Utyando Olutshintshe Umzimba Wam Ngonaphakade

Umxholo

• Uphengululo lwe

Ndathi ndakufumanisa ukuba kufuneka ndityandwe kwisisu ukuze ndikhuphe ithumba elilingana nemelon elilingana ne<em>fibroid kwisibeleko sam, ndakhathazeka kakhulu. Kwakungekho nefuthe elinokubakho ekuchumeni kwam okwandikhathazayo. Yayisisilonda eso.

Utyando lokususa obu bunzima, kodwa obukhulu, ubunzima buya kufana nokuba necandelo le-C. Njengomfazi ongatshatanga, oneminyaka eyi-32, ndikhale ngento yokuba indoda elandelayo izondibona ndihamba ze ayizukuba ngulowo ufunge ukuba uyakundithanda ekuguleni nasempilweni, okanye nesoka elimnandi eliza kufundela ndilele ebhedini ndisachacha. Ndandiyicaphukela into yobonakala ngathi ndinomntwana kanti eyona nto ndandinayo lithumba.

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Ndandihlala ndikhathalela kakhulu ukunqanda ukwenzakala, ndenza amalungiselelo obomi obashiya isikhumba sam esilungileyo singadyobhekanga nakuphi na ukonakaliswa okusisigxina. Ngokuqinisekileyo, bendinokukhuhla okuncinci kunye nemivimbo ebomini bam. Iziphako. Tan imigca. Kodwa la manqaku angamkelekanga ayezexeshana. Ndijonge isikhumba esiza kumgca webhayikhi yam njengokuqhekeka kwethambo eline-china, ukungafezeki okungathandekiyo okunokundenza ndibukeke kwaye ndizive ngathi ndonakele.

Emva kobomi bam ndisithiyile umzimba wam, bendiqala nje ukuziva ndikhululekile kulusu lwam. Kunyaka ophelileyo, ndiphulukene neepawundi ezingama-40, ndiziguqula kancinci ukusuka kwiXL ukuya kwiXS. Xa ndizijonga esipilini, ndaziva ndinomtsalane kwaye ndingumfazi okokuqala ebomini bam. Emva koko, ngobunye ubusuku ndilele ebhedini, ndaziva ndisisu esiswini sam-isisu esiqinileyo siphuma kwelinye ithambo laya kwelinye.

Ekuxilongweni kwam, bendinexhala malunga nokuhlaselwa kotyando kunye neeveki ezinde zokuchacha ezizayo. Andizange ndibephantsi kwemela ngaphambili kwaye kwandoyikisa ukucinga ngegqabi lotyando elindicofa livule kwaye liphethe amalungu am angaphakathi. Ngaphantsi kweanesthesia, babendincamathelisa ngombhobho emqaleni wam baze bafake ipayipi. Konke kwakubonakala ngathi yinkohlakalo kwaye kuyaphula. Inyaniso yokuba le yayiyinkqubo yesiqhelo, kwaye yayiza kuphilisa umzimba wam, kwakungekho thuthuzeli. Ndaziva ndingcatshwa sisibeleko sam.

Kuwo onke la maxhala, isiva sasindikhathaza kakhulu. Ukucinga ngeendibano zothando ezizayo, bendisazi ukuba ndingaziva ndinyanzelekile ukuba ndichaze isiva-kwaye intetho yethumba ngokuqinisekileyo ayihexi. Owayesakuba ngumfana wam, uBrian, wazama ukundithuthuzela; wandiqinisekisa ukuba olu phawu aluyi kundenza ndibe nomtsalane ngakumbi emehlweni eqabane elizayo, ngokuqinisekileyo uya kundithanda ngenxa yam-izibazi kunye nazo zonke. Ndandiqonda ukuba unyanisile. Kodwa nokuba eli qabane licinga ukuba alikhathali, bendisenza njalo. Ngaba ndingaphinda ndiwuthande ngokwenene umzimba wam?

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Kwiiveki ezikhokelela kutyando lwam, ndafunda ngo-Angelina Jolie-Pitt's op-ed in INew York Times, echaza ngokukhutshwa kwakutshanje kwee-ovari nemibhobho yesibeleko. Yayilulandelelo kwisiqwenga awasibhalayo ngokudumileyo malunga nokukhetha kwakhe ukuba enze uthintelo lwe-mastectomy kabini-lonke utyando oluneziphumo ezibi kakhulu kunezam. Ubhale ukuba bekungekho lula, "Kodwa kuyenzeka ukuba uthathe ulawulo kwaye ujongane nentloko kuwo nawuphi na umcimbi wezempilo," wongeza ukuba iimeko ezinje ziyinxalenye yobomi kwaye "akukho nto iyoyikwa." Amagama akhe ebengumthambiso wokuzolalisa uloyiko lwam kunye nokungaqiniseki. Ngomzekelo omhle, wandifundisa ukuba kuthetha ukuthini ukuba ngumfazi owomeleleyo; umfazi oneziva.

Bendisafuna ukuzilela ukuphulukana nomzimba wam njengoko bendisazi. Kuziva kubalulekile ukuba sikwazi ukuthelekisa ngaphambili nasemva. Umntu endandihlala naye egumbini lam wacela ukuba athathe iifoto apho ndandiza kuhamba ze. “Unomzimba omhle ngokwenene,” watsho xa ndiwisa ibhafu yam emhlophe ngelaphu leterry. Khange awuhlolisise umzobo wam okanye agxile kwiimpazamo zam. Kutheni ndingawuboni umzimba wam ngalendlela ebewubona ngayo?

Ukuvuka kwam kuqhaqho, into yokuqala endayibuzayo yayingobukhulu belo thumba. Njengeentsana ezisesibelekweni, amathumba ahlala ethelekiswa neziqhamo kunye nemifuno ukubonelela ngesakhelo esilula. I-honeydew melon imalunga neesentimitha ezili-16 ubude. Ithumba lam lalineminyaka eli-17. Umama wayecinga ukuba ndiyadlala xa ndanyanzelisa ukuba aye kwivenkile yokutya esekufuphi ayokuthenga ubusi ukuze ndikwazi ukuthatha ifoto yam ndiyisonge njengosana olusandula kuzalwa esibhedlele. Ndidinga inkxaso kwaye ndifuna ukuyicela ngendlela elula ngokuthumela isaziso sokuzalwa esikhohlisayo kuFacebook.

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Iiveki ezintandathu emva kokuphuma, ndacocwa ukuba ndiphinde ndiqhubeke nemisebenzi yesiqhelo, kubandakanya isondo. Kumsitho wokuzalwa komntu obambe umhlobo wam, uCeleste, ndichithe ubusuku bonke ndincokola nomhlobo womhlobo wam obesedolophini ngempelaveki. Kwakulula ukuba athethe naye kwaye abe ngumphulaphuli olungileyo. Sathetha ngokubhala, ubudlelwane kunye nokuhamba. Ndamxelela ngotyando lwam. Uye wandiphuza ekhitshini njengoba itheko lisiya esiphelweni, wathi xa ebuza ukuba ndifuna ukuya ndawo na, ndathi ewe.

Ukufika kwethu kwihotele yakhe ethengisa izinto ezintle eBeverly Hills, ndamxelela ukuba ndifuna ukuhlamba ndangena kwigumbi lokuhlambela elikhulu elimhlophe. Ukuvala ucango emva kwam, ndiye ndaphefumlela phezulu. Ndizibukele esipilini ndimane ndikhulula. Ndize, ngaphandle kwe-band Scar Away bandage egubungele isisu sam, ndaphinda ndaphefumla nzulu ndaza ndaxobula umcu we-silicone emzimbeni wam, ndibhenca umgca obhityileyo, opinki. Ndema apho ndijonga umzimba ubuyela emva kum, isisu sam esidumbileyo kunye nenxeba ebendisoloko ndilijongile mihla le ukuba kukho iimpawu zokuphucuka. Ndazijonga emehlweni, ndifuna ukuqinisekiswa. Unamandla kunokuba ukhangeleka.

"Sidinga ukuyithatha kancinci," ndimxelele. Ndandingazi ukuba ndiza kuziva njani okanye ukuba umzimba wam unokuwuthwala kangakanani na. Wayenembeko kwaye emane ejonga kum ukuze abone ukuba andilunganga na, kwaye bendinjalo. “Unomzimba omkhulu,” watsho. "Ngenene?" Ndibuzile. Ndifuna ukuqhankqalaza -kodwa isiva, ukudumba. Wandiqhawula ndingekaxabani ndasiyeka isincomo sahlala phezu kwesikhumba sam, esiswini, nasezinqeni. "Isibanda sakho sipholile," utshilo. Akazange athi, “Akukho nto imbi kangako,” okanye, “Iya kunyamalala,” okanye “Ayinamsebenzi.” Wathi kupholile. Khange andiphathe ngokungathi ndophukile. Wayendiphatha njengomntu, umntu onomtsalane ngaphakathi nangaphandle.

Ndichithe ixesha elininzi ndizikhathaza ngokuba sesichengeni somntu omtsha, kodwa amava ayandixhobisa. Yayikhulula, ndiyiyeka ingcamango yokuba kufuneka ndijonge ngendlela ethile ukuze ndibonwe.

Ngexesha elizayo ndema ndize phambi kwesipili sokuhlambela, ndaziva ngokwahlukileyo. Ndiqaphele ukuba ndincumile. Inxeba laliza kuqhubeka liphola, kwaye nam ndandiya kuba njalo-kodwa ndandingasenanzondo. Kwakungasabonakali ngathi kunesiphako, kodwa yayilidabi lomlo, isikhumbuzo sam sokuqina namandla am. Ndakhe ndatyhubela into ebuhlungu ndasinda. Ndandigxile kakhulu kubuhlungu kangangokuba andizange ndikwazi ukuqaphela kwaye ndixabise amandla amangalisayo omzimba wam okuphilisa.

UDiana uhlala eLos Angeles kwaye ubhala ngomfanekiso womzimba, ngokomoya, ubudlelwane kunye nesondo. Qhagamshelana naye kwiwebhusayithi yakhe, kuFacebook, okanye ku-Instagram.

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