Bazali abathandekayo, ixhala labantwana yingxaki enkulu

Umxholo

• Ngaba baninzi abantwana abaphila noxinzelelo namhlanje?
• Kutheni abantwana bexhalabile?
• Ukunceda umntwana wakho akwazi ukujongana nengxaki yoxinzelelo
• Nceda ngonxunguphalo
  

UHolly, * iarhente yokuphosa eAustin, eTexas, wayenokudakumba emva kokubeleka kunye nomntwana wakhe wokuqala, uFiona, ngoku oneminyaka emihlanu ubudala. Namhlanje, uHolly uthatha amayeza ukulawula uxinzelelo kunye noxinzelelo. Kodwa uxhalabile ukuba ngenye imini uxinzelelo lunokuchaphazela intombi yakhe- kunye nonyana wakhe, ngoku ongu-3.

UHolly ucacisa ukuba uFiona unokuba neentloni kwaye abambelele. "[Mna] ndandingaqinisekanga ukuba leyo yayiyindlela yokuziphatha komntwana oqhelekileyo okanye enye into, utshilo uHolly.

Emva koko, kwabakho into ngoku uHolly ayibiza ngokuba “sisihlo.” Kwiiveki ezimbalwa kwisikolo sabantwana abancinci kulo nyaka, uFiona wenzakala ebaleni lokudlala ngexesha lekhefu kwaye wathunyelwa kumongikazi.

"Ndicinga ukuba wayeyedwa okwethutyana, emva koko akazange avunyelwe ukuba abuyele kwikhefu," ukhumbula uHolly. “Ndicinga ukuba waziva engalawuleki kakhulu, nto leyo ke ibonakalise ngathi,‘ Andimthandi umongikazi. ’Emva koko wayengafuni ukuya esikolweni, kwaye waqala ukuphinda-phinda kwiindawo ezininzi. Wayengasafuni ukuya kwiklasi yokupheka, emva koko adanise. Yonke imihla, ukuya esikolweni kwakungcungcutheka, kukhwaza, kulila. Kuthathe ixesha ukumdambisa, ”uyachaza.

UHolly nomyeni wakhe bathetha notitshala kaFiona kunye nomongikazi. Kodwa emva kweeveki ezimbalwa, uHolly uvumile ukuba akanazo izixhobo ezifanelekileyo zokujongana nale meko. Wathabatha uFiona wamsa kugqirha wabantwana, owabuza umntwana uthotho lwemibuzo. Emva koko ugqirha wabantwana wacebisa umama wakhe: "Unengxaki yokuxhalaba."

UHolly wathunyelwa kugqirha kwaye waqala ukuthatha uFiona kutyelelo lweveki. Ugqirha wayemnandi ngentombi yethu, kwaye wayemnandi kum. Undinike izixhobo zokuncedisa ekuthetheni nentombi yam kwaye andincede ndiqonde ukuba kuqhubeka ntoni, ”utshilo uHollys. UHolly noFiona baqhubeka nokubona iinyanga ezintathu, kwaye uFiona wenze inkqubela ebonakalayo noxinzelelo, utshilo uHolly.

Xa ecinga ngempilo yakhe yasebuntwaneni, uHolly ukhumbula ukuba, “ndandiyithiyile inkulisa. Ndalila ndalila, inxenye yam yazibuza, Ndenze ntoni ukuyila oku? Ngaba wazalwa enje okanye ngandlel 'ithile ndiyamphambanisa? ”

Ngaba baninzi abantwana abaphila noxinzelelo namhlanje?

UHolly akayedwa. Ndenze udliwanondlebe nabazali abaliqela abakhe bahlala nexhala, abantwana babo babonakalise neempawu ezixhalabisayo.

Ukuxhalaba ebantwaneni kugqitywe ngakumbi ngoku kunokuba kwakunjalo kwisizukulwana esadlulayo, utshilo u-Wesley Stahler wase-Los Angeles. Wongeza ukuba zininzi izinto ezahlukeneyo zokuyibekisa, kubandakanya nemfuza. UStahler uthi: "Abazali bahlala beza bazigxeke ngokwabo kwimizila yemfuza." Kodwa enyanisweni, kukho okungakumbi ekudlaleni. Uyachaza: "Kukho umxholo wembali, xa kuthelekiswa naxa sasingabantwana."

Yongeza kolo xinzelelo lokwahlulahlula phakathi kwezopolitiko ngaphambi kwexesha kunye nokukhethwa, kwaye ixhala namhlanje kubonakala ngathi yinto exhaphakileyo kusapho. Eyona nto ibaluleke ngakumbi ukwazi kukuba ukuphazamiseka koxinzelelo zezona zigulo zixhaphakileyo kwengqondo eMelika.

Ukuxhalaba kuchazwa njengokungakwazi ukunyamezela ukungonwabi, uStahler ucacisa, kunye nokuqonda izinto ezingezizo ezona zisongelo njengezisongelo. UStahler wongeza ukuba umntwana omnye kwabasi-8 kunye nom-1 kwaba-4 abadala banexhala. Ukuxhalaba kubonakalisa iindlela zomzimba nezengqondo, kubandakanya isisu, ukuluma isikhonkwane, ukungaguquguquki, kunye nobunzima ngotshintsho.

Abantu banamava empendulo yokulwa okanye yokubaleka kwisoyikiso esibonwayo. Rhoqo uxinzelelo kubantwana luchazwa gwenxa njengentsilelo yoqwalaselo, utshilo uSthahler, onokubonakala ngathi ngabantwana abangakwaziyo ukuhlala phantsi. I-fidget spinner, nabani na?

URachel *, utitshala webanga lesine waseLos Angeles, uthi uzibonele ngawakhe amehlo uxinzelelo noxinzelelo phakathi kwabafundi kule minyaka mihlanu idlulileyo.

Ngenxa yoko, uRachel usitshintshe isigama sakhe kunye neendlela zokujongana neentsapho.

“Kwixesha elidlulileyo, ngendandisebenzisa amagama afana noloyiko, ukukhathazeka, ukuzixakekisa ukuchaza indlela umntwana anokothuka ngayo kwigumbi lokufundela ngaphezu kwamabanga abo okanye umbono wabo ngendlela abanye abajonga ngayo. Ngoku, igama unxunguphalo luziswa kwincoko ngumzali. Abazali baxela ukuba umntwana wabo uyakhala, kangangeentsuku, ngamanye amaxesha, okanye uyala ukuthatha inxaxheba, okanye akakwazi kulala, ”ucacisa watsho uRachel.

Isazinzulu ngengqondo yabantwana esekwe eBrooklyn uGenevieve Rosenbaum uye wabona ukonyuka koxinzelelo phakathi kwabaxumi bakhe kule minyaka idlulileyo. Kunyaka ophelileyo, uxela, “bendinabafundi abaphakathi, bonke belandelelana, bonke bebenexhala lokusebenza esikolweni. Bonke babenexabiso elingaphaya kokufaka isicelo kwisikolo esiphakamileyo. Kuyamangalisa ngokwenene. Kubonakala ngathi imbi kakhulu kunakuqala xa ndandiziqhelisa. ”

Kutheni abantwana bexhalabile?

Imithombo ephambili yoxinzelelo, utshilo uSthahler, zimbini: iintambo zengqondo kunye nokuba ngumzali. Ukubeka ngokulula, ezinye iingqondo zixutywe ngoxinzelelo kunabanye. Ngokubhekisele kwicandelo lokuba ngumzali, kukho into yemfuza.

Ukuxhalaba kubuyela emva kwizizukulwana ezithathu, utshilo uStahler, emva koko kukho umzekelo wabazali ababonisa abantwana babo, njengokusebenzisa ngokungakhathali isicoci sesandla okanye ukuzixakekisa ngeentsholongwane.

Ngaphezu koko, enkosi ngokwanda "ukuba ngumzali weengwe kunye nokubeka ngaphezulu, abantwana namhlanje banexesha elincinci lokudlala - kwaye yindlela abantwana abazilungisa ngayo izinto," wongeza uSthahler.

UAnn, umcebisi wombutho ePortland, e-Oregon, oneminyaka eli-10 ubudala oxhalabile kugqirha nakutyelelo lwamazinyo kunye nomntwana oneminyaka esi-7 oxhalabile kwezentlalo, uzamile ukunciphisa oko ngokuthumela abantwana bakhe eWaldorf Isikolo, sinemithombo yeendaba encinci kunye nexesha elaneleyo phakathi kwemithi.

“Abantwana abafumani xesha laneleyo kwindalo. Bachitha ixesha elininzi kwizixhobo, ezitshintsha ubume bengqondo, kwaye ilizwe lethu namhlanje lihlala lisisiqhushumbisi sezivamvo, utshilo uAnn. "Akukho ndlela umntwana onobuntununtunu anokuhamba ngayo zonke izinto eziza kubo ngalo lonke ixesha."

UAnn unembali yokuhlaselwa kukothuka kwaye uvela "kumgca omde wabantu abanolwazelelelo," uyachaza. Wenze umsebenzi omninzi kuxinzelelo lwakhe - oluye lwamnceda ukulawula abantwana bakhe.

"Xa sasingabantwana, kwakungekho ulwimi malunga nale nto," wongeza u-Ann. Uqalile, kwaye ugcina, ukuba ingxoxo nabantwana bakhe ukuqinisekisa uloyiko lwabo kwaye uncede ukubasusa. “Ndiyazi ukuba kuyamnceda unyana wam ukwazi ukuba akayedwa, kwaye ufumana isiganeko sokwenyani [ngexesha loxinzelelo]. Kuye, kuyasebenza, utshilo.

U-Lauren, isitayile sefashoni eLos Angeles, uthi ufune kwaye wafumana uncedo oluninzi lobuchwephesha kunyana wakhe oneminyaka eli-10 ubudala, onexhala. Ngo-3, wafumana ukuxilongwa ngokuba kwi-autism spectrum. Uthi, nokuba zithini iimeko zendalo esingqongileyo, unyana wakhe ngewayesoloko ekufumanise oko. Kodwa ngelinye ixesha embalini, kusenokwenzeka ukuba akazange alufumane uncedo olufanayo.

NjengoAnn, uLauren ucacisa ukuba uhlala ebuthathaka. Indlela asabela ngayo usapho lwam ibisoloko ikho, nanko esiya, ehlasela kwakhona! Ukusukela ngoku baqonda ukuba le yinto enzima, utshilo.

Emva konyaka ophelileyo kunye notitshala omtsha ongenamava "owanyusa ngokupheleleyo unyana wam" - uchithe ixesha elaneleyo kwi-ofisi yenqununu emva kokufihla ephindaphinda phantsi kwedesika yakhe - Usapho lukaLauren luqeshe iintlobo ezahlukeneyo zonyango lwesiNtu kunye nolunye unyango, kubandakanya neurofeedback, kunye nokucamngca kunye notshintsho kwindlela otya ngayo. Unyana wakhe uhlengahlengiswe ngcono kulo nyaka.

"Andikwazi ukwenza umntwana wam aphole, kodwa ndingamfundisa iindlela zokumelana," utshilo uLauren. Ngenye imini kulo nyaka xa unyana wakhe waphulukana nobhaka wakhe, uLauren ukhumbula ukuba "kwakungathi ndazisa ukuba lonke usapho lwakhe lubulewe. Ndamxelela ukuba singaya kwiithagethi simfumanele entsha, kodwa wayenomzimba wovalo. Ekugqibeleni, wangena egumbini lakhe, wadlala ingoma yakhe ayithandayo kwikhompyuter, waphuma wathi, 'Mama, ndiziva ndibhetele noko ngoku.' ”Yayiyinto yokuqala leyo, utshilo uLauren. Kwaye uloyiso.

Ukunceda umntwana wakho akwazi ukujongana nengxaki yoxinzelelo

Emva kokuvuma ukuba imiba yeentsapho yahlukile, uStahler uthi zikhona izixhobo ezisisiseko zokukhawulezisa azicebisayo kubazali abanabantwana ababonisa iimpawu okanye abafumene ukuxilongwa kwesifo sokukhathazeka.

Nceda ngonxunguphalo

• Yenza amasiko emihla ngemihla apho uchonga khona amandla abantwana bakho.
• Chonga isibindi kwaye uvume ukuba kulungile ukoyika nokwenza into.
• Qinisekisa ixabiso lakho losapho. Umzekelo, "Kolu sapho, sizama into entsha yonke imihla."
• Fumana ixesha lokuphumla yonke imihla. Pheka, funda, okanye udlale umdlalo webhodi. Sukuzibandakanya kwixesha lesikrini.
• Zilolonge rhoqo; UStahler unyanzelisa ukuba imizuzu engama-20 ye-cardio engapheliyo inokuphucula imeko yakho.
• Funa uncedo lobuchwephesha xa kufuneka kunye nomntu onokuthi axoxe malunga nokuba amayeza angamlungela na umntwana wakho.

Ukufumana uncedo oluthe kratya kuxinzelelo kunye noxinzelelo, ndwendwela uMbutho woxinzelelo kunye noMdibaniso waseMelika. Soloko ufuna uncedo lobuchwephesha ngaphambi kokuqala naziphi na izicwangciso zonyango.

Amagama atshintshiwe ukukhusela imfihlo yabanikeli.

U-Liz Wallace ngumbhali wase-Brooklyn kunye nomhleli oshicilelwe kutshanje kwi-Atlantic, Lenny, Domino, Architectural Digest, naseManRepeller. Iziqeshana ziyafumaneka kwi elizabethannwallace.wordpress.com.