Ubundlobongela obuvela koGqirha abangamadoda busenzeka-kwaye kufuneka ume

Umxholo

• Kodwa kule minyaka imbalwa idlulileyo, ndinamava okubaleka kakubi kakhulu ngoogqirha abangamadoda abandishiya ndiziva ndinyhashiwe.
• Njengomntu owehlelwe kukuhlaselwa ngokwesondo, ezi meko zaziva ngathi ziyinto yokudlala ngamandla.
• Kwaye njengoko kuvela, ndikude kuye kuphela okhe wafumana into enje.
• Ngaba sidlala kunye ukufumana oko sikufunayo? Okanye ngaba sizibeka emngciphekweni wokubonwa 'njengabanzima' kwaye sinokuthi sibeke impilo yethu engozini?
• Ngelixa kulula (kwaye kuyaqondakala) ukuziva ungenamandla kwezi meko, ndiye ndaqala ukutyhalela emva.
• Ndinombulelo koogqirha abangamadoda endinabo abagcina ibha iphezulu kwaye babonelela ngononophelo oluhle, bandiqinisekisa ukuba ndinako kwaye kufuneka ndizive ndikhuselekile njengesigulana.

Ngaba ugqirha obhinqileyo angaziqhula malunga nokukwazi kwakhe ukuziphatha phambi kwam ngaphandle komongikazi?

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Kutshanje, ndihendiwe ukuba ndibabhalele oogqirha abangamadoda.

Andikabi nayo.

Ayikuko ukuba andizukubona oogqirha abangamadoda, kuba ndiza. Ndisababona kuba ndikhumbula abanye oogqirha abangamadoda abakhulu abaye bandinceda kakhulu kuhambo lwam lokhathalelo lwempilo.

Ndicinga nge-gastroenterologist yam, ebisoloko isiza kum ngokufanelekileyo, kwaye ebenobubele kwaye enembeko kubudlelwane bakhe nam.

Ndikwacinga ngugqirha wesikhumba sam, ongakhange abekho nto ngaphandle kwengcali ngelixa endibonelela ngokujongwa kolusu oluqhelekileyo - {textend} inkqubo yomzimba wonke ehambelana nendalo.

Aba gqirha bebengabo abalungileyo.

Kodwa kule minyaka imbalwa idlulileyo, ndinamava okubaleka kakubi kakhulu ngoogqirha abangamadoda abandishiya ndiziva ndinyhashiwe.

Amaxesha amaninzi, ndikhe ndadibana noogqirha abangamadoda abacinga ukuba kulungile ukunika uluvo, isini- {textend} uhlobo lwentetho oluvakala ngokungathi kukuqinisekiswa kwamandla, okanye kuthetha intuthuzelo ekwabelwana ngayo ngokwenene kwabelwane ngayo.

Oku kubandakanya eyindoda i-OB-GYN, ethe, emva kokujonga kwakhona imbali yam, yathi: "Ewe, inokuba ubusendle kwaye uphambene, huh?"

Ndothuka. Andizange ndibenamazwi ngalo mzuzu- {textend} kodwa hayi, andizange ndibesendle kwaye ndiphambane nge-18.

Ndathula ndade ndafika endlini, ndangena ebhedini yam, ndizibuza ukuba kutheni ndilila.

Olu hlobo lwe- “micro-misogyny” luxhaphake kakhulu kwii-ofisi zoogqirha abangamadoda, imeko apho ugqirha-ugqirha onamandla anokusishiya siziva sisesichengeni kwaye singenamandla.

Kwakukho nezimvo ezivela kumhlali ekuqeqesheni nakumfundi wobugqirha - {textend} omabini la madoda - {textend} e-ofisini yam yesikhumba, owathi kum: “Ndizokuya kufuna umongikazi aqinisekise ukuba siziphatha kakuhle , ”Ngokungathi kukho ithuba lokuba abayi" kuziphatha "kunye nam.

Bendihleli ze ze phambi kwabo, ndigcinele igown enqabileyo egubungele umzimba wam. Bendingaziva ndingakhuselekanga ngaphambili, kodwa ngokuqinisekileyo bendingaziva ndikhuselekile ngoku.

Ngaba ugqirha obhinqileyo angaba uqhula malunga yena ukubanakho ukuziphatha kakuhle phambi kwam ngaphandle komongikazi? Andikwazi ukunceda kodwa ndikholelwe ukuba amathuba amancinci.

Njengomntu owehlelwe kukuhlaselwa ngokwesondo, ezi meko zaziva ngathi ziyinto yokudlala ngamandla.

Kutheni le nto umhlali ekuqeqesheni kunye nomfundi wezonyango esiva isidingo sokuhlekwa kwemali yam? Ukuze bazenze bekhululeke ngakumbi malunga nenyaniso yokuba unakho uthathe ithuba ngam ukuba bekungafuneki ukuba nomongikazi kwigumbi ngelo xesha?

Andikazifumani iinjongo zabo, kodwa ndingabelana ngokuba ihlaya alifikanga. Hayi kum, ubuncinci.

Ndihleli ndimncinci ku-4'11 ”, kwaye nam ndingumfazi othetha kamnandi. Ndineminyaka engama-28 kwaye ndijamelene nembonakalo entle. Konke oko kukuthi, ndinokucinga ukuba bandibona njengomntu abanokuthi benze ezi zimvo kubo.

Umntu ongazange athethe nto. Umntu onokuyivumela ityibilika.

Emva kokuba ndiphila ngokuhlaselwa ngokwesondo ixesha elidlulileyo, la magqabantshintshi anemibala ngakumbi. Baye babangela kwaye bavuselela iinkumbulo ezindala zexa lomzimba wam uthathwe kum ngaphandle kwemvume yam.

Njengesigulana, uninzi lwethu sele luziva lungenakuzenzela nto kwaye lusengozini. Ke ngoku kutheni le "banter" yesini isemgangathweni xa iyilelwe kuphela ukwenza ukuba abantu basetyhini bazive bengenamandla ngakumbi?

Inyani yile, andifuni kubonwa ngathi ndinobuzaza kakhulu, kodwa inyani iya kuhlala: Ezi zimvo azilunganga kwaye akufuneki zinyamezelwe.

Kwaye njengoko kuvela, ndikude kuye kuphela okhe wafumana into enje.

U-Angie Ebba wabelana nam ngebali lakhe: "Ngelixesha etafileni yokuzala, ndigqibile ukusebenza kwaye ndihambisa usana oluphambili, indoda yam u-OB-GYN, owayekwinkqubo yokuthunga apho ndandikrazuke khona, wajonga ke-umyeni wathi, 'Ufuna ndibeke umthungo womyeni?' wahleka. ”

Undixelela ukuba umyeni wakhe ebengenalo nofifi lokuba ugqirha uthetha ngantoni, kodwa yena wenza njalo.

Kuyabonakala ukuba, wayeqhula ngokufaka isuture eyongezelelweyo ukuyenza indawo yakhe yelungu lobufazi incinci, kwaye ke iyonwabisa ngakumbi endodeni ngexesha lokwabelana ngesondo.

Uthi, "Ukuba bendingadinwanga kangako (kwaye uyazi, hayi phakathi kokufumana i-sutures) Ndiqinisekile ngendimkhabe entloko."

Omnye umfazi, uJay Summer, wabelana ngamava afanayo nam, nangona oku kwenzeka kuye xa wayengu 19.

UJay uthi: "Utyelelo lwaluqhelekile ekuqaleni de ndacela ukuzalwa."

"Ndiyakhumbula ukuba wayemile kwaye ilizwi lakhe laligweba xa ebuza," Utshatile? ngokungathi wothuke ngokupheleleyo umntu ongatshatanga angafuna ukuzalwa. Ndathi hayi wabuza ukuba mingaphi iminyaka yam kwaye wancwina, ngathi [ukuba neminyaka eli-19 ubudala nokufuna ukuzala] yeyona nto ilizothe. ”

Le mizuzu ye-'mic-misogyny 'ibeka abafazi kwindawo engenakwenzeka.

Ngaba sidlala kunye ukufumana oko sikufunayo? Okanye ngaba sizibeka emngciphekweni wokubonwa 'njengabanzima' kwaye sinokuthi sibeke impilo yethu engozini?

Asisoloko sinexesha lokususa emsebenzini kwakhona, okanye ubunewunewu bokuphuma kwiofisi kagqirha siye kufumana omnye umntu - {textend} omnye ugqirha kwinethiwekhi yethu, phantsi kwesicwangciso seinshurensi yethu, kwakule nyanga inye esinokuthi sifuna iimpendulo kwimibuzo engxamisekileyo yezonyango emalunga nemizimba yethu.

Asinabo ubunewunewu bokuhamba kuba oko sikufunayo (iziphumo zethu zovavanyo, iimpendulo kwimibuzo yethu, amayeza) ibanjwe ngaphezulu kweentloko zethu, kwaye kufuneka sidlale kamnandi ukuze siyifumane.

Iba sisisindisi ngendlela: Ukuba ndingafikelela kule nto, ukuba andithethi nto, mhlawumbi ndiza kufumana iimpendulo endizifunayo kwaye ndinokuqhubeka malunga nosuku lwam.

Kule nto inamandla, oogqirha abangamadoda banamandla. Banokuthetha abakufunayo, kwaye ngokungathandabuzekiyo, kuncinci okunokwenziwa ukutshintsha loo nto ukuba ufuna ukuba iimfuno zakho zifezekisiwe.

Yinkqubo yesithintelo akukho mfazi kufuneka ahambe ngendlela yakhe ngokulandela impilo yakhe.

Ngelixa kulula (kwaye kuyaqondakala) ukuziva ungenamandla kwezi meko, ndiye ndaqala ukutyhalela emva.

Kwimeko yendoda yam i-OB-GYN, ndiye ndayixela kwisebe lezempilo likarhulumente elandilandela laphanda lo mbandela.

Ngokumalunga nomhlali, ndathumela i-dermatologist nge-imeyile ukuba ndicacise imeko kwaye ndicebise ukuba, kuba uqeqesho nakwindawo yokufunda, umntu umfundisa okungakumbi malunga nendlela yokulala ecaleni kwebhedi kunye nolwalamano olufanelekileyo lwesigulana.

Ukuphendula, ugqirha wam wafowuna ecela uxolo kwaye wandazisa ukuba uthethile nomhlali malunga nale meko kwaye ithathwa ngokungathí sina.

Ayizizo iinjongo zam ezicocekileyo ukohlwaya okanye ukohlwaya. Kodwa ke ngu Injongo yam yokufundisa kunye nokulungisa, kunye nokwazisa ugqirha okanye uqeqesho kuqeqesho xa kwenzeka into engafanelekanga.

Kwaye ekupheleni kosuku, kuyanceda wonke umntu.

Inokukunceda ekuqinisekiseni ukuba oogqirha bayaziphepha iimpazamo ezizayo, izigulana ezilahlekileyo, okanye iindlela ezinokubakho. Kwaye ngandlela thile encinci, ndiziva ndinamandla okuba ndazi ukuba ezi ntlobo zivuselelayo nezimoyikisayo (ngethemba) azizukuqhubeka okanye ziqhubeke nokwenzakalisa abanye abantu basetyhini ngendlela abandenzakalise ngayo.

Ngelixa ingahlali iziva ngathi yanele, ezi ziintlobo zamanyathelo endizithathayo: ukuthetha, ukutshintsha oogqirha, kunye nokufaka izikhalazo xa kusenzeka "into encinci".

Ndinombulelo koogqirha abangamadoda endinabo abagcina ibha iphezulu kwaye babonelela ngononophelo oluhle, bandiqinisekisa ukuba ndinako kwaye kufuneka ndizive ndikhuselekile njengesigulana.

Kwaye ukuba ugqirha oyindoda uwela umgca ngoku, ndiyenzile into yokuba ndibaphendule xa ndinako.

Ndibabambe kumgangatho ophakamileyo kuba ndiyakholelwa ukuba zonke izigulana - {textend} ngakumbi abasetyhini kunye nabo basindileyo ekuhlaselweni ngokwesondo— {textend} bafanelwe kokona kukhathalelwa kusesemandleni.

Yazisa uMabe ngumbhali kunye notitshala ovela eTampa, eFlorida. Ngoku ufundisa kwiYunivesithi yaseMzantsi Florida.