Ndingumfazi kunye nembaleki: Ayikuniki imvume yokundihlukumeza

Umxholo

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IArizona yindawo entle yokubaleka. Ukukhanya kwelanga, imbonakalo-mhlaba yasendle, izilwanyana, kunye nabantu abanobuhlobo benza umthambo wangaphandle uzive ungento yakwenza umthambo kwaye kumnandi ngakumbi. Kodwa kutshanje ukonwaba kwam-kunye noxolo lwengqondo-lwaphazamiseka xa imoto egcwele amadoda yamisa ecaleni kwam. Ekuqaleni, baye baqhubeka behamba nam, bendijongisisa njengoko ndizama ukubaleka ngokukhawuleza ukubaleka. Emva koko baqalisa ukukhwaza izinto ezingcolileyo kum. Xa ndade ndayifumana indlela endinokubaleka ngayo, omnye wabo wakhwaza umpu wakhe wokwahlukana: "Hee, ingaba umfana wakho uyayithanda indlela obukeka ngayo? Kuba amadoda awathandi amantombazana enza umthambo kakhulu!"

Yonke le nto yenzeke kwimizuzu nje embalwa kodwa ibiziva ngathi ingunaphakade phambi kokuba intliziyo yam iyeke ukubaleka kwaye nezandla zam ziyeke ukungcangcazela. Kodwa ndithe ndisothuswa kukudibana kwam andikwazi ukuthi ndothukile. 'Yabona, ndingumfazi. Kwaye ndiyimbaleki. Awuyi kucinga ukuba indibaniselwano iyothusa ngo-2016, kodwa isixa sokuhlukunyezwa endisifumene kwimidlalo yam sibonisa ukuba kukho abantu abathile abasabona ezi zinto zimbini njengemvume yokubeka izimvo emzimbeni wam, ubomi bam ngokwesondo, ubomi bam ubudlelwane, ukhetho lobomi bam, kunye nembonakalo yam. (Apha, isayikholoji emva kokuhlukunyezwa ezitalatweni- kunye nendlela onokukuyeka ngayo.)

Kule minyaka imbalwa idlulileyo, bendisoloko ndifowunelwa. Ndiye ndenziwa isandi sokuncamisa, ndicelwe inombolo yam, ndixelelwe ukuba ndinemilenze emnandi, ndiboniswa izimbo ezingcolileyo, ndibuzwe ukuba ndinomfana na, ndithukwe ndibizwe ngamagama ngenxa yokungaphenduli. imigca yabo emangalisayo yokuthatha. Ngamanye amaxesha kudlula kwimizamo yothando engafanelekanga kwaye basongele ukhuseleko lwam; Kutshanje bendineqela lamadoda likhwaza, "Hee njakazi emhlophe kungcono uphume uphume apha!" njengoko ndandibaleka ndisehla kwisitrato esidlangalaleni. Ndikhe ndanamadoda azama ukundibamba okanye andibambe ngelixa ndibaleka.

La mava awabalulekanga kum-kwaye yingxaki leyo. Phantse wonke umntu obhinqileyo endimaziyo unamava afana nelam. Nokuba sizilolonga ngaphandle, sithatha uhambo oluya evenkileni, okanye sithatha abantwana esikolweni, siyakhunjuzwa ukuba njengabafazi kufuneka sihambile kwihlabathi lethu lemihla ngemihla ngolwazi lokuba singoyiswa, sidlwengulwe, okanye sihlaselwe ngamadoda. Kwaye ngelixa amadoda enokubona amagqabantshintshi abo "engenanto inkulu," "yenza zonke izinto ezenziwa ngabafana," okanye "ukuncoma" (gross!), Eyona njongo kukusikhumbuza ukuba sisesichengeni kangakanani na.

Ukuhlukunyezwa ezitalatweni akwenzeli ukuba uzive ungonwabanga, nangona kunjalo. Itshintsha indlela esiphila ngayo. Sinxiba impahla engaphezulu ejijekileyo nengahombisiyo endaweni yeempahla ezitofotofo ukuze siphephe ukutsala ingqalelo emizimbeni yethu. Sibaleka kubushushu basemini okanye ngamaxesha athile emini nokuba sikhetha ukuhamba ekuseni okanye ngorhatya ukuze singabi sodwa. Sishiya i-earbud enye okanye siyeke umculo ngokupheleleyo, ukuze sibalumkele ngakumbi abantu abeza kuthi. Sitshintsha iindlela zethu, sikhetha indlela "ekhuselekileyo," ekruqulayo kwindawo esihlala kuyo endaweni yendlela entle nenika umdla ehlathini. Sinxiba iinwele zethu ngezimbo ezenza kube nzima ukuzibamba. Sibaleka ngezitshixo esiphethe isitayile seWolverine ezandleni zethu okanye isitshizi sepepile esibanjelwe ngenqindi. Kwaye, okubi kakhulu, asikwazi nokuzimela. Akukho nto sinokuyenza ngaphandle kokungazinanzi izimvo kuba ukutsiba le ntaka okanye ukujongana nabo ngendlela echubekileyo kunokubangela amagqabantshintshi ngakumbi okanye ingozi yomzimba. (Funda malunga nento oyaziyo kwangaphambili ukuze uthintele uhlaselo-kwaye yintoni onokuyenza ngalo mzuzu ukusindisa ubomi bakho.)

Oku kundicaphukisa ngokungakholelekiyo.

Kufanelekile ukuba ndikwazi ukulandela ukuthanda kwam kwaye ndifumane umthambo omncinci ngaphandle koloyiko lokuhlaselwa, ngaphandle kokuva izimvo zesondo, nangaphandle kokufika ekhaya ndilila (endikwenzileyo ubuncinci kabini). Kutshanje ndiye ndangumama kumawele amantombazana amahle, uBlaire noIvy, kwaye oku kuye kwasomeleza isigqibo sam sokulwa. Ndiphupha ngendawo apho ngenye imini banokuphuma babaleke ngaphandle kokukhathazeka ngayo nayiphi na into, bazive benentembelo, bonwabile, kwaye bonwabile kwaye bengenangxaki. Andikho msulwa; ayilohlabathi esihlala kulo-okwangoku. Kodwa ndiyakholelwa ukuba ukusebenza kunye njengowasetyhini singaziguqula izinto.

Kukho iindlela ezincinci esinokuthi sonke senze umahluko. Ukuba uyindoda, sukubamba kwaye ungavumeli abahlobo bakho ukuba babaleke ngokwenza phambi kwakho. Ukuba ungumzali, fundisa abantwana bakho ukuba bazithembe kwaye babahloniphe abanye. Ukuba ungumfazi kwaye ubona umhlobo, umntwana, umntu osebenza naye, okanye omnye obalulekileyo esenza isenzo sokuziphatha gwenxa okanye uluvo kumfazi, ungavumeli ukuba ityibilika. Bafundise ukuba abafazi babaleka kuba sithanda ukuziva sisempilweni, ukuthomalalisa uxinzelelo, ukomeleza amandla ethu, ukuqeqesha ugqatso, ukufikelela usukelo, okanye ukonwaba nje. Ngaba oko akuvakali njengezinto malunga nayo yonke imbaleki-indoda okanye umfazi? Asikho phandle ngenjongo yokuzonwabisa mntu kodwa eyethu. Kwaye okukhona abantu beyazi le nto kwaye bephila oku, kokukhona abafazi abaninzi abaya kuphuma apho babaleke-kwaye yeyona nto intle kuzo zonke.

Ngolwazi oluthe kratya malunga noMaiah Miller jonga ibhlog yakhe Ukubaleka kweNtombazana yezeMpilo kunye nokuPhila.

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