Emva koKwahlukana Izinto ezenziwayo kunye neeDon'ts

Umxholo

• Ukuseka imida
• Thatha ixesha ukwahlukana
• Hlonipha iimfuno zomnye nomnye
• Gcina umgama othile ngokwasemzimbeni nangokweemvakalelo
• 'Izikhokelo nje zabahlobo'
• Xoxa ngendlela oza kujongana ngayo nokudibana
• Ukuzikhathalela
• Ukubeka phambili ukuzinakekela
• Yenza izinto ozithandayo
• Veza iimvakalelo zakho…
• … Kodwa kunqande ukuziqumbela kuzo
• Xelela ibali lakho
• Ukujongana nemidiya yoluntu
• Kuphephe ukusebenzisa imidiya yoluntu kangangoko
• Musa ukuthumela malunga nokwahlukana
• Sukutshintsha imeko yobudlelwane bakho kwangoko
• Sukulandela umlingane wakho wangaphambili
• Sukujonga iphepha lakho langaphambili
• Ukuba benihlala kunye
• Hlaziya indawo yakho
• Yenza i 'mini remodel'
• Ibhokisi phezulu izikhumbuzo
• Hlanganisa nezinto zabo
• Ukuba unabahlobo abaninzi
• Ukuba ubudlelwane polyamorous
• Thetha ngokuphandle malunga neemvakalelo zakho
• Thetha ngamanyathelo alandelayo
• Thatha indlela ephezulu
• Kulungile ukucela uncedo

Ukwahlukana kunye neemvakalelo abazikhulisayo zinzima. Uncedo, ukudideka, ukuqaqanjelwa yintliziyo, usizi-zonke ezi ziindlela eziqhelekileyo zokuphendula kobudlelwane. Nokuba izinto ziphela ngendlela esempilweni nenemveliso, uya kushiyeka ungaziva mnandi.

Ezi ngcebiso zinokukunceda uqale inkqubo yokuchola iziqwenga kunye nokuqhubela phambili. Khawukhumbule nje, wena Ngaba yigqibe, nokuba zinzima kangakanani izinto ngoku.

Ukuseka imida

Ngamanye amaxesha kulula ukuphepha ukuwela iindlela kunye neqabane langaphambili emva kokuqhekeka. Kodwa ukuba uhlala kwidolophana encinci okanye wazi abantu abafanayo, usenokuba nexesha elinzima lokwahlula ngokupheleleyo ubomi bakho.

Ukubeka imida ecacileyo kunxibelelwano lwexesha elizayo kunokunceda ukwenza ukwahlukana kube lula kuni nobabini.

Thatha ixesha ukwahlukana

Nokuba niyazi ukuba nobabini nifuna ukugcina ubuhlobo, indawo encinci yexeshana ayizukulimaza. Ukuthatha ikhefu ekuthumeleni imiyalezo kunye nokuxhoma ngaphandle kunokukunceda nina nobabini uqale ukuphilisa.

Umtshato onelayisensi kunye nonyango losapho uKatherine Parker ucebisa ngokulinda phakathi kweenyanga ezi-1 ukuya kwezi-3 ngaphambi kokuba uphinde unxibelelane ne-ex yakho ukuba yinto onomdla kuyo.

Oku kukunika ixesha lokujonga ngokwakho, utshilo. Inokukunceda ukuba uphephe ukuwela kwindlela eyingozi yokubonelela ngenkxaso yeemvakalelo kwiqabane lakho langaphambili kunye nokwandisa ixesha lokwahlukana.

Hlonipha iimfuno zomnye nomnye

Ukuba ufuna ukuhlala ngabahlobo kodwa i-ex yakho ayifuni naluphi na unxibelelwano, kufuneka uyihloniphe. Musa ukufowunela, ukuthumela imiyalezo, okanye ucele abahlobo babo ukuba bathethe nabo bakwenzele.

Ungabakhumbula kakhulu, kodwa ukungayihloniphi imida yabo kuya kulimaza naliphi na ithuba lokuba nobuhlobo.

Ngenye indlela, ukuba umntu wangaphambili uqhagamshelana nawe, ngakumbi ngaphambi kokuba ukulungele ukuthetha, ungaziva unyanzelekile ukuba uphendule. Oku kunokuba nzima, ngakumbi ukuba babonakala besesichengeni okanye beveza iimvakalelo ezifanayo nezakho. Zikhumbuze ukuba nobabini nidinga ixesha kunye nendawo yokujongana neemvakalelo ezinzima kwaye nilinde de kudlule ixesha lokungafowunelwa.

Gcina umgama othile ngokwasemzimbeni nangokweemvakalelo

Ukuba ufuna ukuzama ubuhlobo emva kwexesha elithile, gcina iliso kwiipatter ezindala kunye nokuziphatha. Mhlawumbi uyayame intloko yakho emagxeni abo ngelixa ubukele imovie okanye beza kuwe bezokunceda ngexesha lobunzima.

Akukho nto iphosakeleyo ngokwendalo kwezi ndlela zokuziphatha, kodwa zinokukhokelela kuninzi lokudideka kunye nokuqhubeka kwentliziyo. Ukuba wena kunye ne-ex yakho nifuna ukugcina ubuhlobo, kuya kufuneka nenze njengabahlobo.

'Izikhokelo nje zabahlobo'

Ukugcina umgama kuthetha ukuba ungenzi nantoni na obungayi kuyenza nomhlobo wakho, njenge:

• ukugonwa okanye olunye unxibelelwano olusondeleyo
• Ukuchitha ubusuku kunye ebhedini enye
• baphathana ngokutya okubizayo
• ukubonelela ngenkxaso yemvakalelo okanye yezemali engaguquguqukiyo

Ukumisa nayiphi na indlela yokuziphatha ekwenza ukuba ucinge, "Kubonakala ngathi asizange sohlukane," yeyona nto ilungileyo.

Xoxa ngendlela oza kujongana ngayo nokudibana

Ngamanye amaxesha, akukho nje ukuphepha umntu wangaphambili. Mhlawumbi usebenza kunye, uye kwiikholeji ezifanayo, okanye ube nabahlobo bonke. Kule meko, kulungile ukuba nencoko malunga nento oza kuyenza xa ungenakukuthintela ukubonana.

Nenjongo yokugcina izinto zicocekile, nokuba unokwahlukana okungathandekiyo. Khawukhumbule nje ukuba awukwazi ukulawula isimilo somnye umntu. Ukuba abanakho ukuthobela isivumelwano kwaye benze okuthile, zama ukuthatha indlela ephezulu ngokungazibandakanyi.

Ukuba usebenza kunye, yenza konke okusemandleni akho ukugcina ubudlelwane bobugcisa. Gcina incoko yoluntu kwaye uzame ukunqanda ukuthetha nabantu osebenza nabo malunga noko kwenzekileyo. Ukuhleba kusasazeka ngokulula, kwaye nezibakala ezimbalwa ezisisiseko zinokutshintsha ngokungathandabuzekiyo ukusuka emntwini kuye emntwini.

Andiqinisekanga ukuba ndithini? Zama into enje, "Sigqibe kwelokuba siyeke ukubonana, kodwa sizimisele ukugcina ubudlelwane obuhle bokusebenza."

Ukuzikhathalela

Nje ukuba ufumane imida yakho ngokulandelelana, lixesha lokuba ujonge ulwalamano lwakho nawe.

Ukubeka phambili ukuzinakekela

UParker ucebisa ngokudala indlela yokuzikhathalela imihla ngemihla.

Yonke imihla, yenza into:

• kukuzisela uvuyo (jonga izihlobo, unamava amatsha, chitha ixesha kwizinto ozithandayo)
• kukukhulisa (ukuzilolonga, ukucamngca, ukupheka ukutya okwanelisayo kodwa okunempilo)
• kukunceda uqhubekeke neemvakalelo zakho (yenza ubugcisa okanye umculo, ijenali, thetha nonyango okanye omnye umntu oxhasayo)

Zama ukulala ngokwaneleyo, kodwa kuphephe ukulala kakhulu. Oku kunokuphazamisa uxanduva lwakho kwaye kukwenze uzive ugrogog kwaye ungonwabanga.

Kwaye ke, ewe, kukho ukutya okuthuthuzelayo, i-Netflix binges, kunye nebhotile yewayini. Kulungile ukuzonwabisa ngamanye amaxesha ngelixa uchacha, kodwa gcina iliso kwizinto ukuze zingabi yimikhwa eqhelekileyo ekunzima ukwaphula indlela. Cinga ngokugcina ezi zinto ngamaxesha akhethekileyo kunye nabahlobo okanye uzinike ubusuku obunye ngeveki ukuze uyeke.

Yenza izinto ozithandayo

Emva kokuqhekeka, unokuzifumana unexesha elingaphezulu kwesimahla kunokuba uqhele. Zama ukusebenzisa eli xesha ngeendlela ezilungileyo.

Mhlawumbi ngexesha lolwalamano uchithe ixesha elincinci ufunda kwaye unenqwaba yeencwadi ezingafundwanga ezilinde ecaleni kwebhedi yakho. Okanye mhlawumbi ubusoloko ufuna ukuzama ukwenza igadi okanye ukunitha. Ungaqala nokufunda ulwimi olutsha okanye wenze izicwangciso zokuhamba wedwa.

Ukufumana izinto zokwenza (nokuzenza) kunokunceda kukuphazamise kwintlungu yasemva koqhawulo-mtshato.

Veza iimvakalelo zakho…

Kuqhelekile ukuba ube neemvakalelo ezininzi emva kokuqhekeka, kubandakanya:

• umsindo
• lusizi
• usizi
• ukudideka
• ubulolo

Inokukunceda ukuziqonda ezi mvakalelo. Zibhale phantsi, uzekelise okanye uthethe nabantu obathandayo. Iimuvi, umculo kunye neencwadi ezibandakanya abantu abakwimeko ezifanayo zinokubonisa amava akho, ke ezi zinto zinokukuthuthuzela.

… Kodwa kunqande ukuziqumbela kuzo

Zama ukungabambeki kumjikelo weemvakalelo ezingalunganga, kuba ngokubanzi akuncedi ukukhanyisa iimvakalelo zosizi kunye nelahleko. Ukuba awukwazi ukuyeka ukucinga nge-ex yakho, zama "ukuseta kwakhona" ngokuphuma endlwini, undwendwele umhlobo, okanye ubeke umculo kwaye wenze ukucoca okunzulu.

Thatha ikhefu kwiimidlalo ezibuhlungu okanye zothando kunye neengoma zothando. Endaweni yoko, zama umdlalo ohlekisayo okanye okhuthazayo, umculo oqhubela phambili, kunye neenoveli ezilula ngaphandle kothando. Oku kunokukunceda kukuphazamise kwiimvakalelo ezingalunganga.

Ezinye iindlela ezikhawulezayo zokunceda ukuphucula imeko yokudakumba:

• Vula amalengalenga akho ngokukhanya kwendalo.
• Fumana ilanga.
• Yenza indawo yokuhlambela eshaweni okanye ebhafini kunye neemveliso zakho ozithandayo.
• Tshisa ikhandlela ngevumba elitsha okanye le-citrus.

Xelela ibali lakho

UParker ucebisa ukuba ubhale ibali elifutshane malunga nokwahlukana kwakho. Isivakalisi esinye okanye ezibini zilungile. Umzekelo, "Ndidinga ixesha nendawo yokuphinda ndinxibelelane nam kunye neemfuno zam ngaphambi kokuba ndibenobudlelwane nomnye umntu." Enye indlela inokuthi, "Ukwahlukana yinkqubo, kwaye akukho nto icacile kwalapho."

Gcina oku kwindawo ebonakalayo, njengesipili sakho sokuhlambela okanye ifriji, kwaye ujonge kuloo nto xa uziva ngathi uyamkhumbula umntu wakho wangaphambili kwaye ufuna ukufikelela, utshilo.

Ukujongana nemidiya yoluntu

Enye into engalindelekanga yokwahlukana: imidiya yoluntu. Akusoloko kulula ukwazi ukuba ungayibeka njani imida ejikeleze ukubandakanyeka kwidijithali, kodwa nazi ezinye izinto zasemva koqhawulo-mtshato kunye nezinto ongazenziyo.

Kuphephe ukusebenzisa imidiya yoluntu kangangoko

"Imithombo yeendaba kwezentlalo yenza imeko yokulandelelana kunye nokulungiswa okungenampilo, kunye namathuba okuxhaphaza abanye," utshilo uParker.

Ukuthatha ixesha elithile kude kumajelo asekuhlaleni kunokuba luncedo emva kokwahlukana. Oku kuqinisekisa ukuba awugqibi ukumuncwa yimvakalelo yakho ngokudibana neefoto zedala lakho okanye iifoto ezibonakala ngathi zifanelwe sisibini.

Ukuba usebenzisa imithombo yeendaba zentlalo emva koqhawulo-mtshato, uParker ucebisa ukuba usebenzise kuphela ukunxibelelana kunye nokufumana inkxaso kubahlobo nakusapho. Umzekelo, unokucinga ngokususa okwethutyana usetyenziso lwe-Facebook kwifowuni yakho kunye nokusebenzisa i-Messenger ukuncokola.

Musa ukuthumela malunga nokwahlukana

Awudingi ukuba wabelane esidlangalaleni ukuba ubudlelwane bakho buphelile, kuba amathuba, ngabantu abafuna ukwazi sele yenza yazi. "Imidiya yokuncokola ayiyondawo yokubonisa iimvakalelo zakho okanye unxunguphalo lwakho kwiqabane langaphambili," utshilo uParker.

Unokufuna ukwabelana ngenyaniso ukuba umntu wakho wakudala ukuxokisile, waqhatha, okanye wakona, kodwa gcina ukukhathazeka kwakho imiyalezo yabucala nabantu obathembileyo.

Sukutshintsha imeko yobudlelwane bakho kwangoko

Ukuba wena neqabane lakho langaphambili nisebenzise imeko "Kubudlelwane" kuFacebook, kunokubonakala kusengqiqweni (kwaye kuthembekile) ukutshintsha imeko yakho ibe "Ngatshatanga" nje ukuba ubudlelwane buphelile.

Inketho ebhetele kukufihla imeko kwiprofayili yakho (okanye ukuyicwangcisa kuphela ukuba uyibone). Ukuba uthatha ikhefu kwimidiya yoluntu, umzekelo, unokuyifihla de ubuye. Abantu banokungafane babone utshintsho emva kwexesha elidlulileyo.

Ukuba bayakuqaphela, ukwahlukana kwakho kuya kuba ziindaba ezindala, ke ayizukubaluleka kangako. Ukulinda ukutshintsha inqanaba lakho kuya kunciphisa namathuba wokuba liqabane lakho langaphambili liziva lonzakaliswe lutshintsho.

Sukulandela umlingane wakho wangaphambili

Awudingi ukuba ungabi ngumhlobo we-ex ukuba:

• ubudlelwane baphela ngokwentetho elungileyo
• ufuna ukuhlala zihlobo
• Unolunye unxibelelwano lwasentlalweni

Kodwa uninzi losasazo lweendaba ngoku likuvumela ukuba uthulise okanye ufihle abantu ngaphandle kokungabalandeli. Oku kukugcina ungaboni umxholo abelana ngawo. Ukuba awufuni ukubona iqabane lakho langaphambili kwizithuba zabanye abantu, inokukunceda ukungalandeli abantu abadityaniswe ngokusondeleyo kubo, kubandakanya nabahlobo abasondeleyo kunye namalungu osapho.

Ku-Facebook, ungasebenzisa useto lwangasese ukubeka abantu kuluhlu olunqandekileyo, olubathintelayo ekuboneni nantoni na engabelwanga esidlangalaleni. Oku kunokunceda, kodwa ukuba ubudlelwane bebuhlukumeza, kungcono ukubathintela ngokupheleleyo ukuze bangaboni naluphi na ulwazi lwakho okanye uhlaziyo.

Sukujonga iphepha lakho langaphambili

Unokuziva uhendeka, ngakumbi ukuba ubabonile malunga nedolophu nomntu omtsha. Mhlawumbi ufuna ukwazi ukuba baziva besoyikeka njengawe, okanye mhlawumbi ujonge olo hlaziyo lwesimo singacacanga wena nje yazi bafuna ukuba ubone.

Kodwa zibuze, "Ukujonga kwiphepha labo kuya kwenza ntoni?" Mhlawumbi akukho nto iphilileyo, ke kungcono ukuba uxhathise umnqweno.

Ukuba benihlala kunye

Ukwahlukana neqabane elihlala nalo kuzisa iseti eyahlukileyo yemiceli mngeni.

Hlaziya indawo yakho

Emva kokuba iqabane lakho liphumile, indlu okanye indlu yakho inokuziva yahluke ngokupheleleyo. Indawo yakho inokuziva inesithukuthezi. Isenokungavakali ngathi "likhaya" kwakhona. Unokufuna ukupakisha kwaye uye endaweni ngaphandle kweenkumbulo ezininzi ezibuhlungu.

Ukuba nabelana ngendawo kwaye umntu wakho wakudala wafuduka, ikhaya lakho linokuziva lililolo okanye lizele ziinkumbulo ezibuhlungu. Ewe, ukufudukela kwindawo entsha kunokunceda, kodwa oko akusoloko kunokwenzeka ngokwasezimalini. Endaweni yoko, jolisa ekuhlaziyeni indawo okuyo.

Yenza i 'mini remodel'

• hambisa ifenitshala ujikeleze
• fumana iimagi ezintsha okanye izitya
• utyalomali kwezinye izinto zokulala
• zama ukulahla ifanitshala enye onokuyitshintsha ngokulula
• lahla ingubo obusoloko uyigonile phantsi kwayo uyitshintshe ngokufaka imibala eyahlukeneyo kunye nemibala
• zama umbala ohlukileyo kwigumbi lakho lokuhlala okanye kwigumbi lokulala.
• penda itafile nezitulo zakho.
• tshintsha umbhoxo, umjukujelo, imithwalo kunye neengubo

Ibhokisi phezulu izikhumbuzo

Inokukunceda ukupakisha izikhumbuzo ezibalulekileyo zobudlelwane, kubandakanya izipho, iifoto, okanye izinto ozithenge kunye. Akunyanzelekanga ukuba uzilahle ezi zinto. Misela nje ibhokisi ecaleni apho ungayi kuyibona ngalo lonke ixesha. Ngaphantsi kwendlela, ungaphinda ujonge kwaye uthathe isigqibo malunga nento ofuna ukuyigcina.

Hlanganisa nezinto zabo

Ukuba iqabane lakho lishiye izinto ngasemva, ukhetho oluhloniphekileyo kukuzifaka ebhokisini kude kube kudlule naliphi na ixesha lokunxibelelana. Emva koko, thumela umyalezo ophucukileyo ubazise ukuba usenezinto zabo. Nikela nantoni na abayishiye ngabom okanye abathi abayifuni.

Ukuba unabahlobo abaninzi

Abahlobo bobabini baya kufuna ukwazi ukuba kwenzeke ntoni emva kokwahlukana. Ngokuqhelekileyo kungcono ukuphepha ukungena kwiinkcukacha. Banokufumana amabali amabini ahluke ngokupheleleyo, kwaye ukuhleba kunokuba yingxaki kwezinye iimeko.

Ukuba abahlobo bakho bevile ingxelo engeyonyani eyenzekileyo, unokufuna ukwabelana ngenyani. Zama ukuyiphepha impendulo evakalelwa ngokwasemphefumlweni kwaye unikezele iinyani ngokuzolileyo, ngaphandle kokuthetha nantoni na embi malunga neqabane lakho langaphambili.

Gcina ukhumbula ukuba abanye abahlobo banokuthatha icala. Awunakukuphepha oku okanye unyanzele nabani na ukuba agcine ubuhlobo. Kodwa wena unako kunqande ukudlala kwintlebendwane nakwidrama ngokuxhathisa umnqweno wokuthetha izinto ezimbi nge-ex yakho.

Okokugqibela, kulunge ngokubanzi ukunqanda ukubuza izihlobo ngeendaba zalowo wayeliqabane lakho.

Ukuba ubudlelwane polyamorous

Xa usebenza ngokwahlukana kwe-poly, kubalulekile ukuba uqwalasele indlela ukwahlukana neqabane elinye okunokuluchaphazela ngayo olunye ulwalamano lwakho.

Thetha ngokuphandle malunga neemvakalelo zakho

Ukulandela ukwahlukana neqabane elinye, unokuzibona usondela, kokubini ngokwasemzimbeni nangokweemvakalelo, kwamanye amaqabane akho.

Kwelinye icala, unokuziva:

• ukuthandabuza ukusondelelana ngokwasemzimbeni
• sesichengeni
• Awunamdla kangako kwimisebenzi yakho yesiqhelo

Iimvakalelo zakho kunye neemvakalelo zonke ziyasebenza, kwaye amaqabane anovelwano aya kukuqonda ukuba ujongana nemeko enzima. Baya kufuna kakhulu ukubonelela ngenkxaso nangona banako. Gcina nje engqondweni ukuba banokufumana ukuwa ngokweemvakalelo kuqhawulo-mtshato lwakho, nabo.

Zigcine zikwimeko engento malunga nendlela oziva ngayo kwaye uzame ukunxibelelana ngento nganye eziyifunayo komnye ngexesha lolu tshintsho.

Thetha ngamanyathelo alandelayo

Njengoko uhlengahlengisa ekubeni ube neqabane elinye elingaphantsi, unokufuna ukuthetha namaqabane akho ngoku malunga:

• Iindlela zakho ubudlelwane obunokuthi butshintshe okwethutyana (umzekelo, unokuba nomdla omncinci kubudlelwane obusondeleyo okwangoku)
• nayiphi na imida emitsha (okanye bafuna) ukuyibekela ubudlelwane bakho
• indlela yokusingatha iimeko apho unokubona iqabane lakho langaphambili

Thatha indlela ephezulu

Kwakhona, kuphephe ukuthetha kakubi ngomntu owawutshate naye. Oku kubaluleke ngakumbi ukuba elinye lamaqabane akho lisenolwalamano ne-ex yakho.

Ngaphandle? Ukuba umntu wakho wakudala wayekuhlukumeza okanye ekubeka esichengeni, kungakuhle ukuba wazise amanye amaqabane.

Kulungile ukucela uncedo

Ukwahlukana kuhlala kunzima. Abahlobo kunye nosapho banokunika inkxaso kwaye bancede uzive ungaphantsi wedwa, kodwa ngamanye amaxesha akwanelanga.

Cinga ngokufikelela kunyangi, onokukunceda:

• zichonge iindlela zokuziphatha ezingafunekiyo kwaye endaweni yazo zithathe ezintle
• Idilesi kunye nomngeni wokuqhubeka neemvakalelo ezimbi
• jongana neziphumo zokuxhaphaza okanye zokuphatha gadalala
• sebenza kwisicwangciso sekamva

Ukuba uyazibuza ukuba ngaba ukwahlukana sisizathu esivakalayo sokufumana uncedo, ngokuqinisekileyo kunjalo. Ngapha koko, uninzi lonyango lubalasele ekuncedeni abantu ukuba basebenze ngokuphuka kwentlungu.

Kubaluleke kakhulu ukufikelela kuncedo ukuba:

• ndiziva ndidandathekile
• uneengcinga zokuzenzakalisa wena okanye abanye
• qhubeka uzama ukunxibelelana ne-ex yakho okanye ucinge ngokuqhagamshelana nabo rhoqo

Ukuchacha ekwahlukaneni kuthatha ixesha- mhlawumbi ngaphezulu kunokuba ungathanda. Kodwa zama ukukhumbula ukuba izinto ziya kuba lula ngokuhamba kwexesha. Okwangoku, yiba mnene nesiqu sakho kwaye ungathandabuzi ukufikelela xa ufuna inkxaso.