Oko Ndakufunda KuBawo: Wonke umntu Ubonisa Uthando Ngokwahlukileyo

Umxholo

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Bendihlala ndicinga ukuba utata ngumntu othuleyo, ophulaphule ngakumbi kunesithethi esibonakala ngathi silinde umzuzu ofanelekileyo kwincoko ukuze sinike uluvo okanye uluvo olukrelekrele. Uzalelwe kwaye wakhulela kwindawo eyayisakuba yiSoviet Union, utata wam akazange abonakalise imbonakalo yangaphandle ngeemvakalelo zakhe, ngakumbi ezo zintlobo ngeentlobo ezinobukrelekrele. Ukukhula kwam, andikhumbuli endihlamba ngazo zonke iihugs ezifudumeleyo kunye no "I love you" endazifumana kumama. Wabonisa uthando-yayiqhelekile ngezinye iindlela.

Ngenye ihlobo xa ndandineminyaka emihlanu okanye emithandathu, wachitha iintsuku endifundisa indlela yokukhwela ibhayisekile. Udadewethu, oneminyaka emithandathu mdala kunam, wayesele ekhwele iminyaka, kwaye akukho nto ndandiyifuna ngaphandle kokukwazi ukuqhubeka naye nabanye abantwana ebumelwaneni. Mihla le xa ndiphuma emsebenzini, utata wayendikhwelisa kwindlela yethu enenduli ukuya kwindawo engezantsi aze asebenze nam de kutshone ilanga. Ngesinye isandla kwiziphatho kunye nesinye emqolo, wayeza kundinika ukutyhala kwaye akhwaze athi, "Hamba, hamba, hamba!" Imilenze yam iyangcangcazela, ndityhala nzima. Kodwa njengoko ndandihamba, izenzo zeenyawo zam zazindiphazamisa ekuzigcineni ziqinile izandla zam, yaye ndandiqalisa ukutyibilika, ndingakwazi kuzibamba. UTata, owayelapho kanye ebaleka ecaleni kwam, wayeza kundibamba ngaphambi nje kokuba ndibethe ipavumente. “Kulungile, masiyizame kwakhona,” wayeya kuthi, umonde wakhe ubonakala ungenamda.

Utyekelo lokufundisa kukatata lwaphinda lwadlala kwakhona kwiminyaka embalwa kamva xa ndandifunda ukwehlisa umtsi. Nangona ndandifunda, wayedla ngokuchitha ixesha elininzi nam ethambekeni, endincedisa ukuba ndiwafezekise amajiko am namakhuba ekhephu. Xa ndandidiniwe ukuba ndithwale ii-skis zam ndibuyele kulo lodge, wayedla ngokuthabatha ezantsi kweepali zam anditsale apho ngelixa ndibambe ngokuqinileyo esinye isiphelo. Indawo yokuhlala, wayenokundithengela itshokholethi eshushu kwaye athabathe iinyawo zam ezinqabileyo ade ekugqibeleni afudumale kwakhona. Ngokukhawuleza xa sifika ekhaya, ndandibaleka ndiye kuxelela umama ngayo yonke into endiyenzileyo ngala mhla utata ephumle phambi kweTV.

Ngokuya ndikhula, ubudlelwane bam notata wam buya buba kude. Ndingumntu ofikisayo, othanda amatheko kunye nemidlalo yebhola ekhatywayo ukuchitha ixesha notata. Kwakungasekho mizuzu mincinci yokufundisa-ezo zizathu zokuxhoma, sisobabini kuphela. Ndifikile ekholejini, incoko zam notata zazinciphile, "Hee tata, ukhona umama?" Ndandichitha iiyure efowunini nomama, yayingaske ithi qatha into yokuba ndithathe ixeshana ndincokola notata.

Ngexesha ndandineminyaka engama-25, ukunxibelelana kwethu kwakunefuthe elibi kulwalamano lwethu. Njengoko kunjalo, sasingenayo ngokwenene. Ngokuqinisekileyo, utata wayenobuchwephesha ebomini bam-yena nomama wam babesatshatile kwaye ndiza kuthetha naye ngokufutshane emnxebeni ndimbone xa ndibuya ekhaya amatyeli ambalwa ngonyaka. Kodwa wayengekho phakathi ubomi bam-wayengazi nto ingako ngayo kwaye nam ndandingazi kakhulu ngaye.

Ndaqonda ukuba andinakuze ndiziphe ixesha lokumazi. Ndandingazibala izinto endizaziyo ngotata kwelinye icala. Bendisazi ukuba uyayithanda ibhola ekhatywayo, iiBeatles, kunye neChannel yezeMbali, kwaye ubuso bakhe bujika bomvu xa ehleka. Kwakhona ndandisazi ukuba wayefudukele eUnited States nomama esuka eSoviet Union ukuze mna nodadewethu siphile ubomi obubhetele, yaye wakwenza oko. Wayeqinisekisa ukuba sihlala sinophahla phezu kweentloko zethu, ukutya okuninzi, kunye nemfundo elungileyo. Kwaye bendingazange ndambulela ngayo. Nokuba kube kanye.

Ukususela ngelo xesha ukuya phambili, ndaqalisa ukwenza umzamo wokunxibelelana notata. Nditsalele umnxeba ekhaya rhoqo kwaye khange ndicele kwangoko ukuthetha nomama. Kwavela ukuba utata wam, endakha ndacinga ukuba uthule kakhulu, eneneni wayenokuninzi awakuthethayo. Sichithe iiyure emnxebeni sincokola malunga nokuba kwakunjani ukukhula eSoviet Union nangobudlelwane bakhe notata wakhe.

Undixelele ukuba utata wakhe ngutata omkhulu. Nangona wayesiba ngqongqo ngamanye amaxesha, utatomkhulu wayenoburharha kwaye ephembelela utata wam ngeendlela ezininzi, ukusuka ekuthandeni kwakhe ukufunda ukuya kuthi phithi yimbali. Xa utata wayeneminyaka engama-20, umama wakhe wasweleka kwaye ubudlelwane phakathi kwakhe notata wakhe baba kude, ngakumbi emva kokuba utatomkhulu waphinda watshata kwiminyaka embalwa kamva. Ukudityaniswa kwabo bekukude nyani, bendingafane ndimbone utamkhulu ekhula kwaye andisamboni kakhulu ngoku.

Ukumazi kancinci utata kule minyaka imbalwa idlulileyo kuye komeleza umanyano lwethu kwaye kwandinika umbono wehlabathi lakhe. Ubomi eSoviet Union babumalunga nokusinda, wandixelela. Ngelo xesha, ukunyamekela umntwana kwakuthetha ukuqiniseka ukuba uyanxityiswa yaye wondliwa—yaye kwakuphelele apho. Ootata abakhange badlale ngokubambisa ngoonyana babo kwaye oomama ngokuqinisekileyo khange baye kuthenga izinto kunye neentombi zabo. Ukuqonda oku kundenze ndaziva ndinethamsanqa kangangokuba utata wam undifundisile ukukhwela ibhayisekile, ukuskiya, nokunye okuninzi.

Xa ndisekhaya kwihlobo elidlulileyo, utata wandibuza ukuba ndiyafuna na ukuya kudlala igalufa kunye naye. Andinamdla kwezemidlalo kwaye andikaze ndidlale ebomini bam, kodwa ndathi ewe kuba ndiyazi ukuba iyakuba yindlela yokuba sichithe ixesha elinye-kunye. Safika kwibala legalufa, kwaye utata ngoko nangoko wangena kwimowudi yokufundisa, kanye njengokuba wayenjalo xa ndandisengumntwana, endibonisa isimo esichanekileyo kunye nendlela yokubamba iklabhu kwi-engile elungileyo ukuqinisekisa ukuqhuba ixesha elide. Incoko yethu yayijolise kwigalufa-kwakungekho zintliziyo zintliziyo okanye ukuvuma izono- kodwa andikhathali. Bendizokuchitha ixesha notata wam kwaye sabelane ngento ayithandayo.

Kwezi ntsuku, sithetha emnxebeni kanye ngeveki kwaye unyukela eNew York ukutyelela kabini kwiinyanga ezintandathu ezidlulileyo. Ndisafumanisa ukuba kulula kum ukuthetha ngokukhululekileyo nomama wam, kodwa into endiyifumeneyo ilungile. Uthando lunokubonakaliswa ngeendlela ezininzi ezahlukeneyo. Utata wam angasoloko endixelela ukuba uziva njani kodwa ndiyazi ukuba uyandithanda-kwaye eso isenokuba sesona sifundo sikhulu andifundise sona.

UAbigail Libers ngumbhali ozimeleyo ohlala eBrooklyn. Ukwangumdali kunye nomhleli we-Notes on Fatherhood, indawo yokuba abantu babelane ngamabali ngobutata.

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