Qikelela ukuba? Abantu abakhulelweyo abadingi ukuba uphawule ngobungakanani babo

Umxholo

• Nantsi into onokuyithetha

Ukusuka "umncinci!" "Umkhulu!" nayo yonke into ephakathi, akuyomfuneko nje.

Kukuthini ukukhulelwa okwenza abantu bacinge ukuba imizimba yethu yamkelekile ukugqabaza nokubuza?

Ukusuka kubantu endingabaziyo bendixelela ukuba ndimncinci kangakanani kwikota yesibini yesibini, ndiye komnye umntu endimthandayo endixelela ukuba "ndimkhulu" ngendlela eyothusayo kwikota yesithathu, kwindoda esele ikhulile endiyidlulisa rhoqo kusasa kusasa ndilumkisa, "Uza kuba andizonwabanga kungekudala! ” Amagqabantshintshi ngemizimba yethu eguqukayo anokuvela kuzo zonke iindlela kunye nemithombo.

Ukukhulelwa lixesha lobungozi obukhulu. Ayizizo nje izisu zethu ezikhulayo, kodwa iintliziyo zethu, ngoko ke ngelishwa kukuba le ikwakhona xa siba yinto ekujoliswe kuyo kwabanye abantu.

Ekuqaleni, bendicinga ukuba ndinengxaki kakhulu. Ndinembali yokuphazamiseka kwindlela yokutya, kwaye safumana isisu sokuphulukana nokukhulelwa kwethu okokuqala, ke ngoko nayiphi na inkcazo echaphazelekayo emzimbeni wam yenze ukuba ndikhathazeke.

Nangona kunjalo, xa ndithetha nabanye abakhulelweyo, ndiye ndaqala ukuqonda ukuba bambalwa kuthi abangenawo la magama angacingisiswanga.Ayenzakalisi nje kuphela, kodwa ikwabangela uloyiko njengoko zihlala zibotshelelwe kwimpilo yeentsana zethu.

Xa mna nomyeni wam sakhulelwa okwesibini, isithunzi sokuphulukana nokukhulelwa kwethu kokuqala saxhoma phezu kwam. Sasiphethwe "kukungaphumeleli kwesisu" ngexesha lokukhulelwa kwethu kokuqala, apho umzimba uqhubeka ukuvelisa iimpawu nasemva kokuba usana luyekile ukukhula.

Oku kuthetha ukuba ngexesha lokukhulelwa kwam okwesibini andisakwazi kuxhomekeka kwiimpawu zokukhulelwa ukubonisa ukukhula okunempilo. Endaweni yokuba ndilinde umzuzu ngamnye wemihla ngemihla ngolona phawu lucacileyo lokukhula komntwana wethu - iqhuma lam.

Andizange ndikwazi ukuba ungabonisi nomntwana wakho wokuqala de ungene kwikota yesibini (okanye okwesithathu njengoko kwenzekile kum), ke xa iinyanga ezi-4, ezi-5, kunye nezesi-6 zidlulile kwaye ndisajongeka ngathi ndibhubhile, kubangela ukuba abantu babonise esidlangalaleni "ukuba ndimncinci kangakanani." Ndizifumene ndifanele ukweyisela abantu, “Umntwana ulinganisa kakuhle. Ndisaya kugqirha ”- kwaye kunjalo, nangoku ndizibuza imibuzo ngaphakathi.

Amagama anamandla kwaye nangona unobungqina besayensi bomfanekiso we-ultrasound ohleli edesikeni yakho, xa umntu ebuza ngenkxalabo enkulu ukuba umntwana wakho ulungile, awunakukuzibuza.

Umhlobo wayephethe encinci ekukhulelweni kwamva nje, kodwa ngokungafaniyo nam, umntwana wakhe wayengalingani kakuhle. Elo yayilixesha eloyikisayo kusapho lwayo, ke xa abantu beqhubeka bebonisa ubungakanani bakhe okanye ukubuza ukuba wayekude na oko wayekuko, oko kwamenza waxhalaba.

Nantsi into onokuyithetha

Njengabahlobo, usapho, kunye noluntu kwezi meko, ukuba ukhathazekile ngempilo yosana lomntu olusekwe kubungakanani besisu sabo, kunokuba ubothuse ngakumbi, mhlawumbi ungene kumama kwaye ubuze ngokubanzi ukuba Ndiziva kwakhona. Ukuba bakhetha ukwabelana, mamela. Kodwa akukho mfuneko yokwalatha ubungakanani bomntu.

Abantu abakhulelweyo banolwazi olungaphezulu kokuma kwezisu zabo, kwaye zininzi izizathu ezahlukeneyo esiphatha ngazo. Kwimeko yam, ndimde. Kwimeko yomhlobo wam, umntwana wayesemngciphekweni wokwenene. Ngethamsanqa, umntwana wakhe ngoku usempilweni kwaye ugqibelele - kwaye ngaba oko akubalulekanga ngaphezu kobukhulu besisu sakhe?

Kwenye indawo kwinyanga yesixhenxe, isisu sam sakhula kakhulu kwaye nangona ndandisacinga ukuba ndimncinci xa kuthelekiswa nabanye abasetyhini abakhulelweyo kwakule veki inye, uluvo olutsha lokuzikhethela kwezinye kukuba "ndandinkulu" kangakanani. Bendinqwenela isisu sonke ukukhulelwa, ke ucinga ukuba ndingavuya, kodwa endaweni yoko imbali yam yokutya yaxhokonxwa kwangoko.

Yintoni na ngegama "elikhulu" elibuhlungu kangaka? Ndizibone sendiphikisana nabantu endingabaziyo ukuba ndinenyanga okanye ezimbini zilungile ukususela ekuzaleni kwam. Okwangoku, banyanzelisa ukuba ndikulungele ukubeleka nokuba nguwuphi na umzuzu.

Ukuthetha nabanye abazali, kubonakala kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukuba abantu ongabaziyo bacinge ukuba bayazi ngcono umhla wakho ofanelekileyo kunawe okanye baqinisekile ukuba unamawele, ngokungathi ngawo onke amadinga ogqirha.

Ukuba unomhlobo okhulelweyo okanye ilungu losapho eliye lakhula kancinci okoko wagqibela ukubabona, kunokuba ubenze bazive bengalunganga ngokusebenzisa amagama anjenge "enkulu" okanye "enkulu," zama ukubancoma ngokumangalisa ukukhula komntu. ukuba. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, yile nto iyenzeka ngaphakathi kwesoqhuma osothusayo. Kukho umntu omncinci phaya!

Okanye, ukunyaniseka, owona mthetho ungcono kukuba ngaphandle kokuba uza kuxelela umntu okhulelweyo ukuba mhle kangakanani, mhlawumbi ungathethi kwanto.

USarah Ezrin ngumkhuthazi, umbhali, utitshala weyoga kunye nomqeqeshi katitshala weyoga. Ngokusekwe eSan Francisco, apho ahlala khona nomyeni wakhe kunye nenja yabo, uSara utshintsha umhlaba, efundisa ukuzithanda kumntu omnye ngexesha. Ngolwazi oluthe kratya ngoSarah ndwendwela iwebhusayithi, www.samzlongoza.com.