Nasi isizathu sokuba ii-Exes zakho zikuthumele imiyalezo ngeXesha lokuValwa

Umxholo

• Ukuba ufumene isicatshulwa esingalindelekanga esivela kwi-ex:
• Chaza indlela oziva ngayo ngale meko.
• Vavanya iinjongo zabo.
• Phendula ngokufanelekileyo (okanye hayi).
• Yeka ukwenza naziphi na izigqibo ezinkulu ngoku.
• Ngoku, ukuba wena ithumele isicatshulwa esizenzekelayo kwi-ex:
• Cela imvume.
• Yenza iinjongo zakho zicace kangangoko kunokwenzeka ukusuka nokufika.
• Yamkela ukuba usenokungayifumani impendulo.
• Musa ukwenza nawuphi na umonakalo osisigxina.
• Uphengululo lwe

Ukuzahlula kunzima. Nokuba uhlala wedwa, okanye uhleli nje ujonge ubuso bomntu ohlala naye (nokuba ingumama wakho) imihla ngemihla, isithukuthezi sinokubonakala. Njengabanye abaninzi, mhlawumbi ubuqhele ukufumana ukulungiswa kwentlalontle yakho ekuphumeni nabahlobo bakho kunye nokusebenzisana nabantu osebenza nabo. Kodwa ubusuku bonke, ngequbuliso isusiwe. Oku kunokukhokelela kwiimvakalelo ezininzi ezingathandekiyo ongenakuzibetha ngoyaba. Ke, kungcono okanye kokubi, kwabanye, ithuku lokuqala kukufumana nayiphi na indlela yokubaphepha.

"Ndicinga ngoku, abantu bafuna ulwazi, yiyo loo nto beqala ukubuyela kwimikhwa engeyiyo enokuba bebefuduka kubhubhane wangaphambi kobhubhane, nokuba kukutshaya, ukusela, ukutya utywala, okanye ukubuyela umdala ubudlelwane, utshilo ugqirha wengqondo uMat Lundquist. "Ndibona abantu abaninzi befumana iitekisi ezivela kubafundi kwaye befikelela kwii-exes, ngakumbi ngenxa yokuba kukho ukunqongophala kobudlelwane obusondeleyo ngoku, kwaye kukho umnqweno woko. iqabane lakho lamva nje lokufana kwentlawulelo linokwenzeka rhoqo."

Amathuba kukuba, ukuba ufunda oku, mhlawumbi ube lixhoba lesicatshulwa (okanye i-DM okanye-i-gasp!—call) evela kwi-ex ukususela oko ubhubhane waqala. Mhlawumbi ibinguwe owawuzabalazela amalungelo. Ukuba eyinyani iyinyani, usenokungazi ukuba wenze ntoni ngayo, kutheni isenzeka, okanye nokuba ithetha ntoni na. Kwaye ukuba yeyokugqibela, ungothuki (kutheni singakhange sicinge ukuba singayithumela njani imiyalezo kwii-smartphones ngoku?!). Usenokuziva uzisola, ukhathazekile ngempendulo, okanye unokuba nethemba malunga nesiphumo- nokuba yeyiphi indlela, konke kuzakulunga.

Nantsi into onokuyenza ukuba ujongana neetekisi ezivela kumntu ongaphambili (okanye awuqinisekanga ukuba wenzeni ngoku ukuba uqale i-convo ngokwakho).

Ukuba ufumene isicatshulwa esingalindelekanga esivela kwi-ex:

Chaza indlela oziva ngayo ngale meko.

Kukho iintlobo ezahlukeneyo ze-exes-leyo yabalekayo, iqabane elinetyhefu ongasokuze ufune ukuliva kwakhona, loo mntu usekholejini ude ulibale ukuba uthandana naye-kwaye ke, ukuva komnye umntu owayesakuba ngomnye wangaphambili kunokubangela ngendlela ekhethekileyo. olo lwalamano.

"Nokuba uneemvakalelo ezindala ezishiyelwe umntu, amaxesha amaninzi, ubudlelwane buphela ngesizathu," utshilo uLundquist. "Awufuni ukuwela kwiipateni zakudala. Kodwa ngamanye amaxesha xa iimvakalelo ziphelile, unokugcina ubuhlobo, okanye enye indlela inokuba yinyani-nobabini ninokuphinda nivavanye ukuba yintoni eyenza ubudlelwane bungahambi kakuhle kwaye ube nethuba lokuba. yilungise."

Olona hlobo kuphela kwendlela onokuthi uqonde ukuba yeyiphi imeko esebenzayo kulowo ubukhe weva nje, kukujonga kwindlela oziva ngayo ngalo mntu. Ubunomsindo? Nostalgic? Ndonwabile? Ngaphambi kokuba uzame ukuqikelela malunga neenjongo zomntu kwelinye icala lefowuni, cinga ngento ofuna ukuyifumana kule ncoko. THANDEKA: Cinga phambi kokuba uchwetheze. Khumbula ukuba akukho unsend.

Vavanya iinjongo zabo.

Nje ukuba uqikelele ukuba kanjani wena uzive, kubalulekile ukufumanisa ukuba uvela phi omnye umntu-ngapha koko, ngenxa yokuba uhambile, umzekelo, oko akuthethi ukuba banazo. "Inokuba kukuzisola nyani ukuqhuba intsebenziswano, okanye inokuba sisithukuthezi, umsindo, okanye naliphi na inani lezinto," utshilo uLundquist.

Uya kulwazi kakhulu ubudlelwane bakho: Ukuba ngethuku lemvelo uyazi ukuba lo mntu mhlawumbi uza kukwenzakalisa (nokuba wenze njalo ngempazamo), kulungile ukususa izinto ozilindeleyo kunxibelelwano kwaye ujongane naloo mathuba. Kungenjalo, ukuba uyakholelwa ukuba lo mntu ukukhathalele impilo-ntle yakho nokuba nikunye okanye akunjalo, unokuqalisa ukuphonononga ubudlelwane obusondeleyo okanye, ewe, nokuba nibuyelane.

Phendula ngokufanelekileyo (okanye hayi).

Okokuqala, yazi ukuba awunyanzelekanga ukuba ubandakanyeke nomntu ngenxa yokuba efikelela ngaphandle. Oku akuthethi ukuba ubaphefumlela "Ukuphatha njani ubomi bodwa?" umbhalo, nangona.

Unxibelelwano kuhlala kuyindlela elula yokulungisa izinto, kodwa sesona sixhobo siphantsi kubudlelwane, okanye ubudlelwane obunokubakho, utshilo oyingcali kwezobudlelwane uSusan Winter. "Ukuba lo mntu uyakubangela kwaye awufuni ukuthetha nabo, eli lelona xesha lilungileyo lokunyaniseka!" Utsho uBusika. "Ungachaza ukuba bakwenzakalisa kwaye awufuni ukuthetha nabo kwakhona." Ngokuchaseneyo, "ukuba ayithathi cala, yiba ngowaseburhulumenteni kwaye uyiyeke incoko kwaye ukuba ingomntu ofuna ukuvuselela ubudlelwane naye, hamba kancinci kwaye ube nobuhlobo." Ukuhamba kancinci kunye nokulawula okulindelweyo emva kokuvalelwa kubalulekile, njengoko uya kufumanisa ngezantsi...

Yeka ukwenza naziphi na izigqibo ezinkulu ngoku.

"Njengokuba iimvakalelo zonyukile ngoku, into oyifunayo embindini ayisiyiyo le uyifunayo emva kwalo bhubhane," utshilo ugqirha wengqondo uJ. Ryan Fuller, Ph.D. "Kukho into eyenzekayo ngoku nengumbono wengqondo obizwa ngokuba yi-selective abstraction, apho ugxila kakhulu kwizinto ezintle okanye ezimbi xa usengxakini-kwaye yile nto kanye ubhubhane we-COVID-19 uyiyo."

Oku kuthetha ukuba xa ucinga nge-ex yakho, unokubagxeka kakhulu okanye ungabinangqondo kakhulu ngabo ukuze ulungele wena, konke kuxhomekeke kwimeko yakho. Oku kunokwahluka ngokupheleleyo kwindlela oziva ngayo emva kwentlekele, ngoko ke yeka ukwenza naziphi na izigqibo ezingxamisekileyo.

Ngoku, ukuba wena ithumele isicatshulwa esizenzekelayo kwi-ex:

Cela imvume.

"Ndicinga ukuba eyona nto ukuyiqonda kuxa uthumela isicatshulwa kwi-ex ngaphandle kweblue, ngakumbi xa ungakhange uqhagamshelane ixesha elide, uvula itoni yeemvakalelo" kuwo omabini amaqela, Ucacisa uLundquist. Kwaye, kweli nqanaba, ngekhe uyazi ukuba ukuva kuwe kubenze bazive njani. "Ngokuqinisekileyo ndingaphazama kwicala lokulumkisa ukuba ufumana impendulo, ndikubuza ukuba balungile na ukunxibelelana."

Umthwalo weemvakalelo kufuneka ubeke ngaphezulu kumntu owenza ukufikelela (oko kuya kuba nguwe, ntombazana), kunokuba umamkeli onokuziva engonwabanga ukuthetha ngokungonwabi ngokudibanisa kwakhona. Ukuba uthe tye ubuze ukuba bapholile ngayo, oku kubanika ithuba lokuba bathi ewe ngaphandle kokwenza izinto zibe nzima okanye zitsale. (Idibeneyo: Indlela yokujongana nokuqhekeka ngexesha lokuBekwa yedwa kwiCoronavirus, ngokweZinto zoBudlelwane)

Yenza iinjongo zakho zicace kangangoko kunokwenzeka ukusuka nokufika.

"Kungakhathaliseki ukuba yincwadi 'yokukhangela-kuwe' ekhokelela kwincoko ende okanye isicatshulwa esijolise ekubuyisaneni, kuya kufuneka uzame ukucacisa indlela oziva ngayo ngokukhawuleza," utsho uLundquist . Akunyanzelekanga ukuba uthumele isicatshulwa sesibini phambi kokuba baphendule babuze "Ngoko, ufuna ukubuyelana okanye yintoni?" kodwa ukungafihlisi kuhlala kungcono, uyigxininisa. Ungafuna ukuba nobuqili ekuqaleni ukuvavanya amanzi, oko kulungile, kodwa nokuba uqala ukuphuhlisa iimvakalelo kwakhona kwaye ufuna ukunika ithuba okanye uyenziwe ngokwenene, akufanele ukhokele omnye umntu ukuba unako ukunceda. "Ewe, nangona ukuvalelwa yedwa kunganesithukuthezi.

Ukwenza iimvakalelo zakho zaziwe kwaye uthathe isigqibo sokuba uza kuhamba njani kamva kubhetele kuneenyanga zokungaqiniseki kunye nomnqweno wokufuna ukwazi — oko kubangela ixhala. Kwaye masibe yinyani: Akukho mntu ufuna ngaphezulu koko ngexesha lobhubhane wezempilo kwihlabathi.

Yamkela ukuba usenokungayifumani impendulo.

“Xa ufikelela kumntu obukade ubandakanyeka kuye ngokweemvakalelo kwaye usebuhlungu okanye uqhubekile nobomi, unokuba wenze izinto zingamkhululeki,” utshilo uWinter. "Yinto ekufuneka uyayiqonda. Banokuphendula ngokufanelekileyo okanye hayi."

Ukuba oko kuyenzeka, uBusika buthi kufuneka wamkele iimvakalelo zabo (okanye iimvakalelo zabo abazicingelayo ukuba awukhe uve umva) kwaye uqhubeke. Nangona, umzekelo, usenokuba utshintshile kwaye unethemba lokukhululwa, ngamanye amaxesha ayenzelwanga ukuba ibe njalo okanye bafuna ixesha elingakumbi lokucinga ngendlela yokuphendula. Yazi nje ukuba ekugqibeleni awuyifumani impendulo onethemba layo (okanye akukho namnye) eyona nto unokuyenza kukuzama ukuyamkela. "Omnye umntu angonwaba nawe, kwaye ngokunyaniseka, kungcono ubenomntu ofuna ukuva kuwe," utshilo uBusika.

Musa ukwenza nawuphi na umonakalo osisigxina.

Ndiyathemba, ngoku uyaqonda ukuba iimfuno zakho zangaphambi, ngexesha, kunye nasemva kobhubhane zinokwahluka ngokupheleleyo, kwaye ukufikelela kwi-ex yakho kungaziva ngathi yinto elungileyo ukuyenza kwiiveki ezimbalwa ezidlulileyo, kodwa ngoku awunjalo ngokuqinisekileyo. Enyanisweni, u-Fuller uthi ngeli xesha lokuthumela imiyalezo, mhlawumbi ugxile kakhulu kwixesha elihle lobudlelwane bakho obudala-darn wena, into ekhethiweyo yokuthatha. Kwaye banokusebenza njengendlela yokubaleka ekungaqiniseki okuqhubekayo ngoku.

"Kusenokwenzeka ukuba uyakruquka yinyani yakho yangoku, okanye ukuba uneqabane, uchitha ixesha elininzi kunye nabo kangangokuba kuyabukhathaza," utshilo. "Ke ujolise kokulungileyo kubambiswano lwangaphambili, kodwa into yokugqibela ofuna ukuyenza kukuba nengxaki inefuthe kwizicwangciso zakho eziqhelekileyo zokwenza izigqibo." Ukulinda ukwenza ezo zigqibo de nibonane (okanye nigqibe ngenye indlela) emva kwexesha lentlekele kuya kukunceda wenze ukhetho ongazukuzisola ngalo kamva.

Uphengululo lwe