Ungazichonga njani iimvakalelo zakho ngesondo leemvakalelo-kwaye kutheni kufuneka

Umxholo

• Yintoni ivili leemvakalelo?
• Kutheni ungasebenzisa ivili leemvakalelo
• Uyisebenzisa kanjani ivili leemvakalelo
• Nje ukuba uchonge iimvakalelo zakho ...
• Uphengululo lwe

Xa kuziwa kwimpilo yengqondo, uninzi lwabantu ludla ngokungabi nesigama esithile; Isenokubonakala ingenakwenzeka ukuyichaza kanye indlela oziva ngayo. Ulwimi lwesiNgesi amaxesha ngamaxesha alunamagama afanelekileyo, kodwa kulula ukwahlulahlula ngokwamacandelo amakhulu, angacacanga. Ucinga ukuba, "Ndilungile okanye ndibi, ndonwabile okanye ndibuhlungu." Ke uyifumana njani into oziva ngayo- kwaye xa usenza, wenzani ngalo lwazi? Nongena: ivili leemotions.

Ugqirha wezengqondo uKevin Gilliland, i-Psy.D, umlawuli olawulayo e-i360 eDallas, TX usebenza ikakhulu namadoda kunye nolutsha-ngenxa yoko, uthi uyazi kakuhle ukusebenzisa esi sixhobo sokubhala ngokweemvakalelo. "Amadoda abi kakhulu ngokuba nemvakalelo enye kwisigama sabo: umsindo," utshilo. "Ndiyadlala isiqingatha nje."

Nangona eli bhlokhi yamagama ithanda ukuza kunyango lwamadoda, ukwahlula isigama sakho sempilo yengqondo kubalulekile kuye wonke umntu, nokuba ungubani na, utsho uGilliland. "Ivili leemvakalelo sisixhobo esiluncedo sokuba abantu bazazi ngcono iimvakalelo zabo, endaweni yokuthi" Andiziva mnandi, "utshilo u-Alex Dimitriu, MD, oqinisekisiwe kwibhodi ephindwe kabini kwezonyango lwengqondo nakumayeza okulala kunye nomsunguli weMenlo Ipaki yengqondo kunye nokulala amayeza.

Yintoni ivili leemvakalelo?

Ivili- ngamanye amaxesha elibizwa ngokuba "livili leemvakalelo," okanye "ivili leemvakalelo" - ngumzobo wesetyhula ohlulwe waba ngamacandelo kunye namacandelwana ukunceda umsebenzisi ukuba abone kwaye aqonde amava abo ngokweemvakalelo nangaliphi na ixesha, phantsi kwayo nayiphi na imeko.

Kwaye akukho vili nje elinye. Ivili leMvakalelo laseGeneva liceba iimilo kwimo yevili kodwa kwigridi yee-quadrants ezine ezibabeka ukusuka kokumnandi ukuya kokungathandekiyo nokulawulwa okungalawulekiyo. Isondo likaPlutchik leeMvakalelo (eyilwe ngugqirha wengqondo uRobert Plutchik ngo-1980) ineemvakalelo ezisibhozo "ezisisiseko" kwiziko - uvuyo, ukuthembela, uloyiko, ukumangala, usizi, ulindelo, umsindo, kunye nokuzonya - kunye nobukhulu bobunzulu, kunye nobudlelwane phakathi. iimvakalelo. Ke kukho ivili leJunto, elinoluhlu olubanzi lweemvakalelo kwaye kulula ukulisebenzisa: Libiza uvuyo, uthando, ukumangala, usizi, umsindo, kunye noloyiko embindini, emva koko iphinde idibanise ezo mvakalelo ezinkulu zibe ziimvakalelo ezithile. kwicala elingaphandle kwevili.

Umxholo ophambili wale nto kukuba akukho vili leemvakalelo "lifanayo", kwaye iingcali ezahlukeneyo zisebenzisa uyilo olwahlukileyo. Kwaye, unokubhikica imbono eyahlukileyo ngokuxhomekeke kwivili olisebenzisayo. Umzekelo, ivili likaPlutchik eneneni ikhowuni ekwaqaqambisa ubudlelwane phakathi kweemvakalelo ezikufutshane; okt phakathi "kovuyo" kunye "nokunconywa" uyakufumana "uthando" (nangona "uthando" ngokwalo lungelilo udidi) naphakathi "kokuncoma" kunye "noloyiko" uyakufumana "ukuzithoba" (kwakhona, "ukungenisa "ayilodidi, ludibaniso nje lwamacandelo amabini akufutshane). Kunzima kancinci ukuqokelela ngaphandle kwemizekelo ebonakalayo, ke ngokuqinisekileyo jonga kula mavili. Njengokuba kukho iiphilisi ezahlukeneyo zabantu abahlukeneyo, kukho amavili ahlukeneyo-ke fumana ukuba yeyiphi esebenzayo kuwe (kwaye ukuba unayo i-Therapist, ungasebenza nabo ukukhetha enye, nayo).

Ukusebenzisa la mavili kunokukunceda ukuba uziqonde iimvakalelo zakho- kwaye oku kunokuba sisiqalo esihle sokwenza inkqubela phambili yeemvakalelo, utshilo uGqirha Dimitriu. "Yongeza inqanaba leenkcukacha ngaphaya nje 'kokulungileyo okanye okubi,' kunye nokuqonda okuphuculweyo, abantu banokukwazi ukubalisela into ebakhathazayo." (Idibeneyo: 8 Iimvakalelo ongazi ukuba unayo)

Kutheni ungasebenzisa ivili leemvakalelo

Ngaba uziva uvaliwe? Ayikwazi ukukhomba indlela oziva ngayo, luvela phi olovakalelo, kwaye ngoba? Ngaba ufuna ukuziva unamandla ngakumbi, uqinisekisiwe, kwaye unengqondo ecacileyo? Ngaba ufuna iimpendulo? Ufuna ivili (kwaye mhlawumbi unyango, kodwa ngaphezulu koko kancinci).

Ezi tshathi zinokukunceda uqaphele ukuba unzulu ngokweemvakalelo kunye ne-nuance kunokuba ubucinga, kwaye isiphumo sinokuqinisekisa ngokumangalisayo. Esinye sezizathu sokuba ndizithande kakhulu ezi vili- okanye ngamanye amaxesha uluhlu lweemvakalelo, kungenxa yokuba abantu banako ukwenza yonke indlela yokuziphatha yeemvakalelo ezicwangciswe kakuhle, kodwa ngamanye amaxesha ufuna into ekuncedayo uyibeke ngamazwi, utshilo uGilliland. "Andinakukuxelela ukuba abantu bayothuka kangakanani-kwaye bonwabe kakhulu-xa bebona igama elibamba ngokwenene indlela abavakalelwa ngayo okanye abadlula ngayo."

Iyahlakesi. Ngamanye amaxesha ukwazi nje imvakalelo efanelekileyo kunokuzisa isiqabu esimangalisayo.

UKevin Gilliland, i-Psy.D, i-psychologist yeklinikhi

Ukuqinisekiswa kunokudityaniswa naluvuyo oluvayo xa kukho into ecofayo (nokuba uchulumanco luyisiphumo sokufumanisa ukuba awuziva nje "unomsindo" kodwa ngokwenene "ungenamandla" okanye "unomona"). “Kufana nokuba ekugqibeleni unempendulo kumbuzo obuwubuza, kwaye ufumana ukuzithemba kuloo nto, nokuba kusekho ukungaqiniseki,” utshilo uGilliland. "Kufana nokuba ufumana uxolo ekugqibeleni ukwazi oko uzivayo," kwaye ukusuka apho, ungafika emsebenzini: " 'kutheni' kuza lula kancinci" emva koko. (Related: Kutheni ungalila xa ubaleka)

Ezi zinto kwaye ngokwazo zinokuphilisa ngendlela emangalisayo, ngokukaGilliland. "Iemvakalelo zakho zikwachaphazela iingcinga zakho, sesinye sezizathu zokuba kubalulekile ukuchaneka," utshilo. "Imvakalelo inokuvula iingcinga ezikunceda ube nokuqonda okubanzi kunye nembono - ngamanye amaxesha, kufana nokwazi imvakalelo elungileyo kuvula i-back-log yokuqonda."

Uyisebenzisa kanjani ivili leemvakalelo

1. Khetha udidi.

Qala ngokuchonga udidi jikelele, uze ugrumbe phantsi. “Xa unokuchaneka ngakumbi ngendlela oziva ngayo okanye ocinga ngayo, izisombululo ngamanye amaxesha zinokubakho phambi kwakho,” utshilo uGilliland. "Ngamanye amaxesha ndiza kuqala ngodidi olubanzi: 'Kulungile, ke ngaba uziva wonwabile okanye ulusizi? Masiqale apho." "Xa ushiya" umsindo, "kuya kufuneka uqale ucinge- kwaye wenze uluhlu lweemvakalelo uhlala ungcono kunokuba uzithintele kwimvakalelo enye ebanzi njengomsindo, utshilo.

2. Okanye, jonga itshathi yonke.

"Ukuba uziva ngathi awuzange ube nguwe mva nje (kwaye ngokunyanisekileyo, ngubani ongazange azive ngaloo ndlela kwiinyanga ezintandathu ezidlulileyo?), Emva koko jonga uluhlu olude lweemvakalelo kwaye ubone ukuba ngaba ikhona enye echanekileyo indlela oye waziva ngayo,” ucebisa uGilliland.

3. Yandisa uluhlu lwakho.

Ngaba udla ngokusoloko usebenzisa igama elinye okanye amabini athile xa uchaza iimvakalelo zakho? Ixesha lokwandisa loo mpilo yengqondo kulwimi lwasekuhlaleni! "Ukuba uneemvakalelo 'ezingagqibekanga' (okt, uhlala usebenzisa efanayo ngalo lonke ixesha), kuya kufuneka ke udibanise amagama kulwimi lwakho, utshilo uGilliland. "Iyakunceda, kwaye iyakunceda usapho kunye nabahlobo xa uthetha nabo." Umzekelo, ngaphambi komhla, ngaba uziva uxhalabile, okanye ngaba kufana nokungazithembi? Emva kokuba umhlobo wakho ekuhlawulise ngebheyile, ngaba ucaphuka nje, okanye ungcatshiwe?

4. Musa ukujonga nje izinto ezingalunganga.

IGilliland iyakubongoza ukuba ungakhangeli kuphela iimvakalelo "ezinzima" okanye "ezantsi."

"Khangela ezakunceda ukuba ubuxabise ubomi; izinto ezinje ngovuyo, umbulelo, ukuzingca, ukuzithemba, okanye ubuchule bokuyila," utshilo."Ukufunda nje uluhlu kunokuhlala kukukhumbuza uluhlu olupheleleyo lweemvakalelo, hayi ezo zimbi kuphela. Iyafuneka ngamaxesha anje." (Umz

Nje ukuba uchonge iimvakalelo zakho ...

Ngoko, yintoni ngoku? Okokuqala, musa ukuyipakisha yonke kude. UGqr. Dimitrius uthi: “Kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuba zeziphi iimvakalelo onazo nokuba kutheni, kodwa kubalulekile ukuba uhlale neemvakalelo ungaze uzibaleke okanye uphazamiseke. "Ukubhala iimvakalelo (ukusuka kwivili, umzekelo), ukushicilela ngazo (ukuzihlola ngokweenkcukacha), kunye nokuqonda ukuba zeziphi izinto ezenze ngcono okanye ezimbi zonke ezi zinto ziluncedo."

"Iemvakalelo zakho zidibene neengcinga kunye nokuziphatha kwakho ngendlela abaphandi abaqhubeka befunda ngayo," utshilo uGilliland. "Inye into esiyaziyo: zinxulumene ngeendlela ezinamandla." Ngokomzekelo, udla ngokukhumbula iziganeko ezingokweemvakalelo ngokucacileyo ngakumbi kuba iimvakalelo zinokuphucula inkumbulo yakho. Ke, "lixesha lakho ukuba ucace kangangoko unako," utshilo.

Zombini iingcali zicebisa ukuba ubhale kwaye wenze uluhlu lokumba iimvakalelo zakho. UGqr. Dimitrius uthi: “Wakuba uyaziqonda iimvakalelo zakho, kusenokuba luncedo ukuqonda izinto ezimbini: eyokuqala, zibangelwa yintoni, yaye okwesibini, yintoni eyazenza zaba bhetele. (Idibeneyo: Ukuchaza iimvakalelo zakho kukwenza ube sempilweni)

Gcina ukhumbula, uya kuzifunda ezi zinto kunyango, nazo. "Unyango olulungileyo lunceda abantu ukuba bachonge iimvakalelo zabo kunye nendlela abasabela ngayo," watsho uDkt. "Ivili leemvakalelo sisiqalo esihle, kodwa hayi endaweni yonyango."

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