Ungabamisa njani abantu-Uyonwabisa (kwaye ube ulungile)

Umxholo

• Ukuqonda imiqondiso
• Unembono ephantsi ngesiqu sakho
• Ufuna abanye ukuba bakuthande
• Kunzima kuwe ukuthi "hayi"
• Uxolisa okanye wamkela impazamo xa ungenatyala
• Uyakhawuleza ukuvuma, nokuba awuvumelani ngokwenene
• Ulwa nobunyani
• Ungumphi
• Awunaxesha lasimahla
• Iimpikiswano neengxabano zikucaphukisa
• Ikuchaphazela njani
• Uziva ukhathazekile kwaye unomsindo
• Abantu baxhaphaza wena
• Ubudlelwane bakho abonelisi
• Uxinzelelo kunye nokudinwa
• Amaqabane kunye nabahlobo bayacaphuka nawe
• Ivela phi?
• Uxinzelelo lwangaphambili
• Imiba yokuzithemba
• Ukoyika ukwaliwa
• Ungoyisa njani
• Yiba nobubele xa uzimisele
• Ziqhelise ukubeka kuqala
• Funda ukuzibekela imida
• Lindela ude ucelwe uncedo
• Thetha nonyango
• Umgca wezantsi

Ukukholisa abantu akunakuvakala konke okubi. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, yintoni ephosakeleyo ngokulunga ebantwini nokuzama ukubanceda okanye ukubenza bonwabe?

Kodwa ukukholisa abantu ngokubanzi kudlulela ngaphaya kobubele obulula. Kubandakanya "ukuhlela okanye ukuguqula amagama kunye nokuziphatha ngenxa yeemvakalelo zomnye umntu okanye indlela asabela ngayo," ucacisa uErika Myers, ingcali kwezonyango e-Bend, e-Oregon.

Unokuphuma uye kwenza into yabantu ebomini bakho, ngokusekwe kwinto ocinga ukuba bayayifuna okanye bayayifuna. Unikela ngexesha lakho kunye namandla ukuze bakuthande.

U-Myers uthi le yindlela abantu abanomdla ngayo abanokubangela ingxaki. "Umnqweno wokukholisa abanye unokonakalisa thina kwaye, ngokunokwenzeka, kubudlelwane bethu xa sivumela iimfuno zabanye abantu zibaluleke ngaphezu kweemfuno zethu," utshilo uMyers.

Ukuqonda imiqondiso

Ngaba awuqinisekanga ukuba uyabonwabisa abantu okanye ulunge kakhulu kwabanye? Nanku ukukhangela kwezinye iimpawu ezixeliweyo zokukholisa abantu.

Unembono ephantsi ngesiqu sakho

Abantu abakholisa bahlala bejongana nokuzithemba okuphantsi kwaye bazobe ukuzixabisa kwabo kulwamkelo lwabanye.

"Ndifanele ukuthandwa kuphela xa ndinika yonke into komnye umntu" yenye yeenkolelo eziqhelekileyo ezinxulunyaniswa nabantu-bayamkholisa, u-Myers uthi.

Ungakholelwa ukuba abantu bakukhathalele kuphela xa uluncedo, kwaye bafuna ukunconywa kunye noxabiso lwabo ukuze uzive ulungile ngesiqu sakho.

Ufuna abanye ukuba bakuthande

Abantu abakholisayo bahlala bechitha ixesha elininzi bexhalabele ukwaliwa. Ezi nkxalabo zihlala zikhokelela kwizenzo ezithile ezenzelwe ukugcina abantu bonwabile kunye nawe ukuze bangakugatyi.

Unokuba nomnqweno onamandla wokufuneka, ukholwa ukuba unethuba elingcono lokufumana uthando kubantu abakudingayo.

Kunzima kuwe ukuthi "hayi"

Unganexhala lokuba ukuxelela umntu "hayi" okanye ukwala isicelo soncedo kuya kubenza bacinge ukuba awukhathali ngabo. Ukuvuma ukwenza le nto bayifunayo kunokubonakala ngathi yeyona ndlela ikhuselekileyo, nokuba awunalo ixesha okanye utyekelo lokunceda.

Abantu abaninzi bayavuma ukwenza into xa bengenakukhetha, njengokunceda umntu ukuba ahambe. Kodwa ipatheni yoku inokubangela iingxaki, kuba ixelela abantu iimfuno zabo beza ngaphambi kwezakho.

Abanye abantu banokuyisebenzisa kakubi le nto, bengahoyi imida yakho kuba bayazi ukuba uza kwenza le nto bayifunayo nakanjani.

Uxolisa okanye wamkela impazamo xa ungenatyala

Ngaba usoloko ukulungele ngo "uxolo!" xa kukho into engahambi kakuhle?

Ukukholisa abantu kubandakanya ukulungela ukuthatha ityala, nokuba into eyenzekileyo ayinanto yakwenza nawe.

Yithi umphathi wakho ukucele ukuba ufumane ipitsa ngesidlo sasemini, kodwa indawo yokutyela yaxuba iodolo. Khange ufumane iipitsa ezimbini ezingenayo i-gluten ozi-odoleyo, ke abantu abathathu osebenza nabo abakwazanga ukutya isidlo sasemini.

Irisithi ithi ngokucacileyo "ayina-gluten," ke kuyacaca ukuba impazamo yenzekile kwindawo yokutyela. Okwangoku, uyaxolisa kaninzi, uziva woyike, ukholelwa ukuba abantu osebenza nabo bayakucaphukela kwaye bangaze bakuthembe uku-odola isidlo sasemini kwakhona.

Uyakhawuleza ukuvuma, nokuba awuvumelani ngokwenene

Ukuvumelana kuhlala kubonakala kuyindlela eqinisekileyo yomlilo yokuphumelela.

Yithi abantu osebenza nabo bazise izimvo zabo ngeprojekthi ezayo kwintlanganiso yeqela. “Licebo elihle eli!” usenokuthi komnye umntu osebenza naye ngelixa uxelela elinye “icebo elihle!” Kodwa izimvo zabo zinokwahluka ngokupheleleyo-kwaye usenokungavumelani nazo.

Ukuba uhamba kunye nento ongavumelani nayo ukugcina wonke umntu onwabile, ubeka wena (kunye nabanye) ukukhathazeka kwixesha elizayo. Ukuba zombini izicwangciso zineziphene ezicacileyo, wenza wonke umntu ngokungathethi.

Ulwa nobunyani

Abantu abakholisayo bahlala befumana ixesha elinzima lokuqonda indlela abavakalelwa ngayo.

Ukuqhubeka nokutyhala iimfuno zakho ecaleni kwenza kube nzima ukuzamkela. Ekugqibeleni, usenokungaqiniseki malunga nento oyifunayo okanye indlela yokunyaniseka kuwe.

Kananjalo ngekhe ukwazi ukuvakalisa iimvakalelo zakho are uyazi, nokuba ufuna ukuzithethela.

Umzekelo, unokukuphepha ukuxelela iqabane lakho ukuba likwenze waziva umbi, ucinga into enje, "Bebengathethi oko, ke ukuba ndithetha into, ndiza kubenzakalisa iimvakalelo zabo." Kodwa oku kuyayiphika inyani ephambili yale meko: Bona buhlungu eyakho iimvakalelo.

Ungumphi

Ngaba uyathanda ukunika abanye? Okubaluleke ngakumbi, ngaba unika ngenjongo yokuthandwa?

Abantu abakholisayo bathanda ukunika, u-Myers uyachaza. "Ukuzincama kunokondla ingqondo yakho yesiqu sakho, kodwa kunokukhokelela kwimvakalelo yokufela ukholo." Unokunika kwaye unike, ngethemba lokuba abantu baya kuphinda babuyele ngothando nothando olufunayo.

Awunaxesha lasimahla

Ukuxakeka nje akuthethi ukuba uyabonwabisa abantu. Kodwa jonga indlela olichitha ngayo ixesha lakho lasimahla.

Emva kokukhathalela uxanduva olubalulekileyo, olufana nomsebenzi, imisebenzi yasekhaya, kunye nokhathalelo lomntwana, yintoni eshiyekileyo kuwe? Ngaba unayo ixesha lokuzonwabisa kunye nokuphumla?

Zama ukukhomba okokugqibela uzenzele into ngokwakho. Ngaba unemizuzu emininzi enjalo? Ukuba awukwazi ukucinga ngeziganeko ezininzi (okanye naziphi na), unokuba neendlela ezithile zokukholisa abantu.

Iimpikiswano neengxabano zikucaphukisa

Ukukholisa abantu kuhlala kubandakanya ukoyika umsindo. Oku kusengqiqweni. Umsindo uthetha, "Andonwabanga." Ke ukuba injongo yakho kukugcina abantu bonwabile, umsindo kuthetha ukuba usilele ekubathandeni.

Ukuwuphepha lo msindo, ungangxamela ukucela uxolo okanye wenze nantoni na ocinga ukuba iza kubonwabisa, nokuba abakucaphukelanga.

Usenokoyika ungquzulwano olungenanto yakwenza nawe. Ukuba abahlobo bakho babini bayaphikisana, umzekelo, unokuzama ukunika iingcebiso okanye iingcebiso zokulungisa le meko ukuze baphinde babe ngabahlobo kwakhona-mhlawumbi nkqu nethemba eliyimfihlo eliza kucinga kakuhle ngokubanceda.

Ikuchaphazela njani

Ukukholisa abantu akulunganga ngokwendalo, ngokwe-Myers. Inxalenye yokuba nolwalamano nabanye kubandakanya ukuthatha iimfuno zabo, iimfuno zabo kunye neemvakalelo zabo. Olu tyekelo luhlala luvela kwindawo yenkxalabo nothando.

Kodwa ukuzama ukukhathalela abanye kuhlala kuthetha ukuba uzityeshela iimfuno kunye neemvakalelo zakho. Ngandlela thile, ubeka isenzo. Wenza into ocinga ukuba abantu bayayifuna ukuze bakuthande. Unokwenza ngathi uyakonwabela ukunceda, kuba le yinxalenye yokugcina abantu bonwabile.

Oku akunyanisekanga ncam, kwaye ngokuhamba kwexesha, abantu abathandekayo banokukukhathaza kwaye ubudlelwane bakho. Nantsi indlela.

Uziva ukhathazekile kwaye unomsindo

Ukuba uchitha lonke ixesha lakho usenzela abanye abantu, abantu obancedayo unamandla uqaphele kwaye uxabise ukuzincama kwakho. Kodwa abanakho.

Ixesha elingaphezulu, banokuthatha ithuba kuwe, nokuba ayizonjongo zabo. Basenokungayiqondi ukuba uyabancama ngenxa yabo.

Nokuba yeyiphi imeko, ukuba mnandi ngeenjongo ezingagqibelelanga kunokubangela unxunguphalo nengqumbo. Oku kuhlala kuphuma njengokuziphatha okungakhathaliyo, okunokudida okanye kubacaphukise abantu abangaqondi ngokwenyani okwenzekayo.

Abantu baxhaphaza wena

Abanye abantu baya kukhawuleza baqonde kwaye basebenzise ithuba lokukholisa abantu. Basenokungakwazi ukubiza igama ngokuziphatha. Kodwa bayazi ukuba uya kuvuma kuyo nantoni na abayicelayo, ke baya kuhlala bekucela. Kwaye uqhubeka uthi ewe, kuba ufuna ukubagcina bonwabile.

Kodwa oku kunokuba nemiphumo emibi. Unokujamelana neengxaki zemali ukuba abantu bacela uncedo lwemali. Unokuba semngciphekweni omkhulu wokuphathwa gadalala okanye ukuphathwa gadalala ngokwasengqondweni nangokweemvakalelo.

Ukuba ungumzali, oku kuziphatha kunokuba nezinye iziphumo. Umzekelo, unokuvumela umntwana wakho aphephe uxanduva ngenxa yokuba awufuni kuphulukana nothando. Kodwa oku kuyabathintela ekufundeni izakhono zobomi ezixabisekileyo. Banokonwaba ngoku, kodwa kwixa elizayo, baya kuba nezifundo ezinzima ukuba bazifunde.

Ubudlelwane bakho abonelisi

Ezempilo, ubudlelwane obomeleleyo bulungelelene kwaye kubandakanya ukunika kunye nokuthatha. Wenza izinto ezintle kubantu obathandayo, kwaye benza okufanayo nakuwe.

Ngokuqinisekileyo ngekhe ube nolwalamano olwanelisekayo xa abantu bekuthanda kuphela kuba ubenzela izinto ezintle.

Uthando aluyonto yorhwebo. Xa konke okwenzayo kukunikezela ukuzazisa njengomntu ocinga ukuba abanye bafuna ukuba ubekho, awubonakalisi kulwalamano njengawe. Kunzima ukuyigcina, kungaphantsi kokuziva ukoneliseka, ubudlelwane apho ungekhoyo ngokwenene.

Uxinzelelo kunye nokudinwa

Impembelelo enkulu enkulu yokukholisa abantu kukunyusa uxinzelelo. Oku kunokwenzeka ngokulula xa uthatha okungaphezulu kunokwenzela abanye.

Awuphulukani nje nexesha lakho. Ukwafumana unexesha elincinci lezinto ekufuneka uzenzile. Ukufumana izinto ezingabalulekanga, unokuphela usebenza iiyure ezinde okanye ungalali, ekugqibeleni ujongane neziphumo zomzimba zokukhathazeka noxinzelelo.

Amaqabane kunye nabahlobo bayacaphuka nawe

Iqabane lakho linokuqaphela indlela ovumelana ngayo nawo wonke umntu okanye uzibuze ukuba kutheni uxolisa ngezinto ongazenzanga. Kulula ukuwela kumkhwa wokunceda abanye ngeendleko zokubeka ixesha kunye namandla kubudlelwane.

Ukukholisa abantu nako kunokubuyisa umva xa usenza okuninzi kwabanye kangangokuba ubathabathele iarhente yabo ukuba bazenzele izinto.

Abantu obathandayo banokucaphuka xa uxoka okanye uxelele inyani eguqulweyo yenyani ukuze usindise iimvakalelo zabo.

Ivela phi?

"Singabantu-nceda ngezizathu ezininzi," utshilo uMerser.

Akukho sizathu sinye sotyekelo lokukholisa abantu. Endaweni yoko, bathambekele ekuphuhliseni ngokudibanisa kwezinto, kubandakanya ezi zilandelayo.

Uxinzelelo lwangaphambili

Ngokuka-Myers, indlela yokuziphatha ekholisa abantu ngamanye amaxesha ivela njengempendulo kuloyiko olunxulunyaniswa nomothuko.

Ukuba ufumene umothuko, njengokuphathwa gadalala kwabantwana okanye kwabalingani, ngamanye amaxesha ungaziva ungakhuselekanga ukugcina imida ethile. Usenokuba ufunde ukuba kukhuselekile ukwenza into efunwa ngabanye abantu kwaye unakekele iimfuno zabo kuqala.

Ngokukholisa, uzenze wathandeka, kwaye ke ukhuselekile.

Funda ngakumbi ngokukholisa abantu njengempendulo yomothuko.

Imiba yokuzithemba

Imiyalezo malunga nesazisi sakho kubudlelwane bakho bokuqala nabakhathaleli kunokuba nzima ukucima.

Ukuba ufunda, umzekelo, ukuba ixabiso lakho livela kwinto oyenzela abanye, oku kuyakudlala ekuphindaphindeni ebomini bakho bonke ngaphandle kokuba usebenzela ukulungisa umyalezo.

Ukoyika ukwaliwa

Ubudlelwane bokuqala bunokunamathela kuwe nangezinye iindlela.

Ukuba umzali wakho okanye umnonopheli wakho ukunike imvume kunye nothando ngokusekwe ikakhulu kwindlela oziphethe ngayo, mhlawumbi uye waqonda ngokukhawuleza ukuba kulungile ukuba uhlale wonwabile.

Ukuthintela ukwaliwa ngohlobo lokugxekwa kunye nesohlwayo xa wenze into engalunganga, ufundile ukuhlala usenza le nto bayifunayo, mhlawumbi ngaphambi kokuba bayibuze kuwe.

Ungoyisa njani

Ukuba ufuna ukophula ipateni yabantu-eyonwabisayo, ukuqonda ukuba ezi ndlela zokuziphatha zibonakala njani ebomini bakho linyathelo lokuqala elifanelekileyo. Ukonyusa ulwazi malunga neendlela oqhele ukuzenza ebantwini-nceda ungakunceda ukuba uqale wenze utshintsho.

Yiba nobubele xa uzimisele

Kulungile ngokugqibeleleyo-kwaye nokuba yinto elungileyo-ukwenza ububele.Kodwa ububele abuveli kumnqweno wokufumana ulwamkelo, kwaye ngokubanzi akubandakanyi naziphi na iinjongo ezingaphaya kokufuna ukwenza izinto zibe ngcono komnye umntu.

Phambi kokuba unike uncedo, qwalasela iinjongo zakho kunye nendlela esiya kukwenza uzive ngayo. Ngaba ithuba lokunceda omnye umntu likonwabisa? Okanye uya kuziva unomsindo ukuba isenzo asibuyiswa?

Ziqhelise ukubeka kuqala

Udinga amandla kunye nezixhobo zeemvakalelo ukunceda abanye. Ukuba awuzikhathaleli, awuyi kuba nakho ukwenza nantoni na komnye umntu. Ukubeka iimfuno zakho kuqala akuyiyo ukuzingca, kunempilo.

"Kulungile ukuba ngumntu onikayo, okhathalayo," utshilo u-Myers. "Kukwabalulekile, nangona kunjalo, ukuba sihloniphe kwaye sikhathalele iimfuno zethu."

Gcina ukhumbula ukuba iimfuno zinokubandakanya izinto ezinje ngokunika uluvo lwakho kwintlanganiso yomsebenzi, ukhululeke kwiimvakalelo zakho, kunye nokucela into oyifunayo kubudlelwane bakho.

Funda ukuzibekela imida

Ngokuka-Myers, ukukhula kwemida esempilweni linyathelo elibalulekileyo lokoyisa isimilo esithandekayo ebantwini.

Ngexesha elizayo xa umntu efuna uncedo okanye ulingeka ukuba ungenelele, cinga ngoku:

• Uziva njani ngale nyathelo. Ngaba yinto ofuna ukuyenza, okanye uyayoyika?
• Nokuba unexesha lokubonela iimfuno zakho kuqala. Ngaba kuya kufuneka uncame ixesha elisikelwe umda okanye ushiye umsebenzi obalulekileyo?
• Uncedo oluza kukwenza uzive njani. Ngaba iya kukwenza wonwabe okanye ucaphuke?

Lindela ude ucelwe uncedo

Nokuba yintoni ingxaki, uhlala ulungile ngesisombululo. Uzivolontiya kwimisebenzi yokugcina indlu emsebenzini kwaye ungene ngeengcebiso xa umhlobo ekhankanya naluphi na uhlobo lwengxaki.

Ngexesha elizayo, cela umngeni wokuba ulinde de umntu othile acele ngokucacileyo uncedo.

Ukuba iqabane lakho lihamba ngendlela engathandekiyo malunga nomphathi wabo, umzekelo, bonisa ukuba ukhathalela kangakanani ngokumamela endaweni yokudwelisa iingcebiso zokujongana nale meko. Banokufuna uvelwano kunye nokuqinisekiswa ngaphezulu kwayo nayiphi na into.

Thetha nonyango

Akusoloko kulula ukwahlula iipateni ekudala zikho wedwa, ngakumbi ezo zibumba ebuntwaneni okanye ngenxa yoxinzelelo.

Ingcali inokukunceda uphonononge okubangela imfuno yakho yokugcina abantu bonwabile. Nokuba kubonakala ngathi akukho sizathu sicacileyo, banokunika isikhokelo malunga neendlela zokujamelana nokukunceda ujongane neendlela ezithile oqhele ukuzenza ebantwini-nceda.

Nazi iindlela ezintlanu zonyango olufikelelekayo ukuze uqalise.

Umgca wezantsi

Ukukholisa abantu kunokuvakala kuyinto entle, kodwa ayenzi wena okanye abathandekayo bakho. Ukuba uziva uphelelwe ngamandla kukuzama ukugcina wonke umntu onwabile, cinga ngokuthetha nonyango malunga nendlela onokuthi wenze ngayo ngokwakho Ndonwabe kuqala.

UCrystal Raypole wayekhe wasebenza njengombhali kunye nomhleli weGoodTherapy. Amacandelo akhe anomdla abandakanya iilwimi zaseAsia kunye noncwadi, uguqulelo lwaseJapan, ukupheka, isayensi yendalo, ubungqingili besini, kunye nempilo yengqondo. Ngokukodwa, uzibophelele ekuncedeni ukunciphisa ukubekwa amabala malunga nemicimbi yezempilo yengqondo.