Iingcebiso ezili-12 zoSabelo ngoSondo ngoKwabelana ngokuBuyisa ukuBelana ngesondo okungcono kwi-Midlife

Umxholo

• Akukho mbuzo kunzima ukuwuphendula
• Ekuzameni izinto ezintsha
• Cinga ngesondo ngaphaya kwe-P-and-V
• Eminye imimandla ye-erotic yokuthinta ibandakanya:
  
• Cima i-autopilot
• Ukwenza uluhlu lwamabhakethi obume besini:
  
• Thetha ngesondo emva isini
• Iingcebiso kunye nemibuzo onokuyisebenzisa xa ucela utshintsho:
  
• Fundani iincwadi zesini "zokuzinceda" kunye
• Yongeza iithoyi!
• Ekuvuseleleni ubudlelwane bezesondo "obufileyo"
• Thetha ngayo (kodwa hayi kwigumbi lokulala)
• Iingcebiso ezivela kuShadeen Francis, MFT, isini, umtshato, kunye nonyango losapho:
  
• Ukuphulula amalungu esini ngokwakho
• Iingcebiso zikaSari Cooper zokuphulula amaphambili:
  
• Lube phezulu
• Yibeke kwikhalenda yakho
• Kodwa ubelana ngesondo ngokuzenzekelayo, naye
• Ekuphononongeni isini sakho kamva ebomini
• Ungavumeli ilebula ikugcine ekuhlolweni
• Zijikeleze nabantu abaxhasa uphando lwakho
• Izixhobo zokufumana inkxaso:
  

Sibandakanya iimveliso esicinga ukuba ziluncedo kubafundi bethu. Ukuba uthenga amakhonkco kweli phepha, sinokufumana ikhomishini encinci. Nantsi inkqubo yethu.

Akukho mbuzo kunzima ukuwuphendula

Nokuba ulahlekelwe yimvakalelo yothando, ndinqwenela ukuba wena neqabane lakho nibe nokuninzi (okanye ngaphantsi… okanye okungcono) ngesondo, okanye nifuna ukuzama (ngezikhundla, iithoyi, okanye esinye isini), akukho mbuzo wesini ungathandekiyo okanye ungakhululekanga sexologists ukujongana nokuphendula.

Kodwa ayinguye wonke umntu okhululekileyo ngokulinganayo ngokuthetha ngemicimbi esondeleyo, ngakumbi xa kubandakanya ukuthanda izinto okanye ukhetho emva kokuba kunye ixesha elide. Ngamanye amaxesha, into ebisebenza ayisebenzi kwakhona! Akukho ntloni ekuchazeni loo nto.

Ukufumana uncedo malunga nendlela yokunxibelelana okanye yokuvuselela ubudlelwane, safikelela kwizazi ezisibhozo zesini kwaye sabacela ukuba babelane ngeengcebiso zabo ezilungileyo.

Ekuzameni izinto ezintsha

Cinga ngesondo ngaphaya kwe-P-and-V

Uphononongo luka-2014 olupapashwe kwiCortex (iphephancwadi elinikezelwe kwingqondo kunye neenkqubo zengqondo) zichonge ezona ndawo zibuthathaka emzimbeni wakho.

Ayothusi into yokuba ikhozo kunye nepipi liphume phambili kuluhlu - kodwa ayizizo iindawo kuphela apho, xa zivuselelekile, ezinokukuphambanisa.

Eminye imimandla ye-erotic yokuthinta ibandakanya:

• iingono
• umlomo nemilebe
• iindlebe
• intamo
• ithanga elingaphakathi
• umva ongezantsi

Idatha ikwacebisa ukuba amadoda nabafazi banokuvulwa kuchukumiso olusondeleyo nakweyiphi na le mimandla ye-erogenous nayo, ke ukuzama ukuthintela akuyi kuba ngumbono ombi.

Ukwenza umdlalo ngalo, uLiz Powell, PsyD, ofundisa ngesondo onomdla kwi-LGBTQ, umqeqeshi, kunye nesayikholojisti enelayisensi ucebisa ngelithi: “Khupha amalungu esini kule equation ubusuku bonke, iveki, okanye inyanga. Wena kunye neqabane lakho ninokuphonononga njani kwaye nive amava okonwaba ngesondo xa kukho phakathi kwemilenze engekho etafileni? Fumanisa!"

Cima i-autopilot

Xa ubukhe kunye neqabane elinye okwethutyana, kulula ukuya kwi-autopilot yesini- ukuba ubukhe ukhona, uyazi ukuba iyinto engafunekiyo njengoko kuvakala.

"Ukuba lonke ulwabelwano ngesondo onalo neqabane lakho lubandakanya ezi ndawo zimbini okanye zintathu, ungaphoswa sisondo obungazi ukuba ungasonwabela… kwaye unciphise ulonwabo onalo kunye neqabane lakho," utsho utitshala wezesondo, uHaylin Belay, umququzeleli wenkqubo kwi-Girls Inc. NYC.

Ukwenza uluhlu lwamabhakethi obume besini:

• ukuzixakekisa kuwo onke amagumbi asendlwini yakho (molo, ikhitshi lesiqithi)
• Ukwabelana ngesondo ngexesha elahlukileyo losuku
• ukongeza kwinto yokudlala
• Ukunxiba umdlalo weqonga

"Abanye abantu abatshatileyo bachitha iminyaka besabelana 'ngesondo' kuphela ukufumanisa ukuba amaqabane abo ngokufihlakeleyo bafuna zonke izinto ezifanayo abazenzileyo, kodwa bengaziva bekhululekile ukuthetha ngayo nayiphi na kuzo," uyongeza.

Thetha ngesondo emva isini

Ukutshintsha isithethe sakho sobuqhetseba ngokuhamba kancinci kunokunceda ukugcina nobabini nisondele, kwaye ngokwe-PGA (uhlalutyo lomdlalo wangemva komdlalo), inokukunceda nokwenza okungcono okulandelayo, utsho ugqirha wezesondo ekliniki uMegan Stubbs, EdD.

“Endaweni yokuziqengqa uyokulala emva kwesondo, kwixa elizayo yiba nencoko malunga nokudibana kwakho. Thatha eli xesha uzonwabele emva nasemva kokuxoxa ngezinto ozithandayo nangezinto oza kuzitsiba (ukuba zikhona) kwixesha elizayo, utshilo.

Ewe kunjalo, uStubbs uthi, kungcono ukuqala ngokuhlawula iqabane lakho-kulwaphulo-mthetho ukuncoma malunga nokwabelana ngesondo osele unakho- kodwa ukunyaniseka ngento ongayithandiyo kubalulekile, nayo.

Iingcebiso kunye nemibuzo onokuyisebenzisa xa ucela utshintsho:

• “Ndingakubonisa uxinzelelo endiluthandayo…”
• "U-X uziva kamnandi, ucinga ukuba ungenza ngaphezulu kwixesha elizayo?"
• “Ndiziva ndisemngciphekweni wokukutsho oku, kodwa…”
• “Ungasizama esi sindululo endaweni yoko?”
• Makhe ndikubonise indlela endiyithanda ngayo. ”
• "Ndinike isandla sakho, ndiza kukubonisa."
• Jonga indlela endizichukumisa ngayo. ”

"Ndicebisa ukuqatshelwa kothando ezintlanu kwisicelo ngasinye sotshintsho," wongeza uSari Cooper, umseki kunye nomlawuli weZiko loThando noTyala kwi-NYC.

Fundani iincwadi zesini "zokuzinceda" kunye

Sifunda iincwadi zokuzinceda ngemali yethu, ukunciphisa umzimba, ukukhulelwa, kunye nokuqhekeka. Ke kutheni ungazisebenzisi ukunceda ngobomi bethu bokwabelana ngesondo?

Nokuba ugxile ekuvuseleleni ubomi bakho bezesondo, ukufunda okungakumbi malunga ne-orgasm yabasetyhini, ukufunda apho ikhoyo i-G-spot, ukujikwa ngephepha-lamanyala, okanye ukufunda izikhundla ezitsha- kukho incwadi yayo.

Kwaye ucinga ntoni?

Ngokophando olwenziwe ngo-2016 kwiphephancwadi lezeNzululwazi ngezoSondo kunye nobuDlelwane, abasetyhini abafunda iincwadi zokuzinceda kunye nokufunda fiction ezithandekayo bobabini benze i-statistical ebonakalayo kwiiveki ezintandathu xa kuziwa:

• umnqweno wesondo
• inkanuko yesini
• ukuthambisa ajikeleze
• ukwaneliseka
• ii-orgasms
• ukunciphisa iintlungu
• ukusebenza ngokubanzi ngokwesondo

Ufuna ezinye iingcebiso? Ezi ncwadi ziya kukunceda uqalise ukwakha ilayibrari yakho ye-erotica.

UPowell ukwacebisa ukuba uqale ngo "Yiza njengoko Unjalo" nguEmily Nagoski, ojongana nezifundo ezinamanzi ezinje ngendlela umfazi ngamnye analo uhlobo olwahlukileyo lwesini, kunye nokuba leliphi na ilungu lomfazi elinamandla kunawo onke yingqondo yakhe.

"Uza Kuqala" ngu-Ian Kerner akayonto imfutshane yeklasikhi yanamhlanje.

Kodwa uPowell uthi uninzi lweevenkile ezabelana ngesondo ezonwabisayo ziya kuba neeshelufa ezimbalwa zeencwadi ezinokubakho kunye nezinto ezinokubakho.

Yongeza iithoyi!

Enye indlela i-Stubbs inceda ngayo abantu abatshatileyo ukuba baphonononge okungaziwayo bacebisa ukuba bathenge kwaye bazame iimveliso ezintsha kunye.

"Izinto zokudlala zokwabelana ngesondo zizinto ezintle zokongeza kwingxowa yakho yesini yamaqhinga, kwaye ngezinto ezahlukeneyo ezikhoyo, uqinisekile ukuba uza kufumana into esebenza nawe kunye neqabane lakho," utshilo uStubbs. Oko kunokuthetha nantoni na evela kwi-vibrator okanye iplagi ye-butt, iioyile zokuthambisa, okanye ipeyinti yomzimba.

"Musa ukuya kwizinto ezithandwayo, hamba ngezinto ezinomdla kuwe. Uphengululo lunokuba luncedo, kodwa mamela wena, ”ukhumbuza uMolly Adler, LCSW, ACS, umlawuli we-Sex Therapy NM kunye nomsunguli we-Self Serve, iziko lezixhobo zesini.

Ekuvuseleleni ubudlelwane bezesondo "obufileyo"

Thetha ngayo (kodwa hayi kwigumbi lokulala)

"Xa ubudlelwane 'bufile ngokwesondo,' kunokubakho izinto ezininzi ngaxeshanye xa kudlalwa. Kodwa eyona nto imangalisayo kukungabikho konxibelelwano, ”utshilo uBaley.

Umzekelo, omnye umntu unokucinga ukuba iqabane lakhe lonelisekile ngokugqibeleleyo ngesondo abanalo. Kodwa eneneni, amaqabane abo ashiya isihlandlo ngasinye besiva bengonelisekanga kwaye bedanile. ”

“Nokuba umntu uqhuba njani ngokwesondo okanye nge-libido, ngekhe abekho xa efuna isondo esingabazisi uyolo. Ukuvula imigca emalunga nonxibelelwano kunokunceda ekusombululeni oyena nobangela 'wegumbi lokulala elifileyo,' nokuba kukungonwabi, uxinzelelo oluphezulu kubudlelwane, ukuthanda ezinye iindlela zokusondelelana, okanye ukungabikho kwe-libido. "

Iingcebiso ezivela kuShadeen Francis, MFT, isini, umtshato, kunye nonyango losapho:

• Ukufumana incoko iqhubeke, qala ngezinto ezintle, ukuba ungayifumana.
• Kuthekani ngolwalamano olusenobomi kulo?
• Ungakhula njani kwaye wakhe phezu koko kusebenza?
• Ukuba ubambekile, yenza idinga nengcali yezokwabelana ngesondo enokukunceda ufumane ulwalamano lobomi.

Ukuthetha ngento yokuba ungabelani ngesondo kwigumbi lokulala kunokongeza ingqokelela yoxinzelelo olungafunekiyo kuwo omabini amaqabane, yiyo loo nto uBaley ecebisa ukuba nengxoxo ngaphandle kwegumbi lokulala.

Ukuphulula amalungu esini ngokwakho

"Ukuphulula amalungu esini kulungele impilo yakho yomzimba kunye nengqondo kwaye yenye yeendlela ezilungileyo zokufunda ngesini sakho," utshilo uCooper. "Ndikhuthaza abo bakhalaza nge-libido esezantsi ukuba bazame ukonwaba, okugcina isondo engqondweni yabo kwaye kubanceda bomeleze unxibelelwano lwabo kwisini sabo."

U-Cooper wongeza ukuba akukho ndlela ichanekileyo okanye engalunganga yokwenza i-masturbate. Nokuba usebenzisa izandla zakho, imiqamelo, amanzi abalekayo, izidlidliza, okanye ezinye izinto zokudlala, uyenza kakuhle.

Kodwa nokuba unayo indlela oyithandayo yokuzama-kunye neyinyani yokuphulula amalungu esini, ukulichonga ixesha lakho lodwa kunokukhokelela ekwabelaneni ngesondo.

Iingcebiso zikaSari Cooper zokuphulula amaphambili:

• Ukuba uhlala usebenzisa izandla zakho, zama into yokudlala.
• Ukuba uhlala uhlambalaza ebusuku, zama iseshoni yakusasa.
• Ukuba uhlala emqolo wakho, zama ukutsiba.

Lube phezulu

"Ndiyadlala ukuba ungalinganisa ubomi bezesondo njenge-pre-and post-lube, kodwa ndiyathetha. ILube inokuba ngumdlalo otshintshisayo kwisibini esitshatileyo, ”utshilo uAdler.

Zininzi izizathu zokuba umntu obhinqileyo abe nakho ukoma kwilungu lobufazi. Inyani yile yokuba nokuba uphambene uvuliwe kwaye unokucinga kuphela malunga nokwabelana ngesondo nalo mntu ngonaphakade (okanye nangobusuku nje obunye) i-lube inokwenza ukudibana kube mnandi.

Ngapha koko, olunye uphononongo lujonge abafazi abangama-2,451 kunye nemibono yabo malunga negrisi. Abafazi bagqibe kwelokuba i-lube yenza kwalula kubo ukuba benze i-orgasm, kwaye bakhethe isondo xa simanzi ngakumbi.

Uludwe ludwelise iipilisi zolawulo lokuzalwa, uxinzelelo, ubudala, kunye nokuphelelwa ngamanzi emzimbeni njengoko kunokubangela. Ukomiswa kwesondo kusenokwenzeka xa uneminyaka yobudala okanye ungena exesheni.

Ukuba ungumthengi we-lube okokuqala, u-Adler ucebisa oku kulandelayo:

• Hlala kude neoyile esekwe kwioyile. Ngaphandle kokuba ukunye kwaye uzama ukukhulelwa okanye ubudlelwane obukhuselweyo ngenye indlela, thintela ioyile esekwe kwioyile njengoko ioyile inokuphula i-latex kwiikhondom.
• Khumbula ukuba i-lubes esekwe kwisilicone isenokungahambelani neethoyi ezisekwe kubicah. Ke gcina i-lube ye-silicone yeetoys ezingezizo ezesiliconsi, okanye sebenzisa i-lube ye-silicone-yamanzi e-hybrid.
• Khangela iimveliso ezingenayo i-glycerin kunye ne-sugar-free. Zombini ezi zithako zingatshintsha i-pH yelungu lobufazi kwaye zikhokelele kwizinto ezifana nosulelo lwegwele.
• Khumbula ukuba uninzi lweemveliso zasekhaya azizizo izinto endaweni ye-lube enkulu. Gwema ishampu, i-conditioner, ibhotela, ioli yeoli, i-petroleum jelly, kunye neoli yekhokhonathi, nangona kunjalo are umtyibilizi.

Yibeke kwikhalenda yakho

Ngokuqinisekileyo, ukucwangcisa isondo kuhlala kufumana ugh. Kodwa yiva i-Stubbs ngaphandle:

"Ndiyazi ukuba abantu abaninzi bacinga ukuba kusemva kwexesha okanye kumosha imeko, kodwa amathuba okuba ukuba uhlala ungumphembeleli kwaye iqabane lakho lisoloko likuvalela… kusenokubakho inzondo."

Zisindise ekulahlweni kunye neqabane lakho ukuze uzive ungasoloko usithi hayi ngokwenza ishedyuli, utshilo uStubbs. Vumelanani ngamatyeli azakusebenza kuni nobabini kwaye nisuke apho. Ngeshedyuli ekhoyo, uya kuthatha inkxalabo yokwaliwa okukude etafileni. Le yimeko yokuphumelela. ”

Kwaye, ukwazi ukuba uza kulala emva kwexesha kuya kukubeka kwisini-engqondweni yonke imini.

Kodwa ubelana ngesondo ngokuzenzekelayo, naye

“Ngelixa ukucwangcisa nokwenza ixesha lokwabelana ngesondo kusempilweni, ezinye izibini aziziniki inkululeko yokuba neentlobano zesini xa imeko yeemvakalelo ihlasela ngenxa yezinto ezinje ngezintlu zokwenza izinto, okanye ingqondo yokuba baxakeke kakhulu ukuba bangazenza izinto Yonwabela, utshilo uAdler.

Kungenxa yoko le nto ugqirha wezengqondo kunye nochwephesha wobudlelwane uDanielle Forshee, PsyD, ikwacebisa ukuba uzenzele ngokukhawuleza, nini, kwaye ulala phi.

Ukwabelana ngesondo okuzenzekelayo kuvelisa into entsha kubudlelwane obungacwangciswanga ngokwesondo, utshilo uForshee. “Qala ngokuthatha inxaxheba ekuchukumiseni abantu ongathandani nabo rhoqo ukuze uncede uyenze loo nto. Kwaye mhlawumbi ngesondo kuya kulandela. ”

Ekuphononongeni isini sakho kamva ebomini

Ungavumeli ilebula ikugcine ekuhlolweni

"Abasetyhini beCisgender babonisa inkanuko yesini ngaphezulu kobomi babo," utshilo uPowell. Ngapha koko, iziphumo ezipapashwe kwi-2016, kwiJenali yoBuntu kunye neNtlalontle yezeNtlalontle, zicebisa ukuba bonke abantu basetyhini, ngokwamazinga ahlukeneyo, bavuswa ngamanye amabhinqa kwiividiyo ezithandekayo.

Ewe, ayinguye wonke umfazi ovusiweyo oya kuba nomnqweno wokwenza ezo mpendulo kubomi bokwenyani.

Kodwa ukuba uyakwenza oko, uPowell uthi, “Yiba nomdla wokuphonononga loo minqweno yesini. Sukuziva isidingo sokuthatha kwaye wamkele indlela entsha yokwabelana ngesondo okanye isazisi, ukuba oko akuvakali kukunika amandla. "

Kufanelekile ukuba sikhankanye ziingxelo zamva nje ezibonisa ukuba isini siyenyuka phakathi kwabantu bonke, kubandakanya namadoda. Abaphandi bagqiba kwelokuba maninzi amathuba okuba amadoda angamadoda athandana namanye ngaphandle phaya ekuqaleni kwakucingwa, kodwa ukuba abathethi ngawo ngenxa yokoyika ukwaliwa.

UJessica O'Reilly PhD, umphathi we-@SexWithDrJess podcast, uyongeza, "Bonke abantu banelungelo lokuchonga (okanye bangachongi) kwaye bazame ngokwendlela abaziqonda ngayo ezesondo."

Zijikeleze nabantu abaxhasa uphando lwakho

"Ukwabelana ngesondo kuyamanziswa ngumtsalane, umnqweno, libido, isini, umdla, imida, iingcinga, nokunye. Itshintsha ngokwamaxesha obomi kwaye iyaguquguquka ngokweemeko zobomi. Nantoni na ohlangabezana nayo, kufanelekile ukuba uzithembe kwiminqweno yakho kwaye uxhaswe ngabahlobo, usapho, kunye nabanye obathandayo, utshilo u-O'Reilly.

Kungenxa yoko le nto ecebisa ngokufuna amaqela asekwe ekuhlaleni ngenkxaso ukuba iqela labahlobo bakho okanye usapho lwakho aluyazi indlela yokuxhasa ukuhlola kwakho.

Izixhobo zokufumana inkxaso:

• Yibhayi.org
• Iphulo lamaLungelo oLuntu (HRC)
• IZiko leZibonelelo zoBuntu
• Izixhobo zeLGBTQ zabafundi kunye neNkxaso
• Iprojekthi kaTrevor
• Umbutho wamaTransgender waseMelika
• Amagqala amaLungelo oluNtu
• IBIENESTAR
• IZiko leMithombo likaZwelonke kwi-LGBT yokuguga
• Ubhengezo lwe-SAGE kunye neenkonzo zaBadala be-LGBT
• Isiseko sikaMateyu Shepard
• I-PFLAG
• KONWABILE

UGabrielle Kassel ngumdlalo wombhoxo, osebenza ngodaka, odibanisa iiprotein-smoothie, ulungiselela ukutya, iCrossFitting, umbhali wezempilo oseNew York. Uye wangumntu wakusasa, wazama umceli mngeni we-Whole30, watya, wasela, waxukuxa, wahlikihlwa, wahlanjwa namalahle, konke egameni lobuntatheli. Ngexesha lakhe lokuphumla, unokufunyanwa efunda iincwadi zokuzinceda, ukucofa ibhentshi, okanye ukuziqhelisa. Mlandele kwi-Instagram.