Isikhokelo samantombazana amnandi sokungabi yiDoormat

Umxholo

• Gqibezela ukuma kwakho
• Ukuzinononga kwenza ugqibelele
• Nix Negative Self-Talk
• Yithi Hayi
• Thetha uviwe
• Fumana iMad
• Zijikeleze nabanye oomama abomeleleyo
• Uphengululo lwe

Ngaba nguwe umntu obizwa ngumphathi wakho ukuba eze ngeempelaveki? Ngaba uyintombazana yokuya xa udade wakho efuna igxalaba lokulila? Ngaba ungumhlobo osoloko egqiba kwelokuba agubungele incam, abe ngumqhubi otyunjiweyo, ophethe ukuthenga izipho zeqela, kwaye uxolise nangaliphi na ixesha xa umntu onzakele? Ngaba ulungile intle kakhulu? Njengabafazi sifundiswa ukuba sisoloko sinentsebenziswano, uvelwano, ukuhamba lula kunye nokwamkela. Ngelixa zonke ezo zizinto ezilungileyo ukuba nazo, kukwathetha ukuba kunokwenzeka ukuba sixhamle. Kodwa kukho ulungelelwaniso phakathi kokuba yintombazana entle nokuba ngumnyango womnyango.

I-Pscyhotherapist kunye noMqeqeshi woBomi uJan Graham, we-Live a Little Coaching, uthi abafazi banokufunda ukuzithemba ngakumbi ngaphandle kokuziva benobugovu okanye balahlekelwe zizipho zethu zendalo zediplomacy, ukuguquguquka, kunye nobuchule ekufumaneni "ukuphumelela / ukuphumelela" izisombululo. "Akukho nto iphosakeleyo ngokulunga!" Uthi, "Kufuneka sifumane ngaphezulu, kulungile, qhinga malunga nayo." Nantsi indlela yokufumana le nto uyifunayo ngaphandle kokuphulukana nokuba ungubani:

Gqibezela ukuma kwakho

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Oku akukho malunga nokukwazi ukulinganisa incwadi entloko yakho okanye ukujonga umncinci kwisiketi sakho sepensile. Oku malunga nokuqinisekisa amandla akho ngokuma kwakho. Kwintetho yakhe ye-TED ethi, "Ulwimi Lwakho Lomzimba Lubumba Ukuba Ungubani," ingcali yolwimi lomzimba u-Amy Cuddy uchaze ukuba uphando lufumanise ukuba xa abafazi bethatha "indlela yokuma kwamandla" esihlala sinxulumana namadoda, amanenekazi awazange abonwe njenamandla ngakumbi. kodwa babevakalelwa ngolo hlobo nabo.

UGraham ucebisa abasetyhini ukuba bajonge emehlweni, basebenzise ilizwi eliqinisekileyo, kwaye baxhathise ukuwela iingalo nemilenze okanye ukukrwela umzimba wakho phezulu ukuze uthathe indawo encinci kangangoko kunokwenzeka.

Ukuzinononga kwenza ugqibelele

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Ukuziqinisa kuza ngokwendalo kwabanye abafazi, kodwa ukuba ingcinga nje yokuma ikwenza ufune ukungqengqa, kuya kufuneka uzilolonge, utshilo uGraham. "Zicele umngeni ngokuphindaphindiweyo ukuba uzibeke apho kwaye uzimele, kodwa ukuyenza ngobuchule-kungekhona ngendlela eya kukugqithisa." Ukuba umsebenzi kulapho uhlala uziva ubekwe khona, qalisa ngokuma kumntu osebenza naye uze usebenzele kumphathi wakho. Ke, ukuba umntu osebenza naye ukucela ukuba ujonge into ayenzileyo, ungathetha into enje, "Jill, ndichulumancile kakhulu malunga nenkcazo-ntetho ngoLwesihlanu kunye nokusungula imveliso yethu entsha. Ukuqinisekisa ukuba ihamba kakuhle kangangoko ndinako, ndiya Ndifuna ukubeka onke amandla am apho-kodwa ndingavuya ukujonga iphepha lakho kwiveki ezayo." Isitshixo kukugxila kwinto onokuyenza, hayi kwinto ongenako ukuyenza.

Nix Negative Self-Talk

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Uhleli njalo ndineentloni. Awunakuyenza le nto. Akukho mntu ufuna ukuva iingcamango zakho ezizidenge. Ngamanye amaxesha sizezona ntshaba zethu, ngakumbi xa kufikwa kwindlela esithetha ngayo nathi. Amaxesha amaninzi, siyazi ngokwengqondo ukuba sizigweba ngokwemigangatho ephezulu kunaye nawuphi na omnye umntu, kodwa sisazixelela izinto eziqatha. Oku kunokusenza soyike ukuthatha amathuba anokuthi asiqhubele phambili ngokwenene, "utsho uGraham.

Yithi Hayi

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"Abasetyhini abaninzi banomuvo wokuba ukuba umntu ucela uncedo, impendulo echanekileyo ihlala ingu-ewe, kungakhathaliseki ukuba yintoni na okanye ngubani ocelayo, kwaye bayazingca ukuba abavumelani ngokuzenzekelayo," kusho uGraham. Elinye iqhinga lokufunda ukuthi hayi kukukhumbula ukuba ukuthi "ewe" kwinto enye ngokuzenzekelayo kuthetha ukuthi "hayi" kwizinto ezininzi ezifana nabathandekayo, izilwanyana zasekhaya okanye ixesha lokukhulula. Kwaye ukuba unengxaki yokuthi "hayi" ngokuthe ngqo, ubuncinci funda amaqhinga okulibazisa. UGraham uthi kulungile ukuba ungazithethelela ngo "mhlawumbi" kwaye uthathe ixesha elininzi lokuvavanya ukuba uyafuna na ukuzibophelela. Eyona nto ayithandayo? "Kuvakala ngathi kunokwenzeka, kodwa ndifuna ukujonga ikhalenda yam kuqala."

Thetha uviwe

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Kwincoko nabanye, ungathetha ingqondo yakho ngelixa ugcina ubabalo lwakho lwendalo kunye nozakuzo. "Akunyanzelekanga ukuba ube krwada okanye ukrwada," utshilo uGraham, "Kodwa ukuba ujongene nabafana abasoloko bethetha kuwe, kungafuneka ufunde ukuphazamisa kanye njengabo."

Fumana iMad

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Sihlala sixelelwa ukuba umsindo awunamveliso kodwa ngamanye amaxesha udinga umlilo omncinci ukukhuthaza ukuba wenze into. UGraham uthi ukuba uyajongwa ngokungafanelekanga, uthotywa kancinci, okanye uthathwe ithuba, sukuvele ucaphuke okanye ukhalaze kumhlobo onovelwano okanye ilungu losapho. "Thatha ezo mvakalelo zingathandekiyo, kwaye ukuba zichanekile, ziphendulele ngaphandle kunokuba ungene ngaphakathi, utshilo. "Yiza nesicwangciso sento encinci onokuyenza ukuze uzincamathele ngakumbi." Ngokomzekelo, ngexesha elizayo umhlobo wakho ezimema ukuba adle isidlo sakusihlwa, mazise ukuba sele unezinye izicwangciso kodwa ungathanda ukuseta ixesha le-brunch ngeveki ezayo.

Zijikeleze nabanye oomama abomeleleyo

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’Kusekho imigangatho ephindwe kabini, apho abafazi bagwetywa ngokwahlukileyo kunamadoda ngokubambelela ngokwabo, ”ucacisa uGraham."Kodwa kuyothusa ngokwaneleyo, amaxesha amaninzi iba ngabafazi ngokwabo abathi baqale ukusebenzisa ileyibhile 'yomfazi'! Endaweni yokukhuphisana nabanye, fumana amanye amakhosikazi awomeleleyo, azithembileyo aza kudibana nawo. Ayizukukunceda kuphela ukuba uzive ungokwemvelo ngokuzimela ngokwakho, kodwa uya kuba mancinci amathuba okuba ukhathalele ukuba abanye abangenalwazi bayibiza loo nto.

Uphengululo lwe