Isikhokelo sakho seMvume yeSondo

Umxholo

• Ushwankathelo
• Yintoni imvume?
• Imvume yile:
• Uyicela nini kwaye kanjani imvume
• Imvume phantsi kwefuthe
• Sisiphi isivumelwano esivakalayo kwaye sijongeka ngathi
• Awunayo imvume yomnye umntu ukuba:
  
• Iimpawu zomlomo kunye nezingathethiyo
• Imigaqo ngokubanzi yemvume
• Ukuqonda ukuhlaselwa ngokwesondo
• Ungenza ntoni ukuba uye wahlaselwa ngokwesondo

Ushwankathelo

Umcimbi wemvume utyhalelwe phambili kwingxoxo yoluntu kulo nyaka uphelileyo- hayi e-United States kuphela, kodwa kwihlabathi liphela.

Ukulandela iingxelo ezininzi zeziganeko eziphezulu zokuhlaselwa ngokwesondo kunye nokuphuhliswa kwentshukumo ye- # MeToo, inye into icace gca: Sifuna ngokungxamisekileyo imfundo nengxoxo malunga nemvume.

Ngelixa abantu abadumileyo abanjengoBill Cosby, uHarvey Weinstein, kunye noKevin Spacey banokuthi baqalise incoko malunga nemvume, inyani yeyokuba umntu om-1 kwabathathu kwabasetyhini kunye no-1 kwindoda yesithandathu e-United States bafumana ubundlobongela obuphathelele kwezesondo ebomini babo.

Oko le ncoko yakutsha nje ityhilileyo, nangona kunjalo, kukuba kukho ukungavisisani okuqondwa kwemvume kwaye yintoni eyenzekayo ukuhlaselwa ngokwesondo okanye ukudlwengulwa.

Lixesha lokuba wonke umntu kwiphepha elinye xa kufikwa kwimvume.

Ukunceda ukuqhubela phambili incoko ejikeleze imvume, i-Healthline isebenzisane nayo AKUSEKHO UKWENZA isikhokelo semvume. Jonga oko siza kukuthetha apha ngezantsi.

Yintoni imvume?

Imvume sisivumelwano ngokuzithandela, ihlombe, kunye nesivumelwano esicacileyo phakathi kwabathathi-nxaxheba ukuba babandakanyeke kwizenzo ezithile zesondo. Ixesha.

Akukho gumbi leembono ezahlukeneyo malunga nokuba yintoni imvume. Abantu abangakwaziyo ukusebenzisa iziyobisi okanye utywala abanakho ukuvuma.

Ukuba kucacile, ukuzithandela, ukuhambelana, kunye nemvume eqhubekayo ayinikwa ngabo bonke abathathi-nxaxheba, kukuhlaselwa ngokwesondo. Akukho gumbi lokungaqondakali okanye lokucingelwa xa kufikwa kwimvume, kwaye akukho mithetho yahlukeneyo yabantu abaye babambelela ngaphambili.

Ukungabelani ngesondo kukudlwengulwa.

Imvume yile:

Kucacile

Imvume icacile kwaye ayicacanga. Ngaba iqabane lakho lixakekile lizibandakanya kwizenzo zesondo? Ngaba banike imvume yokuthetha ngomntu ngamnye kwisondo? Emva koko unemvume ecacileyo.

Ukuthula akuyomvume. Ungaze ucinge ukuba unayo imvume-kuya kufuneka ucacise ngokubuza.

Iyaqhubeka

Kuya kufuneka ube nemvume kuyo yonke imisebenzi kuwo onke amabakala endibano yesondo. Kukwabalulekile ukuba uqaphele ukuba imvume ingasuswa nangaliphi na ixesha - ngapha koko, abantu bayazitshintsha iingqondo zabo!

Umanyano

Wonke umntu othabatha inxaxheba kwimisebenzi yesondo kufuneka abenakho ukunika imvume. Ukuba umntu unxilile kakhulu okanye akakwazi ukwenza utywala okanye iziyobisi, okanye akavuki okanye avuke ngokupheleleyo, abanako ukunika imvume.

Ukusilela ukuqonda ukuba omnye umntu wayekhubazeke kakhulu ukuba angavuma ayisiyo "isondo elinxilisayo." Kukuhlaselwa ngokwesondo.

Ngokuzithandela

Imvume kufuneka inikezwe ngokukhululekileyo nangokuzithandela. Ukuphindaphinda ukubuza umntu ukuba abandakanyeke kwisenzo sesondo ade athi ekugqibeleni ayivumi, kukunyanzelwa.

Imvume iyadingeka kuye wonke umntu, kubandakanya abantu abakwibudlelwane obuzinikeleyo okanye abatshatileyo. Akukho mntu unyanzelekileyo ukuba enze nantoni na abangafuni kuyenza, kwaye ukuba kubudlelwane akunyanzelisi mntu ukuba enze naluphi na uhlobo lwezesondo.

Kubalulekile ukuba uqonde ukuba naluphi na uhlobo lomsebenzi wesondo ngaphandle kwemvume, kubandakanya ukuphathaphatha, ukuphathaphathana, ukuncamisana, nokuba neentlobano zesini, luhlobo lokuhlaselwa ngokwesondo kwaye kunokuthathwa njengolwaphulo-mthetho.

Uyicela nini kwaye kanjani imvume

Kubalulekile ukucela imvume ngaphambili ukuzibandakanya kwizenzo zesondo. Ukuthetha ngokungafihlisiyo malunga nobabini kunye nokubeka imida kubalulekile kulo naluphi na ulwalamano, nokuba luyinto eqhelekileyo okanye yexesha elide.

Xa usabelana ngesondo usempilweni, omabini amaqela kufuneka azive ekhululekile ukuthetha ngeemfuno zawo ngaphandle koloyiko. Ukuba uqala ngesondo, kwaye uyacaphuka, ukhathazekile, okanye uyanyanzelisa xa iqabane lakho lisala nasiphi na isenzo sesondo, ayilunganga le nto.

Umsebenzi wesondo okanye ongathandekiyo owenzeka ngenxa yokoyika, ukuziva unetyala, okanye uxinzelelo kukunyanzelwa-kwaye luhlobo lokuhlaselwa ngokwesondo. Ukuba ubandakanyeka kwizenzo zesondo kwaye umntu uyala ukuya phambili okanye kubonakala ngathi uyathandabuza, yima okomzuzwana kwaye ubabuze ukuba bakhululekile na ukwenza lo msebenzi okanye ukuba bafuna ukuthatha ikhefu.

Bazise ukuba awufuni kwenza nantoni na abangaziva bekhululekile kuyo, kwaye akukho monakalo ekulindeni nasekwenzeni enye into.

Nakuphi na ukudibana ngokwesondo, luxanduva lomntu oqala isenzo sesondo ukuqinisekisa ukuba omnye umntu uziva ekhululekile kwaye ekhuselekile.

Unganexhala lokuba ukucela imvume iya kuba sisibulala-mntu sonke, kodwa enye indlela-ungaceli mvume kwaye uhlasele umntu ngokwesondo- ngu ayamkelekanga.

Imvume iyimfuneko kwaye inzulu, kodwa oko akuthethi ukuba uhlale phantsi kwingxoxo yeklinikhi okanye kwiifom zokutyikitya! Kukho iindlela zokucela imvume engeyiyo i-buzzkill epheleleyo.

Ngaphandle koko, ukuba ukhululekile ngokwaneleyo ukuba ufuna ukusondela, emva koko uthethe ngokuphandle malunga nezinto enizifunayo nobabini zilungile, kwaye zinomtsalane!

Unokufikelela kwinqanaba kwaye ubuze:

• Ingaba ndingakuncamisa?
• Ndingayisusa lento? Kuthekani ngezi zinto?
• Ngaba ufuna ukulala ngesondo, okanye ungathanda ukulinda?
• Ndiyakwazi [ukugcwalisa okungenanto]?

Unokuthatha ithuba lokusebenzisa unxibelelwano oluvulekileyo malunga nokwabelana ngesondo kunye nemida njenge foreplay. Nazi ezinye izimvo:

• Ndicinga ukuba kushushu xa [sizalisa okungenanto], uyafuna ukwenza oku?
• Kuvakala kumnandi xa [ugcwalisa okungenanto], ngaba uyafuna ukwenza oku?
• Ndingakhulula iimpahla zakho?
• Ndingakuphuza apha?

Ukuba sele ubushushu okomzuzwana, unokuthi:

• Ngaba ukhululekile xa usenza le nto?
• Ingaba uyafuna ndimise?
• Ukhululeke kangakanani ukuya ngokuhlwanje?

Khumbula ukuba imvume kufuneka iqhubeke. Oku kuthetha nokuba ukwiimeko zokwenza iseshoni enzima okanye umdlalo wangaphambili, iqabane lakho kufuneka livume ngaphambi kokuba uthathe izinto ukuya kwinqanaba elilandelayo.

Ukubuza ukuba bakhululekile na, ukuba bayayifuna, kwaye ukuba bafuna ukuqhubeka kubalulekile, ke qhubeka unxibelelane kwaye ungazicingeli nje.

Imvume phantsi kwefuthe

Ukuvuma phantsi kwefuthe ngumxholo okhohlisayo. Kuyinto engekho ngqiqweni (kwaye ayichanekanga ngokusemthethweni) ukuthi imvume ayinakwenzeka ukuba amaqela ebesela. Uninzi lwabantu luyasela kwaye luhlala luhambelana ngokwaneleyo ukuba luvume.

Nangona kunjalo, ifunda ubudlelwane obuthe ngqo phakathi kokusela kakhulu utywala kunye nomngcipheko wokuhlaselwa ngokwesondo. Phantse isiqingatha sokuhlaselwa ngokwesondo kubandakanya ukusela utywala ngumenzi wobubi, umntu ohlaselweyo, okanye bobabini.

Ukuhlaselwa ngokwesondo, nokuba kubandakanya ukusela utywala, ayisiso isiphoso sexhoba. Ukuba wena nabanye niphantsi kwempembelelo, kuya kufuneka niqonde ubungozi xa kuvavanywa ukuba ingaba unayo imvume yokuzibandakanya kwisondo.

Ukuba elinye iqela liphantsi kwempembelelo yeziyobisi okanye utywala, kubaluleke ngakumbi ukunxibelelana nemida yakho kwaye ube novakalelo ngakumbi kwimida yeqabane lakho.

Nazi izikhokelo ezifanelekileyo zokulandela:

• Ukuba uqala ngesondo, unoxanduva lokufumana imvume. Kwimeko apho nawuphi na umntu ephantsi kwempembelelo, inkcazo yemvume- icacile, iyaqhubeka, inamathelene kwaye ivolontiya- ibaluleke njengakuqala.
• Ukuba umntu ukhubekile okanye akanakuma ngaphandle kokuthembela entweni, ewachwechwa amazwi akhe, elele, okanye egabhe, abanamandla kwaye abanakho ukuvuma.
• Ukuba umntu akabonisi nayiphi na le miqondiso ingasentla, kodwa uyazi ukuba bebesela okanye besebenzisa iziyobisi, iprojekthi yamadoda alungileyo icebisa ukubuza into enje, "Ngaba uziva ucacile ngokwaneleyo ukuba ungathatha izigqibo malunga nokwabelana ngesondo?" Nokuba iqabane lakho lithini na ukuphendula loo nto, ukuba uziva ukuba azicacanga ngokwaneleyo, yima nje.

Sisiphi isivumelwano esivakalayo kwaye sijongeka ngathi

Uyazi ukuba unayo imvume xa omnye umntu ethe ewe-ngaphandle kokunyanzelwa-kwaye akunike imvume yokwenza into.

Nayi imizekelo yendlela ebonakala ngayo imvume:

• Umntu ngamnye uzibandakanya kwezesondo ngokuzimisela, emva kokuvuma ukulala ngesondo.
• Kukho unxibelelwano oluqhubekayo lwenyathelo ngalinye lendlela ngelixa uthumela imiyalezo ngefowuni, uxhuma phezulu, okanye ngelixa ubudlelwane obuzinikeleyo.
• Ukuhlonipha omnye umntu xa besithi hayi okanye ungaqinisekanga ngayo nantoni na - ukusuka ekuthumeleni iifoto ngelixa uthumela imiyalezo ngefowuni.
• Omnye umntu uyakwazi ukwenza izigqibo ezinolwazi, kwaye akanxili okanye angakwazi ukuzenza, okanye anyanzelwe. Imvume kufuneka ibonakaliswe ngokukhululekileyo nangokucacileyo.
• Ukungabikho kuka "hayi" akuthethi ukuthi "ewe." Okufanayo kuya "mhlawumbi," ukuthula, okanye ukungaphenduli.

Awunayo imvume yomnye umntu ukuba:

• balele okanye baqulekile
• usebenzisa izoyikiso okanye izoyikiso ukunyanzela umntu ukuba enze into ethile
• abanakukwazi ukusebenzisa iziyobisi okanye utywala
• usebenzisa isikhundla segunya okanye itrasti, enje ngotitshala okanye umqeshi
• bayayitshintsha ingqondo yabo - imvume yangaphambili ayibali njengemvume kamva
• uyayityeshela iminqweno yabo okanye imikhwa engenamlomo ukuyeka, njengokutyhala
• Unemvume yesenzo esinye sesondo, kodwa hayi esinye isenzo sesondo
• uyabanyanzela ukuba bathi ewe

Iimpawu zomlomo kunye nezingathethiyo

Abantu banxibelelana besebenzisa amagama kunye nezenzo, ngelixa abanye abantu bekhululekile ngomnye kunomnye. Oku kunokubangela ukudideka xa kufikwa kwimvume.

Iimpawu zomlomo kuxa umntu esebenzisa amagama ukubonisa into ayifunayo okanye angayifuniyo, ngelixa imikhomba engeyiyo eyomlomo inikwa kusetyenziswa ulwimi lomzimba okanye izenzo zabo ukuzibonisa.

• Ewe
• Ndiqinisekile
• ndifuna uku
• Sukuyeka
• Ndisafuna
• Ndifuna ukuba

Eminye imizekelo yamagama kunye namabinzana abonisa ukuba uyayenza HAYI unemvume yile:

• Hayi
• Yeka
• Andifuni
• Andazi
• Andiqinisekanga
• Andicingi njalo
• Ndiyafuna, kodwa…
• Oku kundenza ndingakhululeki
• Andisafuni ukuyenza le nto kwakhona
• Oku kuziva kungalunganga
• Mhlawumbi kufuneka silinde
• Ukutshintsha isifundo

Umntu angathetha ukuba abavumi ngokusebenzisa izenzo kunye nolwimi lomzimba. Ezi zizinto ezinokwenzeka ngaphandle kokuthetha ezibonisa ukuba awunayo imvume:

• ukutyhala
• ukutsala kude
• ukunqanda ukudibana kwamehlo
• behlunguzela intloko hayi
• cwaka
• ungaphenduli ngokwasemzimbeni - ulele nje apho ungashukumi
• ndilila
• ejongeka esoyika okanye elusizi
• bangasusi ezabo iimpahla

Nokuba umntu ubonakala ngathi unika izinto ezingenamazwi ezenza ukuba kubonakale ngathi ukuyo kwaye ufuna ukulala ngesondo, qiniseka ukuba ufumana imvume yomlomo ngaphambi kokuqhubeka. Qiniseka kwaye sukucinga nje.

Amaxesha ngamaxesha, abantu abaye bahlaselwa ngokwesondo bathi cwaka kwaye babonakale ngathi "bayanikezela" kwisenzo sokwabelana ngesondo ngenxa yokoyika ukwenzakala okanye ukufuna ukuba isiganeko siphelile, HAYI kuba bayavuma isenzo.

Imigaqo ngokubanzi yemvume

Nazi izikhokelo ezikhawulezayo zokuzibandakanya kwisini esivumelanayo:

• Imvume inokurhoxiswa nanini na, nokuba sele uqalile ukuba nolwalamano olusondeleyo. Yonke imisebenzi yesondo kufuneka iyeke xa imvume irhoxisiwe.
• Ukuba kubudlelwane akunyanzeli mntu ukuba enze nantoni na. Imvume akufuneki ichazwe okanye icingelwe, nokuba ubuthandana okanye wakhe wabelana ngesondo ngaphambili.
• Awunayo imvume ukuba usebenzisa ityala, ukoyikisa, okanye izoyikiso zokunyanzela umntu ukuba abelane ngesondo, nokuba loo mntu uthi "ewe." Yithi ewe kukoyika hayi imvume.
• Ukuthula okanye ukungabikho kwempendulo yile hayi imvume.
• Cacisa kwaye ucacise xa ufumana imvume. Ukuvuma ukubuyela kwindawo yakho akuthethi ukuba bayavuma kwimicimbi yesondo.
• Ukuba uqala ukulala nomntu ophantsi kweziyobisi okanye utywala, unoxanduva lokufumana imvume eqhubekayo, ecacileyo. Ukuba umntu uyakhubeka okanye akanakuma ngaphandle kokuncika emntwini okanye kwinto ethile, ewachwechwa amagama abo, elele, okanye egabhe, abanamandla kwaye abanakuvuma.
• Akukho mvume xa usebenzisa amandla akho, ukuthembana, okanye igunya lokunyanzela umntu ukuba abelane ngesondo.

Ukuqonda ukuhlaselwa ngokwesondo

Inkcazo yokuhlaselwa ngokwesondo ayisoloko icacile, kuxhomekeke kumthombo.

Ukuhlaselwa ngokwesondo lulo naluphi na uhlobo lwezenzo zesondo ezingafunekiyo, ezomzimba, ezomlomo, okanye ezibonakalayo ezinyanzela umntu ukuba abelane ngesondo ngokuchasene nentando yakhe. Kukho iindlela ezahlukeneyo zokuhlaselwa ngokwesondo.

Eminye imizekelo ibandakanya:

• udlwengulo
• ukuxhatshazwa
• umbulo
• ukuxhatshazwa
• ukuphathaphatha okungafunekiyo okanye ukuchukumisa ngaphantsi okanye ngaphezulu kwempahla
• ukuveza okanye ukudanyaza ngaphandle kwemvume
• Ukunyanzela umntu ukuba enze imifanekiso yesondo okanye iividiyo
• ukwabelana ngeefoto ze ngaphandle kwemvume (nokuba ubuyinikwe ngemvume)

Ungenza ntoni ukuba uye wahlaselwa ngokwesondo

Ukuba uye wahlaselwa ngokwesondo, kunokuba nzima ukwazi ukuba ujika phi okanye manyathelo mani oza kuwathatha ngokulandelayo. Yazi ukuba awuwedwa kwaye okwenzekileyo kuwe ayilotyala lakho.

• Tsalela umnxeba ku-911 ukuba usengozini ekhawulezileyo okanye wenzakele.
• Fikelela kumntu omthembileyo. Akunyanzelekanga ukuba udlule koku wedwa.
• Nxibelelana namapolisa ukuze uxele uhlaselo ngokwesondo. Le nto yenzeke kuwe lulwaphulo mthetho.
• Ukuba udlwengulwe, fumana "ikhithi yokudlwengulwa" igqityiwe kwangoko. Oku kungalawulwa esibhedlele okanye ekliniki kwaye kuya kuba luncedo ekuqokeleleni ubungqina, nokuba uthathe isigqibo sokuba uxele ukuhlaselwa ngokwesondo emapoliseni.
• Nxibelelana neziko lendawo ekuhlaselwa kuyo ngokwesondo ukuze ufumane iingcebiso.
• Tsalela umnxeba kwiNombolo yoNyaka yokuHlaliswa koSondo ngo-1-800-656-4673.

Kukwakho nezixhobo ezininzi ezikhoyo zokukunceda.

INOMORE.org inikezela uluhlu olubanzi lweefowuni kunye nezixhobo ezikwi-Intanethi ezinokukufaka ekunxibelelaneni neenkonzo kwindawo yakho. Tyelela i-https: //nomore.org/need-help-now/.

U-Adrienne Santos-Longhurst ngumbhali ozimeleyo kunye nombhali obhale ngokubanzi kuzo zonke izinto zempilo kunye nendlela yokuphila ngaphezulu kweshumi leminyaka. Xa engakhange ahlanganiswe kwindawo yakhe yokubhala ephanda inqaku okanye evale udliwanondlebe neengcali zempilo, unokufunyanwa edlala ejikeleze idolophu yaselunxwemeni kunye nomyeni kunye nezinja kwi-tow okanye ngokutshiza malunga nechibi elizama ukulawula ibhodi yokuma.