Ubudlelwane bakho bunokuba buchaphazela umfanekiso womzimba wakho

Umxholo

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Ukufumana umntu okuthandayo ngokungathandabuzekiyo kuya kufuneka kube kukuzithemba okukhulu, akunjalo? Ewe, ngokwesifundo esitsha, ayisiyiyo imeko leyo konke ubudlelwane, ngakumbi apho elinye iqabane lithathwa njengelinomtsalane kunelinye. (Inqaku elisecaleni: Ngaba imifanekiso ye-puppy ingaba yimfihlo yobudlelwane obuqinileyo?)

Abaphandi emva kolu phando, olwalupapashwe nje kwiphephancwadi Umfanekiso womzimba, wayefuna ukuhlola indlela ubudlelwane bezothando obunokuthi baqikelele ngayo amathuba okuba abafazi baphuhlise ukutya okungekho mthethweni. Ekugqibeleni, bafumanisa ukuba abantu ababhinqileyo kubudlelwane namadoda abonwa njengabanomdla ngakumbi baziva benoxinzelelo ngakumbi lokubhitya kunye nokutya. Kwiphepha le-flip, xa umfazi onolwalamano ethathelwa ingqalelo enomtsalane, abaziva benoxinzelelo olufanayo. Umkhabi? Amadoda awaziva engcinezelo nokuba leliphi na iqabane elithathwa ngokuba linomtsalane. Ugh.

Ngaphezulu kwe-100 isibini esitshatileyo (kunye nesibindi) esivumayo ukuvavanywa ngokusekwe kukutsala kwabo. Umntu ngamnye othathe inxaxheba uzalise iphepha lemibuzo elibuze imibuzo malunga nokubonakala komzimba, nokuba bonwabile ngendlela abajongeka ngayo, kwaye nokuba baziva benoxinzelelo olungakanani na ukuze babonakale ngathi babhityile kwaye / okanye banomtsalane. Ifoto yomzimba opheleleyo yomntu ngamnye nayo yathathwa yavavanywa ukuze ibenomtsalane (ikalwe i-1 ukuya kwi-10) liqela labantu elizimeleyo. Ekugqibeleni, abafazi ababekalwe ngaphantsi komtsalane kunabayeni babo babesengozini yokuziva bebi malunga nesiqu sabo kwaye benesizathu esiphakamileyo sokutya. Womp womp.

Kodwa njengoko uPaul Hokemeyer, Ph.D., LMFT, wasixelela ekuqaleni kwalo nyaka: “Injongo yolwalamano kukulungelelanisa izinto nokufumana ulungelelwano njengesibini. umhlaba. " Ngamanye amagama, iqabane ngalinye kwisibini alifanelanga ukuba libe * ngokuchanekileyo * njengezinye. Umahluko ekuthandeni awuqhelekanga nje kuphela, uyinto eqhelekileyo nge-100 ekhulwini.

Kodwa yintoni esinokuyenza ukulungisa imeko yokutya? Ewe, umfundi owenza izifundo zobugqirha uTania Reynolds, owayengomnye wababhali abaphambili kolu phando, ugxininisa ukubaluleka kokuba amaqabane angamadoda athathe ixesha lokuthetha ngenkxaso yawo kumaqabane awo angamabhinqa. "Enye indlela yokunceda aba bafazi kukuba amaqabane aqinisekise kakhulu, akhumbuze, 'Umhle. Ndiyakuthanda nakweyiphi na ubunzima okanye uhlobo lomzimba, "utshilo uReynolds kwi-press release. Ewe kunjalo, ezi mvakalelo kufuneka zinikezwe kulo naluphi na ulwalamano, kodwa mhlawumbi kukho ixabiso ekuqinisekiseni ukuba uzithetha ngokuvakalayo kwaye ucace ngakumbi ngazo, endaweni yokucinga nje ukuba ukwamkelwa komzimba kuyaqondakala. Kwaye ukuba iqabane lakho ligxeka umzimba wakho nangayiphi na indlela, kusenokuba lixesha lokuphinda ucinge ngolwalamano. (FYI, nantsi indlela iingxabano zokungalali kunye neqabane lakho eziyenzakalisa ngayo impilo yakho.)

Ababhali banethemba lokuba ngokwazi ezi patheni kubudlelwane kunye nokufundisa abanye malunga nokuxela kwangaphambili kunye neempawu zokulumkisa, uluntu lwezonyango lunakho ukubonelela ngoncedo kwangoko kunokuba kamva kwabasetyhini abaphuhlisa ukungahambi kakuhle kwimicimbi yokutya okanye yomzimba. "Ukuba siyayiqonda indlela ubudlelwane babasetyhini abasichaphazela ngayo isigqibo sabo sokutya kunye nokuxela kwangaphambili kwezentlalo ekuphuhliseni ukuziphatha okungenampilo," kusho uReynolds, "ngoko siya kukwazi ukubanceda."

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