Ewe ndakhetha ukuba ngumama ongatshatanga

Umxholo

• Oko akuthethi ukuba bekusoloko kulula
• Kwaye akusoloko kulula

Sibandakanya iimveliso esicinga ukuba ziluncedo kubafundi bethu. Ukuba uthenga amakhonkco kweli phepha, sinokufumana ikhomishini encinci. Nantsi inkqubo yethu.

Ndingaphinda ndiqikelele olunye ukhetho endilwenzileyo, kodwa esi sisigqibo esinye ekungafuneki ukuba ndibuze.

Kwiinyanga nje ezimbalwa, ndizakube ndineminyaka engama-37 ubudala. Andizange nditshate. Andizange ndihlale neqabane. Heck, andikaze ndibenobudlelwane obunyamezelayo ngaphaya kwenqaku leenyanga ezi-6.

Unokuthi oko kuthetha ukuba kunokwenzeka ukuba kukho into engalunganga ngam, kwaye ukunyaniseka - andizukuphikisana.

Ubudlelwane bunzima kum, ngenxa yewaka lezizathu ezahlukeneyo ezingafanelekanga ukuba zingene apha. Kodwa inye into endiyaziyo ngokuqinisekileyo? Ukunqongophala kwam kwimbali yobudlelwane akuyi koyika ukuzibophelela.

Andizange ndoyike ukuzibophelela kwizinto ezilungileyo. Kwaye intombi yam ibubungqina bokuba.

Uyabona, bendisoloko ndinengxaki yokwenene ukuzibona njengomfazi. Yinto ethile eyinxalenye yam ebisoloko ifuna, ewe - ngubani ongafuniyo ukukholelwa ukuba kukho umntu othile ngaphandle owayethetha ukubathanda ngonaphakade? Kodwa akukaze kube sisiphumo endiye ndakwazi ukuzifanekisela.

Kodwa ukuba ngumama? Yinto ebendiyifuna kwaye ndikholelwa ukuba bendiya kuhlala ndinayo ukusukela ndisemncinci intombazana.

Ke xa ugqirha wandixelela kwiminyaka eyi-26 ukuba ndijamelene nokungachumi kwaye ndinefestile emfutshane kakhulu yexesha apho ndizama ukuba nosana- andizange ndithandabuze. Okanye mhlawumbi ndenze, okomzuzwana okanye emibini, kuba ukuya kumama kuphela ngelo xesha ebomini bam yayiyinto ephambeneyo ukuyenza. Kodwa ukuzivumela ukuba ndilahlekelwe lelo thuba kwakubonakala ngathi kukuhlanya.

Yiyo loo nto, njengowasetyhini ongatshatanga phakathi kweminyaka engama-20, ndafumana umnikeli wesidoda ndaze ndaxhasa ngezimali imijikelo emibini yokufakwa kwesichumiso se-vitro - zombini ezingaphumelelanga.

Emva koko, ndanentliziyo ebuhlungu. Ndiqinisekile ngekhe ndifumane nethuba lokuba ngunina endandiphupha ndinguye.

Kodwa kwiinyanga nje ezimbalwa ndineentloni zeminyaka yam yokuzalwa engama-30, ndadibana nomfazi owayefanele ukuba evekini abeleke umntwana angakwaziyo ukumgcina. Kuthe kungekapheli nemizuzu emingaphi azisiwe kum, wabuza ukuba ndizomthatha umntwana amthweleyo na.

Yonke le nto ibingumoya ovuthuzayo kwaye ingeyiyo kwaphela into yokuba ukwamkelwa kuhambe njani. Bendingasebenzi ne-arhente yokwamkelwa komntwana ngumntu ongamzelanga ibengowakhe, kwaye bendingajonganga kuzisa umntwana ekhaya. Eli yayilithuba nje lokudibana nomntu obhinqileyo owayendinika into endandiphantse ndayeka ukuyithemba.

Kwaye ke ewe ndathi ewe. Nangona, kwakhona, yayiphambene ukwenza njalo.

Kwiveki kamva, ndandikwigumbi lokuhambisa iintlanganiso nentombi yam. Kwiinyanga ezine kamva, ijaji yayisenza eyam. Kwaye phantse iminyaka esi-7 kamva ngoku, ndinokukuxelela ngokuqinisekileyo:

Ukuthi ewe, ukhetha ukuba ngumama ongatshatanga?

Yayisesona sigqibo sihle endakha ndasenza.

Oko akuthethi ukuba bekusoloko kulula

Kusekho ibala elijikeleze oomama abangatshatanga eluntwini namhlanje.

Bahlala bebonwa njengabaphantsi kwithamsanqa labo basetyhini abanencasa embi kumaqabane angenakho ukumba indlela yabo yokuphuma enzonzobileni abazifumanele kuyo. Sifundisiwe ukuba sibasizele. Ukubasizela. Kwaye sixelelwa ukuba abantwana babo banamathuba ambalwa kunye namathuba okuphumelela.

Akukho nanye eyinyani kwimeko yethu.

Ndiyiloo nto ubuya kuyibiza ngokuba "ngumama ongatshatanga ngokuzikhethela."

Singabantu abakhulayo babafazi-abaqhelekileyo abafundileyo kwaye abaphumeleleyo kwimisebenzi yethu njengoko singaphumelelanga eluthandweni-abakhethe ukuba ngumama ongatshatanga ngenxa yezizathu ezahlukeneyo.

Abanye, njengam, batyhalwa kolu lwalathiso ziimeko, ngelixa abanye bedinwa kukulinda ukuba iqabane labo lingafumaneki. Kodwa ngokophando, abantwana bethu baphuma njengabo bakhulele kumakhaya anabazali ababini. Endicinga ukuba ngeendlela ezininzi kuyehla kukuzinikela kwethu kwindima esikhethe ukuyilandela.

Kodwa awazukukuxelela ntoni amanani kukuba eneneni iindlela zokuba ngumama ongatshatanga zilula kunokuba ngumzali ecaleni kweqabane.

Umzekelo, akukho mfuneko yokuba ndilwe nomnye umntu ngeendlela ezilungileyo zokuba ngumzali womntwana wam. Akunyanzelekanga ukuba ndithathele ingqalelo amaxabiso omnye umntu, okanye ndibaqinisekise ukuba balandele iindlela zam zokuziphatha, okanye inkuthazo, okanye ukuthetha ngehlabathi ngokubanzi.

Ndiza kukhulisa intombi yam kanye njengoko ndibona kufanelekile - ngaphandle kokukhathazeka ngombono womnye umntu okanye athi.

Kwaye yinto leyo nabahlobo bam abasondeleyo kubambiswano lwabazali abanakuthetha.

Andinaye omnye umntu omdala ndibambekile ekunyamekeleni - into endiyibonileyo kubahlobo bam abaninzi bajongana nayo xa kufikwa kumaqabane enza umsebenzi ongaphezulu kunokuba banceda ukunciphisa.

Ndiyakwazi ukujonga ixesha lam kunye nengqwalaselo emntwaneni wam, endaweni yokuzama ukunyanzela iqabane ukuba linyuke liye kubambiswano abanokungaxhotyiswa ukuba bahlangane nam.

Ngaphandle kwayo yonke loo nto, andinaxhala malunga nomhla endiza kujongana nawo neqabane lam kwaye sizifumane sisekupheleni ngokupheleleyo kwezigqibo zobuzali- ngaphandle kwesibonelelo sobudlelwane ukusibuyisela kunye.

Umhla awusoze ufike xa kufuneka ndise umzali wam wamatyala enkundleni malunga nesigqibo esingenakufikelela kwiphepha elinye malunga naso. Umntwana wam akazukukhula ebambekile phakathi kwabazali ababini abalwa bengenakubonakala befumana indlela yokumbeka kuqala.

Ngoku, ngokucacileyo ayilulo lonke ubudlelwane bobuzali obungena kuloo nto. Kodwa ndizibonile zininzi kakhulu. Ewe, ndiyathuthuzeleka ngokwazi ukuba ngekhe kuze kufuneke ndinikezele ngexesha lam nentombi yam kwiveki evekini, ukuphuma evekini, nomntu endingenakwenza ubudlelwane naye.

Kwaye akusoloko kulula

Ewe, kukho iindawo ezinzima. Intombi yam inempilo enganyangekiyo, kwaye xa sasihamba ixesha lokuxilongwa, ukujongana nayo yonke eyam kwakubuhlungu.

Ndinenkqubo yenkxaso emangalisayo-abahlobo kunye nosapho ababekhona ngazo zonke iindlela. Kodwa lonke utyelelo lwesibhedlele, lonke uvavanyo oloyikisayo, wonke umzuzu wokuzibuza ukuba intombazana yam encinci izakulunga? Ndandibawela umntu osecaleni kwam owayenemali-nzulu kwezempilo nakwimpilo-ntle yakhe njengoko ndandinjalo.

Ezinye zezinto ezihleliyo namhlanje, nanjengoko imeko yakhe iphantsi kolawulo.

Ngalo lonke ixesha kufuneka ndenze isigqibo sezonyango, kwaye ingqondo yam enexhala isokola ukuhlala kwindawo elungileyo ukuyenza, ndinqwenela ukuba kubekho umntu okufutshane naye owayemkhathalele njengam - umntu onokwenza ezo zigqibo xa Andikwazi.

Amaxesha endizibona ndinqwenela ukuba liqabane lokuba ngumzali lelona lihlala lingamaxesha okushiyeka ndijongana nempilo yentombi yam ndedwa.

Kodwa ixesha eliseleyo? Ndidla ngokulawula ukuba ngumama ongatshatanga kakuhle. Kwaye andikuthiyanga ukuba busuku ngabunye xa ndibeka intombazana yam ebhedini, ndifumana iiyure kum ukuziseta kwakhona nokuzikhulula ngaphambi komhla ozayo.

Njengokungenisa, ezo yure zobusuku zezam kwaye ezam zodwa zizenzo zokuzithanda ndiyazi ukuba bendiya kuphoswa ukuba bendinomlingane ofuna ukuba ndiqwalaselwe.

Ungandivi kakubi, kusekho inxenye yam ethemba ukuba mhlawumbi ngenye imini, ndizakufumana elaa qabane linokundinyamezela. Lo mntu ndifuna ukumncama ngeeyure zobusuku.

Ndithetha nje… kukho iingenelo neengozi zokuba ngumzali kokubini kunye nangaphandle kweqabane. Kwaye ndikhetha ukugxila kwindlela umsebenzi wam njengomama ulula ngayo kuba ndikhethe ukuya wedwa.

Ingakumbi inyani yokuba ukuba ndingakhange ndikhethe ukuthatha okuxhuma yonke loo minyaka idlulileyo, ngekhe ndingabi ngumama konke konke ngoku. Kwaye xa ndicinga ngento yokuba ngumama yinxalenye yobomi bam endizisela olona lonwabo namhlanje?

Andinakucinga ukuyenza ngenye indlela.

ULeah Campbell ngumbhali kunye nomhleli ohlala eAnchorage, eAlaska. Ungumama ongatshatanga ngokuzikhethela emva kothotho lweziganeko ezikhokelela ekufumaneni intombi yakhe. ULeya ukwangumbhali wencwadi “Umntu ongatshatanga ongazaliyo”Kwaye ubhale kakhulu ngezihloko zokungachumi, ukukhulisa abantwana, nokuba ngumzali. Unokudibanisa noLeah nge Facebook, yena iwebhusayithi, kunye Twitter.