9 Iintsomi Zoqhawulo-mtshato Zokuyeka Ukukholelwa

Umxholo

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Ngu-Amanda Chatel, kwiYourTango

Zininzi iinkolelo malunga noqhawulo-mtshato ezihlala zisulela uluntu lwethu. Okokuqala, nangona sikuvileyo, izinga loqhawulo-mtshato ngokwenene alikho i-50 pesenti. Ngapha koko, elo nani ngenene lelo beliqikelelwe ngokusekwe kwinto yokuba iqondo loqhawulo-mtshato belinyuka ngee-1970s nee-80s.

Inyani, ngokwesiqwengana ngu INew York Times kulo Disemba uphelileyo, kukuba amazinga oqhawulo-mtshato aye ehla, okuthetha ukuthi "ngokonwaba ngonaphakade" yinto entle kakhulu enokwenzeka.

Sithethe nogqirha uSusan Pease Gadoua kunye nentatheli uVicki Larson, ababhali bencwadi evula amehlo. Entsha Ndiyenza: Ukuhlengahlengisa Umtshato Wabathandabuzayo, Abanyanisekileyo kunye nabavukeli, ukuba bathathe umtshato wabo wanamhlanje, iintsomi malunga noqhawulo-mtshato, kunye nolindelo kunye nezibakala eziza nobabini. Nantsi into uGadoua noLarson abasixelele yona.

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1. Umtshato omnye kwemibini uphela kuqhawulo-mtshato

Njengoko ndibhale ngasentla, la manani eepesenti angama-50 ayesekwe kwinani eliqikelelweyo elidlulileyo kakhulu. Ii-'70s zaziyiminyaka engama-40 eyadlulayo, kwaye kuninzi okutshintshileyo ukusukela ngoko. Ngelixa amanani oqhawulo-mtshato aye anda ngeminyaka yee-1970 neyee-1980, eneneni ehlile kule minyaka ingama-20 idlulileyo.

INew York Times bafumanisa ukuba ama-70 eepesenti emitshato eyenzeka kwiminyaka yoo-1990 eneneni yafikelela kwiminyaka eli-15 yomtshato. Izibalo zikwabonisa ukuba, enkosi kubantu abatshata kamva ebomini, ukukhula kuyanceda ukugcina abantu bekunye ixesha elide. Kwinqanaba lokuba izinto zihamba, kukho ithuba elihle lokuba isibini kwisithathu semitshato sihlale kunye kwaye uqhawulo-mtshato alunakulindeleka.

Ke ukuba inqanaba loqhawulo-mtshato alukho kwipesenti ezingama-50, yintoni leyo? Ngokwenene kuxhomekeke ekubeni abantu abatshatileyo batshata nini, uchaza uVicki. "Ngaphantsi nje kwe 15 pesenti yabo babopha iqhina kwiminyaka yoo 2000s baqhawule umtshato, kodwa uninzi lwezi zibini alunakuba nalo abantwana - abantwana bongeza uxinzelelo emtshatweni. Kwabo batshata ngoo-1990, iipesenti ezingama-35 zahlukene. abatshatileyo ngoo-1960 kunye nabangama-70 banenqanaba loqhawulo-mtshato kuluhlu lwama-40 ukuya kwamashumi amane anesihlanu eepesenti.

2. Uqhawulo-mtshato luyabenzakalisa abantwana

NgokukaGadoua, uqhawulo-mtshato lunokuba noxinzelelo ebantwaneni, kodwa hayi kakhulu yingozi. Owona monakalo mkhulu kukulwa kwabazali phambi kwabantwana.

"Cinga ngako. Ngubani othanda ukuhlala engquzulwano ngalo lonke ixesha? Uxinzelelo luyasasazeka kwaye abantwana ikakhulu abanazo izixhobo okanye iindlela zokujongana notshintsho olunomsindo oluvela kubazali babo," ucacisa uGadoua. "Kukho uphando oluninzi olubonisa ukuba eyona nto ifunwa ngabantwana ngaphezu kwayo nayiphi na into yindawo ezinzileyo kunye noxolo. Oko kunokuba ngabazali abahlala kunye, kodwa kunokwenzeka kwakhona xa abazali behlala bodwa. Into ephambili kukuba abazali bayavana kwaye bahlala bekho ukulungiselela abantwana babo. Abantwana akufuneki babanjiswe xa kudutyulwana abazali, kusetyenziswa njengeepawuthi, okanye baphathwe njengeqabane elileleyo. Kuya kufuneka bakwazi ukuphumla kwaye bazithembe ukuba ngabazali abaphetheyo. "

3. Imitshato yesibini kulindeleke ukuba iqhawule uqhawulo-mtshato


Ngelixa ngokweenkcukacha-manani oku kuyinyani, ukuHlala Kunye (LAT) imitshato kunye nezinto ezinjengokungazihlanganisi ngokuqonda ziyayitshintsha loo nto ngokucela umngeni kwiindlela eziqhelekileyo zendlela umtshato omele ube yiyo kunye nokubonelela ngeendlela ezininzi zokukhetha ukuba abantu abatshatileyo banokuphila njani ubomi babo.

UGadoua noLarson bakhuthaza izibini ukuba ziphonononge olo khetho ngokupheleleyo. "Sonke sikwenzela wena ukukhetha umtshato we-LAT-okanye ukunika omnye nomnye indawo emtshatweni wakho okhoyo-kuba ikunika wena kunye neqabane lakho kanye oko nikufunayo: uqhagamshelwano kunye nobudlelwane obusondeleyo kunye nenkululeko eyaneleyo yokuphepha i-claustrophobia ehlala iza nokuhlala kunye. I-24/7 kananjalo nokuba yintoni na eyenza ukuba abantu abaninzi bathathane ngokungakhathali, nokuba batshatile okanye bahlala kunye, utshilo.

4. Uqhawulo mtshato lukulingana "ukusilela"

Akho ndlela yimbi. Enoba ngumtshato osaqalayo (umtshato ophela kwisithuba seminyaka emihlanu uze ungavelisi bantwana) okanye umtshato osele unyamezele, uqhawulo-mtshato aluthethi ukuba woyisakele.

Ekuphela komlinganiselo esinawo wokugqiba enoba umtshato uyaphumelela okanye awuphumeleli kukuba uthabatha ixesha elingakanani na. Ukanti, baninzi abantu abasempilweni, abaphila ubomi obubhetele emva koqhawulo-mtshato. Kwaye ngoku bafuna ukuthatha icala elahlukileyo ebomini babo.Yintoni le ingaphumeleli? ngazo zombini iintsikelelo zabo, "utsho uGadoua noLarson.

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5. Ubungakanani bomtshato kunye neendleko zinxulumene nobude bomtshato

Ekuqaleni kwale nyanga INew York Times yapapasha inqaku elingonxulumano phakathi kobukhulu neendleko zomtshato kunye nefuthe lawo kubude bomtshato. Ngelixa ababhali bophononongo, u-Andrew Francis-Tan kunye no-Hugo M. Mialon, bathi iindleko zomtshato kunye nexesha lomtshato "linokunxulunyaniswa ngokungafaniyo," abakwazanga ukukhomba ngowuphi umtshato, obiza kakhulu okanye ongabizi kakhulu, onokuba nethuba eliphezulu lokuqhawula umtshato. .

UGadoua noLarson bavuma, ngendlela ejikelezayo. Iindleko eziphantsi kwikhonkco lomtshato kunye nomtshato kunokuthetha ukuba umtshato uya kuqalisa ngamatyala amaninzi, kwaye akukho nto icinezela izibini ngaphezu kwemali, "Into eyenziwa yizifundo zethu kunye nophando lwabanye olubonakala lubonisa ukuba ubuntu-ukuba novelwano, ububele. , ukuba noxabiso, njl.njl.-kunye nezinto ezilindelweyo ezihambelanayo zizilinganisi ezingcono kakhulu zokuba umtshato uya kuhlala ngolonwabo," bacacisa.

6. Unako (kwaye kufuneka) uqhawule umtshato umtshato wakho

Njengoko uLarson wabhala kwisincoko soqhawulo mtshato360, "awunakuze uthandane- okanye uqhawule umtshato umtshato kuba awukwazi ukulawula indlela aziphethe ngayo omnye umntu, unokuzilawula."

Xa sambuza ngalo mbandela, wachaza: “Akunakukwazi ukulawula ukuziphatha kweqabane lakho yaye ukuba unokukwenza oko kunokuba yingozi ngokwenene! Unokuba lelona qabane lifanelekileyo yaye wenze zonke izinto ezinconyelwa ziingcali zolwalamano—ukususela kwiqabane lakho ukuya kwiqabane lakho. ukuba neentlobano zesini rhoqo kunye nokuba liqabane elixhasayo, elixabisayo-kwaye uphele uqhawula umtshato. "

U-Larson ukwongeze ukuba akufuneki nokuba ufune ukuqhawula umtshato-ubungqina bomtshato wakho, kuba ngamanye amaxesha kusempilweni ukuyeka uhambe.

7. Ukuhlala kunye ngaphambi komtshato kuyawanciphisa amathuba okuqhawula umtshato

Kukhe kwathiwa abo bahlala kunye ngaphambi komtshato kunokwenzeka ukuba baqhawule umtshato, kodwa izifundo zakutshanje zithi ayiyonyani leyo.

Uphononongo luka-2014 olwenziwe ngu-profesa u-Arielle Kuperberg osuka kwiDyunivesithi yaseNorth Carolina eGreensboro wafumanisa ukuba, ngokuchasene neentsomi, nokuba ukuhlala kunye okanye ukuhlala kunye ngaphambi kokuba nitshate akunanto yakwenza nokuba ubudlelwane benu buzophela kuqhawulo mtshato. . Kuphando lwakhe, uKuperberg wafumanisa ukuba eyona nto idlala indima yindlela aba bancinci abathatha isigqibo sokuhlalisana, kuba "ukuzinza umncinci kakhulu kukhokelela kuqhawulo-mtshato."

Imitshato yaseLAT nayo ibangela umonakalo omkhulu kunxulumano phakathi kokuhlalisana kunye nemiphumo yako kuqhawulo-mtshato. Izibini, ingakumbi ezo sele zikhulile, zikhetha ukuhlalisana, kodwa ziyakwazi ukugcina imitshato yazo yonwabile, isempilweni yaye iphila.

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8. Ukungathembeki kuyayichitha imitshato.

Nangona kulula ukuthi ukungathembeki ngoyena nobangela wokuphela kwemitshato, akusoloko kunjalo.

Njengo-Eric Anderson, isazi sezentlalo saseMelika kwiYunivesithi yaseWinchester yaseNgilani kunye nombhali we Isithuba seMonogamy: Amadoda, Uthando, kunye neNyani yokuKopela, uxelele uLarson, "Ukungathembeki emtshatweni akuwuqhekezi umtshato; yinto engenakulindelwa ukuba umtshato kufuneka uthintele isondo esiqhekeza umtshato ... Ndibone ubudlelwane obuninzi bexesha elide buqhekeka ngenxa yokuba umntu wabelana ngesondo ngaphandle kobudlelwane. Kodwa ukuziva ulixhoba akuyomphumo wendalo wesini esingathandaniyo ngaphandle kobuhlobo;

9. Ukuba awonwabanga ngexesha elithile emtshatweni wakho, uza kuqhawula umtshato

Umtshato awukho lula. Yinto efuna amandla amaninzi, ukuqonda, kwaye okona kubaluleke kakhulu unxibelelwano. Kungenxa yokuba ungonwabanga kwinqanaba elithile akuthethi ukuba uqhawulo-mtshato alunakuphepheka-wonke umtshato unesiqwengana esibi.

Kodwa ukuba eso siqwenga sibi asiyonto nje yokubamba kwaye unike konke konke, kubandakanya nokuya kwiingcebiso ngezibini kangangeenyanga okanye unyaka ("iiseshoni ezintathu okanye ezine azonelanga," utshilo uGadoua), mhlawumbi ixesha lokuyivala. Nangona kunjalo, khumbula, ukungonwabi okwexeshana akuthethi kuthi isiphelo.

Eli nqaku ekuqaleni labonakala njenge 9 Iintsomi zoqhawulo-mtshato ekufuneka ungaluhoyi (kwaye nento omawuyenze endaweni yoko), ngokunjalo kwi-YourTango.com.

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