Amanyathelo ama-3 avunyiweyo weTherapist yokuMisa 'Ukuzenzela iintloni'

Umxholo

• 1. Sebenzisa uqinisekiso lokuziqhelanisa nokuzenzela imfesane
• 2. Buyela emzimbeni
• 3. Zama ukuhamba kancinci
• Uziva njani ngoku?

Ukuzenzela inceba sisakhono- kwaye sesona sonke esinokufunda kuso.

Rhoqo kunokuba kunjalo "kwindlela yonyango," ndihlala ndikhumbuza abathengi bam ukuba ngelixa sisebenza nzima ukungafundi isimilo esingasasisebenzisiyo, kanjalo usebenza ukukhuthaza imfesane. Yinto ebalulekileyo emsebenzini!

Ngelixa kunokuba lula kwabanye bethu ukuba sikwazi ukuziva kwaye sibonakalise imfesane kwabanye, kuhlala kunzima ukwandisa uvakalelo olufanayo kwiziqu zethu (endaweni yoko, ndibona ukuzihlazisa, ukugxeka, kunye neemvakalelo. yetyala - onke amathuba okuziqhelanisa nemfesane).

Kodwa ndithetha ukuthini ngovelwano? Imfesane ngokubanzi ngokubanzi imalunga nokwazi uxinzelelo olujamelana nabanye abantu kunye nomnqweno wokunceda. Ke, kum, uvelwano luthatha olo luvo kwaye ulusebenzise kuwe.

Wonke umntu ufuna inkxaso ngohambo lwabo ekunyangeni nasekukhuleni. Kwaye kutheni le nkxaso ingafanelekanga ukuba ivele ngaphakathi?

Cinga ngokuzenzela imfesane, ke, hayi njengendawo oya kuyo, kodwa njengesixhobo kuhambo lwakho.

Umzekelo, nditsho nakuhambo lwam lokuzithanda, ndisafumana amaxesha oxinzelelo xa ndingenzi nto "ngokugqibeleleyo," okanye ndenze impazamo enokuthi iqale ihlazo.

Kutshanje, ndibhale phantsi ixesha lokuqala elingalunganga kwiseshoni yokuqala kunye nomthengi obangele ukuba ndiqale imizuzu engama-30 kamva kunokuba bebekulindele. Yikes.

Ndakuqonda oku, ndaziva ukuba intliziyo yam iyatshona esifubeni kunye nempompo yeadrenaline kunye nokutshisa okunzulu ezidleleni zam. Ndicime ngokupheleleyo… kwaye ngaphezulu koko, ndiyenzile phambi komthengi!

Kodwa ukwazi ezi mvakalelo kwandivumela ukuba ndiphefumlele kuzo ukuze ndizinciphise. Ndazimema (cwaka, ewe) ukuba ndikhulule iimvakalelo zentloni kunye nomhlaba kuzinzo lweseshoni. Ndizikhumbuze ukuba ndingumntu- kwaye kungaphezulu KULUNGILE ukuba izinto zingahambi ngokwesicwangciso ngalo lonke ixesha.

Ukusuka apho, ndazivumela ukuba ndifunde kule snafu, nayo. Ndakwazi ukuzenzela inkqubo ebhetele. Ndijonge kunye nomthengi wam ukuze ndiqiniseke ukuba ndiyabaxhasa, kunokuba ndigodole okanye ndinciphe ngenxa yeentloni.

Baphuma, babelungile ngokupheleleyo, kuba babeza kundibona kuqala nokuphambili njengomntu, nam.

Ke, ndifunde njani ukuthoba isantya kule mizuzu? Kuncede ukuqala ngokucinga ngamava am endixelelwa wona kumntu wesithathu.

Kungenxa yokuba, uninzi lwethu, sinokucinga ukuba sinikezela ngemfesane komnye umntu ngcono kakhulu kunokuba sinako thina ngokwethu (ngesiqhelo kuba siziqhelise yangaphambili kakhulu).

Ukusuka apho, emva koko ndingazibuza, "ndingayinika njani imfesane kulo mntu?"

Kuyavela ukuba ukubonwa, ukwamkelwa, kunye nokuxhaswa zizinto eziphambili ze-equation. Ndizivumele umzuzwana ukuba ndibuyele umva ndicamngce ngento endiyibonayo kum, ndavuma uxinzelelo kunye netyala eliza, emva koko ndazixhasa ekuthatheni amanyathelo anokunyusa imeko.

Ngale nto ithethwayo, ukukhuthaza uvelwano ayisiyonto incinci. Ke, ngaphambi kokuba siqhubele phambili, ndifuna ukukuhlonipha konke oko. Inyani yokuba uzimisele kwaye uvulelekile ukuba uphonononge nokuba oku kunokuthetha ntoni kuwe yeyona nto ibalulekileyo.

Leyo yinxalenye endiza kukumema ukuba ubandakanyeke kuyo ngoku ngamanyathelo amathathu alula.

1. Sebenzisa uqinisekiso lokuziqhelanisa nokuzenzela imfesane

Uninzi lwethu olunengxaki yokuzisizela luyasokola nento endihlala ndiyibiza ngokuba lihlazo okanye isilo sokungazithembi, esinelizwi elinokuthi liphume ngamaxesha angalindelekanga.

Ngale nto engqondweni, ndinike amagama amabinzana aqhelekileyo e-monster yehlazo:

• "Andonelanga ngokwaneleyo."
• "Akufanelanga ndizive ngale ndlela."
• "Kutheni ndingakwazi ukwenza izinto njengabanye abantu?"
• Ndimdala kakhulu ukuba ndingasokola kule micimbi. "
• “Bekufanele ukuba [ndizalise izikhewu]; Ndingazalisa [isithuba esingabhalwanga]. ”

Njengokutshintsha imisipha okanye ukuziqhelanisa nobuchule obutsha, ukuhlakulela imfesane yakho kufuna ukuba siziqhelise "ukuthetha kwakhona" kwesi silo sineentloni. Ngexesha, ithemba kukuba ilizwi lakho langaphakathi liba namandla kwaye livakale ngaphezu kwelizwi lokungazithembi.

Eminye imizekelo yokuzama:

• "Ndifanelekile kwaye ndifanelwe nguThixo."
• Ndivunyelwe ukuba ndizive nangona ndiziva njani - iimvakalelo zam zivumelekile.
• "Ndikhethekile ngeendlela zam ezimangalisayo ngelixa ndisabelana ngamava angcwele oqhagamsheleneyo nabantu abaninzi."
• "Andisoze ndibemdala kakhulu (okanye kakhulu kuyo nayiphi na into, ngenxa yalonto) ukuqhubeka nokukhulisa umdla malunga nokuziphatha kwam kunye neendawo zokukhula."
• “Ngalo mzuzu ndi (zalisa isithuba); ngalo mzuzu ndiziva [gcwalisa isikhewu]. ”

Ukuba ezi aziziva zindalo kuwe, kulungile! Zama ukuvula incwadi kwaye ubhale iziqinisekiso ezizezakho.

2. Buyela emzimbeni

Njenge-somatic therapist egxile kunxibelelwano lomzimba wengqondo, uyakufumanisa ukuba ndihlala ndimema abantu ukuba babuyele emizimbeni yabo. Luhlobo lwento yam.

Amaxesha amaninzi, ukusebenzisa umzobo okanye intshukumo njengezixhobo zokuqhubekeka kunokuba luncedo. Kungenxa yokuba bayasivumela ukuba siziveze kwisithuba esingasoloko siyiqonda ngokupheleleyo.

Ngale nto engqondweni, zimeme ngobumnene ukuba uzobe indlela oziva ngayo ukuziva ndikunikile-mhlawumbi ugxile kule ithethe kakhulu nawe. Vumela ukuba usebenzise nayiphi na imibala ehambelana nawe kunye nolunye uhlobo lwendalo oluhambelana nawe. Njengoko usenza njalo, zivumele ukuba uqaphele kwaye unomdla wokuba uziva njani emzimbeni wakho ukuzoba.

Ngaba uyaqaphela ukuba kukho iindawo ezithile zoxinzelelo emzimbeni wakho? Ungazama ukubakhupha ngobugcisa bakho? Unzima kangakanani okanye uthambe kangakanani ucinezela phantsi isiphawuli sakho njengoko uyila? Ngaba uyayiqaphela indlela evakala ngayo emzimbeni wakho, kwaye emva koko uziva njani xa ufuna ukumema ukwahluka koxinzelelo kwiphepha?

Konke oku lulwazi umzimba wakho onobubele ngokwaneleyo ukuba ungabelana nawe, ukuba uya kuphulaphula. (Ewe, ndiyazi ukuba kuvakala ngathi yi-woo-woo encinci, kodwa ungothuka xa ufumanisa.)

3. Zama ukuhamba kancinci

Ewe, ukuba ukwenza ubugcisa akuhambelani nawe, ndingakumema kwakhona ukuba uzive unentshukumo okanye iintshukumo ezifuna okanye ezifuna ukubonakaliswa ngokupheleleyo.

Umzekelo, xa ndifuna ukucubungula iimvakalelo, ndinendawo yokubonisa i-yoga ethi titrate phakathi kokuvula nokuvala oko kundinceda ndizive ndingazinzanga. Omnye wabo utshintshela imijikelo embalwa phakathi koNwabisa usana kunye nePosi yoMntwana. Enye ikati-Inkomo, ekwavumela ukuba ndivumelanise ukucothisa kwam ukuphefumla kwam.

Ukuba nemfesane ngesiqu sakho akusoloko kuyeyona nto ilula ukuhlakulela, ngakumbi xa sihlala sizigxeka kakhulu. Ke, ukufumana ezinye iindlela zokufikelela kwiimvakalelo zethu ezisikhupha kwindawo yokuthetha kunokunceda ngokwenene.

Xa sibandakanyeka kubugcisa kunyango, imalunga nenkqubo, hayi isiphumo. Kuyafana neyoga kunye nentshukumo. Ukuzivumela ukuba uqwalasele kwindlela iziva ngayo le nkqubo, kwaye ukwahlula kwindlela ejongeka ngayo kwabanye, yinxalenye yendlela esitshintsha ngayo ukuze sibe novelwano.

Uziva njani ngoku?

Nokuba uziva njani, akukho sidingo sokuyigweba. Dibana nje naphi na apho ukhoyo.

Ukusebenzela ukukhulula izigwebo kunye nolindelo olubekwe kuthi ngabanye ayingomsebenzi olula, kodwa ngumsebenzi ongcwele. Ngexesha elinokuba ngumthombo wokwenyani woxhotyiso. Uyaphilisa inxeba uninzi olungalwaziyo; Ufanele ukuzibhiyozela ngayo yonke le nto.

Ngexesha, njengoko uguquguqula esi sihlunu sitsha, uya kufumanisa ukuba ukuzenzela imfesane yitotshi ekulungeleyo, apho ukukukhokelela kuyo nantoni na eza kuwe.

URachel Otis sisiphatho somatic, ubungqongqo obunqamlezayo bobufazi, umgqugquzeli womzimba, osindileyo wesifo sikaCrohn, kunye nombhali ophumelele kwiZiko laseCalifornia leZifundo eziHlanganisiweyo eSan Francisco kunye nesidanga sakhe sobugqirha kwezengqondo. URachel ukholelwa ekunikezeleni elinye ithuba lokuqhubeka nokutshintsha iiparadigms zentlalo, ngelixa ebhiyozela umzimba kubo bonke ubuqaqawuli bawo. Iiseshoni ziyafumaneka kwisikali sokutyibilika nangonyango lonyango. Fikelela kuye nge-imeyile.