweepesenti ezili-100. Ifuna utyelelo oluninzi kwithuba elide ukubonisa indlela yokuziphatha. Khange senze kude kangako. Wayengakhangeli okanye enze njengabalinganiswa abanobuqhetseba obajonga kwiimuvi. Ke akufuneki abe nayo, akunjalo?

Ngaphandle kwayo yonke imibuzo engaphendulwanga, uphando luyazazi izinto ezimbalwa malunga nokuphazamiseka kwengqondo.

• Ichaphazela malunga neepesenti ze-2.6 zabemi base-US.
• Ifuna ukuxilongwa kwezonyango, efuna ukutyelelwa okuninzi.
• Esi sifo.
• Ngokwesiqhelo ikhula ngexesha lokufikisa okanye ebudaleni.
• Akukho lunyango, kodwa zininzi iindlela zokhetho ezikhoyo.
• yezigulana ezinengxaki yokuphazamiseka kwengqondo okungaqondakaliyo ekuqaleni.

Kwiminyaka eliqela kunye nonyango olunye kamva, ndafunda ukubakho kwesifo sikamama esiba bipolar. Ewe, ugqirha wam ebengenakutsho ngokuqinisekileyo ukuba khange adibane naye, kodwa uthi ubunakho "bunokwenzeka kakhulu." Kwakunjalo ngaxeshanye isiqabu kunye nomnye umthwalo. Ndineempendulo, kodwa baziva kade emva komcimbi. Bebuya kwahluka njani ubomi bethu ukuba esi sifo - nangona singekho sesikweni - sifike kwakamsinya?

Ukufumana uxolo

Ndandinomsindo kumama iminyaka emininzi. Bendicinga nokuba ndiyamcaphukela ngokundenza ndikhule msinya. Khange ndixhotyiswe ngokwasemphefumlweni ukuze ndimthuthuzele xa ephulukene nobunye ubuhlobo, ndimqinisekise ukuba mhle kwaye ulungile uthando, okanye ndizifundise ukusombulula umsebenzi we-quadratic.

Ndingoyena mncinci kubantakwethu abahlanu. Uninzi lobomi bam, yayingoobhuti abathathu kuphela kunye nam. Sijongane ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo. Ndandinetyala elikhulu. Omnye ugqirha wandixelela kungenxa yokuba yayindim kuphela omnye umntu obhinqileyo endlwini - abasetyhini kufuneka banamathele kunye nayo yonke loo nto. Ndiphose phakathi kokuziva ndifuna ukuba ngumntwana wegolide ongakhange enze gwenxa ekubeni ayintombazana efuna nje ukuba ngumntwana kwaye angazikhathazi ngoxanduva. Nge-18, ndangena ndaya kumfana endandithandana naye kwaye ndafunga ukuba ngekhe ndiphinde ndibheke ngasemva.

Umama ngoku uhlala kwelinye ilizwe nomyeni wakhe omtsha. Siye saphinda saxhuma. Iincoko zethu zikhawulelwe kumagqabantshintshi e-Facebook okanye isicatshulwa esithobekileyo malunga neeholide.

UMcInnis uthi abantu abafana nomama, abangafuniyo ukwamkela nayiphi na imiba engaphaya kokutshintsha kwemozulu, bahlala ngenxa yebala elijikeleze esi sifo. “Eyona nto iphosakeleyo ekuphazamiseni i-bipolar kukuba abantu abanale ngxaki abasebenzi kuluntu. Ukuba batshintsha ngokukhawuleza phakathi koxinzelelo kunye ne-manic. Rhoqo esi sifo sifihla ngaphantsi komphezulu, ”utshilo.

Njengomntwana womzali onesifo esiyi-bipolar, uziva uziva ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo: inzondo, ukudideka, umsindo, ukuziva unetyala. Ezo mvakalelo azipheli ngokulula, nokuba lixesha. Kodwa xa ndijonga emva, ndiyabona uninzi lwezo mvakalelo zibangelwa kukungakwazi ukumnceda. Ukubakhona xa eziva elilolo, edidekile, esoyika, kwaye engalawuleki. Ubunzima akukho namnye kuthi oxhotyiselwe ukuthwala.

Ukujonga phambili, kunye

Nangona singazange sinikwe uxilongo olusemthethweni, ukwazi endikwaziyo ngoku kundivumela ukuba ndiphinde ndijonge ngenye indlela. Indivumela ukuba ndinyamezele ngakumbi xa ebiza ngexesha lokudakumba. Indinika amandla okumkhumbuza ngobumnene ukuba ndiphinde ndenze olunye unyango kwaye ndiyeke ukuphinda ndibuyele umva kwendlu yakhe. Ithemba lam kukuba uyakufumana unyango oluza kumvumela ukuba angalwi nzima yonke imihla. Oko kuyakumkhulula kumahla ndinyuka.

Uhambo lwam lokuphilisa luthathe iminyaka emininzi. Andinakulindela ukuba eyakhe yenzeke ngobusuku obunye. Kodwa ngeli xesha, akazukuhlala yedwa.

UCecilia Meis ngu Umbhali ozimeleyo kunye nomhleli Ingcali kuphuhliso lomntu, impilo, impilo, kunye neshishini. Wafumana isidanga sakhe kwi-journalism kwiYunivesithi yaseMissouri. Ngaphandle kokubhala, uyayonwabela ibhola yevoli kwaye uzama iindawo zokutyela ezintsha. Unokumthumela kwi-titter kuye @CeciliaMeis.