Amahla ndinyuka okuba ungahlali kakuhle ekuhlaleni

Umxholo

• Ndiyazi njani ukuba andiyiyo intlalontle?
• Ngaba kubi?
• Ngaba iyanceda?
• Inkqubo yokulumkisa yangaphakathi
• Izakhono ezinzulu zokuncokola
• Iimbono ezizodwa
• Ndingaziva njani ndikhululeke ngakumbi kuseto lwasentlalweni?
• Ngena nzulu
• Ukufundwa okucetyiswayo
• Khumbula ukuba iimeko ezinzima zenzeka kuye wonke umntu
• Jongana nobuso obungathandekiyo
• Ziqhelise ukunxibelelana nabanye
• Ingcebiso yepro
• Zama ukuhlala ukhona
• Ufuna nini uncedo
• Umgca wezantsi

Sibandakanya iimveliso esicinga ukuba ziluncedo kubafundi bethu. Ukuba uthenga amakhonkco kweli phepha, sinokufumana ikhomishini encinci. Nantsi inkqubo yethu.

Imigaqo kunye neendlela zokuziphatha, ezinje ngokwazi ukuba ubulise nini okanye unike abantu indawo yobuqu, zikunceda uhambe ngeendlela zentlalo. Unokuba ufundiswe ngokuthe ngqo ezinye zezo zinto. Abanye, usenokuba ukhethe ukubukela abanye.

Xa ungqina umntu ephutha enye yale migaqo, unokuzibamba ngaphakathi kwaye uzive uneentloni ngomnye umntu. Ngokufanayo, usiva isisu sakho sijika xa usenza isingeniso kumntu omtsha okanye utyibilika kumagama akho.

Kodwa ukungonwabi ekuhlaleni akufuneki kube yinto embi. Ngapha koko, inokukunceda ngandlela thile. Kodwa loo nto ayenzi ukuba ibe ngaphantsi koxinzelelo ngalo mzuzu.

Nanku ukujonga imiqondiso yokungonwabi kwezentlalo, iingcebiso zokoyisa, kunye nezizathu zokuba isenokungabi yinto embi.

Ndiyazi njani ukuba andiyiyo intlalontle?

Ukungakhululeki kwezentlalo ayisiyongxaki yezempilo yengqondo - akukho ndlela yokuqonda isifo okanye inkcazo ebonakalayo. Ingakumbi imvakalelo, okanye ingqokelela yeemvakalelo kunye namava enza iphethini ebomini bakho.

Ezi mvakalelo kunye namava zihlala zibangelwa:

• ukusilela ukuqaphela iindlela ezithile zentlalo
• ukungaqondi okanye ukungaqapheli ulwimi lomzimba lwabanye

UHeidi McKenzie, i-PsyD, ucacisa ukuba abantu abaxhalabileyo ekuhlaleni banokufumana ubunzima ekuqhubeni incoko okanye basebenze ngendlela eya kwiqela. Ngenxa yoko, banokubonakala ngathi "bayacima" kwabanye.

Kunokuba nzima ukuba uqaphele ukungonwabi ngokwasentlalweni kuwe kuba usenokungazazi ezinye zeendlela zokuziphatha ongazithathiyo. Endaweni yoko, usenokuphawula ukuba awubonakali ulingana noontanga bakho

Ngaba kubi?

Ukungahlaliseki kwezentlalo, kukodwa, ayisiyonto imbi.

Kodwa inokuba yingxaki ukuba ikhokelela kuxinzelelo ngenxa:

• abantu bethetha kakubi
• ukuchitha ixesha elininzi uzibuza ukuba ikhona into oyenzileyo engalunganga
• Ukuhlala unengxaki kwiimeko zentlalo
• ukufuna ukwenza abahlobo kodwa usokola ukunxibelelana nabanye
• ndiziva ndilahliwe ngabanye

Kwihlabathi eligqibeleleyo, wonke umntu uya kuyazi into yokuba abantu bahlukile kwaye baneeseti ezahlukeneyo zezakhono. Kodwa enyanisweni, oku akusoloko kusenzeka.

Oku kunokuba nzima ukujongana nako. Kodwa oko akuthethi ukuba kufuneka utshintshe ukuba ungubani. Iimeko zentlalo zisenokungabi yindawo yamandla akho, kodwa kukho izinto onokuzenza ukunciphisa uxinzelelo lwakho kwezi meko (ngakumbi koku kamva).

Ngaba iyanceda?

Ngaphambi kokungena kwizicwangciso zokoyisa ukungonwabi kwezentlalo, kubalulekile ukuba uqonde ukuba ukungaziphathi kakuhle kwezentlalo kunezinto ezimbalwa eziqinisekileyo.

Inkqubo yokulumkisa yangaphakathi

Ukuba uzifumana ukwimeko enxunguphalisayo, unokucinga into ngendlela, "Le ayisiyiyo le bendicinga ukuba izakwenzeka." Unokuziva ungonwabanga okanye ungonwabi kwaye unomdla wokubaleka ngokukhawuleza.

Kodwa isifundo esincinci sika-2012 sicebisa ukuba ezi mvakalelo zinokunceda ngokwenza njengenkqubo yokulumkisa yeentlobo. Bayakunceda uqaphele xa usondele (okanye uwele) umda wentlalontle.

Ngenxa yoko, unokufumana iimpawu zomzimba zoxinzelelo, uloyiko, okanye uloyiko, kubandakanya:

• uxinzelelo lwezihlunu
• ubuso obunamanzi
• Ukubetha kwentliziyo
• isicaphucaphu
• Uxinzelelo

Oku mhlawumbi akuvakali kunceda konke konke. Kodwa oku kungonwabisi kunokukukhuthaza ukuba:

• thatha inyathelo ngalo mzuzu
• unakekele ukunqanda ukuphoswa ziimpawu zentlalo ezifanayo kwixa elizayo

Izakhono ezinzulu zokuncokola

Ukuba nexesha elinzima ngentetho encinci kunye nokunxibelelana ngokwasentlalweni kwesiqhelo akuthethi ukuba awunguye umntu olungileyo wokuncokola.

UMackenzie uphawula ukuba abantu abajongana nokungakhululeki ekuhlaleni "bangasokola ngentetho encinci, kodwa bahlala behle ngokuntywila kwizihloko abazithandayo."

Iimbono ezizodwa

Isazi ngokusebenza kwengqondo uTy Tashiro uphawula kwincwadi yakhe ethi Awkward: The Science of Why We are Socially Awkward and Why That Awesome that social awkwardly people bathanda ukujonga ihlabathi elibangqongileyo ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo.

Banokuba mancinci amathuba okuba baqaphele imikhombandlela yentlalo okanye bathathe iimvakalelo kodwa bazive beqhutywa ngakumbi kukufikelela kwinkqubo yenkqubo okanye yesayensi. Le mbono yahlukileyo inokubangelwa ngumahluko kwingqondo-umahluko ngamanye amaxesha onxulumene nobukrelekrele obuphezulu kunye nokuphumelela, ngokukaTashiro.

"Iingqondo zabantu abathandekayo zihlala zibenza oososayensi bendalo kuba balungile ekuboneni iinkcukacha, bekhetha iipateni kwezi nkcukacha, kwaye bethatha indlela echanekileyo yokujongana neengxaki," ubhala.

Ndingaziva njani ndikhululeke ngakumbi kuseto lwasentlalweni?

Ukungakhululeki kwezentlalo kunokuba nezibonelelo zako, kodwa ungabona ezinye iingxaki, nazo. Mhlawumbi uhlala uziva ulahlekile okanye ngathi uphoswa nto ithile.Okanye mhlawumbi ngamanye amaxesha wenza okanye uthethe izinto ezenza ukuba ungonwabi ekhaya, esikolweni, okanye emsebenzini.

Ezi ngcebiso zinokukunceda uhambe bhetele kwiimeko zentlalo kwaye ujongane neziphumo ezivela kwiziphene ezingenakuphepheka.

Ngena nzulu

Ukuchitha ixesha elincinci ufunda ngakumbi malunga nokungaxhamli kwezentlalo kunokukunceda uzive uyamkela ngakumbi le nxalenye yakho

Andiqinisekanga ukuba ungaqala ngaphi? Zama ukutyelela ilayibrari yakho okanye ivenkile yeencwadi. Kukho uluhlu lweencwadi kwesi sihloko ezibonelela ngokuhlola okunomdla kwinto engathandekiyo ekuhlaleni kwaye ayiyo, kunye nesikhokelo esiluncedo.

Ukufundwa okucetyiswayo

Zimbalwa ekufuneka ziqwalaselwe zibandakanya:

• Awkward: Inzululwazi Yesizathu Sokuba Singahlali Kakuhle Ekuhlaleni kwaye Kutheni Iyamangalisa nguTy Tashiro
• Ukuphucula izakhono zakho zentlalo nguDaniel Wendler
• Cringeworthy: Ithiyori yokungahambi kakuhle kukaMelissa Dahl

Khumbula ukuba iimeko ezinzima zenzeka kuye wonke umntu

Ukungakhululeki kwezentlalo kuyenzeka, mhlawumbi ngaphezulu kunokuba ubona. Ngelixa kungekho zibalo-manani zokuxhasa oku, kukhuselekile ukucinga ukuba uninzi lwabantu odibana nabo kubomi bakho bemihla ngemihla baye bafumana amaxesha abo anzima.

Yithi ulahla yonke ivenkile oyiphethe embindini wevenkile. Ingqayi yeqhekeza le-sauce, amaqanda aqhekezayo, kunye neetumato zetsheri zikhupha ibhokisi yazo nangaphaya kwendlela. Yonke ifayibha yobukho bakho iyangxola ngaphakathi kwaye ikuxelele ukuba uyeke ukutya kwakho ubaleke uphume ngomnyango.

Kodwa zama ukukhumbula: Ngokuqinisekileyo awunguye umntu wokuqala ukwenza oku kwivenkile ethile. Awunguye nowokugqibela. Kwaye wonke umntu ojika wajonga? Kusenokwenzeka ukuba bebelapho ngaphambili ngenye indlela okanye enye.

Jongana nobuso obungathandekiyo

Xa ujongene nomzuzu ongaxakekiyo, nokuba wenze impazamo ekuhlaleni okanye ubona nje eyomnye umntu, uya kuphendula ngendlela enye kwezi zimbini:

• thintela okanye ungakuhoyi okwenzekileyo
• ukulungisa impazamo

Isifundo esincinci ekuxoxwe ngaso ngaphambili sagqiba kwelokuba ukuphepha okanye ukungahoyi imeko enzima akuncedi. Endaweni yoko, oku kuthanda ukongeza nje ukungathandeki kunye nokwenza unxibelelwano lwamva ngakumbi lungonwabi.

Ngexesha elizayo xa uqaphela ukuba wenze into engathandekiyo, zama ukuyivuma ngentetho engaqhelekanga okanye isiqhulo endaweni yokurhoxa.

Le yincam onokuyihlawula phambili, nayo, ukuba ufuna ukunceda omnye umntu azive engcono malunga nomzuzu ongaqhelekanga. Zama ukumomotheka okanye ukuthetha ngomusa ngathi, "Ungazikhathazi ngayo! Kwenzeka kuye wonke umntu. ”

Ziqhelise ukunxibelelana nabanye

Ukuba uyasokola kuseto lwasentlalweni, unokukufumanisa kuluncedo ukuziqhelanisa nezakhono zonxibelelwano kunye nomntu omaziyo nomthembileyo.

Unxibelelwano lubandakanya izinto ezinje:

• Ukwazi ukuqala incoko
• ukuqonda xa incoko iphelile
• ukutshintsha isifundo kakuhle
• Ukwazi ixesha lokuthintela kunye nendlela yokuphepha ukuphazamisa umntu

Kodwa Kulungile Unxibelelwano lubandakanya nokwazi ukufunda ulwimi lomntu. Oku kunokukunceda uqaphele imikhondo efana nokungonwabi, isithukuthezi, umdla, njalo njalo.

Unokuziqhelanisa nokunxibelelana nabanye ngokuthi:

• ukuthatha iiklasi zezakhono zentlalo
• ukubuza izihlobo okanye abanye abantu obathembileyo ngengcebiso kunye neengcebiso
• Ukuqhuba ngeziganeko zokuziqhelanisa nabahlobo okanye nosapho
• ukuzibeka kwiimeko zentlalo

Ingcebiso yepro

Ngaba ukhathazekile malunga nokuziqhelanisa nezakhono zakho zentlalo phambi kwabantu onokuzibona kwakhona?

Cinga ukuthatha ukuziqhelanisa kwakho ngaphandle kweendawo zakho eziqhelekileyo. Umzekelo, unokuzama ukuqala incoko emfutshane nomgcini wevenkile kwivenkile yokutya ongazange uye kuyo okanye uthathe inja yakho epakini ekwelinye icala ledolophu.

Zama ukuhlala ukhona

Iindlela zokusebenzisa ingqondo zikunceda unike ingqalelo ngakumbi kwinto eyenzekayo apha nangoku. Ukuba nengqondo engakumbi njengoko uhamba malunga nosuku lwakho kunokukunceda uhlale ugxile kwindawo okuyo ngoku.

Oku kunokunceda ukunciphisa amaxesha amabi ngeendlela ezimbini:

• Ukuba ujonge ngakumbi kwinto eyenzeka ngakuwe, akunakufane uphulukane neempawu ezivela kwabanye ezinokukuxwayisa malunga nokuchaphazeleka okunokwenzeka, njengokufaka uxinzelelo malunga nomntu osebenza naye ohamba emva kwakho.
• Ukonyusa ulwazi lwakho ngalo mzuzu wangoku kunokukunceda ungazicingeli kakhulu malunga namaxesha anzima esele enzekile. Endaweni yoko, unokufumana kulula ukubayeka baqhubele phambili.

Ufuna nini uncedo

Kwakhona, akukho nto iphosakeleyo ngokungahambi kakuhle kwezentlalo. Kodwa kubalulekile ukuba unikele ingqalelo kwindlela ekwenza uzive ngayo.

Ukuba uziva ungonwabanga, uxinezelekile, okanye ulilolo kubomi bakho bemihla ngemihla, unokufuna ukuqaphela ukuthetha nonyango olunokukunceda ujonge izizathu zezi mvakalelo. Banokukunceda ukuba uphuhlise izakhono ezitsha zentlalo kunye nokuqinisa ukuzazi kwakho.

Unyango unokukunceda uchonge imiba esisiseko enokudlala indima, enje ngoxinzelelo lwentlalo. UMcKenzie ucacisa ukuba, ngelixa abanye abantu besebenzisa amagama athi "ukungonwabi kwezentlalo" kunye "noxinzelelo lwentlalo" ngokungafaniyo, zizinto ezimbini ezahlukeneyo.

"Abantu abanoxinzelelo lwentlalontle bahlala bezomgangatho ophakathi ukuya kwezingaphezulu komndilili kwizakhono zentlalo," utshilo. "Unga zive Njengabo bonke abantu kwitheko lecocktail bacinga ukuba 'uyothusa,' kodwa amathuba okuba uza kubahle kwabanye. ”

Olu xinzelelo lunokukwenza urhoxe kwiimeko ezithile zentlalo okanye ubaphephe ngokupheleleyo.

Umgca wezantsi

Akukho nto iphosakeleyo ngokuba nentlalontle. Nokuba uyakubona ukungonwabi kwakho kwezentlalo okanye akunjalo, ngokubanzi akulunganga okanye kuyingozi, ngaphandle kokuba kuyakukhathaza okanye kukugcina ungenzi izinto ofuna ukuzenza.

Kodwa ukuba uziva ngathi wenza kakuhle, sukuziva unyanzelekile ukuba utshintshe. Khumbula, wonke umntu ufumana ukungazinzi amaxesha ngamaxesha.