Iingcebiso ezi-7 'zokwahlukana' nonyango lwakho

Umxholo

• Ukusukela ngoko, ndifumene i-Therapist endicofe kuyo phantse kwangoko. Senze umsebenzi omangalisayo kunye kule minyaka imbalwa idlulileyo. Ukuzisola kwam kuphela yayingekuko ukusika uDave ngokukhululekileyo ngaphambili.
• 1. Cinga ukuba ingaba ubudlelwane bunokulungiswa (okanye kufanele) ukuba bulungiswe
• Ndazi njani ukuba ubudlelwane bunokulungiswa?
• 2. Cinga ukuba iimfuno zakho azifezekiswa phi
• Zama ukuzibuza: Ndifuna ntoni kwiphilisi engayifumaniyo?
• 3. Uthatha isigqibo sokuba ingakanani (okanye incinci kangakanani) ukucacisa
• Esi sithuba sakho nexesha lokufumana ukuvalwa kwaye uphelise obu budlelwane ngendlela evakalelwa kamnandi yeyakho.
• 4. Zilungiselele ukuseta imida (kwimeko nje)
• Eminye imizekelo yemida onokuyibeka
• 5. Yazi ukuba ayingomsebenzi wakho ukukhusela iimvakalelo zonyango lwakho
• 6. Unganqikazi ukucela ukuhanjiswa okanye izixhobo
• 7. Khumbula: Awuyidingi imvume yonyango lwakho ukuphelisa ubudlelwane
• Andiqinisekanga ukuba ungayiqhuba njani incoko enkulu?
• Masibone ngokusebenza!
• Khumbula, nokuba kwenzeka ntoni, uya kuthatha isigqibo malunga nokulandelayo

Hayi, awudingi ukuba nexhala lokulimaza iimvakalelo zabo.

Ndikhumbula ukwahlukana noDave ngokucacileyo.

Ugqirha wam uDave, ndiyathetha.

UDave wayengengowonyango "ombi" nangaluphi na ukolula. Kodwa enye into emathunjini am yandixelela ukuba ndifuna enye into.

Mhlawumbi yayilicebo lakhe elithi "zama ukucamngca" xa ingxaki yam yokunyanzelwa yinto eyayinyuka (impendulo yayiyeZoloft, Dave). Kungenzeka ukuba wayefumaneka kuphela kwiiveki ezi-3.

Okanye mhlawumbi yayiyinyani elula yokuba akazange andixelele ukuba ndimbize ndithini - uGqirha Reese okanye uDave- kunye neeveki ezimbalwa, ndaziva ndilibele ukubuza. Ndiye ndachitha iinyanga ndinqanda ukusebenzisa igama lakhe, de ekugqibeleni watyikitya i-imeyile ngokuchanekileyo njengo "Dave."

Yikes.

Emva konyaka ndisebenza kunye, ndandingekafiki kwinqanaba lokuziva ndikhululeke ngokwenene kunye naye; Bendingalufumani uhlobo lwenkxaso endilifunayo kumaxesha endiwadingayo. Ke, ndenze isigqibo sokutsala iplagi.

Ukusukela ngoko, ndifumene i-Therapist endicofe kuyo phantse kwangoko. Senze umsebenzi omangalisayo kunye kule minyaka imbalwa idlulileyo. Ukuzisola kwam kuphela yayingekuko ukusika uDave ngokukhululekileyo ngaphambili.

Ke… kwakutheni ukuze ndingabikho?

Ngokunyaniseka, bendingazi ukuba njani. Kwaye ngalo lonke ixesha ndicamngca ngalo, ndandinexhala lokuba andinaso "isizathu esivakalayo" sokuphelisa ubudlelwane.

Ukuba ufikile kweli nqaku, ndifuna ukukuqinisekisa ukuba izizathu zakho - nokuba zithini- "zilungile ngokwaneleyo." Kwaye ukuba uyasokola ukufumana indlela yokuqhawula ubudlelwane, ezi ngcebiso zisixhenxe kufuneka zikuholele kwicala elilungileyo.

1. Cinga ukuba ingaba ubudlelwane bunokulungiswa (okanye kufanele) ukuba bulungiswe

Uninzi lwabantu aluqondi ukuba banokwenza inkqubo yokulungisa kunye nonyango lwabo!

Unga njalo zisa imiba onayo kubudlelwane bakho kwaye ujonge izisombululo, nokuba isisombululo enisifumanayo nobabini sithetha ukuphelisa izinto.

Akunyanzelekanga ukuba wazi ngqo ukuba uziva njani. Ingcali yakho inokukunceda ukuba usebenze ngento oyaziyo kwaye ufumane okungakumbi malunga nokuba ubudlelwane bunokungakukhonzi phi, kwaye unokujonga ukhetho lwakho kunye.

Ukuba xa ufunda oku amathumbu akho akuxelela "isihogo hayi"? Esi sisalathiso esihle njengawo nawuphi na umsebenzi wokulungisa ongakulungelanga. Tsiba uye phambili uye kwi # 2 kolu luhlu.

Ndazi njani ukuba ubudlelwane bunokulungiswa?

Nguwe kuphela onokukwazi ngokunyanisekileyo, kodwa eminye imibuzo ekufuneka uyiqwalasele:

• Ngaba ndiyathemba kwaye ndikhuselekile kulo gqirha? Ukuba kunjalo, ngaba uziva unokwakhela phezu kwalonto?
• Yintoni endiza kuyidinga kwiphilisi yam ukuze ndizive ngcono kulwalamano lwethu? Ngaba ndiziva ndikhululekile ukucela ukuba ezo mfuno zifezekiswe?
• Ngaba ndiziva ngathi ndibekwe ‘kwisihlalo esishushu’? Abanye abantu baphela "bebaleka" kunyango kanye xa befika kwingcambu yomcimbi! Kulungile ukuba unyango luziva lukhuni- kodwa ungasoloko wabelana ngalo nonyango lwakho, nawe.
• Undixelela ithumbu lam? Ngaba ndivulekile ukuba ndiphonononge ezi mvakalelo kunye nonyango lwam?
• Ngaba ndifuna nokulungisa izinto kwasekuqaleni? Khumbula: "Hayi" isivakalisi esipheleleyo!

Ukuba ugqirha wakho usebenza ngokungahambi kakuhle, ngokungafanelekanga, ngokuhlukumeza, okanye ngokwenza ukuba uzive ungakhuselekanga ngaso nasiphi na isizathu, awunyanzelekanga ukuba ulungise ubudlelwane.

Kwiimeko ezinjalo, kubalulekile ukufumana inkxaso ngaphandle kolo lwalamano-, ewe, olunokubandakanya ukufumana omnye ugqirha ukukunceda ukuba uzidibanise nale yakho yangoku.

2. Cinga ukuba iimfuno zakho azifezekiswa phi

Ndiyakholelwa ukuba eyona ndlela yokwenza oku kukushicilela. Awunyanzelekanga ukuba wabelane ngalo nonyango lwakho, kodwa oku kunokukunceda uqokelele iingcinga zakho ngaphambi kwexesha.

Zama ukuzibuza: Ndifuna ntoni kwiphilisi engayifumaniyo?

Umzekelo, ungakujonga oku kwinqanaba elisebenzayo: Ngaba abazikhethelanga kwisiphazamiso esithile okanye kwimowudi ofuna ukuyihlola ngakumbi? Ngaba unayo into ethile yokuba ugqirha wakho akakwazi ukwenza inkcubeko?

Unokuphonononga icala lomntu oku, nalo. Ngaba ukufumanisa kunzima ukubathemba? Ukuba kunjalo, ngaba unazo iingcinga zokuba kutheni kunokuba njalo? Ngaba ubafumanisa begweba, okanye bengakuniki sithuba saneleyo sokwenza uluvo ngokwakho? Ngaba bathetha kakhulu ngeziqu zabo?

Olu hlobo lokuzibonakalisa kunokuvula incoko etyebileyo ngendlela yokuba nobudlelwane obungcono kunyango kwikamva, nokuba kuklinikhi yakho yangoku okanye kwikamva.

3. Uthatha isigqibo sokuba ingakanani (okanye incinci kangakanani) ukucacisa

Awunatyala ityala lakho lonyango ukuba awufuni kunika. Uza kuthetha kakhulu okanye kancinci njengoko ungathanda!

Abanawo amalungelo kuwo nawuphi na umsebenzi weemvakalelo kwicala lakho lokuchaza ukuba ubudlelwane bunokuba buhambe kakubi phi. Oko kwathethileyo, unokufumana inzuzo ngokukhupha ezinye zezinto ezikhokelele ekubeni uye kude nonyango, njengoko inokukunceda ekufumaneni ulwazi olunokunceda kwikamva.

Esi sithuba sakho nexesha lokufumana ukuvalwa kwaye uphelise obu budlelwane ngendlela evakalelwa kamnandi yeyakho.

Iindlela zakho zokwahlukana kufanele ukuba zibe yinzuzo yakho, hayi eyabo.

Umzekelo, inxenye yesizathu sokuba ndibuphelise ubudlelwane bam bonyango kunye noDave kukuba ndaziva ngathi akawaqondi ngokupheleleyo amava am njengomntu oguqukayo.

Nangona kunjalo, ndithathe isigqibo sokuba ndingathethi kakhulu malunga noku. Bendingafuni ukufundisa ingcali yam, kodwa endaweni yoko, ndikhethe ukubiza nje ngegama ukuba kufuneka azifundise ngakumbi.

Uza kuthatha isigqibo sokuba uphi kwaye awukulungelanga ukuya kwingxoxo.

4. Zilungiselele ukuseta imida (kwimeko nje)

Ukuthetha ngemida, uvunyelwe ukuseta imida kule ncoko.

Nokuba ugqirha uyakucela ukuba uchaze izizathu zakho okanye ungene kwiinkcukacha ezithe kratya malunga nomba osebenza kunye, uya kuthatha isigqibo sokuba yinto onqwenela ukwabelana ngayo okanye hayi.

Abanye abanyangi abayiphathi kakuhle "into yokuqhekeka" (ndiyabulela, ndifumanisa ukuba ayingabo baninzi!), Ke kulungile ukuba unoluvo olucacileyo lokuba yintoni ongayukuyinyamezela kwiseshoni.

Eminye imizekelo yemida onokuyibeka

• "Ndonwabile ukuthetha ngakumbi malunga nokuba kutheni ndifuna ingcali, kodwa andikhululekanga xa ndinokufumana iinkcukacha ezithe kratya malunga neminye imiba endiyiphakamisileyo ngaphambili."
• "Andikho kwindawo apho ndinokwazi ukukufundisa ngalo mba ngokukodwa."
• “Ndiyayidinga le nto ukuba ndiyincoko endincedayo ndibone amanyathelo am alandelayo. Ngaba yinto onokwazi ukuyibonelela ngoku? "
• “Ndiva ingathi le ncoko iya isiba nomkhondo. Ngaba singakwazi ukugxila kwinto endiyifunayo ngoku endaweni yokulungisa imicimbi edlulileyo? ”
• "Andiqondi ukuba ndifuna ukucwangcisa enye iseshoni yokuqhubeka nale ncoko nawe, kodwa ukuba nditshintsha ingqondo, ndinokufikelela kwaye ndikwazise."

Khumbula, uya kuchaza indawo yakho yokuthuthuzela kunye neemfuno. Akukho ndlela iphosakeleyo yokuzithethelela kwesi sithuba.

5. Yazi ukuba ayingomsebenzi wakho ukukhusela iimvakalelo zonyango lwakho

Iingcali zonyango ziingcali. Oko kuthetha ukuba basebenzela wena ngokomsebenzi! Obu budlelwane buphela ngalo lonke ixesha. Yindawo eqhelekileyo yomsebenzi wabo.

Oku kuthetha ukuba ugqirha wakho kufuneka axhotyiswe kakuhle ukuphatha incoko, nokuba iya phi na okanye ukuba kunzima kangakanani ukuphendula.

Akudingeki ukuba uyicingisise indlela yakho okanye ukhathazeke ngokwenzakalisa iimvakalelo zabo.

Iingcali zonyango ziqeqeshelwe ukuhamba kwezi ntlobo zencoko ngaphandle kokuzithatha buqu. Ngokufanelekileyo, baya kuba nakho ukukunceda ngamanyathelo akho alandelayo ukuba ufuna le nkxaso.

Unyango lumalunga nawe, umxhasi. Kwaye ukuba ugqirha wakho akakwazi ukubeka iimfuno kunye neemvakalelo zakho kuloo ncoko? Unesiqinisekiso sokuba uyiphepha imbumbulu apho.

6. Unganqikazi ukucela ukuhanjiswa okanye izixhobo

Ukuba incoko ihambe kakuhle, musa ukoyika ukubuza ugqirha wakho ukuba baneengcebiso eziya kuthi zifezekise iimfuno zakho.

Uninzi lweetherapists ziyonwabile ngokwabelana ngezixhobo abanazo, kubandakanya nokuhanjiswa koogxa babo abathembekileyo.

Oko kwathiwa, ukuba ngaba ugqirha wakho usekupheleni kwesiphelo somboniso? Awunyanzelekanga ukuba ulandele naziphi na izixhobo okanye iingcebiso ezivela kubo (enyanisweni, ungangcono ukuba awenzi njalo).

7. Khumbula: Awuyidingi imvume yonyango lwakho ukuphelisa ubudlelwane

Ekugqibeleni, ugqirha wakho unokungavumelani nesigqibo sakho sokuphelisa ubudlelwane, kwaye kulungile, naye. Oko akusenzi isigqibo sakho siphosakele okanye singekho ngqiqweni.

Olunye ugcino lwabo lusenokuvela kwindawo enenkxalabo yokwenene ("Ngaba unayo inkxaso oyifunayo ukuze uguquke uyeke ukukhathalelwa ndim?"), Ngelixa abanye beza bevela kwindawo yokuzikhusela ("Ubonakala ngathi wenza ngathi" ).

Nokuba kunjalo, esi sisigqibo sakho kwaye nguwe wedwa. Ugqirha wakho unokuba noluvo lwabo, kodwa ukuba isisu sakho sixelela ukuba uphonononge ezinye iindlela, eso sisizathu esivakalayo sokuqhubeka.

Andiqinisekanga ukuba ungayiqhuba njani incoko enkulu?

Kufuneka ukhumbule nje igama elithi BYE-BYE! Ukuba elinye lala manyathelo aliziva lilungile kwimeko yakho eyahlukileyo, ungahlala uzitsiba:

B -Broach isihloko. Yilapho uza kuseta ithoni kwincoko. Ngokufanelekileyo, le ncoko iqala ngengqondo evulekileyo: ukuxoxa ngolwalamano lwakho lonyango, zeziphi iimfuno ezingagungqiyo onazo, kunye nento onethemba lokuyifumana kwincoko.

Y - "Ewe, kwaye." Umgqirha wakho unokuqala ukunika ingxelo. Ukuba ivakala iyinyani, indlela ethi "ewe, kunye" -ukuqinisekisa umbono wabo ngelixa ukhupha eyakho-kunokwenza ukuba incoko ive ngathi iyasebenzisana.

E-Impembelelo yeemvakalelo. Inokukunceda ukwabelana ngefuthe leemvakalelo ubudlelwane bakho kunyango obunalo. Ukuba kube luncedo kwiindawo ezithile, zive ukhululekile ukubonelela ngengxelo leyo! Ukuba ibiyingozi kwaye uziva ukhuselekile ngokwaneleyo ukuba ungabelana nalapho kwenzeke khona loo monakalo, ungayenza loo nto.

B - Imida. Njengoko ndikhankanyile ngasentla, kungafuneka ubeke imida eqinileyo malunga nento oyiyo kwaye ungakulungelanga ukuxoxa. Ukuba ugqirha wakho uyakucinezela okanye akwenzi ungonwabi kwincoko, yazi ukuba unakho kwaye ubambe loo mida.

Y - Isivuno. Ukuba kuyenzeka, thabatha imizuzwana embalwa ukujonga ngokwakho.Ngaba uziva ukhuselekile? Ngaba ujonge okanye unomdla wokuhamba? Zisa ulwazi ngendlela ohlangabezana ngayo nale ncoko.

E - Phonononga okanye Phuma. Kuxhomekeka kwindlela oziva ngayo, unokukhetha ukuphonononga amanyathelo alandelayo kunye nonyango lwakho, okanye unokukhetha ukugqiba iseshoni.

Masibone ngokusebenza!

Nanku umzekelo wendlela incoko yam noDave ekunokwenzeka ukuba ihambe ngayo:

• Inqanawa: “Molo Dave! Ukuba kulungile nawe, bendifuna ukukhangela ukuba zihamba njani izinto. Kudala ndicinga kakhulu ngomsebenzi esiwenza kunye, kwaye ndiyazibuza ukuba ingaba ukubona ugqirha omtsha kungangcono na kwimpilo yam yengqondo. Ngaba unazo iingcinga? ”
• Ewe, kwaye: “Ewe, ndiyasiqonda isizathu sokuba oku kungaziva kungalindelekanga noko! Kwaye ndicinga ukuba leyo yinxalenye yendawo endisokola kuyo, eneneni- andisoloko ndiziva ngathi ndingakuvulela. Ndiyazibuza nokuba ingaba unyango lwe-EMDR inoba lolona nyango luncedo kusini na kwimizabalazo yam ethile. ”
• Impembelelo ngokweemvakalelo: “Ndifuna ukuqinisekisa ukuba uyazi ukuba ndinombulelo ongazenzisiyo ngento esibe nako ukuyenza kunye. Inxalenye yesizathu sokuba ndikwazi ukuzithethelela okwangoku kungokuba ukusebenza kwethu kunye kundincedile ndangqina.
• Imida: "Bendizibuza ukuba ungavula na ukuba undincede ndisebenzise amanyathelo alandelayo. Andifuni kulahleka phakathi kokhula lwento engakhange isebenze- ndingathanda ukugxila kokufuneka kwenzeke ngokulandelayo.
• Yima kancinci:Ukuphefumla nzulu. Kulungile, ndiziva ndingonwabanga, kodwa uDave ubonakala eyamkela. Ndingathanda ukumbuza ngokudluliselwa. Enye indlela: Oku akuvakali kulungile. Ndicinga ukuba uDave ufumana ubutshaba obuncinci. Ndingathanda ukuyiphelisa le ncoko.
• Phonononga: “Ndiyayixabisa into yokuba nivulelekile ukuba nibe nale ncoko. Kungakuhle ukuba ungandixelela okungakumbi nge-EMDR kwaye wenze izindululo kubaboneleli okanye ngezixhobo ezinokundixhasa ngoku. ”
• Phuma: “Dave, ndiyalixabisa kakhulu ixesha lakho, kodwa le ncoko ayiziva iluncedo kum ngoku. Ndingathanda ukunciphisa izinto, kodwa ndiza kulandela ukuba ndifuna nantoni na. "

Khumbula, nokuba kwenzeka ntoni, uya kuthatha isigqibo malunga nokulandelayo

Oyena mntu unokuthatha isigqibo sokuba ukhathalelo lwempilo yakho yengqondo lujongeka kanjani njengakuqala.

Kwaye ukuba wakho (kungekudala uza kuba) ngumgqirha olungileyo, baya kubhiyozela inyani yokuba uyenyuka, uthatha ubunini bempilo yakho yengqondo, kwaye uzithethelele.

Unayo le.

USam Dylan Finch ungumhleli, umbhali, kunye neqhinga leendaba kwi-San Francisco Bay Area. Ungumhleli ophambili wezempilo yengqondo kunye neemeko ezingapheliyo kwiHealthline. Unokubulisa I-Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, okanye funda ngakumbi kwi SamDylanFinch.com.