Ngaba kufuneka ujongane noMhlobo wakho malunga nokuziphatha kwabo kwe-Shady Dating?

Umxholo

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Ixesha lesixhenxe le Isidanga eParadesi khange isweleke idrama, kwaye nesiqendu sale veki siyafana.

Ukubuyisela umva ngokukhawuleza: Isiqendu sangoLwesibini sibonise izibini ezisa ubudlelwane bazo kwinqanaba elilandelayo - ngubani onokuthi alibale "iVenkile yeVenkile" uJoe Amabile kunye noSerena Pitt balilahle igama lika "L" - ngelixa abanye, abanjengoNatasha Parker, bengenathamsanqa. UParker, oqale ukubonakala ngexesha likaPeter Weber ISidanga kunyaka ophelileyo, ndaya ku Iparadesi kweli hlotyeni enye shot at uthando. Nangona wayebonakala efumene umdlalo ngaphambili IBachelorette okhuphisanayo uBrendan Morais, wayenamehlo kuphela kuPieper James, a Isidanga alum owafika IParadesi kwiveki ephelile.

Ngenxa ye IParadesi, nangona kunjalo, kuye kwavela iingxelo zokuba uMorais noJames babeyinto. Xa uParker efumana umoya wamahemuhemu, wacela uMorais ukuba acacise ubudlelwane bakhe noJames, kwaye wathi aba babini babexhonywe izihlandlo ezimbalwa. Bobabini uMorais noJames babetyholwa ngokuceba ukudibana kwiilwandle zase IParadesi, ngoku ka Ngeveki.

Kwisiqendu sangoLwesibini, nangona kunjalo, abaseleyo Iparadesi abagqatswa bakwenza kwacaca ukuba abakholiswa yindlela uMorais amphatha ngayo uParker kwaye bambongoza ukuba ashiye ulwandle kunye noJames, nto leyo - i-spoiler alert - benza. Kwaye ngelixa kubonakala ngathi uParker uza kuba nethuba lokudibana nomntu omtsha - othandekayo IBachelorette alum Joe Park, MD, aka "Dr. Joe" - uthando lwabo olusandul 'ukubetha luye lwangcwatywa njengoko uGqirha uJoe eyi-BFFs noMorais onempikiswano. Umzekelo, ngexesha lokuqala kukaParker noPark, ungayibona indlela atshintsha ngayo ngolwimi lomzimba kwangoko emva kokuba uParker ebalise ngokungaphumeleli "ukuphosa" kwakhe noMorais. Emva kokugcothula itafile ngeglasi ezinkulu zeMargarita, uGqr. UJoe uyathetha ngendlela athemba ngayo ukuba uParker "ngumntu" wakhe, aze athi ngokufihlakeleyo, "kuyakuba yintoni." (Eyeleleneyo: I-Astrology ithi 'Bachelorette' uKatie Thurston kunye noBlake Moynes babesoloko benzelwe ukuba babe)

Iyaqondakala into yokuba uGqr. Joe wamangaliswa kukuva into eyehlayo phakathi kukaMorais noParker. Ngeliphandle, kunokuba kukothuse ukubona umntu omkhathaleleyo eboniswa kukukhanya okungathandekiyo. "Brendan wam?" ubuze uGqirha Joe ngexesha lesibini lesiqendu. Ewe, uGqr Joe, "uBrendan wakho" wayebangele intlungu yeParker. Kodwa kule meko, yeyiphi inyathelo elilandelayo likaGqirha Joe: uyathembisa ukunyaniseka kuMorais ngokunikwa imbali yabo yobuhlobo, okanye uyaqhubeka nokuqhubeka nokuthandana noParker kwaye abambe uxanduva lokuphendula?

Okokuqala, makhe sithethe ngokuphendula ngobuhlobo. Kukho le ngcamango ngobuhlobo (kwaye ngokuphindaphindiweyo ubudlelwane ngokubanzi) ukuba "ukuthanda umntu kungakhathaliseki ukuba yintoni" kuthetha ukujonga ngaphaya kwezigqibo ezinokuthi bazenze. Kodwa kukho a enkulu umahluko phakathi kokubamba umntu aphendule ngezenzo zakhe kunye nokuma komntu ngokungaboni kuba ngabahlobo bakho. Ukuba kubudlelwane malunga nokwenza indawo yothando nokwamkelwa, kungasathethwa ke ngesixa esifanelekileyo sokuphendula. Kwindaba ye Isidanga eParadesi, oku kuthetha ukuba uGqirha Joe unethuba lokugcina uMorais ephendula ngokungafiki ngokupheleleyo kuParker. (Idibeneyo: Indlela yokujongana nokuLungiswa kweeNdawo zoBuhlobo bakho)

Kodwa Njani uyamphendulisa umntu? Nantsi into: Ukujongana ngezikhondo zamehlo kunokuziva ungakhululekanga kwaye ungakhululekanga. Unokuziva uneentloni xa ungulowo ujongene nomntu omthandayo ngento oyenzileyo engalunganga. Nangona kunjalo, amava ngokwawo akufuneki abe mabi. Ukujongana ngezikhondo zamehlo, engundoqo, yincoko nje. Unjani khetha "ukujongana" nomntu unokumisela ithoni, ngoko ke thatha indlela yovelwano ukuba uziva ngcono.

Nangona uGqirha uJoe wenza ukuzisola kuParker ngexesha lomhla wabo, esithi "uyaxolisa kakhulu" uye watyhubela olo vavanyo kunye noMorais, imeko phakathi Isidanga iibros zinokuphathwa ngokuqolileyo IRL. Enyanisweni, incoko yayinokuthi ibonakale ngathi: "Heyi, Brendan. Ndisandul 'ukubuya kumhla wam kunye noNatasha kwaye ndaziva ndothukile malunga nendlela oye wayisingatha ngayo loo meko kunye naye kunye noPieper. Ngaba sinokuthetha ngakumbi malunga naloo nto?"

Okanye, kuba uMorais ngobuchwephesha wayengekho Iparadesi Xa umhla wehla, uGqirha uJoe wayenokuthi kuParker: "Wow, kuvakala kunzima kakhulu. Kungcono ndingaphinde ndithethe ngayo kwaye ndijolise kuthi de ndikwazi ukuncokola noBrenden. Ngaba kulungile?" Uvelwano oluncinci luhamba indlela ende, kwaye ngewayewenze wonke umahluko ngexesha lokunxibelelana kukaGqirha uJoe noParker ngomhla wabo wesidlo. (Idibeneyo: Iingcebiso ezi-6 zokuba seMpilweni- kunye nokuNgabi buhlungu kangako -Iingxoxo zobudlelwane)

Unako-kwaye kufuneka-udibane nabahlobo bakho ngobubele nangokuzimisela. Kule ncoko yokucinga phakathi kwaba bahlobo babini, uGqirha uJoe angathi: "Ndiyakuthanda kwaye ndiyakuxhasa, ndoda, kodwa andiqondi ukuba ubuyiphatha ngendlela eyiyo le. Ndiyakuhlonipha wena nobuhlobo bethu kwaye ndihlala ndifuna ukunyaniseka kuwe malunga namanyathelo angalunganga owathathayo. Kukwanjalo nakuwe kum!" Akunyanzelekanga ukuba ibe ngaphezulu okanye ibe sisityholo- inokuba yingxoxo ezolileyo, enembeko. (Jonga: Kutheni iincoko zingahambi kakuhle kunye nendlela yokuzilungisa)

Ubudlelwane bubi, kwaye ngamanye amaxesha, isiphithiphithi yinxalenye yomtsalane. Kodwa oko kuthethiweyo, abantu banokukhuthazwa ukuba baphendule abo babathandayo. Ngokugcina uxanduva lusondele kakhulu noluthandekayo, banethuba lokutshintsha indlela abaziphethe ngayo ibengcono, enokuthi ekugqibeleni ibancede baphucule ubudlelwane babo. Nasi esinye isizathu sokuba: Isidanga eParadesi Iindima zabuyiselwa umva, kwaye ukuba ugqirha uJoe wayekuzihlangu zikaParker, kunokwenzeka ukuba angafuna umntu othembekileyo kwaye anike ingqalelo kwiindlela awonzakele ngazo.

Ekupheleni kosuku, kunokwenzeka ukuba umthande umhlobo wakho kwaye ungabuyeli kwiipesenti ezingama-100 zezenzo zabo. Umhlobo olungileyo ngokwenene ngumntu onokunyaniseka kuwe, akunjalo?

URachel Wright, MA, LM.FT, (yena) ngugqirha wezengqondo onelayisensi, utitshala wezesondo kunye nengcali kwezonxibelelwano eseNew York City. Usisithethi esinamava, umququzeleli weqela, kunye nombhali. Usebenze namawakawaka abantu kwihlabathi liphela ukubanceda ukuba bakhale kancinci kwaye bajike ngakumbi.

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