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Nantsi into uAllen Elkin, Ph.D., umlawuli we-Stress Management and Counselling Centre kwisiXeko saseNew York kunye nombhali Ulawulo loxinzelelo kwiiDummies (IDG Books, 1999), icebisa ezine zezona ngxaki zixhaphakileyo zokukrazula iinwele kubasetyhini:

"Umsebenzi uphumile kulawulo." “Abantu abagcwele kakhulu bahlala bengabathunywa kunye nabathethathethwano,” utshilo u-Elkin. Zibuze: Ngaba ngokwenene ndim ndedwa onokwenza konke oku? Ngaba ngokwenene umhla wokugqibela ubhalwe ematyeni? Ukuba uthi ewe, buza umntu onokuba nembono eyahlukileyo. Zama ukufumana uncedo okanye ubuze umphathi wakho ukuba yeyiphi imisebenzi ephambili ukuba awukwazi ukuyenza yonke ngexesha. Ayincedi nto? Yenza umda kwicala eliphantsi lokulahleka kwamaxesha akho obekiweyo. Rhoqo kukho indawo yokuqhuba kunokuba sicinga, utshilo uElkin. Ukuba usesibophelelweni, zibuze ukuba ungawaphindi njani la mava. Mhlawumbi uthe ewe xa bekufanele ukuba uthe hayi - okanye kuya kufuneka uphinde uqwalasele eyona nto ufuna ukuyenza.

"Izalamane zam zindiqhuba ngamandongomane." Kwaye mhlawumbi baya kuhlala. "Abantu bayile ndlela bayiyo, kwaye isimbo sabo mhlawumbi asinanto yokwenza nawe," utshilo uElkin. (Ngamanye amazwi, ukuba isalamane okanye umzala ubangela uxinezeleko, kusenokwenzeka ukuba uphambana nezinye izalamane zakho.) “Kuthabatha ababini ukwenza umntu azive enomsindo,” utsho uElkin. Kungenxa yokuba abanye benyanzelisa iimfuno okanye bazame ukwenza ukuba uzive unetyala akuthethi ukuba kufuneka udlale ngendlela yabo. Kodwa sukuyijonga indima yakho ukuba kunzima ukuphepha ungquzulwano. Jonga ulindelo lwakho malunga nendlela abanye abantu ekufuneka baziphathe ngayo kwaye ubuze ukuba ungabaqhuba njani.

"Ubunzima bendlu buninzi kakhulu." Kunzima ukwenza yonke into -- musa ukuyenza. "Ngaba kuyinto embi kakhulu ukuba ilinen ebhedini ayitshintshi namhlanje?" U-Elkin utsho. Ukuba awukwazi ukuzisa ekurhwebeni ukungaziphathi kakuhle, cela uncedo kwabanye abasekhaya - okanye, ukuba unako, qesha uncedo oluvela ngaphandle. Ukuba akukho nto iyenye, zama ukuzuza ukuzola ngokubeka ixesha suku ngalunye lokwenza into elula oyithandayo: ukufunda iphepha, ukutya isidlo sasemini nomhlobo wakho okanye ukumamela umculo.

"Ndihleli phantsi." Uxinzelelo alukho nje malunga nobunzima, lumalunga nokungoneliseki, utshilo uElkin. "Ngamanye amaxesha uxinzelelo luvela ekusebenzeni okungaphaya kokugqitha." Zibuze ukuba yintoni engekho ebomini bakho. Zihlobo? Ukonwaba? Ukhuthazo? Zama ukugcwalisa iziqwenga ezingekhoyo. Cinga ukwenza umsebenzi woluntu ukufaka isandla kwinto engaphaya kwakho, okanye ukuthatha ikhosi yokujonga umdla ongazalisekanga. Yakha umthambo ngakumbi kwishedyuli yakho-kwaye uzame ukubandakanya abahlobo kwincoko nakwimbono xa usebenza.

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