Andizange Ndibe Noluvo lokuba ‘Iintlekele Zam ezikhoyo’ Zazibonisa ukugula ngengqondo okunzulu

Umxholo

• Ngokuya ndisiba mdala, ndiye ndabona ukuba ngelixa le mibuzo ikhona inokuthi ivele kwaye ivele engqondweni yomnye umntu, zihlala zibonakala ngathi zihlala apha kum
• Ukujongana noxinzelelo lwezi zinto ziphindaphindeneyo 'ezikhoyo ezikhoyo ezibangelwa yi-OCD yam, ndiye ndaphuhlisa inani lokunyanzelwa
• Ndihlala ndicinga nge-OCD njengesifo esithe ngqo - ngekhe ndiphosise ngakumbi
• Ngelixa i-OCD yam iya kuhlala ingumceli mngeni, ukufundiswa ngakumbi malunga ne-OCD kuye kwaba yinxalenye yokuxhobisa

Andikwazi ukuyeka ukucinga ngobume bobukho. Emva koko ndafunyaniswa.

"Singoomatshini benyama nje abahamba kwi-hallucucation elawulwayo," ndatsho. “Ayikukhathazi lonto? Yintoni esiyiyo ukwenza Apha?"

"Oku kwakhona?" umhlobo wam ubuzile esineka.

Ndancwina. Ewe, kwakhona. Enye yeengxaki zam ezikhoyo, ngqo kwi-cue.

Ukuzikhathaza ngayo yonke into yokuba “ndisaphila” kwakungeyonto intsha kum. Bendihlala ndifumana uhlaselo loxinzelelo olunje ukusukela ndisemncinci.

Enye yezinto zokuqala endizikhumbulayo zenzeka kwibanga lesithandathu. Emva kokunikwa ingcebiso "Yiba nguwe!" amaxesha amaninzi kakhulu, ndacaphuka. Umntu endandifunda naye owayedidekile kwafuneka andithuthuzele njengoko ndandilila ebaleni lokudlala, ndicacisa ngokudakumba endingakwaziyo ukukuxelela ukuba "ndiyinyani yokwenyani" okanye "ndiyazenzisa".

Uye waqhwanyaza kwaye, eqonda ukuba uphumile kubunzulu bakhe, wanikela nje, "Ufuna ukwenza iingelosi zekhephu?"

Sibekwe kule planethi ineenkcazo ezininzi eziphikisanayo zokuba kutheni silapha. Ngoba ngekhe Ndiyadlala? Ndazula. Kwaye kutheni yayingenguye wonke umntu?

Ngokuya ndisiba mdala, ndiye ndabona ukuba ngelixa le mibuzo ikhona inokuthi ivele kwaye ivele engqondweni yomnye umntu, zihlala zibonakala ngathi zihlala apha kum

Xa ndafunda ngokufa ndisengumntwana, nako, nako, kuye kwaba kukuthabatheka. Into yokuqala endiyenzileyo kukubhala ukuthanda kwam (eyona nto ibiyimiyalelo yezilwanyana ezifakiweyo ezingena ngaphakathi kwebhokisi yam). Into yesibini endiyenzileyo yayikukuyeka ukulala.

Kwaye ndiyakhumbula, nokuba kunjalo, ndinqwenela ukufa kungekudala ukuze ndingaphili nombuzo ophindaphindiweyo wento eyenzekayo emva koko. Ndichithe iiyure ndizama ukuza nenkcazo eyandonelisayo, kodwa andizange ndibonakale ndikwazi. Ukukhanyisa kwam kwandula kakhulu.

Into endandingayazi ngelo xesha yayikukuba ndandinesifo esinganyanzelekanga (OCD). Iingxaki zam eziphindaphindayo yayiyinto eyaziwa ngokuba yi-OCD ekhoyo.

I-OCD yamazwe aphesheya ichaza i-OCD ekhoyo "njengokucinga, ukuphindaphinda ukucinga ngemibuzo engenakuphendulwa, enokuthi ibe yeyentanda-bulumko okanye yoyikisayo kwindalo, okanye zombini."

Imibuzo ihlala ijikeleza:

• intsingiselo, injongo, okanye ubunyani bobomi
• ubukho kunye nendalo yendalo iphela
• ubukho kunye nendalo yesiqu sakho
• iikhonsepthi ezithile ezinokubakho ezinjengokungabikho, ukufa, okanye inyani

Ngelixa unokufumana le mibuzo kwiklasi yefilosofi okanye kumxholo weefilimu ezinje nge "Matrix," umntu uhlala ehamba kwiingcinga ezinjalo. Ukuba bafumana uxinzelelo, iyakuba yeyomzuzwana.

Kumntu one-OCD ekhoyo, nangona kunjalo, imibuzo iyaqhubeka. Uxinzelelo oluvelisayo lunokukhubaza ngokupheleleyo.

Ukujongana noxinzelelo lwezi zinto ziphindaphindeneyo 'ezikhoyo ezikhoyo ezibangelwa yi-OCD yam, ndiye ndaphuhlisa inani lokunyanzelwa

Ndiza kuchitha iiyure ndikhanyisa, ndizama ukulwa neengcinga ngokuza neenkcazo, ngethemba lokusombulula ingxaki. Ndinkqonkqoza emthini nanini na ndicinge malunga nomntu omthandayo esifa ngethemba lokuba ngandlela thile "uyayithintela". Ndacengceleza umthandazo phambi kokulala qho ebusuku, hayi ngenxa yokuba ndikholelwa kuThixo, kodwa njenge "just in case" ukubheja ukuba ndife ekufeni kwam.

Ukuhlaselwa kukothuka kwaba yinto eqhelekileyo, yenziwa mandundu yindlela endandingalali ngayo kancinci. Kwaye njengoko ndandisiya ndisiba noxinzelelo - i-OCD yam yayihlala phantse kuwo onke amandla engqondo kunye neemvakalelo endinazo- ndaqala ukuzenzakalisa ndineminyaka eli-13. Ndizamile ukuzibulala okwesihlandlo sokuqala kungekude emva koko.

Ukuphila, kwaye ndazi kakhulu ngobukho bam, kwakunganyamezeleki. Nokuba ndazama kangakanani na ukuzikhupha kweso sithuba, kwakubonakala ngathi akukho ndlela yakubaleka.

Ndikholelwa ngokunyanisekileyo ukuba ukusweleka kwam kwakamsinya, kwakhawuleze ndibusombulule obu buhlungu bubonakala bungenasiphelo bokubakho nobomi basemva kokufa. Kwakubonakala kungenangqondo ukubambelela kuyo, ukanti ngokungafaniyo nomgibe womnwe, kokukhona ndalwa nayo, ndaya ndibambeka ngakumbi.

Ndihlala ndicinga nge-OCD njengesifo esithe ngqo - ngekhe ndiphosise ngakumbi

Khange ndihlambe izandla zam okanye ndijonge isitovu. Kodwa ndandineengxaki kwaye ndinyanzelekile; zenzekile nje ukuba kube lula ukuzifihla kwaye uzifihle kwabanye.

Inyani yile, i-OCD ichazwa kancinci ngumxholo wokuthabatheka komntu kwaye nangakumbi ngomjikelo wokuzibona uzithobile (okuba kukunyanzelwa) okunokukhokelela umntu ekuvuthweni ngendlela etyhafisayo.

Uninzi lwabantu lucinga nge-OCD njengesifo esithi "quirky". Inyani yile yokuba inokothusa ngokumangalisayo. Into abanye abanokuyicinga njengombuzo wefilosofi ongenabungozi waxakeka kukugula kwam kwengqondo, kwenze umonakalo ebomini bam.

Ayilulo kuphela uhlobo endinalo, kodwa yayiyeyona nto kunzima ukuyazi, kuba xa uyithi krwaqu nje inokubonakala ngathi ingumgaqo-ngqondo onjalo oqhelekileyo. Kulapho uloliwe eshiya khona imizila, nangona kunjalo, esiba yinkxalabo yezempilo yengqondo kunokuba ibe yeyentanda-bulumko nje.

Ngelixa i-OCD yam iya kuhlala ingumceli mngeni, ukufundiswa ngakumbi malunga ne-OCD kuye kwaba yinxalenye yokuxhobisa

Ngaphambi kokuba ndazi ukuba ndine-OCD, ndathatha iingcinga zam ukuba ziyinyaniso yeendaba ezilungileyo. Kodwa ukuba ndiyazi ngakumbi indlela esebenza ngayo i-OCD, ndiyakwazi ukubona xa nditshona, ndisebenzisa izakhono ezingcono zokujamelana, kwaye ndikhulise imvakalelo yokuzisizela xa ndisokola.

Kule mihla, xa ndinokuthi "Owu thixo wam, sonke singoomatshini benyama!" Uhlobo lomzuzwana, ndiyakwazi ukubeka izinto ngombulelo kumxube wonyango kunye namayeza. Inyaniso kukuba, zimbalwa izinto esaziyo ebomini ukuba siqiniseke ngazo. Kodwa ikwayiloo nto eyenza ukuba ubomi bube yimfihlakalo kwaye bube yimincili.

Ukufunda ukuhlala nokungaqiniseki kunye noloyiko- kwaye, ewe, kungenzeka ukuba konke oku kulawulwa kukulawulwa, okulawulwa ziikhompyuter zethu zobuchopho- kuyinxalenye yesivumelwano.

Xa yonke enye into isilele, ndithanda ukuzikhumbuza ukuba kwa ezo ndalo zisizise ubunzima kunye nokungafi kunye nokufa (nazo zonke izinto ezothusayo, ezoyikisayo, ezingabonakaliyo) kanjalo linoxanduva lobukho beCheesecake Factory kunye ne-shiba inus kunye noBetty White.

Kwaye nokuba loluphi uhlobo lwesihogo ingqondo yam ye-OCD endibeka kuyo, ngekhe hayi mbulele ezo zinto.

USam Dylan Finch ungummeli okhokelayo kwi-LGBTQ + yezempilo yengqondo, efumene ukwamkelwa kwilizwe jikelele kwibhlog yakhe, Masibe neQueer Things Up!, Eyokuqala yangena kwintsholongwane ngo-2014. Njengentatheli kunye necebo losasazo, uSam upapashe ngokubanzi kwizihloko ezinje ngempilo yengqondo, isazisi se-transgender, ukukhubazeka, ezopolitiko kunye nomthetho, nokunye okuninzi. Ukuzisa ubuchule bakhe obudibeneyo kwimpilo yoluntu nakwimidiya yedijithali, uSam ngoku usebenza njengomhleli wentlalontle eHealthline.