Ukufumana ukulunga kundibuyisile eBrink yokuzibulala

Umxholo

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Ndidandathekile kwaye ndinexhala, ndakhangela ngefestile yekhaya lam eNew Jersey kubo bonke abantu abahamba ngokonwaba ebomini babo. Ndandizibuza ukuba ndiza kuba libanjwa njani emzini wam. Ndifike njani kule ndawo imnyama? Ubomi bam buhambe njani kude neziporo? Kwaye ndingayenza njani iphele yonke?

Yinyani. Ndafika kwindawo apho ndaziva ndinqwenela kakhulu kangangokuba ndandicinga nokuzibulala-rhoqo kunokuba ndingathanda ukuvuma. Iingcinga zangena kum. Into eyaqala njengeengcinga ezimnyama kancinci kancinci zajika zaba bubumnyama obo obuthatha ingqondo yam yonke. Ekuphela kwento endandiyicinga yayikukuba ndandizicaphukela mna nobomi bam. Kwaye bendifuna kangakanani ukuba yonke into iphele nje. Andizange ndibone enye indlela yokuphepha usizi nentlungu.

Ukudakumba kwam kwaqala ngeengxaki zomtshato. Xa ndadibana nomyeni wam wangaphambili, izinto zaziyimifanekiso-yokuthandana ngokugqibeleleyo. Usuku lomtshato wethu lolunye lwezona mini zonwabisayo ebomini bam kwaye bendicinga ukuba sisiqalo nje sobomi obude, obuhle kunye. Khange ndicinge ukuba sigqibelele, kunjalo, kodwa ndicinge ukuba sizakuyenza kunye. Iintanda zaqala ukubonakala ngokukhawuleza. Kwakungekho kangako ukuba sineengxaki-zonke izibini zinengxaki, akunjalo? -Yindlela esasiphatha ngayo. Okanye, endaweni yoko, njani thina khange jongana nabo. Endaweni yokuba sincokole siqhubele phambili, sisuke satshayela yonke into phantsi kwetyali sisenza ngathi akukho nto iphosakeleyo. (Nazi iincoko ezintathu ekufuneka ubenazo ngaphambi kokuba uthi "ndenza njalo")

Ekugqibeleni, imfumba yemicimbi phantsi kombhoxo yaba nkulu kakhulu, yaba yintaba.

Njengokuba iinyanga ziqhubeka kwaye noxinzelelo lonyuka, ndaqala ukuziva ndingasebenzi. Ingxolo emhlophe yagcwala engqondweni yam, andinakukwazi ukugxila, kwaye andifuni ukushiya indlu yam okanye ndenze izinto endandizithanda. Khange ndiqonde ukuba ndidandathekile. Ngelo xesha, into endandiyicinga kukuba nditshona kwaye akukho mntu ubonayo. Ukuba umyeni wam wangaphambili uqaphele isilayidi sam ukuba lusizi, khange ayikhankanye (ngokwekhosi yezihlobo zethu) kwaye khange andincede. Ndaziva ndilahlekile kwaye ndililolo. Ngeli xesha kwaqala iingcinga zokuzibulala.

Kodwa nangona izinto zazimbi kakhulu, ndandizimisele ukuzama ukuwusindisa umtshato wam. Idivorce ibingeyonto bendifuna ukuyiqwalasela. Ndaye ndagqiba kwelokuba, ngenxa yenkungu yam yoxinzelelo, ukuba eyona ngxaki yayikukuba andimlungelanga. Mhlawumbi, ndacinga, ukuba ndifanelekile kwaye ndimhle uzakundibona ngendlela eyahlukileyo, ngendlela awayeqhele ukundijonga ngayo, kwaye ezothando ziya kubuya. Andizange ndibe sempilweni ngaphambili kwaye ndingaqinisekanga ukuba mandiqale ngaphi. Into endandiyazi kukuba ndandingekafuni kujongana nabantu. Ke ndiye ndaqala ukujima nokwenza imithambo yasekhaya ndisebenzisa iapp kwifowuni yam.

Ayizange isebenze-ubuncinci hayi ngendlela ebendicebe ngayo ekuqaleni. Ndaya ndomelela kwaye ndomelela kodwa umyeni wam wayehleli ekude. Kodwa ngelixa kungazange kumncede ukuba andithande ngakumbi, njengoko ndandiqhubeka ndisebenza, ndiye ndaye ndabona kancinci ukuba iyanceda mna ukuthanda ngokwam. Ukuzixabisa kwam kwakungasekho kangangeminyaka. Kodwa okukhona ndisebenza nzima, kokukhona ndaqalisa ukubona iintlantsi ezincinci zomdala kum.

Ekugqibeleni, ndasebenza isibindi sokuzama into ngaphandle kwekhaya lam-iklasi yomdaniso womdaniso. Yayiyinto eyayisoloko ibonakala imnandi kum kwaye yajika yaba kukuqhuma (nasi isizathu sokuba kufuneka uzame enye, nayo). Ndaqalisa ukuya kwiiklasi izihlandlo eziliqela ngeveki. Kodwa kwakusekho indawo enye endandinobunzima kuyo: izibuko ezisezantsi ukuya eluphahleni. Ndandikucaphukela ukujonga kuzo. Ndandiyithiyile yonke into ngam, ngaphandle nangaphakathi. Kodwa kancinci kancinci ndandisenza inkqubela.

Emva kweenyanga ezintandathu, umhlohli wam weza kum waza wandixelela ukuba ndilichule ngenene epalini kwaye kufuneka ndicinge ngokuba ngumfundisi-ntsapho. Ndadityaniswa. Kodwa ndathi ndisacinga ngayo, ndaqonda ukuba wabona into ekhethekileyo kum engayenzanga-kwaye kufanelekile ukuyilandela.

Ke ndiye ndaqeqeshelwa ukomelela kwaye ndaba ngumfundisi-ntsapho, ndafumanisa ukuba ndinothando lokwenyani, hayi nje olo hlobo lunye lokuzilolonga kodwa ukomelela ngokubanzi. Ndandikuthanda ukufundisa abantu nokubakhuthaza nokubenza babe nemihlali kuhambo lwabo. Ndawuthanda umceli mngeni wokuzama izinto ezintsha.Kodwa eyona nto ndiyithandayo yindlela ukubila okuhle okuyicime ngayo ingxolo kwingqondo yam kwaye kwandinceda ndafumana umzuzu wokucaca kunye noxolo kwinto eyayibe bubomi obunesiphithiphithi. Ngoxa ndandifundisa, andizange ndizikhathaze ngomtshato wam osilelayo okanye nantoni na eyenye. Akhonto itshintshileyo ekhaya-nyani, izinto bezisiba worse phakathi kwam nomyeni wam-kodwa kwindawo yokuzivocavoca ndaziva ndinamandla, ndomelele, kwaye ndonwabile.

Kungekudala emva koko, ndaye ndagqiba ekubeni ndifumane uqeqesho lwam lobuqu kunye nezatifikethi zokuqina kweqela ukuze ndifundise iiklasi ezininzi, ezifana ne-kickboxing kunye ne-barre. Kwiklasi yam yoqeqesho lobuqu ndadibana noMaryelizabeth, ukutshiza komfazi owakhawuleza waba ngomnye wabahlobo bam abasenyongweni. Sithathe isigqibo sokuvula abaQeqeshi bangaphantsi komhlaba, isitudiyo sobuqu eRutherford, NJ, kunye. Ngexesha elifanayo, mna nomyeni wam sahlukana ngokusemthethweni.

Nangona ndandidandathekile ngomtshato wam, iintsuku zam ezazikade zinde, zimnyama, ndiziva ndililolo zazizaliswe yinjongo nokukhanya. Ndilufumene ubizo lwam kwaye yayikukunceda abanye. Njengomntu onengxaki yokudakumba, ndiye ndafumanisa ukuba ndinobuchule bokubona usizi kwabanye, naxa babezama ukuyifihla emva kobuso obonwabileyo, njengoko bendihlala ndinabo. Obu buchule bokuvelana bundenze ndaba ngumqeqeshi ongcono. Ndandiyiqonda indlela ukomelela kwakumalunga nokungaphezulu kokuzilolonga nje okulula. Kwakumalunga nokusindisa ubomi bakho. (Nantsi i-13 eqinisekisiweyo yeenzuzo zengqondo zokuzilolonga.) Sade sagqiba ekubeni senze isaci sethu seshishini "Ubomi bunzima kodwa nawe unjalo" ukufikelela kwabanye abanokuba kwiimeko ezinzima ezifanayo.

NgoNovemba 2016, umtshato wam wagqitywa, ukuvala eso sahluko singonwabanga ebomini bam. Kwaye ngelixa ndingasoze nditsho ukuba "ndiphilisiwe" kuxinzelelo lwam, iyancitshiswa. Kule mihla, ndonwaba rhoqo kunokuba ndingonwabanga. Ndifikile ukuza kuthi ga ngoku, phantse andinakukwazi ukumazi umfazi owayeneminyaka embalwa nje emva kokuba eneengcinga zokuzibulala. Kutshanje ndigqibe kwelokuba ndikhumbule uhambo lwam olubuya elunxwemeni nge tattoo. Ndinelizwi "uncumo" elibhalwe kwiskripthi, endaweni ka "i" ngo ";". I-semicolon imele iProject Semicolon, iprojekthi yokwazisa ngezempilo yamazwe aphesheya ejolise ekunciphiseni izehlo zokuzibulala kunye nokunceda abo banengxaki yokugula ngengqondo. Ndakhetha igama elithi "ncuma" ukuze ndizikhumbuze ukuba lukhona rhoqo Isizathu sokuncuma yonke imihla, kufuneka ndiyikhangele. Kwaye kwezi ntsuku, ezo zizathu akunzima kangako ukuzifumana.

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