I-Kin yi-Mania: I-Bond Ndiziva ndinabanye abantu be-Bipolar ayinakuchazeka
Umxholo
Sibandakanya iimveliso esicinga ukuba ziluncedo kubafundi bethu. Ukuba uthenga amakhonkco kweli phepha, sinokufumana ikhomishini encinci. Nantsi inkqubo yethu.
Uye washukuma njengam. Yiloo nto endayiqaphela okokuqala. Amehlo nezandla zakhe zaduma njengoko wayethetha-edlalayo, i-acerbic, enomdla.
Sithethe nge-2 yexesha elidlulileyo, intetho yakhe ibingaphefumli, eqhekeza uluvo. Uye wathatha enye i-hit ejoyinini wayidlulisela kum kwi-dorm suite couch, xa umntakwethu walala edolweni.
Abantakwenu abazahlulwe ekuzalweni kufuneka bazive ngale ndlela xa bedibana njengabantu abadala: ukubona inxalenye yakho komnye umntu. Eli bhinqa ndiza kulibiza ngokuba ngu-Ella lalinemikhwa yam, ubungqingqwa, nobushushu, kangangokuba ndaziva ngathi siyazalana. Ukuba kufuneka sabelane ngemfuza eqhelekileyo.
Intetho yethu yayihamba yonke indawo. Ukusuka kwi-hip hop ukuya eFoucault, eLil Wayne, ukuya kutshintsho lwentolongo, izimvo zika-Ella zi-branched. Amagama akhe ayenamandla. Wayezithanda iimpikiswano kwaye wazikhethela ukuzonwabisa, njengam. Kwigumbi elimnyama, ukuba izibane zibotshelelwe kwimilenze yakhe, babedanisa. Naye ke wenza njalo, ejikeleze isuti awayeyabelana nomntakwethu, kwaye kamva, epalini kwitafile yeklabhu yekampus.
Igumbi lomntakwethu lindinike ikhefu malunga nam. Ndifumene uElla evuya, kodwa edinayo- eqaqambile kodwa engenankathalo. Ndazibuza, ndisoyika, ukuba le yindlela abantu abavakalelwa ngayo ngam. Ezinye zezimvo zika-Ella zazibonakala zine-hyperbolic, isenzo sakhe sigqithisile, njengokudanisa ze kwiikholeji eluhlaza okanye ukucofa iimoto zamapolisa. Okwangoku, unokuthembela kuye ukuba uya kubandakanyeka. Ukuphendula.
Wayenoluvo, okanye ubuncinci imvakalelo, ngayo yonke into. Wayefunda kakhulu kwaye wayengoyiki yena. Wayenamandla.Yandichukumisa into yokuba umntakwethu aziphathe kakuhle, abe nomoya wobuzwilakhe, ahlalisane kakuhle noElla, owayekhuthele, enobugcisa kwaye engakhathali.
Akukho namnye kuthi owayesazi ngobo busuku ndadibana no-Ella ePrinceton, kodwa kwisithuba seminyaka emibini yena kunye nam sasizokwabelana ngenye into: ukuhlala kwisibhedlele sabagula ngengqondo, imeds, kunye nokuxilongwa esasikugcina ubomi.
Yedwa, kunye
Abantu abagula ngengqondo ziimbacu. Kude nekhaya, ukuva ulwimi lwakho lweenkobe kuyanceda. Xa abantu abanesifo esiyi-bipolar bedibana, sifumana ulwalamano olusemzini, umanyano. Sabelana ngokubandezeleka kunye nolonwabo. U-Ella uyazi umlilo ongabuyiyo olikhaya lam.
Siyabathanda abantu, okanye siyabakhubekisa. Yindlela ye-manic-depress. Iimpawu zethu zobuntu, njengokugcoba, ukuqhuba, kunye nokuvuleleka, zinomtsalane kwaye zihlukane ngaxeshanye. Abanye bakhuthazwe kukufuna ukwazi, ukuthatha kwethu umngcipheko. Abanye bacatshukiswa ngamandla, ukuzingca, okanye iingxoxo ezinokonakalisa amatheko esidlo. Siyanxila, kwaye asinyamezeleki.
Ke sinesithukuthezi esiqhelekileyo: umzabalazo wokudlula kuthi. Ihlazo lokuzama.
Abantu abane-bipolar disorder bazibulala rhoqo kunabantu abasempilweni. Andicingi ukuba oku kungenxa yokutshintsha kwemozulu, kodwa ngenxa yokuba iintlobo zemanic zihlala zonakalisa ubomi babo. Ukuba ubaphatha kakubi abantu, abayi kufuna ukuba kufutshane nawe. Sinokugxotha kugxilwe kuthi olungagungqiyo, ubushushu bethu obungapheliyo, okanye umdla wethu, olo luvo lokuzithemba. I-Manic euphoria ayisihlukanisi kangako kunokudakumba. Ukuba uyakholelwa ukuba oyena mntu wakho unesihika esiyingozi, kulula ukuthandabuza ukuba uthando lukhona. Okwethu lilolo elikhethekileyo.
Ukanti abanye abantu - njengomntakwethu, onabahlobo abaliqela abanesiphazamiso, kunye nabafazi endikhe ndathandana nabo - abayikhathaleli i-bipolarity. Olu hlobo lomntu lutsalwa kukungakhathali, amandla, ukusondelelana okunomdla kubantu abanesifo sokuphazamiseka kwengqondo njengoko kungaphaya kolawulo lwakhe. Indalo yethu engathintelwanga inceda abanye abantu abagciniweyo bavule. Sivuselela ezinye iintlobo zobuntu, kwaye zisenza sizole.
Aba bantu balungile omnye komnye, njenge-anglerfish kunye neebhaktheriya ezigcina zivutha. Isiqingatha se-manic senza izinto zihambe, zivuse ingxoxo, ziphazamise. Ukuzola, isiqingatha esisebenzayo ngakumbi sigcina izicwangciso ezisisiseko kwihlabathi lokwenyani, ngaphandle kwe-Technicolor insides yengqondo ye-bipolar.
Ibali endibalisayo
Emva kokuphumelela, ndachitha iminyaka emaphandleni eJapan ndifundisa kwisikolo samabanga aphantsi. Phantse kwiminyaka elishumi kamva eNew York, i-brunch kunye nomhlobo watshintsha indlela endabona ngayo ngezo ntsuku.
Lo mfo, ndiza kumbiza ngokuba nguJim, wasebenza kwalapha eJapan phambi kwam, efundisa kwizikolo ezifanayo. Sempai, Ndandimbiza ngesiJapan, ethetha ubhuti omdala. Abafundi, ootitshala nabantu bedolophu babalisa ngamabali kaJim naphi na apho ndiya khona. Wayeyintsomi: ikonsathi yedwala awayeyenza, imidlalo yakhe yekhefu, ixesha awayegqoka ngalo njengoHarry Potter weHalloween.
UJim wayelikamva endifuna ukuba lilo. Ngaphambi kokudibana nam, wayehlala le monki kubomi basemaphandleni eJapan. Wayegcwalisa iincwadana ezinemifanekiso ngokuziqhelanisa kanji-umqolo emva komqolo wesigulana wabalinganiswa. Wayegcina uluhlu lwesigama semihla ngemihla kwikhadi lesalathiso epokothweni yakhe. Mna noJim sasizithanda iintsomi nomculo. Sinomdla kwi-anime. Sobabini safunda isiJapan kwasekuqaleni, phakathi kwamasimi erayisi, ngoncedo lwabafundi bethu. Emaphandleni e-Okayama, sobabini sathandana kwaye iintliziyo zethu zaphulwa ngamantombazana akhule ngokukhawuleza kunathi.
Sasinamandla kakhulu, uJim kunye nam. Sinokunyaniseka ngokuqatha, sinokubanjiswa, siqiniswe, kunye nengqondo ngendlela evuyisa ubudlelwane bethu. Xa sasithembisene ngomtshato, sasibandakanyeke kakhulu. Kodwa xa sasisezintloko zethu, sasikwiplanethi ekude, engenakufikeleleka.
Kwi-brunch ngaloo ntsasa eNew York, uJim wayeqhubeka ebuza malunga nethesisi yenkosi yam. Ndamxelela ukuba ndibhala malunga ne-lithium, iyeza elinyanga i-mania. Ndithe i-lithium yityuwa, embiwe kwimigodi eBolivia, kodwa isebenza ngokuthembakeleyo kunaso nasiphi na isiyobisi esizolisayo. Ndamxelela indlela oludandathekisa ngayo u-manic: isifo esibi, esinganyangekiyo se-episodic, esiphindaphindayo, kodwa, ngokukodwa, siyanyangeka. Abantu abanesifo sengqondo abasemngciphekweni omkhulu wokuzibulala, xa bethatha i-lithium, bahlala bengabuyeli iminyaka.
UJim, ngoku ongumabhali wescreen, uqhubeka nokutyhala. "Lithini ibali?" Ubuze. "Yintoni ibali?"
"Kulungile," ndatsho, "ndinengxaki yokugula ngengqondo kusapho lwam…"
“Usebenzisa ibali likabani?”
Ndathi, "Masibhatale ityala, ndiza kukuxelela xa sihamba."
Icala elingaphezulu
Inzululwazi iqalile ukujonga ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo okuguquguqukayo ngokusebenzisa iilensi zobuntu. Iwele kunye nosapho zibonisa ukuba uxinzelelo lwe-manic luphantse lube ngama-85 eepesenti. Kodwa akukho lunye utshintsho olwaziwayo kwikhowudi yokuphazamiseka. Rhoqo kuhlala kugxilwa kwiimpawu zobuntu: ukuthetha, ukungafihli nto, ukungxamiseka.
Ezi mpawu zihlala zibonakala kwizihlobo zokuqala zabantu abanesifo sokuphazamiseka kwengqondo. Banamacebo okuba kutheni "imfuza yomngcipheko" yale meko iqhutywa kwiintsapho, kwaye khange ikhuliswe kukhetho lwendalo. Kwidosi emodareyithayo, iimpawu ezifana nokuqhuba, amandla aphezulu, kunye nokucinga okungafaniyo ziluncedo.
Ababhali kwi-Iowa Writers 'Workshop, njengoKurt Vonnegut, babenamazinga aphezulu okuphazamiseka kwemozulu kunabantu ngokubanzi, kufunyenwe isifundo esithile. Iimvumi ze-jeb zeBebop, ezona zidumileyo uCharlie Parker, Thelonius Monk, kunye noCharles Mingus, nabo banesifo sengqondo, bahlala bebaipolar. (Ingoma kaParker "Relaxin 'eCamarillo" imalunga nokuhlala kwakhe kwindawo yokhuseleko eCalifornia. IMonk neMingus babelaliswe esibhedlele.) ababhali, kunye neemvumi ezinengxaki yokuphazamiseka kwengqondo. I-biografi yakhe entsha, "URobert Lowell: Ukubeka uMlambo ngomlilo," ichaza ubugcisa kunye nokugula kubomi bembongi, eyayilaliswe esibhedlele ngenxa yempambano, kwaye yafundisa imibongo eHarvard.
Oku akuthethi ukuba i-mania izisa ubuhlakani. Yeyiphi imania ekhuthazayo sisiphithiphithi: ukuzithemba okukhohlisayo, hayi ukuqonda. I-ramble ihlala ixhaphake, kodwa ayilungelelananga. Umsebenzi wokuyila uveliswe ngelixa ubudoda, kumava am, ubukhulu becala kukuziphatha kakubi, ngokubaluleka kokuzigqwesa kunye nokungakhathali kwabaphulaphuli. Ayifane ihlangulwe kumdaka.
Oluphi uphando olucebisayo kukuba ezinye zezinto ekuthiwa "ziimpawu ezintle" zesifo esiyi-bipolar-ukuqhuba, ukuzithemba, ukungafihli nto-kubantu abanesifo xa bephilile kwaye befumana amayeza. Abo bazuza njengelifa ezinye zeentlobo zemfuza ezibangela ubushushu bendoda, kodwa abonelanga ukubangela ukugqabhuka, ukutshintsha kwemo yeemvakalelo, amandla okungalali, okanye ukungonwabi okuchaphazela ukudakumba kwendoda uqobo.
Ubhuti
"Uyandibhanxa," watsho uJim, ehleka evalo, njengoko wayendithengela ikofu ngala mini eNew York. Xa benditshilo ngaphambilana ukuba bangaphi abantu abanobuchule bokuphazamiseka ngokweemvakalelo, wayecebisa - ngecala elisecaleni - ukuba angandixelela okuninzi ngamava akhe. Khange ndibuze ukuba uthetha ukuthini. Kodwa xa sihamba sinyuka malunga neebhloko ezingama-30 sisiya ePenn Station sisuka kwisitalato iBond, wandixelela ngonyaka wakhe onamatye.
Kuqala, bekukho ii-hookups kunye nabasetyhini osebenza nabo. Ke izihlangu wazigcwalisa ikhabhathi yakhe nge: ezininzi zezibini ezintsha, iiteki ezibizayo. Emva koko imoto yezemidlalo. Kwaye ukusela. Kunye nengozi yemoto. Kwaye ngoku, kwiinyanga ezimbalwa ezidlulileyo, uxinzelelo: i-anhedonia ethe tyaba-mlilo evakala iqhelekile ngokwaneleyo ukuba ibande umqolo wam. Uye wabona ukufiphala. Wayefuna ukuba athathe amayeza, wathi wayephefumla bipolar. Wayenokwala ileyibhile. Oku kwakuqhelekile: Ndiyithintele i-lithium iminyaka emibini. Ndizamile ukumxelela ukuba uza kuphila.
Kwiminyaka kamva, iprojekthi entsha yeTV yazisa uJim eNew York. Undicelile kumdlalo webaseball. Sijonge iiMets, uhlobo, ngaphezulu kweedogs kunye neebhiya kunye nokuthetha rhoqo. Ndayazi ukuba kwintlanganiso yakhe yeshumi elinesihlanu yokuhlangana ekholejini, uJim wayexhume kwakhona kunye nalowo wayefunda naye. Kungekudala, babethandana. Akazange amxelele ekuqaleni ukuba wangcwatywa phantsi koxinzelelo. Wafunda kwakamsinya, kwaye esoyika ukuba uzakuhamba. Ndabhalela uJim nge-imeyile ngelo xesha, ndimcela ukuba angakhathazeki. "Uyayiqonda," ndanyanzelisa, "Bahlala besithanda ngenxa yendlela esiyiyo, hayi nangona kunjalo."
UJim undinike iindaba kumdlalo: iringi, ewe. Ndifane nomfanekiso womtshato waseJapan eJapan. Kwaye ndiyathemba, nakule nto, ukuba sempai wayendibonisile ikamva lam.
Impambano yosapho
Ukuzibona komnye umntu kuqhelekile. Ukuba unengxaki yokuphazamiseka engqondweni, le nto inokuba yinto engaqhelekanga, njengoko ezinye iimpawu ozibonayo zinokukufanisa neminwe yeminwe.
Ubuntu bakho ubukhulu becala buzuzwe njengelifa, njengokuma kwethambo nokuphakama. Amandla kunye neempazamo ezidityaniswe nazo zihlala zingamacala amabini engqekembe enye: amabhongo abotshelelwe kukuxhalaba, ubuntununtunu obuza nokungazithembi. Wena, njengathi, unzima, unobungozi obufihliweyo.
Into ebaleka kwigazi eliyibipolar ayisosiqalekiso kodwa bubuntu. Iintsapho ezinamazinga aphezulu emood okanye ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo, zihlala, ziintsapho ezinempumelelo ephezulu, nabantu aboyilayo. Abantu abasoloko bene-IQ ephezulu kunabantu ngokubanzi. Oku akukhanyeli ukubandezeleka kunye nokuzibulala okusabangelwa kukuphazamiseka kwabantu abangaphenduliyo kwi-lithium, okanye abo bane-comorbidities, abaqhuba kakubi. Okanye ukunciphisa umzabalazo ojamelene nethamsanqa, njengam, kuxolelo okwangoku. Kodwa kukwazisa ukuba ukugula ngengqondo, rhoqo kakhulu, kubonakala ngathi kuyimveliso yeempawu ezibaxiweyo ezihlala zihlala zilungile.
Okukhona ndidibana, kokukhona ndiziva ngathi ndisisidenge. Ngendlela abahlobo bam abacinga ngayo, abathetha nabenza ngayo, ndiyazibona. Abadikwa. Andonelisekanga. Bayazibandakanya. Olwabo lusapho endizingcayo ngokuba yinxalenye yalo: ndifuna ukwazi, ndiqhutywa, ndileqeka nzima, ndikukhathalele kakhulu.
UTaylor Beck ngumbhali oseBrooklyn. Ngaphambi kobuntatheli, wayesebenza kwiilebhu efunda inkumbulo, ukulala, ukuphupha kunye nokuguga. Nxibelelana naye ku @ taylorbeck216.
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